As she filled page after page with words of her new decision, the force of life slowly flowed back to her. The idea of leaving was terrifying. But staying would be slow death.
I’m not eighteen yet.
That bit of realization stole her breath. It was thirteen days before she turned eighteen. For a moment she considered staying until her birthday. Hope drained from her. A sensation of losing her mind washed over her, and she knew without any doubt she couldn’t stay—not even until she became a legal adult.
The two people who would be the saddest would be her mother and her dear friend Mary. They would understand her plans, but Hannah wasn’t naive enough to think that they’d agree with her decision. They were too afraid of angering God, of severing ties, of Hannah getting hurt.
Hannah closed her eyes, contemplating whether Mamm’s and Mary’s future concerns for her were well-founded or not. She had no desire to make things worse by leaving without giving thought to what their reservations would be.
Hannah played out conversations in her mind, careful to hear every bit of apprehension her mother and Mary would share. But after considering all possible arguments either one would present, she decided fear was the only sound reason they’d have—fear of the unknown, of what might happen, of what might not happen.
The imagined conversation had brought up valid points. She might run into danger, might not get a job, might … might … might. The torments of what could happen frightened her. As Hannah burrowed deeper into her own thoughts, looking for answers, a startling revelation sprang forth. Fear might be her traveling companion, but she didn’t have to let it stop her. Perhaps she’d have to carry it with her, unable to get free of it. But she didn’t have to become immobilized by it. That was within her power to decide.
Excitement at that understanding grew, and desire to move forward became a part of her. With stacks of triple-folded letters all around her, Hannah took pen in hand to write the last letter before making her final plans to leave.
Hannah stacked the letters together and laid them inside the book Dr. Greenfield had given her. With trepidation she eased out to the kitchen to tell Mary of her plans. Hannah was surprised to see Matthew sitting at the kitchen table with Mary.
They turned to look at her. Relieved smiles erased the misery on their faces.
Matthew rose and pulled out a chair for her. “Good morning. Come sit.”
Glad to get off her feet, Hannah eased into the chair. “How are things with Elle?”
Matthew shrugged. “I heard from the Bylers that her father didn’t arrive that night due to the weather. She hired a driver the next day and went to meet him in Baltimore and spend a few days there. Other than that, I don’t know.”
Matthew poured a cup of coffee and passed it to Hannah. Mary dished out a gigantic cinnamon bun from a pan in the center of the table and placed it beside the cup. Deciding she was no longer too young for coffee, Hannah took a sip of the warm, brown liquid. She played with the metal cup in her hand, praying that Mary and Matthew would support her resolution. “I’m glad you’re both here,” she said, her voice sounding even more resolved than she felt. “I need to talk to you about some decisions I’ve made.”
The sun warmed the snow-covered earth as Hannah stood in John Yoder’s beaten and damaged phone shanty, waiting for the woman at the bank to complete her verification. Mary and Matthew stood nearby, talking in low tones.
“I’m sorry,” the woman said, coming back on the line, “but that account has been closed.”
“What?” Hannah barely breathed.
“All the money has been withdrawn from it.” The woman ended the conversation with another apology, and Hannah hung up the phone.
She couldn’t believe this. How could the account be closed?
Hannah lowered her forehead against the receiver, which rested in its cradle on the wall. The disappointment and betrayal were too great for her to bear. Was Paul not at all the man she’d thought him to be?
Mary took the few steps to the shanty’s doorway. “What’d you find out?”
Hannah closed her eyes and gave a long, slow shrug. “The account is empty. I … I guess Paul took the money.”
Mary wrapped her arms around Hannah. “I’m sure he’s just not thinking straight, Hannah. He’ll come around. Maybe you should contact him.”
As they walked to Mary’s front porch, Hannah squelched that burning desire. She hated to admit it to herself, but she ached to call him, to hear his voice one last time, to at least say goodbye.
Hannah sat on the top step. “I’ve got a little money from the summer’s produce. I guess it’ll get me somewhere.”
