by T L Swan
“Hi,” he says lightly.
I twist my hands in front of me nervously. “Hi.”
“You didn’t tell me you were a science geek.”
I smile awkwardly. “Trying to hide it.” I grip the strap of my handbag with white knuckle force.
Brock smiles flatly and scratches his head. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”
My eyes hold his. “What about?”
He steps back onto his back foot as if frustrated. “Tully, I just want to talk to you for two minutes. Can we get a drink or something?”
“No.” I glance over to the road. “I have to catch my bus.”
“I can drive you home, if you want.”
I swallow the lump in my throat. I don’t want him to know where I live. “No, that’s okay. Thanks, anyway.”
He drops his head, defeated. “You’re not going to get over this, are you?”
“Brock,” I whisper.
“I’m sorry, okay, I didn’t know.”
I stare at him.
“I hate that I made you feel dirty,” he says sadly.
I watch him, unsure of what to say.
“I can’t stop thinking about it. It’s fucking with my head.”
I exhale heavily. “It wasn’t you.”
“It was, you said so yourself.”
“No, Brock. I said I am disgusted with myself.”
His eyes search mine.
“I don’t blame you at all. I asked for it, begged for it, actually.” I shrug. “I just don’t like the way it made me feel after, that’s all.”
He picks up my hand and holds it in his. “You’re the first girl I’ve dug in forever.”
“But I know I’m not the first girl you’ve fucked in forever.” I pull my hand from his grip.
He frowns.
“Brock, we’re just wired differently.” I smile sadly. “And that’s okay. That’s what makes you, you, and what makes me, me.”
He stares at me as if trying to understand. “Why haven’t you been back to the gym?”
“I cancelled my membership.”
His face falls. “What? You hate me that much?”
“I don’t hate you.” I shake my head. “I just don’t trust myself with you.”
“Why not?”
“Because you are stupid hot.”
He smiles, almost shyly. “You know...” He glances up, pausing and drawing in a breath before he finally decides to say whatever’s on his mind. “That vanilla sex you think you need… it’s never going to do it for you.”
I raise my eyebrow. “You’re giving me sex advice now?”
“Tully.” He sighs and scowls slightly. “I know it’s not going to happen for us now. I’ve fucked that up. I’ve been thinking about what you said, and you were right: we are wired too different.”
“Why do you think we’re so different?” I ask.
He shrugs. “I want to have fun, and you want to be serious and good.”
I clench my jaw in annoyance. That’s not true. I want fun, too.
“But I want to tell you something, and please, don’t take it the wrong way.”
For fuck’s sake. What’s he talking about now?
“I know women’s bodies.”
I roll my eyes in disgust. Isn’t that the filthy truth.
“No, hear me out. You need to know… you’re naturally submissive during sex.”
My eyes meet his.
“Vanilla, passive sex will never do it for you.” He shrugs. “It just won’t.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about. I love normal sex, Brock, in a bed with someone I love.”
“Maybe, but you also need to be taken and loved hard. You enjoyed it ,Tully. I know you did. You came so hard you nearly snapped my dick off. Why don’t you just admit the truth to yourself?” His eyes hold mine.
I smile sympathetically. He just doesn’t get it. He never will. “Is it all about the sex for you?” I sigh. “Is that really all that matters?”
“No.” He frowns, reaching for my hand. “I’m just telling the truth.”
“Your truth and my truth are two different things. We will never see eye to eye on this subject. We can only ever be friends and I’m okay with that.” I pull away from him.
“I don’t want you to hate me.”
“I don’t, this is about me, not you.” I smirk. “You’re way too hot to hate.”
He gives me a slow, sexy smile.
“See you later.” I turn and walk towards the bus stop.
“Tully Pocket!” he calls. “It was fun, hey?”
I turn and smile at him, walking backwards towards the bus top. “Have a nice life, Brock Marx.” I blow him a kiss and he smiles, catching it and slapping it against his cheek.
I laugh and turn back away from him one last time, walking away with renewed vigour. It’s a bittersweet moment in my life.
Mainly because it was the last time I saw Brock Marx.
Chapter 7
Six Weeks Later
I lie back and direct my face to the sun, feeling the warmth of the vitamin D sinking into my skin.
This is the life. I’m carefree and having the summer of my life.
“I need to get some laser,” Callie grumbles to herself as she inspects her bikini line around the edges of her pink bikini. She glances over at me. “When are you due again? We should go together.”
I frown as I think. “I just had it. I’m not going back for ages.”
“I wish I had the money to get my vagina zapped by an electric current that would paralyse the hair follicles,” Meredith says, her voice monotone as she lies on her towel next to me.
“You should get a job,” Callie tells her, lying back on her towel and closing her eyes.
“I’ve been thinking about becoming a prostitute,” Meredith says seriously.
“What? Why?” Callie frowns, horror etching her features.
“Well, duh.” Meredith widens her eyes, calling Callie stupid without actually saying the words aloud. “You get paid to have sex with men.”
I smile with my eyes closed. Somehow, and I honestly, really don’t know how, Callie and I have adopted Meredith. Our twosome has now become a group of three. Meredith is actually kooky, funny, and gives us hours of entertainment.
