by Jen Crane
I did know. I’d dreamed like that my whole life. I always knew there was something more out there, that something was calling to me. When Rowan Gresham crashed into my car and showed me a new world, everything changed. I’d found my more.
Poor Solace had fewer choices than even I had. The Root wasn’t an option for her. Hell, it was no longer an option for me. Having limited discretion over one’s life and education is bad enough, but knowing there’s more out there and not being able to pursue it: torture.
“I hate that I can’t go back,” I said. “I still had a lot to learn. About my dragon. About magic. About the world.”
Beacon’s dark hair was clipped short and he had an easy, sexy grin. “You’ve got more than enough help now with your dragon,” he said. “Your mother and granny, Forster, Solace and me—all of us. We’ll teach you the way we were taught.”
“Oh?” I laughed at his mischievous smile. “And how’s that?”
“Baptism by fire,” he said wickedly, and winked. He was cute, but my mind—my heart—was somewhere else. Whenever I dropped my guard, my thoughts ran to the chocolate curls and the soul-deep eyes of my wolf, my Ewan. Please let him be all right. Please let him be all right.
“If you want to learn more about magic, you could see if one of our old teachers could help you,” Solace said. “Though I wouldn’t ask Father. He wants to retire as chancellor, but there’s no one to take his place. He’s tired. Wants only to turn his wood and smoke his pipe, he says.”
“Yes, she must find an acceptable tutor,” Beacon agreed.
“Tutor for what?” Bay called as the group joined us outside
“Oh, I said I hated to leave The Root because I still had so much to learn. Particularly about my dragon and magic.”
“Now that we’re here, your mother and I can teach you everything you need to know about your dragon.”
“I like the thought of that.” Bay and I had a lot of catching up to do, and apparently so did my mother and me. She’d been distant all day, her thoughts somewhere else. I smiled encouragingly at her, and she stretched her mouth. She was trying, at least.
“What I really need is a crash course in magic. I was so frustrated when we fought Brandubh. I know there’s power inside me, but I don’t know half of what’s possible. I was training a bit with Gaspare in Thayer, but I can’t go back there. He’s too busy, anyway.”
“I’d be glad to take Stella on,” Charles Tremaine said importantly. Solace and Beacon exchanged a look that their mother soon joined.
“We can send her to Mr. Darringer in town,” Juno offered, ignoring her husband. “He’ll teach her what she needs to know.”
“Thom Darringer is a well-educated dunce, and you know it,” he scoffed. “Why not let me guide her?”
“Stella is…special,” said my mother, twisting her hands. “I hid her true nature as long as I could. Despite my efforts, she found this world—and herself—anyway. If she’s going to learn, it should be from the best. Her father was an omni, and so she’s inherited that trait. She needs someone with experience, with the same access to the magical talent she was born with.”
“Well, there is someone who fits that bill,” Forster said. “She’s the most knowledgeable person I know, and the only omni here besides Gaspare. And extremely talented.”
“Sounds great,” I said. “Who is she?”
“Her name is Abia Pike. She—”
“Forster, good gods!” Juno nearly choked trying to get the words out fast enough. “You can’t send Stella to her, to that place. And you know the old witch will never come here. Terrible idea. Terrible. No.”
“Send me where? What’s so terrible about Abia Pike?”
Forster rolled his eyes. “Oh, Juno. Those are just rumors. She’s odd, sure, but not dangerous. And frankly, I don’t know who else there is. Stella’s needs are specific.”
“Wait, what rumors?”
“Topaz is haunted,” Juno shook her head slowly. “You couldn’t get me there to save my life.”
“Well, it’s a good thing you don’t have to go,” Forster said tersely.
Bay had been watching the exchange—watching Forster really—and finally spoke up. “If you’re sure it’s a good idea, Forster, I’ll go, too.” She nodded at me encouragingly, but it did little to reassure me. What the hell had I gotten myself into?
