by Lisa Page
Charlotte looked at Josie to see if she would explain and when she didn’t respond, she said, âJosie has told me she’s made up her mind. She’s decided that she is going to marry a rancher named Sam who lives in Texas. They’ve been corresponding with each other for quite some time and have, apparently, fallen in love, so Josie says.â
âI do love him,â Josie interrupted, âI feel that he we are meant to be together. The trip I’ll be taking is to Texas, where I’ll marry him. But you needn’t have to pay for anything; Sam will take care of the arrangements.â
George looked at Josie as if she had three eyes. His mouth was gaping open and he looked from Josie to her mother and back again. âThis isn’t a joke? She’s serious? Josie, how can you possibly be serious about getting married?â He spit the word out as if it were a curse.
âI’m eighteen now, it’s my right, my choice, and it’s one I’ve given a lot of thought to.â
âBut you have the perfect life here, and your mother is here. Texas is very far away you know.â
Not far enough, Josie thought to herself. How dare he tell her that she had the perfect life. She could feel her blood pressure rising as he tried to convince her to stay.
âDo you not know how beautiful you are, Josie? You’ll have local men fighting for your hand, why go off to marry someone so far away, to a man you’ve never met?â
âYou wouldn’t understand if I tried to explain it to you. I hate being beautiful. It is a curse and I don’t want men ‘fighting’ for my hand who only want me for my looks. Beauty fades…what happens to me when I age and am no longer beautiful, will I still be a great prize? I want someone who wants me for me. The real me. This was the only way for that to happen. I know Sam, I know his soul, I love him without caring a bit what he looks like and he feels the same way about me.â
Josie did not give George a chance to respond. She turned around and left the parlor and went straight to her room without looking back. She locked her door, plopped on her bed. She missed her father terribly at that moment and would have given anything to have him back to hold her in his arms and to have him protect her. He was the only one who never told her that she was pretty, he said that much was obvious. But without fail, every night, after bedtime prayers, he would tell her that she was smart and good and kind and to always remember that being beautiful on the inside was more important than physical beauty. If only she could have one more day with him…She buried her face into her pillow and cried.
mn
Finally coming out and telling her mother the truth about George as well as her plan to marry Sam had been cathartic for Josie. She felt a weight lifted off of her chest, yet at the same time there was a new kind of burden, that of the elephant in the room. At first, after the announcement, though her mother told her she wouldn’t stand in the way of Josie’s decision, life just seemed to go on as normal, as if they thought it just a phase and Josie would change her mind. It wasn’t spoken of at all. Dinners consisted of pleasant, if not awkward, conversation and the few times Josie attempted to bring it up, it was met with a âwe’ll discuss it laterâ or an abrupt change of subject. George continued to make her feel uncomfortable, even more so, to Josie’s dismay. Except for dinner, she tried to spend the majority of time in her bedroom.
So on they went, with this elephant in the room, not addressing it, until at last Josie announced that she was not going to finish out the school term. She hated the awkward loneliness she felt in school and, academically was beyond even the schoolmaster at this point. She was self-taught in most subjects and was a voracious reader. Though she loved learning and reading, she hated being at that school and wished instead to spend her last days at home with her mother and packing for her new life in Texas.
George and Charlotte had no choice but to accept Josie’s decision. Time seemed to drag on. Josie was beyond excited to meet Sam in person and couldn’t wait to be free of George yet she wanted to relish the time with her mother. They had a new traveling dress made for her, as well as a few dresses that would be appropriate to wear for a housewife working on the ranch. A few times she would sink into a bout of anxiety, worried that if truth be told, she knew little of what life on a ranch entailed. From what she knew, depending on the size and income of the ranch, she could be headed for an easy life as a wealthy rancher’s wife or a life of drudgery if the ranch was struggling and unsuccessful. She wasn’t sure exactly where the Dawson ranch fit into on that scale. One thing that came across through his letters was that Sam was extremely modest. He mentioned he wasn’t very smart, yet the intelligence and writing skill he had spoke otherwise. What if it was a life of drudgery that life had in store for her? Or worse, what if it didn’t work out? These were questions that consumed her. But she calmed herself by reading her father’s Bible and Sam’s love letters to her. They gave her reassurance that as long as she was with someone who loved her, she didn’t care where she was or how hard she’d have to work to help her husband.
She was enjoying spending time with her mother during the days and was graceful that her mother didn’t put up a fight at her decision to quit school. When George was gone, Josie felt like she could be herself, that she and her mother got along better, laughing and talking. She was able to do that because she forgave her mother for not confronting George about the way he treated her…for choosing him. But thought it hurt her, she also understood why her mother had done it. George had saved her from the brink, when she was in that very dark place. She was afraid that if she lost him, she’d revert back to that place. So she forgave her mother so the two of them could enjoy the time they had left together. Then George would get home and it would get awkward. He would greet Josie with a kiss, though she tried to duck away, or a touch of her hair, or hold her hand a little too long. Charlotte would look away, pretending not to notice. He’d stare at Josie at dinner and always try to hug her when she excused herself when dinner was through.
