He broke into a full grin. "Thanks." He rubbed his thumb over my cheeks, and I melted a little bit more.
"I think that did it," Allie's voice broke into our magic bubble. "Zach's looking pissed, not smug."
Zach. I'd totally forgotten the kiss had been for him. Matt dropped his hand and turned away.
I didn't want him to turn away. I wanted him back. I wanted him to kiss me like that again. And again. And again. At the very least, I wanted him to kiss me until I actually did fall off my chair. Not that it would take much.
"Your hands are shaking." Allie pointed at my water glass, which I'd picked up in an attempt to distract myself. "That must have been some kiss."
Matt and I both looked at my hand, which was very clearly trembling. The water was shivering, and the ice was clinking. I felt my cheeks heat up, and I couldn't look at him.
How totally embarrassing!
Matt said nothing, but he put his arm over the back of my chair and left it there until the food arrived.
* * *
At the meet the next day, I was still thinking of that kiss.
"Is Matt here?" Allie walked up, wearing jeans and sneakers and a pony tail. She looked sportier than usual, and not as much makeup. Tad did that to her sometimes—made her chill a little bit about always looking so cute. He liked her no matter what she wore, which I thought was pretty cool.
I looked up from my stretch. "Hi, Allie. I haven't seen him." And I'd been looking, since the first minute we'd arrived at the meet. Not that I really thought he'd come, but I'd been sort of hoping after that kiss last night.
Yeah, sports weren't his thing.
Yeah, he wasn't actually my boyfriend.
But I'd been hoping that his ego would have made him come just to piss Zach off. Or maybe because he'd been thinking about that kiss as much as I had been.
No such luck.
I hadn't even seen Zach except from a distance. The girls' race was first, so we were together and the boys were off somewhere warming up.
"Have you seen Tad?" Allie asked.
"No." I bent back over my leg and concentrated on my hamstring muscle. I'd sat down away from the rest of the girls, afraid of Val and her friends. Even Elaine, who said Val hated her, was stretching with those girls. I didn't know who was my friend and who wasn't.
Except for Allie. She was my friend.
"I'm going to go find Tad. I'll be back for your race." She pulled on my pigtail. "Good luck."
"Thanks." I needed it. Val wouldn't even look at me. The only way I was going to be back in that group was if I ran well. Which was fine. I could totally handle the pressure.
The ten-minute warning came over the loudspeaker and I looked around again for Matt.
Nowhere.
So I stood up and shook out my legs.
"How are you feeling, sophomore girl?" Val was standing next to me suddenly.
"Good."
"You going to run fast?" There was a challenge in her gaze.
I met it. "Yes."
She nodded. "Is your boyfriend here?"
"No."
"Next time, tell him to come."
Where did that come from? "Why?"
"Because Zach was talking smack about you last night. He made a bet with the rest of the table that he could get you to cheat on your boyfriend and then he'd dump you."
My gut plummeted. "He did?"
She patted my shoulder. "Don't look so upset. I warned you what he was like."
I swallowed. Was that why he'd looked smug? Because he'd been making bets about me?
Elaine came up and stood next to Val. "Hi, Natalie."
"Hi." I made a pretense of tying my shoe, because I didn't know who to look at. Which one of them was lying to me?
"Hey, Natalie!"
The three of us spun around to find the boys running by us, Zach in the middle of the bunch. "Good luck, Nat!" He gave me a thumbs up as the group moved past us. Didn't even give Val and Elaine so much as a nod.
Elaine and Val turned back to me. Elaine gave me a soft smile, and Val glared at me. "If you make our team lose because you get tangled up with him and mess yourself up, I will be very pissed." She bent closer. "Stay away from him."
The five-minute warning came over the loudspeaker, and Elaine elbowed Val. "You're freaking her out right before the race, Val. If you want her to win, you're not doing it the right way."
Val blinked, then she smiled at me and slipped her arm around my shoulder. "You'll be great, Natalie. Don't let the other girls in the race rattle you by starting fast. Keep at your pace and then finish strong. They won't be able to keep it up." She kept up her stream of advice and warm tone as she herded me toward the starting line.