Back at Gaspare’s cottage, I went into the kitchen to make sandwiches. Through the wide kitchen window, I could see my mother and Bay near the dock. Bay leaned forward as if she struggled to hear. My mother stared at the ground when she spoke, and when she finally looked up her face held a desperate plea.
Bay backed away, shaking her head. She looked angry. I couldn’t hear the conversation, but was dying to know what was so serious.
“Gaspare say when he’d be back?” Forster asked as he entered the kitchen and washed his hands.
“This afternoon. Anytime now, probably.”
Forster found a free spot on the counter and began slicing a tomato.
“Tell me more about this Abia Pike,” I said. “Why would she live on an island everyone says is haunted? What makes her so odd?”
“Oh, she’s just a little different,” he said, swatting away my concern. “She’s lived on Topaz as long as anyone can remember. Doesn’t socialize much. Well at all, really. And you know how people love to make up a story when the truth’s unavailable.”
“Mmm. So, why do they say Topaz is haunted?”
“Well, it’s Abia’s home and she really is very powerful. She doesn’t like a lot of visitors and so she’s got the place warded. A few parlor tricks to scare curious kids away. My guess is she likes people thinking Topaz is haunted.”
“You really think she can teach me? You really think it’s a good idea?”
“I do. Gaspare will, too. Wait and see.”
I caught my mother’s gaze when I looked out the window again. She waved me out. I wiped my hands on a dishtowel and joined them. Bay met me halfway down the walk, stalking toward the house. As she approached me, her face held anger…and pity.
“What’s going on, Bay?”
“Ask your mother,” she said tersely.
“Mom?” I called. She stood facing the water, her shoulders back and her wavy auburn hair blowing in the light breeze.
“Mom?” I asked again when I got closer. “What were you and Bay arguing about?” She didn’t answer right away. I stepped closer. “Mom?”
“I want to do things right this time,” she whispered. “I’ve done so many things the wrong way. I want you to know I thought they were right. I thought I was doing what was best for you, for us. Things didn’t work out as I’d planned. I wanted a normal life for you, a simple life. We had that, didn’t we?”
“Yes, Mom. Our life was fine. What are you talking about?”
“I love you so much, Stella. You know that, right?”
“I know, Mom. You’re not making any sense. What was Bay angry about?”
“I never want to hurt you again.” She finally turned to face me, and her eyes were anguished and red from crying. “I’d rather die than break your heart, but I can’t stay here. This place is not for me.”
“Wait, what? You mean Pearl? It’s okay here, Mom. It’s safe.” I hugged her in attempt to comfort her. “We can make a life here—there are people like us. And who knows what the future holds. Maybe we can go back to Thayer soon. It’s just hard right now, Mom, but we can make it.”
“No.” She shook her head. “No. I don’t want this life. Don’t you see? I want my normal life back. I want my church and my house and the ferns on my front porch.”
“But that’s not who you really are. It’s not who I am. That’s an identity you created for us.”
“It’s who I want to be, Stella.” Tears fell from her weary eyes down her freckled cheeks. “This is so hard. I know you can’t understand. I know you think I’m weak.”
I didn’t argue with her; I couldn’t. “Are you saying y
ou want to go back home? Home-home?”
She was looking at the ground again, and nodded.
“God, Mom. I don’t want to go there. I’ve just begun to understand who I am. I want to be here. I want to know Bay and Gaspare. I want to explore these parts of myself I’m only beginning to understand.”
“No, you misunderstand.” She wiped the tears from her cheeks. “I want you to stay. You should learn these things. You should embrace this life. I just can’t. I don’t have it in me to survive here. I support you. Please.” She hung her gaze on mine, the weight of her plea almost palpable. “Please support me.”
“I—” I began but had to swallow thickly. “Of course, Mother. I understand. Whatever you need.”
“Thank you.” She melted into me and laid her head on my shoulder in a hug that scared me, more than comforted me.
I squeezed her back, uncertain about our future, but absolutely sure I would never understand her.
Chapter 13
When Gaspare arrived, Forster, Bay, and I were sitting in the dining room. The French doors stood open and my mother sat on the dock with her back to the house. We had promised to visit, and we all put on positive faces as best we could. But we knew. We knew she wouldn’t be back.
