by Aileen Fish
She looked up at him, her face free of the tension he often saw there. “Spare us? You want to remain here, on the farm?”
“I want to be wherever you are. I’ve come to like it here. Perhaps we can build a house of our own in the clearing to the south. Maybe even buy more land, make the farm even bigger. If Tom and I both work here, we can make it profitable someday.”
“I’d like that. Having our own house, staying close to Ma. I worry about her.”
“She’ll be happy.”
“She has been lately.” Em looped her arm through his, the first time she’d taken a move like that on her own. “Before you and Tom went back to Springfield she began to smile more often. She didn’t sing, or read to Harvey until you arrived. Maggie or I did it, and then Susie when she learned.”
“I’m glad she’s doing well. It must have been hard on her to lose your father. Hard on all of you.”
“It was. I believe that’s why I’m so fearful of you going back into battle. I couldn’t bear to lose you. That’s why…that’s why I made you promise to keep yourself safe.”
He pressed her arm against his side. “As I said, if it’s within my power to do so, I will return to you and we’ll spend our lives together.”
CHAPTER ELEVEN
September 30, 1861
Em watched Levi tie his bedroll and haversack onto the back of the saddle. She’d succeeded in buying him a horse. Old though it was, it should get him to Rolla where he could take a train to St. Louis. Of course, that assumed his superior officers agreed he wasn’t well enough to return to service yet.
Was she wicked to pray they decided he couldn’t return at all?
Her family stood on the porch behind her to see him off. For Ma’s sake, Em tried to be strong and not cry. For Levi’s, too. She wanted him to be proud of her, to tell Tom how well she’d borne his departure.
Levi turned from his horse and met Em’s gaze. “Now I will ask a promise of you.”
She tilted her head to one side, waiting.
“Promise me you won’t cry for me while I’m away. Think of the fun we’ve shared, not of the dangers. Can you do this?”
His words made her eyes well, and she laughed at her weakness. “I will. I’ll try my best.”
“It could be a long time before I can return.”
“It will seem like forever.” She wouldn’t lie. Every day without him would be a lifetime.
“I’ll write when I can. Certainly when I reach Rolla, and from St. Louis if I’m allowed to go.”
“I look forward to reading your letters. I’ll write too.”
He grasped her arms, brushing his thumbs over her bare skin. “It will seem like forever.” He bent to kiss her.
Em treasured the warmth of his lips on hers, burning it to memory, knowing how long it would be before she could kiss him again.
He mounted his old hag and waved to her family. “Take care of each other. I’ll tell Tom you’re all well.”
They called their goodbyes. Em stood in place and watched him go. Billy, Harvey and Rufus trotted down the drive after him.
He was going. She’d tried to prepare herself for this moment, but had failed miserably. She turned away. “I’ll be in the springhouse,” she called to Ma. Hurrying off, she managed to keep the tears at bay until she was alone.
~*~
With October came a small harvest. On Em’s first trip to Harris’s store, she learned Levi had paid her family’s debt. She sold what small potatoes they could spare, and was able to buy more than just the beans and flour she’d expected to afford.
The days grew shorter, but that only meant she had more time at night to think of him. Mending clothing filled her mind somewhat, and she tried to focus on the words when Maggie read aloud from the family bible.
Levi’s first letter was brief.
Dear Em,
The battalion doctor has said I must wait a few more weeks and be examined again to see if I may return to duty. Major Clanton gave me leave to travel to St. Louis. I leave tomorrow.
Tom is well. Is it possible he has grown some inches while I was recovering? He seems taller than I now. He began calling me his little brother. When I regain my strength, I shall make him pay for his taunts.
I will write again when I arrive home. Give my love to your family.
Yours,
Lt. Levi Lucas
He’d made it safely to Rolla. The first of her worries was past.
~*~
Levi only had one week to spend with his family, but he was so glad his parents were able to see he was healing well. Since the army planned to remain in Rolla through the winter, he was expected to return and take over his duties as he was able.
A few days after he was settled into the barracks, he again wrote to Em.
We have rooms with walls and windows, rather than dog tents and gum blankets.
He didn’t describe how much better the food was in the barracks than at the farm, with the railroad bringing dried fruit and tins of everything they could imagine.
The cavalry was pleased to accept that old hag, as he’d done such a good job of getting me there.
Once, Levi had gotten horribly dizzy and had almost pitched head first off the horse. His left boot had caught in the stirrup, giving him time to clutch the pommel and stay in the saddle. His horse remained calm the entire time. Of course, he couldn’t tell Em that. He’d led her to believe the dizzy spells had passed.
We will be here through the winter, as far as I’ve been told. You may write to me as you have been Tom, and it will find me well.
I miss you already, more each day.
Yours,
Lt. Levi Lucas
He received his first letter from Em in early November.
