“I…” I hadn’t been so embarrassed or flustered since elementary school. I normally wasn’t the sort of person to be so easily intimidated. I could hold my own in a heated debate, but emotions were like my kryptonite. To hear someone else talking about how I felt for someone else—it made me immensely uncomfortable. Still, she’d called my bluff and would know if I lied. “Yes, I did kiss him and I do like what I know about him, but I regret the kiss. I shouldn’t have done that. I feel rather guilty about it.”
“Guilt is a useless emotion. Trust me, I’ve had to learn that one for myself, and it wasn’t easy. Don’t waste your time on it. If you wanted to kiss him, then you were right to do so. Just don’t play games with him. Not Orick. He deserves that less than any man I know.”
“I’m not playing games with him. I’m just not very good at feeling-related things. Something’s broken inside of me when it comes to connecting with others in terms of a relationship.”
Jane surprised me by snorting as she gathered the small pile of things for me to take and stood with it as she walked to the door.
“I see. You’re one of those, huh? That’s good. Orick likes emotionally-stunted people. Otherwise, there’s no way he could have remained my husband’s friend for so long before he found me.”
She laughed at herself, and I knew she teased.
“I’ll put this stuff in a bag for you and bring it up. Best you get a good night’s sleep. Cooper has already begged Orick to stay with him tonight, so we will see you in the morning. I’ll bring Toby back to you when I bring your bag in a few minutes.”
* * *
The next morning, I stood at the top of the hidden stairwell shocked for what I suspected would only be the first of many times that day. The cellar did exist and, despite all of my searching, I’d just simply been unable to find it. In my own defense, it was hidden incredibly well and, without someone as strong as Orick or Eoghanan to pull the stone door from its resting place, I doubted I would have been able to open it even if I had been able to find it.
“Are ye sure ye want to bring the wee dog along, lass?”
Toby wiggled in my arms, desperate to get free so he could run down the steps ahead of everyone. I tightened my grip at Orick’s question.
“Absolutely. That’s not up for discussion at all.”
“Y-e-s.”
Cooper dragged the word out, over-emphasizing the one syllable as he raised his fist toward the sky and then pulled it down in front of him triumphantly.
“I’m so glad he’s going. I was going to be so sad to say goodbye to the little fellow.”
Orick grinned and reached a shockingly large hand down to scratch Toby’s head. How had I not noticed how gigantic his hands were before now?
“Aye, fine. I dinna expect for ye to say anything different. I enjoy the creature’s company myself. ’Twill make it difficult though when we head for McMillan Castle, though I suppose the pup will do well enough. I only hope the horses take to him.”
If the horses didn’t take to him, I’d walk.
With that settled, Jane, who stood farthest down into the stairwell, turned to address everyone.
“Okay then, time to go I think. Grace and Eoghanan will go ahead with all the children first. Then the three of us will go along.”
I pressed myself against the side of the stairwell, intent to watch every step Grace and her family took downwards. If they intended to play any sort of trick on me, I wanted to see it.
They didn’t slow down as the reached the bottom, instead walking straight through the wall of stones at its base. One second they were there—the next they were not. My feet stepped backwards on instinct as everything in me wanted to run. Orick’s hand touched my lower back, keeping me in place.
“Doona be frightened, lass. ’Tis no painful.”
“Holy crap, Gillian.” Anne spoke up from the top of the stairway. “They were telling the truth. I mean, I know what I told you, but I had my doubts of course.”
If I was going to go through, I couldn’t allow myself to think about it a moment longer. I turned toward Anne and Aiden as I took off down the steps, my small bag hanging on one arm and Toby held safely in the other.
“Okay, I’ll see you guys in two weeks tops. Wish me luck.”
I didn’t wait for their goodbye as I closed my eyes and pushed through the remarkably un-solid wall.