She was thankful for the escape of her room and her books. She had a heavy heart knowing that she wouldn’t be able to bring all of them with her. She would have to choose a few of her favorites to pack. In her bedroom was a set of French doors that led out to a small balcony. On nice evenings, she loved to sit outside and escape. Just sitting, daydreaming or looking at all the stars and feeling so small in the vast universe. She knew that it was one thing she would miss terribly when she left for the ranch and wondered what the scenery in Texas, it was hard to picture just by Sam’s descriptions; he had said there was wide open land where the cattle roamed free and the ranch was set in on a small hill. She knew that wide open spaces meant a wonderful view of the night sky and hoped there would be a porch with a swing and to sit with Sam and view of the stars.
It was on a beautiful evening only a couple of days from leaving that she decided to spend some time enjoying that balcony. She’d finished dinner and most of her packing was done, so there was time to relax. As she sat on the swing, thinking about Sam and what her life on the ranch would be like, she heard a noise coming from behind her, in her bedroom. She quickly turned around and through the doors she had a sudden fear sweep through her body as she saw that George had entered her room and was standing on the other side of the door. She was angry at herself for forgetting to lock her bedroom door.
Adrenaline kicked in and she jumped up, trying to close the door that separated them. But he was too fast, and stopped her. âI’m sorry to interrupt you,â he said in that fake polite voice that made her skin crawl. âI just know that you’ll be leaving soon and thought it would be nice to spend some time with you before you go. Don’t you agree?â He said it in a way that inferred it wasn’t a question but a statement. It gave her goosebumps, though she tried to hide her fear.
âYes, but this isn’t a good time and you’ve startled me by coming into my quarters unexpectedly.â
âThere have been no opportunities for us…â
S
he stared at him with eyes of steel. âI eat dinner with you in the dining room every night. Anything you need to say to me can be said there, in front of my mother.â Josie was amazed by the force in her voice and didn’t know from whence it came. Inside, her stomach was in knots and she could feel her palms perspiring.
âI meant opportunities for us to have a chance to be alone. Haven’t you wanted to be alone with me?â
He stared at her with the look that she despised. But then the look changed; it was pleading…desperate. Josie tried to get past him, but he stopped her, grabbing her arm.
âLet go of me!â Josie demanded.
âYou’re not mature enough yet, you know nothing of desire. The last thing I would ever do is hurt you, Josie.â With his hand still on her arm, the other one came up to gently brush against her cheek. His hot breath was in her face.
âIf you wish not to hurt me, let me go! This is absurd!â
She wondered if she should scream, but suddenly she felt frozen. His grasp moved from her arm to around her waist and he was pulling her closer. She slapped him hard on his cheek.
Suddenly the door burst open, and Elsa came in. âMiss Josephine, your mother sent me to help you with your packing.â
Thank the good Lord, Josie silently prayed as George released his grasp and she stepped away from him.
âThank you, Elsa, this is the perfect time for your help,â Josie said, noting a flash of sympathy in Elsa’s eyes.
George said nothing more before bolting out of the room, holding one hand on his face. Josie let out a whimper and crumpled down on the bed.
âHe didn’t hurt you, did he Miss Josie?â Elsa asked. âI’ve been keeping an eye on him since that night I caught him peeping in your room. I kept him away, but tonight, I was downstairs…your mother wanted me to make a lemon cake for your party tomorrow. I’m so sorry, child!â
âI’m fine, Elsa, thank you! Your timing was perfect.â
Even though he was gone, Josie was overcome by a flood of emotions and gave in to a flow of tears. Elsa sat next to her on the bed, comforting her. âYou are going to be so happy with Sam. You deserve a man who will treat you with kindness and respect.â
âOh, Elsa, I’m so worried for my mother. You don’t think he would ever hurt her, do you?â
âNo, he loves your mother.â
âYou’ve been with him for a long time. How did his first wife die?â
âNot by his hand if that’s what you’re hinting at child. She died of scarlet fever, rest her soul. She was a pretty one, too. He loves your mother but he’s…well let’s just say he’s a man of ‘desires’ which is why I felt I had to protect you. But I’ve been with him for many years and know too much about him for him to get rid of me.â She smiled at Josie. âSo I will be here for you and I will watch out for your mother. I promise.â
âThank you, Elsa. I can never repay you for your kindness and your help. If it wasn’t for you, I would have never had the chance to correspond with Sam, we would have never fell in love.â
âYour happiness is all the payment I need, child.â Elsa patted Josie on the back and then getting up, she added, âNow make sure that you lock your door behind me. I will try to keep an eye on him but I don’t want him sneaking back here, feeling rebuked.â
âI will, Elsa, and thanks again.â
Elsa smiled kindly at Josie before leaving. Two more days, Josie thought.
The next day, Josie noticed that there was a red mark upon George’s cheek, a remnant of her slap. She was slightly shocked as she didn’t realize that she’d hit him that hard. It was very obvious and she wondered if her mother had noticed or had asked him about it. Elsa made her favorite dinner and her famous lemon cake for dessert was a special touch that Josie greatly appreciated. She got to bed early after a special time of prayers with her mother. Together they prayed for a safe journey for Josie while she secretly prayed for her mother’s well-being. She slept soundly and peacefully on her last night at home. The next morning she would be leaving on a long train ride from Pennsylvania to Texas.
