by Jackson Kane
“I’m so sorry, Mom.” I coughed out the words when I could breathe again. “I love you.”
“I know.” She said, pulling away slightly to wipe her face. “We’re both really bad at this whole fighting thing.”
“This isn’t a skill I want to practice a lot of.” When I pulled my face from her shoulder I saw that my ruined make up had stained her hospital gown. I’d completely forgotten I was wearing it. So much had already happened today. “I think I ruined your hospital gown.”
“Crap. Looks like I’m going to have to cancel that hot date with the cute doctor I saw in the hall.” She blew her nose, wiped her face again, and smiled at me through puffy red eyes. “You look really pretty. I mean before, when you came in. I meant to tell you before we left the house, but I don’t think I ever did.”
“Now I probably look like a circus clown.” I chuckled, feeling the flush of endorphins at not being so hurt or angry anymore.
“Not a clown, no. You’re missing the wig and nose.” Mom scooted over on her bed to make room for me beside her, instead of awkwardly leaning. “Sit down. I’ll tell you everything.”
“All the flattering details?” I asked, laying down and cuddling up next to her.
“Of course.” Mom filled me in on when she’d found the lump and told me what they’d done so far. I tried not to be too frightened by all of it, but couldn’t help bunching up the blankets with my fists. Mom injected so much levity into her retelling of her ‘foray into prods and pokes’ as she called it, that it didn’t feel as hopeless as it could have.
It was good that she didn’t have a neighbor in the room yet. I could’ve only imagined what they’d have thought of the passionate and irreverent way we talked about things that scared us. Some people were super mournful when bad things like this happened. Other people were incredibly optimistic. We used silly humor to make us feel better. We were a weird family, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
“They emailed me for another audition,” I said in the exhausting lull after she’d fully caught me up.
“That’s great!” Mom perked up again, straightening in the bed. “When are you going in?”
“I’m not,” I replied, slumping a little lower and avoiding her gaze.
“Autumn…” Mom gave me that look. “I appreciate the sentiment, I really do. You’re the sweetest daughter in the world. But. If they reached out to you, then they’re interested. You’d be crazy not to at least try!”
“No. I’ve given this a lot of thought!” I protested. “I’d rather be here with you during all this.”
“Well I don’t want you here.” Mom crossed her arms defiantly; trying to play the mother-makes-the-rules card. “You’re going to completely cramp my style.”
“Are you talking about the silver fox with the blue eyes?” I raised an eyebrow at her, then laughed. “You have no chance with that guy.”
“What?” Mom gasped, insulted. “You shut your whore-mouth!”
“Mom, McSteamy out there is totally gay. You were mostly unconscious when they wheeled you in here, you didn’t see the way he was flirting with the cop earlier.”
“Damn. Why do I always fall for the gay guys?” Mom’s face screwed up with disappointment, then reset as she as abruptly remembered what she was talking about. “You should go to that audition! This could be a huge opportunity for you. Remember how excited you were when you got cast in that last movie?”
“I was. That was before they tried to kill me.” I frowned. Seeing Mom’s face grow red at the thought of me being put in that kind of danger made me quickly add, “That day made me realize I’m not cut out for all that, at least not now. I like what I’m doing and my channel is growing. Soon I’ll be making enough for you not to have to work all nine of your jobs. Maybe only like one or two.”
“Oh to dare to dream…” Mom waxed on wistfully, before taking on more of a serious tone again. “Take some more time to think it over and make sure that whatever you do it’s for the right reasons. I’ll support you either way.”
I smiled and nodded, then hugged her again.
“Hello? Is this where they keep the wounded badgers?” Aunt Paula called out from the room’s entrance. She wasn’t my biological aunt of course; her name wasn’t nearly silly enough to belong in the Moore family by birth. She was just Mom’s best friend, and our constant house guest.
We did the rounds of hugs and greetings. Paula was a little taller than us and on the stockier side, but had glorious dirty blond hair and bigger boobs than both Mom and I combined. They were high school friends that never outgrew each other. She basically moved in for a few years to help my Mom take care of me when Dad left.
It turned out that Paula knew about the cancer the day Mom found the lump. Mom’s face scrunched up when she told me, figuring that I’d be upset at being the last to know. On the contrary, I was relieved. I obviously wanted to know, but the thing that frightened me most was that she had been going through it alone. Knowing that she had Paula’s help made me feel a bit better about her not telling me.
Stage one caught early enough was very treatable and had a high survivability rate. Hearing that from Paula calmed me down even more than when the doctor told me. It didn’t feel as insurmountable anymore. The next few months were going to be uncertain and painful, but there was hope. Real hope!
While they talked about Mom’s ever growing schedule of tests I took the opportunity to slip into the bathroom to pee. I desperately wanted to splash cold water on my face, but didn’t knowing that it would only spread my makeup more. My eyes were a red rimmed, puffy mess. There was a little smoky smudging on my cheeks, but no dramatic streaking. All-in-all, my makeup surprisingly held up pretty well.
I scoffed at myself. Who cares about makeup in a hospital?