CHAPTER 20
Orick didn’t lie about the pain factor of the travel through. It shocked me at how little I felt. So much so that at first I didn’t believe we’d gone anywhere at all. When we came out of the stairwell, Aiden and Anne were gone. Whether they intentionally left to give me a moment to acclimate myself or if they were just really ready to attend to their normal lives, I didn’t know, but everyone save Orick scattered remarkably fast, leaving the two of us alone on the grass outside Cagair Castle. Even Toby leapt from my arms and took off after Cooper.
“So, I don’t want to be a negative nay-sayer, but everything looks very much the same.”
“No, lass.” He neared me and placed his hand on my shoulder, pointing with his other as he directed me to look toward the road. “Do ye see that the road has gone? ’Tis no more than a worn path in the grass now, free of the rocks that were there before.”
Remarkably, it was true. As I started to really look, I noticed there were in fact a great many differences. The stones of the castle looked visibly less worn, the stables off to the side still intact. In my own time, Aiden had yet to start work on them.
“Can I wander inside?”
“Aye, o’course. Look wherever ye wish. I’ll follow yer lead.”
If the stables and the lack of a real driveway weren’t enough, stepping inside the doorway of the castle cured me of any remaining doubt. As unlikely and impossible as it seemed, I was most definitely not in the twenty-first century.
The first giveaway inside was the lighting. No modern lights were hung, no electrical outlets placed discreetly in the walls. Instead, candles and windows provided the only sources of light. It took me a long while, even in the middle of the day, for my eyes to adjust to the drastic change in lighting.
I made my way from room to room slowly, marveling at how remarkably similar but different things looked. It said a lot for the work Aiden had done, for the restorations were impressively accurate, only updated with the modern conveniences that were so obviously lacking in it here.
I saved my own room, or at the least the room that was mine some several hundred years in the future, for last. When I stepped inside, regardless of the time period, it still felt like mine.
“If ye’d like, I can take ye to the village. ’Twould have a fair number of things that ye would see there that might help convince ye of the truth.”
My mind objected even before he finished talking. I couldn’t handle any more shocking or strange sights for one day. I didn’t need to see anything else to believe anyway. Not now that I’d seen the inside of the castle.
“No, thank you. This is enough. I believe you. I don’t understand any of it, but I absolutely believe you. Orick,” I waited for him to step closer, “tell me why you wanted me to come here. Surely it wasn’t just so I would believe in magic.”
He smiled and shook his head.
“No, Gillian. In truth, I doona really care what ye believe. I wish to spend more time with ye. ’Tis the truth of why I asked ye to come. I already care for ye more than I have right to.”
He hesitated and in two long strides, before I could move, he reached me, gathering up both of my hands into his own. I wanted to lean into him at the gentle grip of his hands. They were rough and calloused but protective and kind. They were the hands of a man, a real honest-to-goodness man, that I had absolutely no business enticing into my crazy world.
“I am no a shy man, but I am also a man who lacks the familiarity of admitting my own desires, so forgive me if I’m too free with my declarations. I desire to learn everything about ye, Gillian, to understand the way
ye think and what directs ye through life. I desire for ye to give me the chance to share the same parts of myself with ye. I only ask that ye give me time. If ye do, I know ye will love me in the end.”
“Clearly, you’re not lacking in self confidence either.” I smiled and let loose a giggle so he would know I meant to tease him. I pulled one hand from his grip and rested it gently on his chest. “Orick, I wish I was the sort of woman who would be enough for you, but I know myself well, and I’m not. I could let you get to know me and you might just be the sort of person who would adore all of my strange habits and quirks, but when it came right down to it, I would never be able to love you back, not in the way you need. I don’t feel things the way other people do.”
Orick moved and held my hand against his chest with one hand while he brought his other to the side of my face and trailed my cheek lightly with his thumb.
“Ye may believe that of yerself but I doona. A lass who cares for any creature the way ye do for wee Toby is more than capable of loving in a way that would bring any man to his knees. I ken those who fear love well enough and doona doubt that I have more reason than most to fear it myself. I choose no to be frightened of the pain that might come from it.”
