by Jackson Kane
Ohmanohmanohman… I was not prepared for this!
To say I was a fan would be understating it. Like every other nerdy, TV junkie in her early twenties I was absolutely in love with Jason Brenner!
At twenty five years old, Jason was already an A-list, rising superstar. With his electric blue eyes, short, dirty blond hair and sharp, clean shaved jaw-line, he could’ve been Chris Pine’s English cousin.
Adriana rushed over to great him.
“I meant to get here earlier, but—” Jason shook her hand, then gestured behind him, comically glancing over his shoulder. “Much to my embarrassment, I was a bit turned around.” Jason settled in with a wide smile, revealing dazzling white teeth. He reached out a hand for me. His charming innocence was incredibly disarming. “You must be Autumn”
“I—Yes. Hi!” My tongue ballooned in my mouth making the escape of any other words damn near impossible. When Jason took my hand I was immediately reminded of Dante’s thumb brushing across my palm.
“Pleasure,” Jason said, raising the back of my hand to his lips. The smoothness of his skin released a wave of butterflies into my bloodstream. It made me a little light headed. He was as gorgeous as you’d hope your celebrity crush to be in real life. “You’re much prettier than I thought you’d be.”
“Ouch.” The surprised knee-jerk reaction escaped me like a doctor pricking me with a needle halfway through a countdown.
“No,” Jason laughed. “That came out all wrong! They tell me all the actors are pretty. And they are of course. This is film after all. But—” He let the implication linger a moment before finishing his thought. “There is something uniquely beautiful about you.”
I smiled, flushing deeply. How could I possibly not? A famous actor called me beautiful.
Jason got his start on silly English sitcoms, then became an international heartthrob on HBO’s version of Downton Abbey. All the fantasies I had with his characters over the years crushed into my mind and cranked my internal thermostat way up.
“I—” Choking down an embarrassing giggle I started again. “What are you doing here? Are they casting a movie for you as well?”
“Please don’t let my tardiness throw you off.” Jason took a few steps back to lean on the table, then put a hand up urging me to continue. “I couldn’t resist the opportunity to see my potential new costar in action.”
Costar?
Was he… He was the male lead in this film!
Aside from the director, I had no idea who else was officially attached to the project. I didn’t read any of the attachments before deleting the email. I was going to be acting alongside the Jason Brenner... I could not wait to tell my YouTube channel, they were going to lose their minds! I’d done a few stories about Jason on my channel before, but I never in a million years thought I’d be in one!
Imagine meeting your celebrity crush.
Then imagine performing for him!
Everything you do is an audition. Dante’s words haunted me. I could gush and scream later with mom when this was all over, but I had to get the part fist. One step at a time. I took a deep breathe, cleared my head and began my two page monologue.
It felt good all the way through. There was a sticky bit toward the end where I had to convey the character’s heartache. Going into this that was the part I was most worried about. In the end I channeled everything that was going on with Mom, using the pain like Dante had said. Reliving the moment the doctor told me the most important person in my life had breast cancer left me feeling heavy, genuinely miserable and on the verge of crying again. It was harder than I thought it’d be, but I pushed through it like a marathon runner’s final mile.
After I finished I glanced timidly at Adriana, then even more reluctantly at Jason. Adriana and her assistant sat on the couch opposite me and quickly scribbled some notes. Jason leaned against the wall with his arms crossed, and looked at the floor near my feet. He seemed to be deep in thought. No one said anything.
I failed.
I’m so sorry, Mom.
I poured my soul out, doing something that terrified me and I still failed. My stomach twisted with the inevitable rejection. Prickles rolled up my back in a wave, and I was suddenly flushed with embarrassment. The air conditioning did nothing to keep sweat from forming on my forehead. I wondered if the fastest way out of the room was just to jump out of the window.
“Jason?” Adriana asked him about my performance without tearing herself away from her notes.
How was there that much to write about a five-minute monologue?