“What?” Gaspare searched our faces. “What’s going on? What’s wrong?”
Bay opened her mouth to answer him, but I spoke first. “My mother wants to leave. To go back to the home where she raised me. Will you take her?”
“I…” he paused. “Yes. But she can’t come back. It’ll have to be a condition of her leaving. We’ve worked too hard to protect this place to leave any vulnerability.”
“I know,” I mumbled. “She knows.”
I led Gaspare to the dock, to my mother, and hugged her one last time before she left.
“I’m so proud of you, Stella.” Her eyes shined with unshed tears. “You’re just what I hoped you’d be. So strong.”
I smiled and squeezed her hands. “See you soon,” I said and regretted the words as soon as they escaped my mouth. There was no way to know when I’d see her again. But she had made her choice, and it wasn’t to stick it out with us—with me. I was thankful she had said good-bye this time, that she had attempted to explain, but she was abandoning me again, and it left a bitter aftertaste I didn’t think I’d ever be rid of.
Mother lifted a hand in a silent good-bye and I nodded my encouragement. Gaspare clasped her other hand, and the two disappeared. I closed my eyes against the pain that radiated deep in my chest.
Standing alone on a dock is a particularly solitary endeavor. I wouldn’t recommend it, unless isolation is your goal. I chewed the cuticle of my thumb and waited for Gaspare to return, growing ever more impatient and irritable. When he did return, I wasted no time getting to the heart of my most pressing concerns. “Did you check on Ewan today like you promised? Is he all right?”
“I did,” Gaspare said slowly. “I dropped by Radix and sought him out.”
“Did you tell him I’m okay?”
“I didn’t speak to him, no. I saw him gathered at Sabre Bar with the Redfern girl and some others.”
I was so angry about the situation, so frustrated, I could hardly breathe. “God, Gaspare. They think I’m dead. How can you think this is fair? How can you think it’s right?”
“It’s neither of those things,” he snarled. “I know that. But it is for the greater good.”
“‘The greater good,’” I repeated, then louder. “‘The greater good?’ I freaking hate the greater good, Gaspare, and if it causes a life filled with such misery, I really don’t see the point! Greater good for who? Not for me.”
He closed his eyes and shook his head wearily. “I know you can’t see it now, but we must all suffer a little sometimes to preserve what’s most valuable to us.”
My throaty laugh held no humor. “Oh, what have you suffered? I don’t see you suffering.”
He stiffened but didn’t respond directly to me. “Bay, Forster, do you two mind if I take Stella for a while? There’s someone I’d like her to meet.”
“O’ course not.” Bay said and turned to Forster. “Perhaps we could visit Rose while they’re gone.”
“Where are we going?” I snapped at Gaspare. “Who do you want me to meet?”
“It’s a surprise.” He smoothed his white button-down shirt nervously before taking my hand to trace.
“I am sorry about your mother,” he said, holding my gaze. “And your friends.” I nodded, twisting my mouth to keep it shut. I didn’t want to get into another argument with him.
Gaspare traced us to a square building just outside of town. Inside, wide hallways led to offices and roomy spaces filled with technical equipment, the purpose for which I couldn’t guess.
“What is this, some type of laboratory?”
“Yes, precisely. Just through here.” We rounded a corner and entered a lab that occupied the entire top floor of the building.
“Emelie?” he called to someone working behind a screen. She looked up and began removing a light blue lab coat and gloves as she walked toward us. She draped the coat and gloves neatly over a nearby stool and stopped near Gaspare, who beamed with delight and ran a hand around her petite shoulders.
“Stella, this is Emelie, my wife.”
Wife? Wife? When did he get a wife? My dumbfounded face certainly betrayed my shock. They both laughed, and I was so thrown off base that I laughed awkwardly, too.
Emelie’s blonde hair was pulled back into a loose ponytail, presumably for work. Her eyes were a lovely steel gray and her skin fair and flawless. She was strikingly beautiful in a very au naturale kind of way. In any kind of way, really.