We harvested the peas and have canned them already, so we have no worries about the frost when it comes. Would you believe we lost a chicken to that fox? I bought more chicken wire to secure their enclosure so we don’t lose the other two. They’re laying fewer eggs, but we’re grateful for what they give us. Farmer Pederson has said he’ll give us a cockerel in the spring, as well as a few pullets.
I miss chasing Cletus into the woods. Billy says he’ll teach our next pigs how to escape so we can feel like things are normal again.
I look forward to “normal” meaning you’re here on the farm again. Stay warm and keep your feet dry.
Affectionately,
Emily Gilmore
When the weather was dry, Levi had his men marching and training with their rifles. Most days, his cheek didn’t bother him, but once in a while, he still felt dizzy, usually after they’d marched for several miles.
His frustration with his body grew weekly. He should be well. The spot where the ball had entered was still pink, but no longer tender.
His company set out on a three-mile march on a brisk, but clear, day. His overcoat helped keep the breeze at bay, and the exercise made him feel somewhat warmer. The mindless walking left his thoughts to wander back to Wilson Creek and the days before he’d been injured.
The work of farming was hard, but immensely satisfying. At the end of a day, you could see what you’d accomplished. When you sat down to a meal, you enjoyed the result of all those efforts.
Yet so many forces battled to prevent your crops from maturing. He’d not experienced the locusts, or an exceptionally dry year like those Mrs. Gilmore spoke of at night when they sat around the fire before retiring. Having an entire battalion, essentially, march through the cornfield wasn’t a problem one would normally expect, but fires were, and strong winds and tornadoes. He needed to regain his strength to be able to help as much as Em needed.
Pain suddenly stabbed through the left side of his face. Dizziness sent his head spinning, and everything went dark.
He woke to the faces of his men leaning over him as he lay on the hard ground. They looked odd, and he realized he had no vision in his left eye.
“Sir, are you well?” Corporal Williams asked.
“Forgive me. It was just another spell. I am fine.” He couldn’t let on his impairment. As much as he wanted to return to Em and the farm, he needed to finish what he’d set out to do, ensure the security of his state, his country.
Levi stumbled to his feet, his balance off. Closing his eyes and letting another wave of dizziness pass, he decided they should go back to camp. “Corporal, have the men fall in and return to Rolla.”
“Yes sir.”
The corporal remained by Levi’s side, marching in perfect stance but his concern for his lieutenant obvious. By the time they reached camp, Levi’s vision was back to normal. He’d been lucky to not have a headache this time.
He went straight to his quarters to file some reports. Tom appeared at his door a short time later.
“You need to see the doctor, lieutenant. You aren’t fit to go into battle.”
Levi grimaced. “We won’t face battle for some time. Major Clanton said the rebels are content to remain south of Springfield for now, so we’ll wait for orders.”
“What if the orders come tomorrow? You risk the lives of your men if they must nurse you while fighting an advancing company of Confederates.”
He knew how ill he was better than Tom did, but he was certain he only needed more time to be fit. “If we get marching orders soon, I’ll see the doctor. The major has made this a condition of my return. I thank you for your concern, but you’re making too much of this. Dismissed.”
Tom glared at him, but held his tongue. He performed a sharp salute and about-face and left the room.
Closing his eyes, Levi pressed his fingers to his temples. He hated treating Tom like one of his men rather than a brother. He needed to keep that distance, however, for Tom’s safety as well as his own. Tom needed to watch over his own safety. If he worried about Levi during battle, the distraction could cost him his life.
Levi couldn’t bear the idea his actions had led to the loss of any of his men, most especially Em’s brother. But he wasn’t ready to give up his battle against his body.
~*~
December was hard on Em. Winter was on them with six inches of snow in the most recent storm. She worried about the chickens, with only the two of them creating warmth in their coop. There was little she could do about it.
The worst of her worries was Harvey. He was so sick.
She woke during the night to him coughing; that prolonged gasping whoop scared her to hear. Wrapping a shawl around her shoulders, she tiptoed into Ma’s room. “Would you like me to stay with him for a spell?”
“You need your sleep, dear,” Ma said. Her voice sounded weary.
“So do you. Go sleep in my bed and I’ll sit with him.”
“Make another onion poultice. I think that’ll help him get some rest.”
Em’s feet were cold on the wood floor as she walked to the kitchen. She lit the lamp and began chopping onions. As Ma had taught her, she simmered the bits in water a short time and wrapped them in a kitchen towel. When it cooled enough that she could keep her hand comfortably on it, she took it in to Harvey.
Ma opened his gown.
Harvey whimpered.
“Hush, now, love. Sissy will keep you warm.”
While Ma placed the poultice on his chest, Em slipped under the coverlet of the opposite side of the bed. She scooted close to Harvey and stroked his hair. As Ma left the room, Em began to sing. “Twinkle, twinkle little star…”
She ran through every melody she could recall before the poultice worked its magic and Harvey stopped coughing enough to sleep. By then, she was wide awake, so she spent the next few hours recalling Levi’s last letter and what she’d write him in return. So little happened in her life during the cold months, she hadn’t much to report.