“Brilliant.” Jason’s electric eyes refocused, their blue hue crackled when they met my gaze. “Innocent, naïve, painful and utterly brilliant.”
His infamously warm smile swept across his face like a dimmer light switch cranked all the way up. If I was on fire the look he gave me was a bucket of cool water. All the knotted up nervousness within me broke apart and fled through my long neglected exhale.
Just because he liked it didn’t mean I was cast, I reminded myself, keeping my rejoicing in check. That ultimately fell on the director. I might not be tall enough or pretty enough or have the wrong sounding voice. I didn’t want to get my hopes up too high for fear of how I’d feel when they were dashed when they chose a real actor.
“While we’re both here, could we do one together?” Jason asked, looking first to me then to Adrianna.
“Shouldn’t be a problem. Give me one sec.” Adrianna lowered her glasses to the tip of her nose and began furiously tapping her phone. “Yeah. Director says the more the better. She also says good job, Autumn.”
Adrianna saw the look of confusion on my face at wondering how the director knew I was doing a good job, then added, “Oh we’re not taping, well we are, but we’re not just taping. This is also a live stream. There’s some pressure form production to make the decision today. Right now it’s between you and another actor. Let’s do the last scene in act one. The one where Sgt. Masters gets his deployment orders.”
This was what I was afraid of.
I wasn’t at all prepared to read anything else. Honestly I didn’t think I’d even get this far! I tried to recall which scene they wanted us to do, but I wasn’t thinking straight. All the scenes were a jumbled mess in my mind, blurring together in a word soup. The only ones that stood out were the intimate moments, because they were the most fun to read.
I remembered something of the characters while reading the script. The only person I pictured as Sgt. Masters, with his dark, rough features and haunted smirk, was Dante. For as handsome as Jason was, he just didn’t remind me of a tormented figure like Dante did.
“Uh, sure,” I said, swallowing hard, realizing fully for the first time what our two characters were.
Lovers.
“Great.” Jason pushed off the table and unrolled the script he kept in his back pocket. He sidled up next to me and showed me what he had in mind. “You can read it off the page if you’re not familiar. I’ve yet to memorize most of this as well.”
Jason lingered next to me and we skimmed the section of the script together. Staying focused with his expensive cologne invading my senses was incredibly difficult. He smelled clean and fresh, in a way that wasn’t possible with just a shower. It was as if he rolled in sun kissed magnolias and freshly laundered linens and baby lambs kissed him dry.
It struck me of how different Jason smelled from Dante. Dante didn’t wear cologne that I could tell; just a neutral deodorant. Maybe it was just because of what he surrounded himself with, but Dante’s natural musk reminded me of cedar, dark liquor, and gasoline. It was all incredibly manly.
The two men were the opposite of a very handsome spectrum.
“You smell great by the way.” Jason leaned in before we begin.
“Really?” I thought I smelled like a blender after a Bloody Mary and margarita party. I didn’t think it was flattering at all. Was that why Melisa sprayed me with it? Did she know Jason liked it? It was hard to imagine she’d do so
mething nice for me unprompted. “I mean, thank you. You uh smell nice too.”
“Are you comfortable taking it all the way to the end?” Jason asked, straightening and running a hand through his perfect hair.
“Yes, of course,” I replied, reminding myself why I was doing this again, before clearing the many distractions from my mind. I was pretty sure the characters hugged at the end of the scene, before the fade out.
Jason cleared his throat, then began. It was a relatively short, but emotional scene where our characters said goodbye to each other for potentially the last time. I was surprised how well Jason and I played off one another. It felt shockingly natural. Maybe it wasn’t as intimidating as I thought it’d be.
Then he kissed me.
My eyes became flood lights, beaming from surprise. That kiss wasn’t in my copy! The writers must’ve revised that since the version I had. I wasn’t ready for that at all and froze up like a statue. After the scene ended Jason’s lips lifted from mine. He smiled at the expression on my face. “That was a rather impressive mannequin impression.”
