by B. M. Hardin
I knew that he was going to have a heart attack once he saw it, but Drake never came.
He never came running out of the house that night.
He never showed up at my house that night either.
It wasn’t until after a week later that he had been sitting outside the house, in the same car, a different color, once I’d arrived home.
I finished high school, and after doing a year of college, I came out and completed certification to be a medical assistant, which was what I had been working as before going to prison.
Once I was stable, I picked up college again and managed to complete another two years, heading towards a degree in Business.
Of course everything had been put on hold once I took the murder charge, but once I got out and saw that Drake was on his best bullshit, and that even though he didn’t mind taking care of me, I needed to make sure that I could take care of myself, after wasting over a year, I finally went back to college to finish my last year and that day was my graduation.
I wasn’t sure how many people would hire me because of my “criminal record” but at least I had to try.
I had to try to make something of myself.
I’d always been smart and a fairly good girl, I’d just gotten caught up with Dray and unfortunately he’d stolen my heart, and I hadn’t been able to steal it back from him ever since.
I walked past him, with my cap and gown in my hand, and headed into the house so that I could get ready.
I’d gone to get my hair done and as always, they’d taken forever, so I was now in a rush.
I didn’t have time for Drake or the drama that day and as he followed me into the house, quietly, I was dreading the events that would follow.
I didn’t know whether he was going to start a fight; verbally or physically.
Hell, I was expected a little bit of both to be honest, but surprisingly, things hadn’t gone as I’d expected.
Drake sat on the bed as I headed to the bathroom to shower and get dressed.
It was as though he didn’t have much to say and neither did I.
Once I was dressed, I’d stared at myself in the full length mirror.
I did it.
I really did it.
Despite prison, despite being disowned, despite feeling unloved and despite being his side chick, I actually did it.
I was about to be a college graduate and I couldn’t have been more proud of myself.
A few minutes to spare, and even though I knew that I was getting my hopes up for nothing, I called my parents, but they didn’t bother to answer.
I tried calling my siblings next, but none of them answered their phones either.
That’s if their numbers were even the same.
Just as I put the phone down, a text message came through from Mama.
No, we are not coming.
I’d sent a graduation invitation to my parent’s house weeks before and I’d hoped that at least one of them would have missed me enough, or more like loved me enough to decide to show up for my special day.
But I guess not.
I guess that was asking too much from them.
I’d felt the all too familiar lump in my throat, and I wanted to break down and cry, but I hadn’t wanted to ruin my make-up.
I’d cried more than enough from the lack of a mother’s love over the past few years, and it just wasn’t worth whining about anymore.
And besides, it was my day.
If no one else was proud of me, I was proud of myself.
I grabbed my keys and my purse as Drake just sat there and watched me.
“I’ll drive,” he’d said.
What?
“What? Why are you even here Drake? I haven’t heard from you in a week and I would think that you had something else better to do, like tending to your pregnant wife,” I’d said out of hurt and anger.
But it was still the truth.
“Moet, I wouldn’t miss this day for nothing in this world. You did it. You really did it baby and I am so proud of you. And whether you want me there or not, I’m going to be there for you. We can talk about the little stunt you pulled later. But right now, we, have a graduation to get to,” Drake said, snatching my keys, and led the way.
That’s how he got me.
It was stuff like that and the little things like those, that always gave me hope.
His acts of kindness and the fact that he actually had a good heart, when he wasn’t being an asshole, kept me holding on a little while longer.
I hated loving him, I really did.
We definitely had a love-hate relationship, but was it such a bad thing to want just the love and stability?
But that day, Drake had been the only one there to cheer me on as I walked across that stage.
He was the only one that I was able to look into the crowd and see.
He was standing there, smiling and clapping, knowing that I had just done something that most probably doubted that I would be able to bounce back and do.
He was the only one that had been there for me.
He was the only one that kind of, sort of, in some way loved me.
How could I stay mad at him after that?
Afterwards, of course we’d had a much needed conversation.
Drake told me that staying away from me for a week was his way of trying not to strangle me.
I believed him.
But he also said that because of what I’d done, that he knew that I was tired.
And so was he.
At least that was what he’d said anyway.
I asked about his wife, and what her reactions were to my behavior.
And to my surprise, he said…nothing.
He said that she hadn’t done anything.
He said that she hadn’t said anything.
And he wasn’t exactly sure what she was thinking.
Considering that I knew that she’d saw me that night messing up their cars and had done nothing about it, I believed him.
I bitched about her being pregnant and his response was that she was his wife, so he had to have sex with her.
No he didn’t!
He didn’t have to do a damn thing but stay black and die!