“I take by your response Gaspare didn’t tell you about me before you arrived.” Her wide smile revealed pageant-caliber teeth.
“No. He didn’t.” I stared a moment longer and then located my manners. “I’m Stella.” I turned to Gaspare and shook my head. “Why would you hide her?”
“Hide? I don’t hide her.”
“Do the people of Thayer know you’re married?” I scoffed.
“No. I don’t make that public.”
“And why not?”
“Well, it’s complicated.”
“You insinuating I’m simple?”
“No! It’s just. Well, it’s a long story.”
“I don’t have dinner plans.”
“Oh, you’re right, Gaspare. I do like her,” Emelie said, laughing and flashing a brilliant smile. “She doesn’t let you have an inch!”
Gaspare looked back and forth between the two of us, satisfied pleasure practically leaking from his blue eyes.
“Fine,” he said. “We’ll tell you everything over dinner. At our house.”
“Ahhh,” I nodded playfully. “So that’s where you’ve been staying.”
Emelie and Gaspare’s home was warm, lived-in, and lovely. She collected colorful blown glass and hand-woven wool blankets, among other things, and placed the treasures strategically throughout each room. I admired the collections, making small talk as she prepared a pasta salad in the kitchen.
Gaspare had run to Thayer for business, but was expected to return within the hour.
“Where did you and my uncle meet?” I asked.
Her face lit at the thought. “Here. My family relocated during the war.” Emelie’s steel eyes darkened a bit when she said, “Gaspare helped us escape after my father was killed. My mother and brothers and I fought as long as we could. I was badly injured—would have lost my good sword arm if my true nature hadn’t helped me regenerate.” She winked and showed off a perfectly healthy arm.
“Regenerate? Is your animal form a lizard or a starfish or something?”
“Lizard? No.” Emelie threw her head back and laughed, and then caught sight of Gaspare as he entered the kitchen.
He kissed her sweetly on the mouth. “Emelie’s a skin changer. Her family was one of those targeted during The Massacre because they were different from
the general public. I knew her father, and when I heard of his death, I offered Pearl as sanctuary. They flatly refused, set on avenging him. I fell in love with Emelie the moment I saw that angelic face turn to steel. She fought with such fervor, such skill. I was afraid not just for her, but of her.”
I looked dubiously at Emelie’s petite shape, at her sweet face and unassuming demeanor.
“What, you don’t believe me?” Gaspare asked.
I shook my head.
“It’s true. She’s tough as nails.”
Emelie shrugged, grinning, and went about her salad making.
“So how did you finally talk her family into relocating to Pearl?” I asked, and immediately noticed the change in her mood.
“My brother died next,” she said, her bright eyes dulling at the tragic memory. “His loss, coupled with my father’s, was just too much. We agreed to come to Pearl for my mother.”
“I’m sorry.” I was saying that far too much lately. The more I learned of Thayer, the more I understood it wasn’t the Utopia Rowan Gresham had made it out to be when he sold me on the idea. Thayer was plagued with prejudice and bigotry, with violence and death and loss. I was beginning to think no place was perfect; that maybe the world I came from was just as good in its own way.
“It was a long time ago,” she said.
“So your ancestry, the fact you’re a skin changer, is why you’re here now instead of Thayer? Is that why you never introduced her to Thayer, Gaspare?”
Gaspare shook his head. “Not exactly,” he said.
“Time to eat,” Emelie announced, and we moved our conversation to the dining room.
“When Gaspare brought you to meet me, you saw my lab.”
I nodded.
“I understand you and I share a love of science. Genetics, specifically, is my passion. I’ve been working on something for a very long time. It’s important to me, but wouldn’t go over well in Thayer. I could go back to Thayer, though it would affect Gaspare’s approval ratings,” she said with a wink. “But I choose to remain in Pearl for my work. And of course, Gaspare must remain PM for all of our safety. There’s never a guarantee that the next leader will be one of the good guys, you know?”