Matthew sat beside her. “I think—”
The phone rang, and Mary ran across the yard to answer it.
Hannah smiled. “Her strength is back, no?”
“Ya. She does well, thanks to you.” Matthew leaned his forearm on his thighs. Neither of them spoke for several minutes. “Hannah, are you sure about leaving?”
Before Hannah had time to answer, Mary strode back to them, hurt showing in her face. “That was my parents. They are returning today and …”
Hannah didn’t need to be told what that call was about. She patted the step beside her. “I’m to be off their property before they arrive.”
Mary sat. “I’m sorry.”
Hannah placed her arm around Mary and rubbed her shoulder. “I’m sure my own mother feels much the same way. I know Daed is angry and telling her not to come, but he couldn’t keep her from coming to me if she had a mind to.”
Matthew tugged his hat lower on his head. “I’ve got some money.”
“That money is for you and Elle to start a home with.”
He stood. “Don’t deny me the right to do what I think is right. I’ve spent too many months trying to stay out of hot water when I should have been trying to be a friend.” He shrugged. “Either Elle gets that or she doesn’t.”
Hannah reached out and clutched his fingers, overwhelmed with his generous spirit. “I’ll send the money back as soon as I can, after I get a job and get settled.”
Matthew gave her hand a warm, reassuring squeeze. “Don’t worry about trying to pay me back. Just let us know you’re okay every so often.”
Mary hugged Hannah, tears brimming in her eyes. “Ya, write to us.”
“I will.” Laying her head on Mary’s shoulder, Hannah said, “Let’s call the train station and arrange for a driver.”
Matthew helped her to her feet. “Call Russ Braden. He’s the easiest driver to reach on such short notice. While you do that, I’ll run over to the safe in my shop.” He studied her. Then without a word he took off to fetch the money.
Paul was glad they’d taken Marcus’s car since it had a radio. He flipped on a news station, listening for a traffic report. A minute later he heard about a bad accident somewhere ahead of them that would have traffic backed up for a long time.
Paul took a deep breath to keep himself from hitting the dashboard. “How could I do that to her?”
Marcus turned the radio to an instrumental music station. “Personally, I think you were justified in walking out on her. But let’s just say you blew it by handling the whole thing wrong. We all blow it, Paul. Hannah’s got some responsibility in this too. Right?”
Paul shook his head. “I should’ve known better. The ridiculous thing is, aside from my uncontrollable jealousy, I did know better. She’s so amazing, Marcus. When you get to know her, you’ll agree.”
As they sat in stand-still traffic, Marcus had the car in neutral with the handle of the emergency brake raised. “She must be special to have grabbed your attention and kept it all this time. How’d you meet her?”
“She was Gram’s helper when I went home to supervise those guys we hired to replace Gram’s roof and repair the barn and fences. She was fascinating: quiet, a hard worker. But when she spoke, she had a dry sense of humor. Weeks later when I went back for a family gathering at Gram’s, I was sure
she’d be happy to see me. She didn’t even seem to notice my presence. So I hung out in the kitchen, giving her time to realize I existed. She passed me a chef’s apron. To her I was either helpful or in the way.” He chuckled. “I was hooked right then. There’s no figuring her out, but there’s pure pleasure in being with her.”
Marcus smiled wryly. “Okay, so maybe I should have been glad you weren’t able to talk about her all this time.”
“Get us out of this traffic, and I’ll never bore you again.”
“Promise?” Marcus revved his engine as if he could take off somewhere.
Paul leaned his head against the headrest and growled in frustration.
Hannah gazed at the prayer Kapp in her hand. Mary stood behind her, pinning Hannah’s apron to her dress. Traveling regulations dictated that she either have a photo ID or wear full Amish garb with her pictureless ID. Though ready to be free of everything Amish, Hannah placed the covering on her head and attached it to her hair using straight pins. She turned and faced Mary.
Mary brushed a piece of lint from Hannah’s dress. “Are you sure about this?”
She nodded, unable to speak. She took Mary by the hand, and they walked outside, where the driver was waiting.