With the new year, and Billy and Susie growing restless from all the time indoors, Em began to wonder how she’d ever survive the months to come without Levi. What if the fight against the Confederates dragged on for months, years? Mr. Harris said the southern states were steadfast in their stance to remain their own country.
Tom and Levi both wrote of repetitive drills and monotony, so their lives were no better. Yet it freed her from the worry of battles. The longer they remained safely at camp, the less she had to fear, but on the other hand, the longer they didn’t fight the rebels, the more time would pass before they could come home to stay.
~*~
January 04, 1862
My dearest Em,
We leave tomorrow for Springfield. The Union Army of the Southwest has driven the Confederates back and regained control of Springfield.
I hope Harvey is well, and none of the rest of you have taken ill. I don’t know when I will be able to write again but wanted to send you my love.
Yours,
Lt. Levi Lucas
CHAPTER TWELVE
In early February, Levi and the other soldiers under General Curtis’s command moved south from Springfield under heavy snowfall. They’d been given time to recover from the march from Rolla, and were strong and hearty in their step.
On their drive through Cassville and on to Arkansas, they discovered rebel soldiers huddled on the side of the Wire Road, left to die of cold and starvation. They’d been too weak to continue with their division, their clothing inadequate, and food running low. That was likely the reason the Federal army had been able to retake Springfield so easily.
Hundreds of Price’s men were taken prisoner with no fight. Levi hoped the rest of their conflicts would be that simple, but he knew how unlikely that was.
The Union Army of the Southwest marched over the Arkansas state line, with the military band playing joyous songs. The cheering of the soldiers didn’t last long, as within hours they were charged on by Price’s forces.
With a new flag waving over them, red with a blue cross, the Confederate men seemed to battle with renewed vigor.
The fighting was fierce, the infantry moving in first, followed by the artillery. Levi didn’t have time to fear his dizziness would strike, firing his rifle as quickly as he could reload.
The noise was unending, but only a few of Curtis’s men fell.
In a push to drive back the Union men, the rebels shot volley after volley of artillery. Shells exploded all around Levi and his men. They sought shelter, but had nowhere to run. Moreover, they had no desire to retreat.
Levi heard the whistle of an incoming shell just before it exploded mere feet away. The battle around him went dark.
When he awoke, he was in a large room filled with beds and wounded soldiers. He tried to sit up, but the room spun around him. He moaned, nausea overwhelming him. He leaned over the edge of his bed, dry heaves wracking his body.
A soldier ran to his side. “Lie back, Lieutenant. The doctor will be with you shortly.”
When his body stopped its spasms, he rolled onto his back, one arm over his eyes. “What day is this?”
“It’s the 21st, sir.”
“Of February?”
“Yes sir.”
He’d only lost four days. That was all he could recall of the last battle, the date they’d crossed into Arkansas. His body was weak, but he couldn’t feel any sharp aches or pains. “What happened? Why am I here?”
“They say a shell exploded near you. You weren’t hit by shrapnel, apparently, but the shock of the explosion threw you to the ground.”
The doctor arrived and began to look him over. As he peered into Levi’s eyes, he asked, “How do you feel?”
“Like I’ve slept for a week and could use another.”
The doctor gently prodded the scar below Levi’s eye. “No pain here?”
“No.” It was the truth, but he’d likely have said the same so he could return to his company.
“How’s your vision?”
Lowering his arm, he blinked and looked at the doctor. “It’s fine, sir.”
“Good.”
“How long do I have to stay here?”
“We’ll observe you for another day or two. I’ve heard yo
u continued to have dizzy spells after your initial injury in August.”
Levi grimaced. He couldn’t blame his men for speaking out. He’d been putting their lives in danger. “They were coming less often of late.”
The doctor’s eyelids narrowed and his lips pressed together. “Hmmm. If they continue, you’ll have to be discharged.”
Understanding he meant discharged from the army, not the hospital, Levi nodded.
The news should make him happy. He could go home and see his family again. He’d be free to marry Em. But his men would continue to fight for the Union. Tom would risk his life each time they faced the enemy.
It would take much longer to recover from the disappointment of leaving the army than it would to fully heal.
The dizzy spells wouldn’t miraculously disappear, he knew that. His time of fighting for his country was done.
~*~
Em sat at the table while her family enjoyed the fire. She’d added up their money to determine what seeds they could afford to buy, and which fields would be planted first this year.
She hadn’t heard from Levi or Tom in weeks. Tom hadn’t even written before they marched to Springfield. She didn’t know how Ma could put her worries out of her head when the letters came so few and far between.
“There she goes, pining for her beau again,” Billy chanted.