I was running my hands under cold water, just quietly processing everything when there was a knock on the bathroom door. Drying off my hands I opened it to see the same young nurse that helped move us out of the ER and into one of the actual rooms upstairs. She discretely asked me to join her in the hallway to clear up a small records issue.
“There was a problem with your mom’s insurance card.” She said, quietly by just outside the room’s door. “It keeps coming up as expired; does she have another form of insurance or an updated plan?”
“That’s impossible! My mom’s worked at the bank since…” A small island lodged in my throat. They dropped her down to part time. Her and everyone else in her department! Probably so they wouldn’t have to pay for benefits or most importantly—insurance.
Those fucking bastards!
A revelation dawned on me, making me feel like the worst daughter in history.
There was no Hawaii. No boyfriend either.
Mom realized something was wrong and knew how expensive this was all going to be. That’s why she worked crazy hours and saved as much money as she could. The weight loss, the distant worry in her eyes when she didn’t know I was looking… All the signs were there.
How could I not see that?
Using the wall as support I walked over to a nearby chair, collapsing into it. A swell of lightheadedness made my legs weak. I thought about how expensive all those tests were and how many more months she had ahead of her. I’d heard stories of people having to pay out upwards of eighty-thousand dollars for treatment. And those people had insurance.
We were so fucked. How were we going to pay for all this?
The nurse went over our limited options with me. There were a few charity organizations that could help, but the waiting list for those were staggering. There were always loans, but Mom would never go for that. She worked in a bank and knew all about the crushing realities that came with the high interest rates.
My head sagged into my waiting hand. I pinched the stud in my left ear to the point of pain, but not even that seemed to help at all. Mom and Paula’s laughs echoed out of the room, making me feel even crappier that I was so selfish earlier. The nurse was eventually called a
way, which was fine. I didn’t have anything to say to her anyways.
There was one long shot.
The anxiety of the idea crept into my ear like tiny black spiders, until I felt it crawling around all over my brain. I knew what I had to do, despite how much my lungs twisted in my chest. If there was even the smallest chance I had to at least try; for her sake. I pulled out my phone and dug through my emails.
Shit! I deleted the audition info and confirmation.
Think! OK. The audition was at a baseball stadium. That was easy. There was only one notable stadium in Boston. As for the time and date…I was drawing a complete blank. I knew it was soon, but that was all I could remember.
I cracked my knuckles and put my detective hat on. Being both a millennial and a professional blogger, I lived online. If there was anyone best suited to find when this audition was happening, it was me. I checked the stadium’s website first, browsing their schedule, and then moved on to other affiliate sites.
If Lionhouse was doing casting there, then they were probably actively filming that day, otherwise they’d use a far cheaper place to do it, like a hotel or even a brick and mortar casting company just outside the city. So that ruled out days in which the baseball team had practices and games. It would most likely be a weekday too, because most filming crews had more or less regular work hours. I also excluded charity events, school trips and a few other factors which narrowed the available audition window to a few days in the next two weeks.
It wasn’t much, but it was a start.
Was I really planning on crashing a casting audition for a major motion picture for a job that I didn’t even want in the first place? I took a deep breath and exhaled. Would Mom have done anything less for me?
Chapter 7
Dante
I would’ve loved to see her at any other time, but not now. Not on this show.
Autumn absently rubbed the stud in her left ear as she meticulously labored over her script, repeating parts over and over with slightly different intonation. She was clearly nervous. I couldn’t help, but smirk at that. If she thought this audition was nerve-wracking she had no idea what was in store for her if she got the part.
Autumn paced anxiously in the open-air parking lot across the street from Fenway stadium, quietly reciting her lines, and oblivious to everything else—especially me.
I sat in a gray Mustang rental along the back wall and watched her. It’d been a few days since meeting with the Lionhouse execs. Most of the unbridled rage had passed, but the harsh truths still loomed over me like a storm cloud.
A hard rain was going to fall and another naïve actress was going to be swallowed up by it. There was a real chance it would be Autumn. The best thing she could do was go home and forget all about this, but I could tell by her focus that wasn’t going to happen.
The auditions had just started. I should’ve already been inside, but I couldn’t help myself. At this distance I allowed myself to be enthralled by Autumn’s subtle beauty. The tumble of soft brown curls licked at Autumn’s sun-kissed-yet-still-milky collarbones. Her mahogany hair framed her face like an artist might frame a painting of rolling, wind-swept sand dunes in a summer’s early afternoon.
She was just as pretty as I remembered her.
I’d never had much of a voyeuristic streak, but watching her and remembering our evening together on the boat was changing that. Sweat-dripped memories swirled in the recesses of my mind. The way her tight pussy strangled my cock when she came, her nails down my spine and the vulnerability in her voice when she whispered my name, all of it echoed in my heart.
Was this longing?
Whatever it was, it I wasn’t familiar with the sensation, and hoped that it would pass soon. What could’ve happened between us was over the second Jane blackmailed me into being here. It didn’t matter if she was selected or not, all my time was spoken for. I had one job now.
Make an actress film ready. Even if it kills her.
And I really hoped that actress wouldn’t be Autumn.
Autumn didn’t hear my car door open or close, nor did she notice the dull echo of my approaching footfalls. Furiously reciting her lines, she was in another world.