Matthew loaded Hannah’s bag into the trunk of the hired car. As he shut the trunk, a buggy pulled into the driveway. Matthew turned. “Elle.”
The cool nod she gave him could have come from an aristocrat sitting in a fine carriage rather than an Amish girl in an open wagon.
“I thought you were in Baltimore.” He stepped toward her buggy. “I’m sorry about the other night. Are you—”
Elle interrupted him. “You don’t seem to ever lack for info about what’s happening in Hannah’s life.” Her eyes moved to Hannah. “What’s going on?”
Hannah stepped off the porch. “I’m leaving.”
Elle’s jaw was set, her cheeks flaming red from the cold wind. “Then at least some of what I’ve heard is true.”
“Very little, I’m sure.” Mary’s voice wavered.
Elle shot an angry look at Matthew. “Did you disobey the bishop’s decree concerning Hannah? Did you go to her when I asked you to be with me that night?”
“It’s a long story, Elle, but now isn’t the time.”
Hannah pulled Mary into a hug. After a long, teary embrace, Hannah released her. Then she stood there, fidgeting with her apron, wanting to clutch Matthew and tell him how thankful she was for his kind, understanding spirit. But to do so might cause even more trouble between him and Elle.
A look of determination passed through Matthew’s eyes. “I’m goin’ with ya. When you’re settled on the train, I’ll return to Owl’s Perch.”
“That’s ridiculous.” Elle raised her body slightly off the bench seat, making the horse step forward. “What do you expect me to think of this?”
Matthew took Elle’s horse by the harness, stopping it from moving any farther. “Her train don’t leave until early afternoon tomorrow. Mary can’t go; her parents have made their stand clear. Hannah’s my friend, Elle. I won’t leave her in Harrisburg to stay overnight at some hotel by herself.”
Elle scowled, clearly getting angrier by the second. “If you don’t care at all what I think, why don’t you just say it outright, Matthew Esh? You’ve pretty much just told me you plan to stay at a hotel with her. If you do that, you’re sure to get in trouble with the church leaders. You’ll be disciplined by the bishop. You know you will.”
Matthew released his grip on the horse and walked closer to the buggy. He placed a foot on the spindle of the front wheel. “I know. But they’re wrong about Hannah. And friends should stick by each other, even when it costs them.”
Elle cocked an eyebrow. She stared at Matthew for nearly a full minute. He watched her face, looking neither worried nor apologetic. Hannah struggled to breathe, guilt heavy on her heart.
Tugging the reins low, Elle caused the horse to back up. Matthew removed his foot, acceptance in his features. Elle’s beautiful eyes never left his face as the horse continued backing up.
She stopped the buggy, her brows knitted, her gaze still fixed on Matthew. “Regardless of where we end up in all this, it still seems best that someone go with you, Matthew, to keep things looking respectable before the People and the church leaders.” She looked to Hannah. “You have to know that’s true.”
“Yeah, absolutely. But there’s no one else.”
“I’ll go.”
Hannah was startled by the woman’s voice behind them. She turned and saw Naomi Esh standing near the car with her hands on her hips.
“I was there the night Hannah’s baby died.” Naomi gave a weak and humble smile at Hannah, then turned to face Elle. “I believe her account of how she came to be with child. But I’ll not have my son’s reputation ruined, and clearly he’s determined to go with her.”
Elle shrugged. “I guess your mother chaperoning will count for something when the church leaders hear of what you’ve done.”
Matthew pulled a letter from his pocket. “Hannah wrote this to you. Maybe it’ll help ya understand.” He gave a nod to Hannah and motioned for her to get in the car.
Hannah turned to embrace Mary one more time. Her friend broke into sobs.
“It’s okay, Mary. I’m going to be fine.” Hannah placed her hands on Mary’s shoulders and put some distance between them. “You’ll be fine too. Make amends with Luke. He’ll come around concerning me as time goes by.”
“Mary,” Elle said.
Hannah paused as Matthew held the car door open for her.
