by Noelle Adams
When he’d managed to get Steve off the phone, he sat and stared over the mountains. He knew that he should take a shower, get dressed, pick up his check and move along. But he felt languorous, like a big lizard sunning itself on a rock. Reluctant to move or be moved.
In the distance, the clouds began to break, parting grudgingly to reveal signs of blue sky above. The sun slanted down through the opening, casting welcome light on the hills. Finally spurred into motion, Caleb pushed himself off the chair and crossed the patio to stand at the railing. He looked at that little golden spot in the distance, at the appealing contrast of flat brown dirt and bristly green scrub brush.
All at once, a laugh erupted out of him. It was brief but loud, and miraculously without bitterness. Because right now, at this moment, he was simultaneously in two situations that he’d never been in before: he was deeply in love, and completely unsure of what should come next in his life. In spite of all of his travels, all his adventures and narrow escapes from harm, these two conditions were completely new to him.
He held us face up to the sky, feeling the last vestiges of rain blow across his skin. He opened his eyes. “Oh God,” he laughed miserably. “What the hell am I going to do?”
Twenty-Seven
Not far away, Blake was asking herself the same thing. Battered and bruised after the violence of the past two days, she sat cushioned in a deep, soft sofa, a blanket spread over her legs and a glass of wine at her elbow. She had checked into the Beverly Hills Hotel this afternoon. Early this morning, determined to keep her word, she had gone to see Lieutenant Holmes. Mira’s boyfriend Rudolpho – scratch that, Mira’s fiancé – had been kind enough to refer Blake to a reputable attorney. She’d met the lawyer at the police station and had made a full statement.
It was a relief to tell someone the whole story. For so many years, like Sergeant Shultz from the old Hogan’s Heroes show, she had known nothing and said nothing. But once the words started falling from her lips, she was surprised at what she did know, and what she did say.
Her attorney told her that she might be needed to testify at some point, but then again she might not. It all depended on how the cases were built over the next few months, and against whom.
She’d left the police station feeling unburdened, and also undone. The only thing she knew for sure was that she wasn’t going to go back to the Entwistle Ridge house. It would be too painful. She needed new scenery and a chance to clear her head. If she saw Caleb now, it would be impossible to say goodbye to him ever again. And considering her mental state, that didn’t seem fair to anyone.
“So what the hell am I going to do now?” she asked Mira, who sprawled gracefully in a deep chair across from her.
Ever the pragmatist, Mira immediately seized on the significant question. “And why do you have to decide that now?”
“Well I’m going to have to figure it out eventually, and I can’t afford to stay here forever.” Blake waved her hand to emphasize the opulence of her surroundings.
“You could always go stay with your parents,” Mira grinned.
“They suggested the same thing when I spoke to them this morning, but I said no. I mean, I love them, I’m glad we’re friendly again, but no way that’s gonna happen. Not for awhile anyway.”
“So move in with me.”
“With you and Rudolpho?” Blake’s eyes twinkled as she nodded at the enormous ring that Mira now sported on the third finger of her left hand.
Mira’s face lit up, wreathed in smiles, and she adjusted the ring with a look of pride. “Sure, why not? He’s crazy about me, and he’ll pretty much give me anything I want. So if what I want is for you to move in with us, he wouldn’t dare say no.”
“I’m sure he wouldn’t. And I appreciate the thought, I really do. But I need to start figuring out ways to support myself, and being a permanent houseguest is definitely not on the list.”
“Are you still interested in modeling?”
“Thanks for the compliment, babe, but I think that in model years I’m officially a senior citizen.”
“Well, it’s true that you’re pretty much over the hill, Grandma, but maybe you could do some sort of geriatric spread?” Mira suggested sweetly. “Seriously, girl, you know you could get work if you wanted it. You’re not exactly past your prime.”
“Thanks but no thanks. That time in my life is over, and I’m ready to be done with it.” She shifted restlessly, unhappiness descending once more. “I don’t know, maybe I need to try a new city. Move to Chicago and work in Starbucks or something. Just live for a little while, and figure out what my next move is.” She frowned. “I guess it’s time for me to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.”
Mira studied her with concern. “Have you been to see Rube yet?”
“No, I came straight here after talking to the police.”
“You should go.”
“I will.” Blake tried to keep the defensive tone from her voice, but failed.
Mira persisted. “When? Today?”
“Soon.”
“You’ve been involved with that man for almost ten years, and before you know it he’s going to be gone. You should give yourself a chance to say goodbye before it happens.”
“I know that,” Blake said with irritation. “I told you I’ll go soon. Don’t push me.” Although she was loath to admit it, some part of Blake was afraid to go see him. He had never been sick a day in his life, and now he was in the hospital, put there by a bullet that had been meant for her. How could she possibly thank him for that?
But Mira was right: soon Rube would be gone, whisked away into the loving arms of protective custody, and Blake needed to say her goodbyes. Coward that she was, she almost preferred to think that he had just disappeared, run away to keep her safe, and that she’d never seen him again. But she had seen him, in fact he’d taken a bullet to protect her and Caleb. And he’d cared for her, so deeply and so well for so many years. She owed him a goodbye. And she owed it to herself.