He leaned in and pressed his lips gently against my forehead before crouching lower to whisper into my ear. My lips started to tremble as his breath shot down my neck.
“I wish to kiss ye. ’Tis time for ye to make yer own choice, Gillian. If ye push me away, I’ll no try it again, and ye are free to return home. If ye allow it, I intend to destroy that fear of yers, to light it afire so it’s no more than a distant memory and all ye have left is the dream and desire of love.”
I could scarcely breathe, let alone make any move to stop him as he kissed me.
I know he meant it as a metaphor, but the heat of his kiss seemed to alight my whole body. I couldn’t help but wonder if his touch would spark the flame meant to blaze away the fortress of fear around my heart.
I quit fighting as he moved his lips against me, leaning into him as he gathered me up in his arms.
* * *
Orick couldn’t reach the stables fast enough after pulling away from his kiss with Gillian. It pained him to do so, but his need for her was too great for him to resist if he stayed in the room with her another moment. His breathing came rapidly, and he could think of nothing other than the way she felt pressed up against him. In truth, it had been no more than a kiss, but his body reacted in ways he’d forgotten it could.
Years spent at the side of the MacChristys, always balancing the line between friend and worker, had left him little time to explore the pleasures the rest of them feasted on gratuitously. To feel his heart pound in such a way that he could hear it beat in his ears was new to him. In that moment, his desire drove him rather than his heart or mind. He didn’t wish to have Gillian that way, not until he had her whole heart.
“Did you just go for a run or something or are you having a heart attack? ’Cause you’re sure breathing hard.”
Orick sucked in one last deep breath as he regained composure and turned just outside the stables to find Cooper watching him curiously.
“Aye.”
Cooper’s brow pulled up in concern.
“Aye to what? Having a heart attack?”
“No, Cooper. I am no having a heart attack. Aye, I am breathing hard.”
The child shrugged his shoulders in dismissal. “As long as you’re not having a heart attack, I’m not worried. I came to tell you that my Mom and E-o went ahead and left with the babies since they would have to stop more than the rest of us.”
“Aye, I imagined they would. And ye convinced Grace to let ye stay then?”
He smiled triumphantly. “Yeah, I told her that Gillian would probably need help with Toby.”
“I’m sure she will be pleased ye are here to help her.”
Cooper nodded, and Orick could tell from the look in his eye that he was up to something.
“Yeah, especially since Aunt Jane left with them.”
“No, she dinna?” Orick knew the words Cooper would say before he said them. He knew exactly why Jane had decided to leave.
“She did. But she did it after Mom and E-o left so she could catch up with them after they were already too far gone to make her turn back here. That means it’s just me, you, Gillian, and Toby. It’s going to be so much fun. Why don’t you go and tell her right now?”
Orick watched as Cooper skipped away. Fun it might be, but the journey would also be long. With the child, Gillian, and the dog, he expected the three-day journey to last them a fortnight.
CHAPTER 21
“Let’s play a game, okay?”
Cooper’s enthusiasm, even on our second day on the road, never seemed to dwindle. He jabbered and chatted and rode happily along come rain, shine, or the stalest of bread. The little fellow was a sight to behold. He sat astride his little horse confidently directing the creature with great skill. He wanted Toby to ride with him and, seeing as my horseback riding experience was minimal at best, I agreed right away. We easily fashioned him a sort of sling with which he could carry Toby close to his chest. The three of them made a remarkably adorable sight. I so hated that I didn’t have my camera to take a picture of them.
Cooper’s zest for adventure was inspirational and, while I wished I could share his attitude, the pain in my bum, the growl in my stomach, and the bugs in my hair just wouldn’t allow it.
“Cooper, how can you be so chipper with your legs spread so far over that horse? My rear end is so sore. I think it has disfigured me.”