By the time I got there, my mind was spinning. I couldn't think, had no idea what my plan was and needed everyone to leave me alone so I could focus. And I had about two minutes to do so.
I shrugged off Val's arm. "Thanks for the advice. Good luck."
She nodded and moved off to her start position. I shook out my legs and tried to focus on the race, on my body, and tried to center my mind. But I kept thinking about Zach and Matt and Val and Elaine.
No! Focus!
The gun went off while I was still attempting to focus.
CHAPTER NINE
When I got home from the meet, my dad met me and my mom at the door. "How'd it go?"
I ignored him and walked inside, while I heard my mom whisper to him. Why whisper? As if I didn't know that I'd totally sucked. Our team had come in fifth in a meet that we could have won, because their new number two runner (that would be me) had come in sixth for the team. Since only the top five runners score, I didn't even count. But the worst part was that my horrific showing meant our usual sixth runner ended up fifth, so she was scored, and she ran so slow that having to use her score totally killed the team. None of the girls talked to me afterwards, except for Allie.
The only good thing was that it had been a nearby meet, so I'd gone home with my mom instead of on the team bus.
I threw my bag on the kitchen floor and yanked open the cabinet. I was going for the cookies. Didn't matter what kind we had. I was eating them.
My dad walked into the kitchen and patted me on the shoulder. "Tough day, huh?"
"Can we not talk about it?" I carried the box of cookies to the table and opened them. Chocolate chip. Good. I shoved one in my mouth. "I'm going over to Matt's tonight to study with his friends."
He sat down across from me. "Sorry, Natalie, but Matt called. He can't make it tonight."
I stopped chewing, and I felt even worse than I had thirty seconds ago. "What?"
"He said he'd meet you here tomorrow night at seven, though."
That was for our usual tutoring session. What about hanging with his friends? Apparently, he'd concluded that wasn't going to happen, and I really couldn't figure out a way to take it that wasn't insulting and offensive. My throat tightened, and I had to blink hard several times to keep myself from crying.
"You okay, Nat?"
"Great." I took another bite of cookie, which now tasted like sawdust. "Just great.
* * *
By the time Matt showed up at my house on Monday night, I was so stressed I half expected to burst out in a major attack of zits at any second. School had sucked. Matt had avoided me in class, Val and the rest of the team had totally ignored me and I hadn't seen Zach to evaluate how he was feeling. And Blue had been whining all morning about how much she missed Colin until I was ready to push her into a trash can.
At this point, I'd take being used by Zach if it meant someone would say something nice to me.
I was already working on my geometry homework when Matt showed up. I let my dad answer the door and didn't even bother to go out and greet him. Let Matt suck up to my dad. I didn't care.
It took almost forty-five minutes for Matt to finish groveling. Then he came into the kitchen, dropped his bag on the table and said, "Ready to study?"
"Why did yo
u blow me off last night?" Darn it! I'd totally resolved not to ask and not to care. I growled to myself and buried my nose in my homework.
I felt him sit down next to me, but I didn't look up.
"How'd your race go?" he asked, not answering my question.
"Sucked."
"Really? Why?"
"Because I ran slow." Duh.
"Was Zach harassing you? Is that why?"
I finally looked up, and immediately wished I hadn't. He had taken off his glasses to clean them, and was looking at me through the bluest, most beautiful eyes I'd ever seen. Sure, I'd noticed they were blue and I'd thought they were nice, but without his glasses ... wow.
He finished polishing his glasses and put them back on. "Well? Was Zach bugging you?"
I sat back in my chair. "Since when do you care?"
He opened his mouth, then snapped his lips shut. After a minute, he shifted. "We need to talk."
My gut plummeted. "About what?"
"Liz is really pissed."
"Your girlfriend? About what?"
"The fact that I kissed you on Saturday."
Coulda knocked me off the chair with a feather I was so surprised. "You told her?"