Mira was saying something, but Blake hadn’t caught it, too deep in her own thoughts to hear. “What’s that?” Blake asked.
Mira repeated herself patiently. “And what about Caleb?”
Pain stuck Blake unexpectedly as she remembered leaving him this morning, knowing that she would probably not see him again. She tried to speak, but her voice was stuck in her throat. She shook her head slowly.
Misery descended over Mira’s lovely face. “Oh, honey…”
Blake shrugged tearfully. “What am I supposed to do?”
“You’re in love with him.”
For once, Blake didn’t argue with the idea. “But I can’t trust him, Mira. When I think about all that happened, all the time we spent together when he knew my life was in danger and said nothing…”
“From what you’ve told me, it sounds like he was as torn up about it as you. He was in an impossible situation.”
Blake nodded. “I know that. In fact, I think I used those very words to reassure him that I wasn’t angry with him.”
“But you are.”
“No, I’m not angry. My heart is broken.” Her voice cracked as she said the words, and she struggled for self-control.
Mira’s eyes filled with sympathy. “So what are you going to do?”
Blake looked at her, feeling empty and lost. “I wish I knew.”
Twenty-Eight
The hospital was a tall pillar of white with the words “Medical Center” blazoned across the top in blue. The lobby was spacious and clean, done in a beach-colors motif: the carpeted floors were the color of sand, with tile walkways the color of ocean rocks bisecting the seating areas. The well-filtered air was cool, and curiously free of odors of any kind.
That morning, Blake had finally called Steve for more specific instructions on where to go to see Rube. She’d given herself a few days to rest, holed up in the obscene comfort of her hotel room. The bruises on her skin were starting to fade, but her heart still felt like it had tak
en a violent and recent beating.
As she’d been instructed, Blake went to the main counter in the lobby and asked to see the security office. She was directed to the right room, where she showed her ID, and the Security Chief himself escorted her up to see Rube.
The hospital was a typical maze: up one elevator, along a corridor, turn left, turn right, into another elevator and up several more floors. By the time she got to the room, Blake was convinced that Rube was completely safe: no one would have been able to find him without a guide.
If that weren’t enough, there were two men in suits sitting in chairs outside his door. The Security Chief told them she was cleared to go in. They checked her ID, then waved her through.
Rube was sitting up in bed, a brightly-colored hospital gown barely covering his muscular shoulders. He seemed smaller, as if he’d shrunk with his injuries. His left shoulder was bulky with bandages, and his arm was in a sling. There was a remote control in his right hand and he was frowning at the TV.
But when he saw her standing in the doorway, his whole face lit up.
“Blake.”
The moment he said her name, she knew that things between them were going to be all right. He dropped the remote and held out his hand. She rushed forward and grasped it, her two hands practically disappearing into his one. “Hi Rube.” She smiled, almost shyly.
“Hey gorgeous.” His dark, probing eyes took in her bruised face and battered spirit. He spoke softly. “How you been?”
Her smile felt as wobbly as her legs. She sat down on the edge of the bed. “I guess I’ve been better,” she told him. “How about you?”
“Same.” He grinned. “I’ve been better.”
She nodded to bandaged arm. “Are you feeling okay?”
He moved his shoulder gingerly. “They dug the bullet out, repaired the damage and now it’s healing. What else can I say?”
“You’re not in too much pain?”
“Not too much.” Never one for small talk, Rube bypassed the rest of the niceties and plunged straight in to the meat of the conversation. “Listen babe, you probably know this already, but I never – never – meant to put you in danger.”
Blake wanted to tell him that it was all okay, but the words wouldn’t come. In truth, it wasn’t okay. But neither was it all his fault. She swallowed hard and spoke as directly as she could. “I buried my head in the sand for the last ten years, not allowing myself to confront what was going on. I could have spoken up, I could have walked away. But I didn’t. In some ways, I’m as responsible for what happened as you are.”
He laughed once, a hard, bright sound that filled the room like a clap of thunder. “You’re too much, you know that? I appreciate the sentiment, dollface, but we both know that the weight of this thing rests squarely on me. I’m the criminal scumbag here, not you.”
“You’re not a scumbag!” she protested loudly. “How dare you say that? You’re a great guy.”
“Who also happens to be a criminal scumbag.” He grinned and held up his hand as she started to contradict him again. “Don’t worry about it, okay? We’re miles past that now. I’m moving on to parts unknown, and who knows who I’ll turn out to be in the end?”
She squeezed his hand. “I know. They’re going to put you in protective custody and give you a new identity.” She felt tears threatening behind her eyes. “I honestly didn’t want to come here today because I don’t think I’m ready to say goodbye to you.”
“Hey, come here.” He enfolded her in his good arm, and she went willingly, letting her head rest against his shoulder, her weight sagging against him, feeling the strength that had supported her for so many years.
It had been a long time since he’d held her close like this. Their relationship had never been about physical affection. Rube had always told her that it was too difficult to hold her and to know that he could never love her the way he wanted to. But that didn’t matter anymore. Blake felt hot tears swell in her eyes drop onto his shoulder. “Thank you,” she managed to say. “Thank you so much for supporting me, and for being my friend. You’ve meant everything to me, you know that.”