We don’t know her diagnosis, but we know she is somewhere on the spectrum. We have gotten used to her lack of brain-to-mouth filter, and underneath all of those highly inappropriate comments, there’s a young woman who is just doing the best she can. She’s a good person, and both Callie and I feel protective over her because we know how hard she has been done to over the years. We both feel that we are all Meredith has in her life now. There is a reason she met us.
Her mother is somewhere on the spectrum, too, which hasn’t helped the situation. Meredith had no guidance at all on what is appropriate to say out loud to people.
The three of us are currently at Bondi Beach. It’s 3:00 p.m. on a perfectly sunny Saturday. The beach is packed, and music is playing from the bar across the road.
“Are you a virgin, Meredith?” I ask, curious as to why she’s always wanting so much sex.
“No,” she answers casually.
Callie and I both sit up, resting on our elbows as we watch her. “Who did you have sex with?” I ask, surprised.
“Frank.”
“Who’s Frank?” Callie asks.
“He’s the cleaner of our building.”
My mouth falls open. “What the heck, Meredith?”
“But it’s a secret.”
“Why?”
“Because Frank has sort of got a girlfriend.”
Callie and I look at each other, shocked. “So, you slept with him when you knew he had a sort-of girlfriend?”
“Yep. In the broom closet, in the basement.”
“Meredith,” Callie groans. “You can’t sleep with someone when you know they have a girlfriend.”
“But his girlfriend is Peachy Sue. She doesn’t care.”
>
I curl my nose up. “Peachy Sue? Who is Peachy Sue?”
“She lives on level one.” Meredith smiles up at the sun, completely relaxed. “She sleeps with men for money.”
Callie and I look at each other again, our eyes getting wider and wider. “A prostitute lives downstairs?” I dare myself to ask Meredith.
“Yeah, and they call her Peachy Sue because her vagina is as soft as a peach. Frank says it’s juicy like a peach, too.”
I fall back on the sand, exasperated. “So, Frank fucked you because his girlfriend fucks other men.”
“That’s right.”
“Do you still fuck him?” Callie asks, fascinated.
“No.” She lies still for a moment. “I used to, a lot, but I’m not doing that anymore.”
“Why not?”
“Because he keeps ejaculating in my mouth and I don’t like the taste of it.”
A giggle bubbles up in my chest.
“I think I want to do what Peachy Sue does,” Meredith says.
“Why?”
“Because I’m horny all the time.”
“God, me, too.” I sit up and dust the sand from my legs and I put my hair up into a bun on the top of my head. “That damn gym junkie has ruined me. What I wouldn’t give to be…” My voice trails off. “I’m a sex-starved nympho.” I look out over the people swimming in the water. “My phone vibrating in my pocket nearly gives me an orgasm these days.”
“What’s a nympho?” Meredith asks.
“Someone who wants to have sex a lot,” I reply.
“Then I’m a sex-starved nympho, too,” she says seriously.
“Why don’t you just get a boyfriend, Meredith?” I ask.
She shrugs. “I don’t know anyone who wants to be my boyfriend.”
Callie looks at me quizzically, and I shrug back at her. We’ve been debating on whether or not to take her on a night out with us. We have no idea how she is going to handle social situations. The crazy thing is that you get used to her weirdness. It’s actually endearing.
“Maybe you should come out clubbing with us sometime,” Callie suggests casually.
Meredith’s eyes widen. “Could I?”
I smile. “Of course you can.” I think for a moment. “You can wear my clothes, and we will do your hair and stuff.” Because God knows, we can’t take her out in her own clothes.
“Will I find a boyfriend?” she asks.
I giggle. “Hopefully.”
Callie sits up with renewed vigour. “Come on, girls, let’s go. I’ve got an idea.”
“What?” I frown up at her.
“We’re going to the sex shop to buy some big, hardcore dildos.” She stands and flicks out her towel. “I’ve had enough with this being horny business. Let’s take this into our own hands… literally.”
Meredith’s eyes find mine. “What’s a hardcore dildo?”
Callie smiles mischievously. “Come on and I’ll show you.”
One hour later
Meredith frowns as she studies the huge dildo circling around and vibrating in her hand. “Are you sure that’s what you do with it?” she asks innocently.
“Oh, yes.” Callie smirks. “Completely sure.”
“You just stick it up there?” Meredith pushes it up in the air and frowns.
“Yes.” I smile. This is hilarious. “But you have to use lube, too.”
“Lube?”
“It’s a cream that you put on your vagina to make you wet. It means it doesn’t hurt and just slides right in.”
Meredith is completely fascinated as she watches the huge black dildo swirling in her hands. “I wish I knew about this before we went to the beach.”
“Why?” I ask.
“Because this would have been great to do on my towel.”
I put my hands over my face and laugh.
“God’s sake,” Callie snaps as she snatches it out of Meredith’s hands. “You don’t take it everywhere with you. It’s not a book.” She looks at me in disgust. “It’s for at home when you’re in bed.”