The child extended his legs out to the side and waved his little feet around.
“I’m used to it. I ride Rex every single day. You’ll get used to it, too. But for now, a game might keep your mind off it.”
Orick rode up next to me and nodded toward Cooper who kept just a few strides in front of us.
“The lad loves games. If ye tell him aye, they’ll never end. No as long as he knows ye.”
I believed that, but we had little else to keep ourselves occupied on the road. I was willing to try anything that might take my mind off how uncomfortable every bit of me was. I’d been allowed to pack sunscreen, tampons, and a toothbrush, but it seemed that Jane and I both had neglected the necessity of a hair tie and, by this point in our journey, I was almost ready to cut my hair right off.
Angrily, I released the reins of my horse and reached behind me to twist my hair into a knot that would be a tangled mess this evening. I didn’t care. I just needed some way to get it off of my neck.
“What sort of game, Cooper? I am in desperate need of a distraction.”
“Let’s make it a learning game. I’ll point out a bird or creature and you tell me what it is. If you know, you tell me about it. If you don’t, I’ll tell you about it.”
I laughed, but I couldn’t say no after seeing how excited he seemed about it.
“Fine. Who taught you to play games? That hardly sounds like the sort of thing I did when I was a kid. It sounds like school work.”
He shrugged, and I hoped I’d not offended him.
“I don’t mind things that are like school work since I don’t get to go to school. And Mom and my Dad make me play lots of games like this so I keep learning. You ready to play?”
“Absolutely.”
Over the course of the afternoon, I learned more about Scottish wildlife and plant growth than I had any need or want to know. Still, it did keep my mind off things like my queasy stomach and painful ass, so it suited me just fine.
I suspected that by mid-afternoon, Orick finally caught on to my grunts and groans and exhales of frustration for he pulled his horse to a stop right at the edge of a beautiful meadow where he said we could rest awhile.
I took full advantage. Within fifteen minutes of dismounting, I conked out on a blanket with Toby tucked into my side.
It was a short rest. When I woke, Cooper slept next to me, and Orick stood by the horses fe
eding them each a few carrots while he watched them drink from the stream by which we’d tied them.
“How old are you?”
I knew the question was hardly polite, but I’d been wondering about it since the day I met him. When I looked in his eyes, I suspected him to be no more than thirty, but his hands looked a good decade older than that. They were rough and darkened from the sun, and the gait of his walk was that of a man who was accustomed to hard work. Like he had more miles on him than most.
Not to say that there was anything ancient about the way he looked—he wore every year of however old he was remarkably well—so well that even his appearance was enough to make it difficult for me to fathom that he’d lasted this long without getting married. His gorgeous looks combined with how kind and gentle he was and how aware and perceptive he was of those around him, made his single status an oddity I couldn’t even wrap my mind around.
“’Tis my thirty-fifth year. Ye must think me verra old.”
I meant to laugh but the noise came out as a snort, and I nearly swooned as every ounce of blood rushed to my head in embarrassment. I struggled to recover as I choked out a response and gripped at the tree nearest me for support.
“Hardly. Why aren’t you married?”
He smiled and reached over to stroke the side of his horse.
“It seems I’ve lived many lives, and no a one of them has been my own. I dinna wish to take a wife, to have a family, until I no longer felt indebted to those who saved me.”
His answer both intrigued and saddened me.
“Do you mean Adwen? What could you have owed him? You’re friends.”
A memory must have passed through his mind for a brief sadness seemed to shadow the brilliant blue sparkle in his eyes, but he recovered quickly.
“’Tis a tale for another day but, losing my memory, while it hurts me to know it caused others pain, ’twas a blessing for myself. I now see that I canna wait to start my own life. It helps no one for me to deny myself what others expect for their lives.”
Love Beyond Dreams (A Scottish Time Travel Romance): Book 6 (Morna's Legacy Series) Page 10