“And you’ve meant everything to me, honey. You’ve been the light at the end of every tunnel I’ve gotten myself into. I don’t know what I would have done without you.”
Blake’s chest hitched with a sob that she was not able to control.
“Oh, come on, none of that, okay?” Rube’s own voice was rough with unshed tears.
“But Rube, how are we supposed to get through this? You’re going away. I may never see you again.”
“Hey, one thing I know is that you will definitely see me again. We may not be able to predict when or where, but we’ll see each other again.” His voice caught. “I want to meet your kids someday.”
She sat up and looked at him through teary eyes. “What?”
“You heard me.” His expression were full of deep sadness. “Kids. Children. I may not have been able to give them to you, but I definitely want to see yours.”
She shook her head. “I don’t know…”
He reached up and caressed her cheek. “Come on, with your genes? If nothing else, you owe it to humanity to reproduce.”
She caught her hand in his and ignored his attempted joke. “What are you talking about?”
His face took on the patient, lecturing expression that she knew so well. “You know very well what I’m talking about,” he told her. Then he added, “Caleb.”
Blake stiffened. “I haven’t seen him since the morning after you got shot. I’m sure he’s gone by now.”
“Then go after him.”
“No.”
“Why not?”
She stood up and went to the wide window on the other side of the room. The drapes were drawn, probably for security, but she moved one aside and peered out. The city was stretched out in front of her like a carpet woven out of concrete. “I’m not sure I feel comfortable talking to you about this.”
“Well I’m not sure I care.” Rube spoke with the casual insolence of someone who had known her for a long time. “Honey, I have seen a lot of evil men in my time. I’ve known killers and kidnappers and con artists, people to whom human life is just something else that can be bought, sold and traded. I know how to tell the difference between the good guys and the bad guys, and believe me, Caleb is one of the good guys.” Even from where she stood, Blake could hear him grit his teeth, as if the words he said next brought him an emotional pain to match the physical. “I know I only saw you two together for a short time, but it’s obvious that you guys are head over heels for each other.”
Blake let the drapery fall back into place. “But he lied to me, Rube. I’ll never be sure if I can trust him.”
“Are you kidding? The guy tried to take a bullet for you!”
“It was his job.”
Rube shook his head. “You are way more than a job to him. Trust me on that.”
She did. And with his words, Blake could feel her confidence come surging back. She remembered the tenderness in Caleb’s eyes, the soft touch of his calloused hands. She remembered the way they had laughed together. He loved her. She knew it in her heart.
Happiness was within her grasp. All she had to do was reach out and take it.
And Rube, who knew her so well, could see what she was thinking. He smiled. “I may not know much,” he said, “but I do know this: Caleb McKenna is the guy for you. So go get him.”
Twenty-Nine
Blake’s little red convertible had never flown so fast along the highway. Cars with less resolute drivers seemed to stand still as she zipped from one lane to the next, darting between trucks and automobiles with a firefly’s nimble speed. Blaring horns marked her way but for the most part, she ignored them. When she did respond it was only to flash a dazzling smile before she called, “I’m on my way to the man I love!”
She took a fast right off of Franklin and swung into a parking space with a squeal of brakes. She hopped out of the car,
dashed up the walkway and gave a quick wave to the manager as she passed the front desk. She was halfway up the stairs, taking them two at a time, when the desk clerk called out, “Miss!”
She turned and gave him her sweetest but least patient smile. “Yes?”
“If you’re looking for Mr. Caleb, he checked out.”
Her heart plummeted through the floor, and she came slowly back down the stairs. “Checked out?” she asked, her voice low. “When?”
“Just this morning. We were sorry to see him go.”
“Do you… you don’t have any idea where he was heading, do you?”
The clerk gave her a sympathetic look that she tried to ignore. “No, miss, I’m sorry to say that I don’t.”
Blake’s exit from the motel was considerably slower than her entrance into it. Once outside, she lifted her face to the sky. The sunshine was less bright and friendly than it had only a moment ago. Now the light seemed sharp, and cold. High overhead, an airplane was passing. It was so far away it was barely a dot in the sky.
She forced herself to shake off the sudden chill. She pulled out her cell phone and dialed the number of Steve’s agency. When she heard his voice on the other end, she didn’t bother to say hello.
“Where is he?” she demanded. “Where has he gone?”
“Blake.” Steve said. His voice was heavy with resignation. “I had a feeling you might be calling me.”
“Well, you must be psychic. Congratulations,” she said sarcastically. “So, where is he?”
“I wish I knew.” He sighed. “Caleb called me late last night. He thanked me for the check I’d sent him, and said that he was going to hit the road. I asked if he was heading home, and he said he didn’t know. Then he said goodbye.”
“That’s it?” Blake asked, disbelieving.
“I did try to convince him to stay on for awhile, but he said he’d had enough of the city. He needed to be on the road for awhile, to get his head together.”
“So he could be anywhere. Is what you’re telling me?”
“I’m afraid so.”
“Well, I’m going to find him.”