Elle smiled at Mary. “I’m staying with the Bylers tonight. Esther Byler is helping me with some projects for the kids at the school where I teach. Would you care to join us? We certainly could use your help.”
The grief in Mary’s face, as well as the lost look in her eyes, faded a bit.
Remorse as well as thankfulness entered Hannah as she considered that if she left, Elle would likely become Mary’s closest friend.
“Hannah.” The whispery voice floated across the fields, seemingly coming from all directions.
Instantly Hannah’s resolve was renewed. She climbed into the backseat of the waiting car. Hope in the future lifted her spirits.
About the time Paul couldn’t take one more minute of waiting, traffic finally started moving again. He drummed his fingers on the dashboard. He had to get to Hannah and offer to take care of her and her baby. Maybe, eventually, she’d come to trust and love him again and they could marry.
As they finally entered Owl’s Perch, he gave Marcus directions to the Yoder place.
Marcus pulled into the driveway. Paul jumped out of the car and banged on the front door of the Daadi Haus.
Come on, Hannah. Answer.
No sound came from inside; he saw no flickers of light from a kerosene lamp. He knocked longer and louder. Still no response. Disappointment and concern threatened to swallow him.
Paul climbed into the car. “We’re going to the Lapp place.” He gave Marcus directions.
As they pulled into the driveway, Mr. Lapp stepped out of his house. Paul got out and spoke to Mr. Lapp from across the roof of the car. “I’m looking for Hannah.”
He waved Paul away and marched off toward the barn.
Paul caught up to him. “Mr. Lapp, please. I need to speak with her.”
Mr. Lapp sighed. “She doesn’t live here anymore. I did my best to protect her. But her sneaking around did more damage than a father can stop.” He paused and looked at Paul. “It’s you, isn’t it? You’re the one she wrote letters to and snuck out to visit.”
There was no easy way to explain his relationship with Hannah. He loved her, to be sure. But that wasn’t what Mr. Lapp wanted to hear. “I’m Katie Waddell’s grandson, Paul.”
Mr. Lapp studied him. “It didn’t have to end this way. If she hadn’t been so stubborn about going to the bishop—”
“Where can I find her?”
He frowned. “She’s
staying at the Yoder place.”
“I went there. No one’s home.”
The look on Mr. Lapp’s face told Paul that was news to him. “It seems I’ve spent far too much time not knowing where my daughter was or what she was up to.” Mr. Lapp stalked off, grumbling as he went. “Please leave. Just go, and let me forget for a while the devastation you’ve brought to us.”
Paul hated the way Mr. Lapp perceived the events, but it would take a lifetime to change the man’s opinions, if it could be done at all. Paul climbed in the car and slammed the door. “How can he just turn his back on his own daughter like that?” Guilt rose within Paul, choking him. He had turned his back on Hannah too.
Marcus shrugged. “Where to now?” He backed down the driveway and stopped where the road met the lane.
“Let’s go back to the Yoder farm. From there we’ll try to find the Esh place. She and Matthew were friends. He should know where she is—not that he’ll tell me.” He looked at Marcus, desperate for some answers. “We have to find her.”
“We will. Even if we have to cruise her district all day and night. But first, can we go by your grandmother’s and get some food? I missed breakfast.”
That was a brilliant idea. Maybe Gram knew where Hannah was. Maybe Hannah was even there. “Yes. Go there first.”
Marcus pulled onto the main road.
“Do you have your cell with you?” Paul asked.
Marcus pulled the phone from his jeans pocket.
“If Gram doesn’t know where Hannah is, I’ll call my mother and tell her what to do if Hannah calls. Then I’ll call Carol and Dorcas. One of them should be willing to go to our apartment and man the phone. Ryan or Taylor will let them in, but I don’t trust our roommates not to leave for a food run or something, even if I ask them to stay by the phone for me. I’ll make sure Gram stays near her phone too. If Hannah calls any of those places, I’ll get the message right away.” He held up Marcus’s phone and waggled it.
Sisters of the Quilt Trilogy Page 29