At almost six feet, I wasn’t extraordinarily tall and Autumn was easily half a foot shorter than I was. She was petite and athletic which was an unabashed weakness of mine, but also had a geeky, sexiness to her that a cold shower couldn’t wash from my mind. Dark surging impulses quickened my pace toward her as my eyes strolled up the tight jeans that were pasted over her inner thighs.
I can take you if I want to.
From behind I reached out and grabbed the hand she had pressed to her ear. Autumn gasped and swung around, her arm tensed, ready to pull away and run if she needed to.
At least she has quick reflexes. I can work with that.
“Dante?” Her eyes flared, then calmed in relief when she saw it was me. There was a faint spark of worry in her chestnut eyes that almost made me smile. Yes, it was only me. Nothing to be afraid of.
If only you really knew me, you’d be terrified.
In the flat, even light of a late summer day I could see red flecks in her startled eyes. I savored her innocence in one last lingering moment, knowing that once she got inside for her audition the hair, makeup, and wardrobe departments were going to change her into someone else entirely.
Such a shame.
Even in something as simple as a pair of jeans and a flowing blouse she looked perfect. Autumn didn’t need changing. She was already my favorite season.
“That’s a bad habit.” I ran a thumb gently over the silky skin on the back of her hand. “Grabbing your ear like that is a tell. People will know you’re nervous.”
Autumn’s eyes were flickering match head flames as they danced from me to her still captured hand. She was wondering why I hadn’t let go yet. She opened her mouth, mustering her courage, she said, “I am nervous.”
“You don’t have that luxury any more.” I caught her gaze on one of the eyes rebounds and refused to give it back. I haven’t let go because I’m not done with you yet. “This line of work is all about confidence even when you’re terrified; especially when you’re terrified.”
“So basically, I need to lie about how I feel.”
“That’s all acting is. Pretty little lies,” I took a step toward her, before I was stopped by a burst of wind carrying a wave of her perfume. Bright notes of raspberry and jasmine over a cedar base conjured a garden-lined cabin in my mind. It was pleasant, and a nice place to spend a fantasy, but it hid what I was really hoping for. I suddenly yearned for the beach salt, and savory warmth of her natural scent.
I forced myself to let her go. Swallowing, I reminded myself to be careful.
“In the email, they said this more of a laid-back audition.” Autumn tucked the wind-tussled curl behind her ear. “I’d be given enough time to go at my own pace and get comfortable with my lines.”
“And you believed them?” I tried to keep the blatant scoff from my lips. This girl was beautifully naïve. This industry is going to eat her alive. “They’re not going to invest two hundred million dollars into a movie with someone who can’t handle pressure.”
“I—” Autumn’s thin eyebrows furrowed, then pinched closer to each other. Something flickered across her face that I couldn’t place. It was a deeper worry than just the audition. “Are you trying to scare me?”
“I’m trying to help you. Everything you do in there, on set, and even right now—” I paused to let her know exactly where she stood with me. “—is an audition. You always need to be on your toes. Not everyone is looking out for your best interest.”
I liked Autumn—more than I should, but I refused to let that stop me from doing what needed to be done. I was brought in to do a job and I had no choice, but to do it. Even if that meant I had to be the one to rip off all of her Band-Aids.
“What about you?” The timidity in Autumn’s voice was subsiding. It was slowly being rep
laced with skeptical resolve.
Good, toughen up.
“Do you have my best interests at heart?” she asked.
“Absolutely not,” I replied without a moment’s hesitation. “But I’ll always be honest with you.”
I grabbed her hand, turning it over and brushing back her fingers to get a better look at her palm. Not a single callous. Her hands were too soft. That was a bad sign. Quick reflexes won’t amount to much if she’s not strong enough to save herself.
Autumn had potential, but that might not be enough.
“Can I trust you or not?” There was a lingering sense of hope behind her voice, like someone grasping at shadows. She obviously didn’t have any friends here and was feeling overwhelmed.
“You can only trust me with your life.” I released her hand, but couldn’t strip the carnivorous squint from my eyes. It was alarmingly easy to be the big bad wolf around her. I had to work on that. I’d have to do everything in my power to keep the amazing night we shared off my mind; because that wasn’t something I could ever allow to happen again. “Nothing else.” I studied her face- fair, naïve and woefully unprepared. “Why are you doing this?
Wide eyed, Autumn recoiled. “I was invited to audition.”
“That’s not what I’m asking you?”
“Because I want to—”
The frown on my face stopped her cold. I’d been around the block to see right through her bullshit.
“I—” Autumn started but couldn’t find the conviction under my hard stare. She gave up and walked a few steps away; her face suddenly welled with emotion. “My mom… She has cancer. We can’t—” Autumn breathed in rapidly, quickly becoming overwhelmed. She took a long moment and found a calming resolve deep within her that stopped her from all out crying. Clearing her throat she continued, “We need this.”
She needed the money.
She was putting herself through all this after what happened for her mother? Looking at Autumn’s eyes begin to swell water and pain made me an old ache grip my heart. I thought about my own mother and how close we were before she died. I’d have done anything for her too.