“I—” I gasped in air. “I just didn’t think…”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I thought you knew what I meant when I said the end.” Jason gave me this cute, apologetic look. Then something over my shoulder caught his attention, and all the playfulness immediately drained from his face. “Hello?”
“Ah, Dante,” Adriana broke the tension by standing up to greet him. “We’re pretty much wrapped up here, but is there anything you’d like to see from the actors?”
Dante!
There he was arms crossed leaning against the doorframe, wearing his black boots, jeans and a black t-shirt. Dante’s heartless expression was glacial rock, his mouth a chiseled slash. How long had he been there? Anxiety swelled in me. How much did he see?
Dante’s cold, focused eyes narrowed at Jason.
It was easy to see Dante’s thinly-veiled animosity. They must’ve known each other, or at least Dante knew him. Jason had this approachable down-to-earth reputation; I couldn’t imagine anyone not liking him.
I took a step away from Jason feeling guilty for something I couldn’t put my finger on.
“I’ve seen all I need to.” Dante bowed a slight nod at Adrianna, then looked hard at me. His face was completely neutral and stoic, but his eyes were a raging forest fire. He was utterly—frighteningly—unreadable. The warning Linda gave me earlier was fresh in my mind.
Dante turned his back on everyone in the room and walked out.
Did I make some kind of mistake?
Adrianna’s phone vibrated. Glancing up from the screen, she removed her glasses entirely, then with hard set, almost apologetic features she said, “We’d like to thank you for coming in. But the director has decided to go with the other actor. We wish you the best of luck with your next auditions!”
Oh, God. My whole body slumped forward. My heart fell into my stomach. I didn’t get the part. Mom, I’m so sorry…
What were we going to do now?
Chapter 9
Dante
Autumn’s kiss with Jason was roaring thunder in my heart. My pulse thumped so loudly in my ears that I barely caught the fight coordinator’s cut. My hands shook from adrenaline and annoyance that I couldn’t get that image out of my head. Breathing heavily, I cracked my neck and knuckles, wiped the sweat from my eyes, and scanned the bodies groaning on the ground all around me.
I should be relieved that Autumn didn’t get the part. They gave it to some LA girl that was fucking the director. She was about as green as Autumn when it came to stunts so it’d be almost the same amount of work on my end. Autumn was by far the better actress though, but that never mattered.
Whatever. This would be easier for me now, because I didn’t care what happened to the LA girl. I’d do exactly what Lionhouse wanted; I’d make train her for four weeks and walk away. Whatever happened after that was all on them.
So why couldn’t I stop thinking about Autumn and her mother, then?
My own mother was gone. I couldn’t help but wonder, what she would think of me right now? Knowing I had the power to help Autumn and her family, but didn’t do it because I was afraid of my past catching up.
And afraid of myself if I fell for her.
I’m not the hero of this story. I’m something so much worse.
The stunt guys slowly got back up. They grabbed their guns, walked back to their first position, and muttered under their breath to each other. Even with pads on, they shook the soreness out of their limbs. I didn’t feel at all bad for them if I was going too rough. All of them were martial artists in their early twenties and they were being paid extremely well to be here.
They should be able to take it.
I couldn’t shake how incredible Autumn looked all done up. I thought Linda and Melissa would strip Autumn of her natural beauty, but they only enhanced it. I’d burned every inch of her into my mind. Every soft, enticing feature complemented every other part of her. Deep reddish brown hair layered around her face like a cascade of dark chocolate perfectly framing her. Her dark lashes and dusky eye shadow sucked all the attention in the room into her warm, brown eyes.
Her beauty made the kiss even more difficult to watch.
Why did that bother me so much? She wasn’t mine, and now that I was the one training her, she never could be. Still, that anger at Jason seared my insides like a steak on hot cast iron skillet. It took everything I had to walk out of that room…
And not take Jason’s fucking head off.