He frowned. "Of course I did. I'm not going to lie to her." He sighed. "She's not okay with our relationship anymore. The boyfriend status thing is making her uncomfortable." He cleared his throat. "She thinks I'm making up the tutoring thing as an excuse to hang out with you." He flicked his pen and wouldn't look at me. "She thinks I like you, and she's not happy."
Oh, wow. I was floored. The first question on my lips was to ask whether she was right, whether he did like me, but given the expression of misery on his face, I decided not to.
He looked up. "So, I promised to go to London and visit her over Thanksgiving, and the boyfriend thing has to stop. Except for your parents. We can study here, and keep up the charade with them, but no more public viewings."
I leaned back in my chair. "That's why you cancelled on me last night? Because Liz said so?" He was going to London to visit her? To visit his girlfriend? The one who loves him? The one who he is so good to that he won't lie to her about anything? That one?
"Yeah." He kept flicking his pen. "Sorry about that."
I chewed my lower lip and tried not to feel bummed, but I was. I totally was. I mean, really bummed. Like, stomach-hurting bummed.
"Natalie? You okay?"
I lifted my chin and smiled at him. "Fine. That's probably best. I don't want to push Zach away too much."
His face darkened. "I don't think you should date him."
"Why not?"
"Because."
"What kind of reason is that?"
He scowled at me. "I don't think he'd treat you well."
"Because he was flirting with me in front of you? So what? He likes me and he's not afraid to admit it." Or he had liked me. After my horrible performance yesterday, I wasn't so sure where I stood.
"It's more than that."
"What is it?"
He shrugged. "Do what you want. It's not my problem."
"That's right." I sighed. It wasn't his problem, because he wasn't my boyfriend. Friend only. We were friends? Maybe. So why did that make me feel so bad? Because I didn't want another guy friend, not because I wanted him as anything more.
Yeesh. Can you imagine? Matt as my boyfriend? The cute eyes and nice smile would never make up for the fact he thought discussions about physics were interesting.
The kissing might, though. Ack! Stop thinking about that!
"Why are you blushing?"
"I'm not!" Heaven help me if he knew I'd really enjoyed that kiss. Wait a sec. Had I? Really enjoyed it?
There was no doubt. But it was only because he was a great kisser, right? Not because I liked him or anything? I mean, he was a brainiac jock-hater who was in love with his girlfriend. Three strikes. I held up my book. "Let's study."
"Yeah. Big test on Friday."
"I know." I'd been thinking about all weekend. I knew it was coming, and I knew I had to get a B on it. I couldn't get a B on the test. I knew I couldn't. "If I get lower than a B, I'm off the team." The fallout of my bad race was making it very clear what my life would be if I had to quit the team. I would have nothing, nothing left.
He patted my shoulder. "Well, we'll have to make sure you don't fail it, then, won't we?"
Yeah, fat chance of that—
Matt suddenly slammed his hand down on the table, scaring the daylights out of me. "Hey!" he shouted.
I jumped a mile and glared at him. "What?"
"You're getting it. Can't you tell the difference?"
I looked down at my paper that was covered in cross-outs and eraser fragments. "No."
"Yes, you can." He grabbed the homework I'd started before he got there. "Look. You've already done the first two problems." He peered closer. "And you got them right."
"Really?" I snatched the paper out of his hand. "I did?"
He grinned. "Yep, you did. See?"
I ran my fingertips over the paper, as if I could feel the scribblings. "Maybe." Just maybe some of Matt's brains were rubbing off on me. I hoped so.
"You ready to study?"
I set the paper down. "Yes." And I wasn't going to look at his lips once all night, and there was no way I was going to think about kissing him.
Yeah, right.
* * *
Coach Thompson called me into his office after practice on Tuesday. "Sit down, Natalie."
I flopped into the folding metal chair across from his desk. "What?"
"I want to talk about the race."
"The one I sucked in? What about it?" I cleaned dirt out from under my fingernails and swung my muddy foot. It had been raining today, which meant I was filthy. Which was good. It fit my mood. I'd had to run by myself at practice on Monday and Tuesday. No one would even get near me. It had been awful.