The train ride was even longer than she’d imagined. She had a lot of time to think. About her father and how different her life would have been if he were still alive, about her mother, and how she would miss her. But she could not be responsible for her mother’s choices, she could only be responsible for her own. She was thankful that Elsa would keep an eye on her mother and update her as needed and that her mother had actually agreed to a visit the next summer, without George. Other than that thought, she did not waste her precious time on thoughts of George.
She finally arrived at Cactus Creek after her long journey. She didn’t have any idea that she would be as nervous as she was to meet her new husband. Her heart was racing and her mouth felt like it was full of cotton. But when she stepped off the train, she saw him right away and their eyes met. It was really Sam!
He ran to meet her and lifter her off the ground and spun her around as she laughed, losing his hat in the process. He set her down and looked at her. It was a look filled with joy and she could tell that he was pleased with her appearance. âI know the last thing you want to hear is a comment on your looks, but Josie, you take my breath away. You are my pretty bride and I can’t believe you’re finally here!â he said happily. He said it in such a sweet, endearing way that it bother her at all.
âWere you nervous?â he asked her.
âOf course not! Well, maybe a little bit. The ride was long and gave me lots of time to think.â
âYou’re not having second thoughts on me know, are you?â he joked, his green eyes twinkling.
She thought he was handsome, though she would have loved him no matter what he looked like. He was tall with dark hair, a square jaw and a nose that was a little too wide for his face but gave him character. He had a day’s worth of stubble and looked just as how she pictured a rugged cowboy to look.
âWelcome to Cactus Creek. Not much to see, just a place where we get our supplies from. We won’t be here long before heading to the ranch.â
And Sam was right, they weren’t there long. Just long enough for a stop at the Justice of the Peace to make it legal. Samuel Dawson and Josephine Birch were pronounced husband and wife and Josie’s heart raced as Sam embraced her and their lips met for the first time. It was the first time she’d ever been kissed so she didn’t have anything to compare it to, though she thought it was wonderful. Then, before she knew it, they were in Sam’s wagon on the way to the ranch.
The ride to the ranch was a happy time that Josie wished would never end. They had gotten to know each other so well through their letters, it was like seeing an old friend again. They had shared so much they didn’t feel as if the other was a stranger. Josie couldn’t imagine the brides who wanted to get married right away after only one letter from the groom. She took in the stunning scenery; the rolling hills, the wildflowers and the country air invigorated her.
She knew from his letters that his brother, Luke, had come to stay with him and help out at the ranch and he had an old Irish cook, Murphy, who’d been there since his Pa was running the place and also knew there were a few ranch hands, but other than that, she’d be the only female there. Josie was fine with that, as she’d never got along much with the other girls at her school, though she did always wish for a close girlfriend. But now she had her best friend, Sam, with her, and that was all she cared about. She still felt a bit nervous, but it was more of an excited nervous. Her stomach was filled with butterflies rather than a sickening lump. She felt like she was beginning the adventure of a lifetime.
Sitting next to Sam on the buckboard, she knew she’d made the right choice. She watched his hands as they held the reins, they were strong and tanned; the hands of a hard worker. She boldly put her arm through his and he looked at her and smiled. It was hard to believe that she was a
married woman now.
âSam, I want you to know, as I’ve already told you in my letters, I’m more than willing to help you with whatever needs done around the ranch. I’ve been a seamstress, laundress, can cook and am not afraid to get my hands dirty if I can help with any of the ranch hands’ chores.â
She could see his lips curl up into a smile. âWhoa, hold your horses there, Mrs. Dawson. You know that I’m in love with you and didn’t bring you out here looking for someone to work on my ranch. I want you to be my wife, and my wife is the lady of the ranch. I’ll let you do the sewing and mending, I never did have much skill with needles, and you can help Murphy with the cooking and fetching water and the cleaning of the house. But I’m lucky to have enough men to help me run the ranch, so you don’t have to worry about that.â
She smiled and gave his arm a squeeze.
âI told you that my brother, Luke, is staying at the ranch, so I’m glad you’ll get the chance to meet him. Ever since Ma and Pa died, he’s been a roaming tumbleweed, working as a cowboy here and there, and probably in more gambling houses and saloons than he should be. Come to think about it, I guess he’s been that way even before Ma and Pa died, that’s probably why Pa left the ranch to me. But he’ll come around, eventually, I hope. Maybe it will take the love of a good woman to settle him down.â
Josie felt a twinge of jealousy that Sam had a sibling. She always wished for a brother to have someone to relate to who would ease her loneliness. But she’d always feel guilty for wishing for a sibling when it was because of her birth that her mother almost died and could have no more children. She wondered if she and Sam would have children of their own someday; the thought of her mother’s experience made her extremely fearful of the whole idea.
When they finally got to the ranch, the sun was setting, framing the ranch in a beautiful pink orange light as they pulled up and Josie got the view of her home for the first time. There were posts on the drive leading up to the house bearing the words, ‘Dawson Hill Ranch’.