“Can we take a breather, Boss-man?” Tony, a heavier-set Asian stunt guy asked Henry, the fight coordinator. While both Tony and Kevin were too goofy and laid back for my liking, they were always brought their A game when the cameras were rolling so I kept hiring them. “We’ve been doing this all day.”
“Then why haven’t you gotten it right yet?” I snapped before Henry could answer. Tony’s lips pushed together in a stiff white line as he fell silent.
The other unions—Set Decoration, Carpenters and the Scenic Artists—gave us a wide berth as they worked on the rest of the warehouse set for the running gunfight we were filming later in the week.
Even they could feel the intensity in the air.
Being that this was a Lionhouse film, I was the de facto stunt coordinator. It was part of my original exclusivity contract with them. With bigger films or while multiple shows filmed simultaneously, I brought in fight coordinators to help with the nuts and bolts of action heavy scenes. Henry was at the top of that list. Although technically I was his boss, during the scenes he was coordinating, I followed his lead. He understood film fighting better than anyone and was the best martial artist I knew.
“We go again.” Henry leaned against the plastic-wrapped pallet of boxes in our section of the warehouse and frowned at me, but kept his concerns private. His high cheekbones and severe features gave him a quiet disapproving look. He critiqued everyone, fine tuning the timing, flow and intensity of the fight that would really bring it to life on camera on the day we shot. He drew a quick circle above his head with his hand, motioning for us to get ready. “One more, then we take a break.”
Let her go. You know the rules. My dull inner voice took on Mitch’s smooth, charismatic pitch to the point where I couldn’t tell the two points of view apart. Why don’t we ever get attached?
Despite the years since I’d seen him, all of Mitch’s hard lessons were as much a part of me as my hair color or my scars. I knew in my heart of hearts, that regardless of how many films I did or how many people I trained and kept safe on set, it was all just pretend. I was only one bad day away from turning back into the man he made me.
We don’t get attached because the ones we love always get hurt.
That was my very first lesson. It was the hardest to learn. I could still feel the cold steel of his gun barrel pushing into the side of my head as they all made me watch. That was the last day I ever cried.
“Remember half speed
, guys,” Henry repeated, although everyone in that room knew he was only talking to me. He lifted his handheld camera and called it. “And ACTION!”
Thick, three-inch-wide strips of plastic cascaded over me as I stalked through the loading dock entrance. The first two guys rushed me, the first with a pipe, and the second with a shotgun. I dipped in close just beneath the arc of the pipe swing, then stripped it away, and used it to take them both down.
Every stunt performer I dropped wore Mitch’s grizzled, clean-shaven face. His voice vibrated in the back of my mind with old reaffirmations. Her kind of love isn’t for you
Three more stunt performers ran into frame unleashing a hail—of what would later be added as CGI—bullets. Using the first guy as a human shield, I scooped up the shotgun and shot out would be steam pipe after the scenic art team was finished with it. When we filmed, it would level the playing field for my character. We didn’t have the actual fog yet either, which was fine because it didn’t matter for our practice. Everyone in the affected area just pretended that the warehouse was filling with steam. As each performer stumbled out of the make-believe fog choking and firing wildly, I stepped in with a cloth over my mouth and took them apart, punishing blow after punishing blow.
You were raw when I took you in, Dante. An angry slab of malleable steel. Mitch’s voice crept into the recesses of my memory. I forged you, refined you, and gave you purpose. Every time I brought my hammer down and put you through the fire I hardened you, made you stronger.
This was a particularly vicious fight scene. The director wanted it to look as violent as possible. No fancy spin kicks, or elaborate wall run takedowns, just elbows, knees, and hard impacts. With the way I’d been feeling this past week that was exactly the performance I would give them.
I could do violent.
Kevin came in too high and fast. My footwork wasn’t right. I was off balance, but I still managed to lock his gun hand up. I strained against him, making a good show of the rising tension. Kevin was quick and had me at a disadvantage. Sometimes to make it work on camera you couldn’t pull your punches. You had to go all out.