But he wasn’t trying to hear that though.
Drake said that he only did it when she asked him to, but the thought of him pleasing her made my skin crawl.
He’d said that I had no right to complain because she was his wife and I knew that before I’d decided to still be with him and wait for him.
Maybe he was right and maybe I didn’t, but that day, I’d told myself that no matter how much it hurt and no matter how much I didn’t want to, I was going have to find a way to leave Drake alone for good.
“Shut up complaining because you know you ain’t going nowhere and I ain’t going nowhere either,” Drake had said to me, but he was wrong.
Even though I was now letting him have his way with me, again, I’d meant just what I’d said.
I was going to leave him if he didn’t get his act together and then he would know what it felt like to lose me, because I’d lost him a long time ago.
A change was coming one way or the other, and the results of the pregnancy test would help me choose which way to turn.
Shaking away my thoughts, I headed back to the bathroom and looked at the pregnancy test.
I frowned.
And then I smiled.
Not pregnant.
And you know what…
I was just fine with that.
~***~
“If you ain’t giving it to me, then you must be giving it to somebody else. What’s his name Moe huh?” Drake fussed and whined, but I ignored his question.
He still wasn’t getting none.
I had been holding out on sex for over a month now, and Drake was all messed up in the head trying to figure out what I was doing or who I was doing for that matter.
But the truth was that I wasn’t doing anything.
At lea
st not yet anyway.
I was just tired of him getting what he wanted from me, and not giving me what I wanted from him.
“Give me some pussy Moet.”
“Nope.”
I still loved him.
Sure I still wanted to be the one, his only one, but for right now, I was still his number two.
And as the number two, I reserved the right to deny him of the booty; especially while his number one, was at home with their newborn baby.
When I hadn’t heard from Drake all day one day, I knew that she must have gone into labor.
So I went to the hospital.
I just had to see.
Of course I knew her name, Naomi Knox, and after confirming that she was there, I waited around for forever to get a glimpse of the baby through the window once she was sent to the nursery.
He’d had a daughter with that woman and not with me and I just had to see the baby, if only just once.
He’d known how bad I’d wanted a baby of my own and after all that I had been through with and for him, he’d given someone else the one gift that he wouldn’t give to me; the one gift that would actually mean something to me.
With a growing and successful company, Drake didn’t mind buying me whatever I wanted or whatever I asked him for, nor did he mind providing things for me that I hadn’t even told him that I needed.
He’d purchased me the house and everything in it.
He’d bought me a brand new car.
He would do anything or buy anything for me no matter the cost.
But what I wanted costed more than any check that he could ever write.
I wanted love and a family.
One of my very own.
I felt as though I was about to snap as I watched the newborn baby girl cry just before the nurse picked her back up and held her in her arms.
From what I could see, the baby looked somewhat like Drake; with her mother’s skin color.
She was as precious as could be but it just wasn’t fair.
She was supposed to be my baby.
Hmm…
And maybe she still could be.
No, I wasn’t thinking straight.
Trying to kidnap another woman’s baby was crazy and besides, Drake would probably know that it was me.
But maybe then he would see how serious I was and how crazy the whole situation was making me.
I was a logical, rational woman.
But Drake here lately, seemed to bring out the worst in me.
Other folks started to approach the glass so I figured that it was about time that I make my exit.
Wanting to be able to stare at a picture of the baby once I was home, I pulled out my phone to take a quick picture of her.
“I wish you would,” a voice said behind me.
I turned around to see Drake and his wife standing there.
He didn’t say a word.
“Why are you even here?” Drake’s wife asked in pure disgust and her face showed it as well.
Oh, I get it, Drake must not have told her.
How rude was it of him not to warn her.
I would literally knock her ass out without thinking twice about it, so she had better be careful what she said to me.
I took a deep breath and just looked at her.
I was the one at the hospital, whining over her baby, and I was her husband’s mistress, so I could see her point.
“This is my baby. He is my husband. And this is my family. Find your own. Drake if I were you, I would get your side chick under control,” she said and opened the door to the nursery and went inside.
Drake hadn’t followed her.
He’d just stood there and looked at me.
I could tell that he was unbothered by my actions and even by her comments, which surprised me.
I knew that he could tell how upset I was and he knew better than to touch me.
I was starting to tremble and he just watched me as tears started to flow down my face.
I hated this entire situation, I really did.
And it was all his fault!
Drake stood there as though he was between a rock and a hard place.
He didn’t know whether to comfort his mistress, or join his wife in the nursery, who was staring him down from the window.
If he was dealing with a real woman, there wouldn’t have even been a choice, but he was dealing with a dummy I suppose.