"What happened?" he asked. "I don't think I've ever seen you run that badly. Not even last year." He didn't sound mad at least. Just concerned.
"I ran slow," I muttered.
He got up, walked around his desk and leaned back on the front edge of it. "Natalie."
His voice was all soft and warm, so I looked up. "Yeah?"
"I'm not blind. Val and her group have ignored you for the past two days. Is that what's bothering you?"
I frowned and swung my foot. "I don't care about them."
"Want me to talk to her about it?"
"No!" I jumped up. How embarrassing would that be? "I'm fine."
"You're not fine, but you need to be. We have another big meet this weekend, and we aren't going to win it without you."
I felt like screaming! Everyone wanted me to run fast so the team could win! Didn't anyone care about me? There was more to me than running!
"Natalie? What's wrong?"
Argh! "Nothing. Fine. I'll run fast. Don't worry about me."
"How's the tutoring going?" There was no way to miss the flicker of worry in his eyes. Worry that he'd lose a good runner, not worry for me personally.
Whatever. "It's fine. I have a test on Friday."
I think Coach might have actually paled. "Do you need the rest of the week off from practice to study? That's no problem."
"I think I need the practice, don't you?"
He shook his head. "It doesn't matter how fit you are if you fail that test."
Good point. Although, maybe I should fail. That would fix everyone who wanted me to be on the team just so the team could win. Treat me like the plague just because I had a bad day on the course. Hah.
"You want the rest of the week off?" he asked again.
It was almost tempting. If I ran by myself all week, then maybe I would be able to remember that I liked running again. Maybe it would be good to have an excuse not to have to be around Val and Zach and everyone who was hating on me. "I'll see. If I don't show up, you'll know I'm studying. Okay?"
He nodded. "Make sure you pass that test."
Coach blinked. "Because we need you on the team."
"Yeah, that's what I thought." I slammed the door on my way out. What was my problem? Shouldn't I feel happy that everyone wanted me and that I was such a necessary ingredient for success? Probably, but it was putting way too much pressure on me, and I was not digging the blackball treatment because I ran badly.
Maybe I should go back to JV.
"Nat?"
I spun around to see Zach jogging down the hall toward me. He was covered in mud like I was, but he looked totally hot. Unlike me, who hardly looked like a girly girl who would interest a boy. "What do you want?"
"What did Coach want to talk to you about?"
"The fact that I sucked on Sunday." I glared at him. "And don't you dare say one word about it. I'm tired of hearing it." Yeah, being hostile probably wasn't the way to win him over, but I didn't care. I was sick of the whole game.
Zach fell in beside me as we walked back toward the locker rooms, our muddy running shoes making squishing noises on the cement floor. "The offer still stands to double before school."
I shot a glance at him. I'd forgotten about that. "Why do you care how I run?"
He shrugged. "You're on my team. I'm the captain. It's my job to make sure everyone has what they need."
"You're the boys' captain. In case you didn't notice, I'm not a boy."
"I noticed."
There was something in his tone that made my stomach leap. Was it because of the kiss he'd witnessed? I felt my cheeks heat up, and I didn't look at him. How could I? I was totally wigging out.
Zach didn't seem to notice. "You're better than how you ran Sunday." He was quiet for a minute, then he added, "Don't let Val bug you."
I tensed. He'd noticed too? "I'm not."
"She's threatened by you. You'll be beating her by the end of the season if you work hard enough."
I slanted a glance at him. "You think?" I had to admit, I liked the sound of that. Then maybe I'd rule the team and she'd have to be my peon.
"Yep."
Then I thought of what she'd said about him. "Why do you want me to beat Val? Didn't you dump her this summer?" If I was going to be used as a pawn in the Val/Zach fight, I needed to know. Not that I would decline to hop in on Zach's side, but I still wanted to know.
Smart Boys & Fast Girls (A Girlfriend's Guide to Boys) Page 9