Meredith nods. “Okay. I get it.” She thinks for a moment. “Or for the broom closet.”
“Yes,” Callie says. “Private times only.”
We all get one and head to the counter where the cashier rings up our purchases. “Do you need batteries?” the cashier asks.
Meredith glances at Callie and me in question.
“Yes, please,” Callie answers.
I look at the packets of batteries on the counter. Screw it, I don’t want to run out in the middle of something. I pick up four packets for myself, and I hand the other two a packet each.
Meredith reads the instructions on the vibrator’s packaging, frowning when she then looks down at my four packets of batteries. “If you’re going to masturbate for three whole weeks, you need to take time off work,” she tells me loudly.
“Shh.” I look around the shop. I snatch my paper bag from the cashier and nearly run out of the shop doors.
I hear Callie laughing behind me. Buying this shit is always appalling, but buying dildos with Meredith is horrifying.
It’s midnight and I’m alone in the quiet of my bedroom. It’s this time of night that my mind plays tricks on me. I begin to overanalyse and think about things I shouldn’t be thinking about. Reaching over, I take my vibrator and lubricant out of my drawer. I turn the light off and I get comfortable in my bed.
I don’t let myself think about him in the daylight hours, but at night, in circumstances like this, I have no choice.
Brock.
Beautiful Brock.
It’s ironic really, the man who made me feel dirty is the very same man that I fantasise about when I’m alone.
His words have repeated over and over in my head a thousand times in the last six weeks.
“I know women’s bodies… You’re naturally submissive...”
I can see his face so clearly when he said it. I really don’t think he was trying to upset me, but why did he have to plant those thoughts in my mind at all?
Was he warning me?
What he giving me a message that he thought I needed to know?
“Vanilla, passive sex will never do it for you. It just won’t.”
I frown as I remember our conversation. I wish it hadn’t happened. I really do, because it’s planted a seed—an evil seed—that is growing and festering inside of me.
“You need to be taken and loved hard. You loved it, Tully? I know you did. You came so hard that you nearly snapped my dick off. Why don’t you just admit the truth to yourself?”
Was he right? For ten minutes, I lie in the silence and ponder his words. I’ve thought about them a lot. I wish I hadn’t been annoyed with him at the time for saying it. I could have asked him more questions. I could have got him to explain things to me.
Why did he feel the need to warn me about my own body? Am I that inexperienced that I don’t even know what I need? It’s all so confusing. I pick up the vibrator, put it under the blankets, and I open my legs.
I close my eyes and think of him.
My heart races, my legs quiver, and for just a moment, I let myself believe that he’s here with me.
Brock
I fall to the mattress with Tara giggling as she lies down beside me, while Kylie falls from her hands and knees to be by my other side. My heart races out of control from the orgasm I’ve just had. With a girl under each arm, I close my sleepy eyes. I’m exhausted. We’ve been at it for hours. Our legs are a tangled mess, each of us covered in a sheen of perspiration.
I always have fun here. These are two of the most beautiful girls I’ve ever met. They’re wired like me. The three of us have been hooking up casually for months.
The last few times, though, something’s been off.
Kylie kisses my chest and closes her eyes. Tara runs her hand through my hair and mumbles something sleepily right before she falls asleep, too.
I bite my bottom lip and stare up at the ceiling above me.
What is it?
Why do I have this off feeling every time I have sex?
I’ve been getting around a bit—more than I normally do, actually.
One girl, two girls, twins… Hell, I even did three at once the other night.
It seems like I’m searching for the reason; trying to gain some kind of perspective as to why I’m feeling unhinged lately.
I used to go out, have fun, pick up on the way home, fuck hard, and then wake up feeling like a million dollars.
But not lately.
My mind goes to Tully at once, and her sharp words come back to the forefront of my mind.
You make me feel dirty.
I get a vision of her and my stomach tightens.
I wonder what she’s doing right now?
Tara snuggles against my chest. It makes me frown. I don’t want to be here.
I slowly peel the girls off of me, and I climb out of the bed. Normally, I would stay the night and have more of both of them for breakfast before I leave in the morning.
I walk into the bathroom, flick the light on, and I stare at my reflection in the mirror. My hair is wild, my face flushed, and my cock’s still semi-hard.
I just blew five time. I should be relaxed to a near comatosed state.
So, why aren’t I?
You make me feel dirty.
Five words have never stung so much.
I scratch my head in frustration and go outside to the spa bath to retrieve my clothes. I get a vision of myself sitting on the side of the spa as the girls took turns sucking my cock.
Jesus.
I walk inside and pull my jeans up as I look at the two beautiful women asleep, naked on the bed.
What the fuck’s going on with me?
I throw on my shirt and shoes, grab my keys, and quietly leave.
Once in my car, I pull out into the night, winding the window down to let the wind run through my hair.
There are no cars on the road at 3:00 a.m. but I don’t want to go home just yet.
I drive to the beach, park my car, get out and walk down to the sand. I sit for a while with my hands over my knees, and then I finally lie back to rest on my elbows, just watching the waves roll in. The sea breeze blows across my face, and I run my hand through the sand as I stare into the night.