Surprisingly, instead of leaving me standing, destitute, he attempted to wipe my tears away but I moved from within his reach.
Shaking my head at him, I turned around and ran all the way out of the hospital.
I believe that that was probably one of the worst days of my life.
A day or two later, Drake came over and told me that now that the baby was here, he was going to do what he needed to do so that we could finally be together.
He acted as though he had just been waiting on the baby’s arrival to make his exit, which seemed somewhat backwards.
Which was probably why he still hadn’t done it yet.
And until he did whatever it was that he needed to do, he wasn’t touching me.
Period!
“Either you’re going to give me some, or I’m going to take it. Better yet, if you don’t give it to me, you’re going to have to tell whoever it is that you’ve been giving it to, to cough up some dough while he at it. Tell him to pay your damn bills this month since he's the one who is getting some action,” Drake said sarcastically.
This fool here was something else I tell you!
Drake had no right to throw money or what he did for me in my face, like, ever!
I wanted to punch him in his mouth, but I didn’t feel like fighting with him.
I’d done prison time for him, so what the hell did he mean?
Before I went in, I had a decent, legal job.
I’d made good money too and I had given it all up for him.
And so far because of him, and because the conviction would follow me forever, I hadn’t been able to find another job since I’d been out, so the way that I saw it, he owed me that damn money!
And so much more.
“You know what Drake, keep your money. Don’t do another damn thing for me, and I mean it. I’ll find a way, no matter what I have to do,” I said to him and I got up from the bed, grabbed my keys, and left him sitting there, with a hard dick and a dumbfounded look on his face.
How dare he say that to me?
How dare he treat me like this?
I loved him so much, but I refused to let him treat me like I was nothing.
Damn it, I’m just tired of it!
I locked the car doors and just sat there.
The truth was that I couldn’t imagine myself being with any other man, but him.
Dray was my first love, my first everything.
He was my best friend.
He was there when I let the dog piss on one of Mama’s church wigs because she’d pissed me off.
He was there when I farted on my birthday cupcakes that Mama made for the class, unaware that all of the kids teased me and called me names.
He had been right there.
He’d always been right there.
And because of everything that we’d shared, I just couldn’t watch him be with another woman forever.
It was driving me crazy and if he wasn’t careful, I just might follow through on his murder request.
Or, make a new request of my own.
In a nut shell, the way I see it, him or her had to die!
At least that’s how he made me feel.
Drake finally came out of the house a few minutes later.
He definitely looked sexually frustrated, but that was his problem, not mine.
He knew how to choke that chicken, or deal with blue balls instead.
Either way, he wasn’t getting anywhere near the goldmine in between my legs.
He kicked my car door, hard, and started to bang on my driver’s side window.
“Move Dray!” I yelled through rolled up windows.
“Open the door then Moe,” he said but once again, I refused.
I just sat there and looked at him.
He talked and talked but I kept the windows rolled up and continued to shake my head no.
Drake finally stopped talking and then he started to make kissing faces at me.
He even started doing some bootleg imitation of sign language and it looked as though he was saying that he loved me, with some silly, stupid grin on his face.
Corny ass.
His sense of humor wasn’t going to work on me this time.
Dray continued to be silly and he started to roll his stomach, lick his index finger and then slowly lowered it from his mouth to his pelvic area as though he was a male stripper or something.
Had he gone crazy?
I could tell that he wanted to make me laugh and I was forcing myself to hold it together.
He was so stupid.
I guess he much rather try to make up than to argue, again, but all he had to do was take care of business, and the problem would be solved
All of the extra would no longer be needed.
But he wanted to do things the hard way.
Still in this sudden playful spirit, Drake walked up close to the window and out of nowhere, he pulled out his dick and started to tap on the glass with it.
Really?
I mean it was broad daylight, and he had the audacity to pull out his ashy, semi-hard, black dick, and continuously slid it back and forth across the window.
I glanced around to see if anyone was watching.
I wanted to laugh so bad but he took everything as a joke and I was dead ass serious.
I’m not playing with him. He needed to make things right.
After Drake didn’t see me crack a smile and after he realized that I wasn’t getting out of the car, and that I still wasn’t going to give him none, he flipped from being silly to being angry again in two point five seconds.
He started to cuss me out and after he’d called me about five bitches or so, he got into his car that was parked behind mine.
He was leaving?
Good.
I looked at him through my rearview mirror, and he stuck up his middle finger at me.
I couldn’t hold it in any longer and I let out a small chuckle.
It amused me as to how he thought that the world revolved by him.
Maybe I was the one at fault for making him think such a thing; especially when it came to me, but those days were over.