Is that what you came to say? Laura almost asked, but she already knew the answer. Wendell was here to make his presence known to her so that she wouldn’t forget him.
“I’m going to see John this afternoon,” Laura said boldly.
Wendell’s face became stern. “On the afternoon of your mamm’s funeral?”
“You stopped by on the afternoon of my mamm’s funeral!” Laura shot back.
“Laura,” Lydia chided.
Wendell appeared ready to say something, but he didn’t. Maybe he figured Lydia’s rebuke was sufficient. One thing was for sure—the man had no shame.
“Wendell, it’s kind of you to stop in,” Lydia added.
Wendell’s face lifted, and he nodded. “I came to offer you and your family my heartfelt sympathy. I hope that offends no one…” He let the sentence hang until Lester appeared in the barn door with the twins’ horse, Maud. “Howdy,” Wendell greeted Lester. “I’m sorry about your mother.”
“Yah, thanks,” Lester muttered. He twirled Maud about as Lydia lifted the buggy shafts. Wendell stood alone by Laura’s side while the others hitched Maud to the buggy.
“You really should think long and hard about your Mamm’s wishes for you,” Wendell said out of the corner of his mouth. “Especially now that she’s gone.”
Laura pressed her lips together and said nothing. Wendell didn’t have to mention what that was. They both knew.
“The will of the Lord is often expressed by doors that are open,” Wendell continued. “The Lord desires that everyone in the community do their part for the future generations. We are to bring kinner into the world the way your mother did, and rear them in fear of the Lord—unless the Lord expresses His will otherwise, which in your case, Laura, He hasn’t. Why are you walking into this barren situation with your eyes wide open? This is the day to change the course of your life. I am willing to bring you home from the hymn singing when you are ready.”
“You have some nerve,” Laura whispered. “How dare you?” She pressed back the tears. “Is it not enough that I have lost my mamm? Must you also use that to try and get your own way?”
“It’s not my own way,” Wendell retorted. “I pray that you will see that soon.”
Laura looked away and waited for more, but instead she heard Wendell walking toward his buggy. The sound of his horse’s hoofbeats soon carried out of the driveway, but she kept her eyes shut until Lydia spoke. “Are you ready to go see John?”
Laura opened her eyes and nodded. She didn’t dare speak at the moment. Wendell’s words stung because she knew what he meant. John could never bear children—not with his present injuries—yet she planned to marry him anyway.
Laura whispered a quick prayer. “Help me, dear Lord. Please help me.”
Lydia looked at her strangely but said nothing.
Chapter Nineteen
A chilly afternoon breeze blew through the buggy as Laura drove Maud toward the Yoders’ place. Lydia sat silently beside her, and the steady clip-clop of Maud’s hooves on the pavement had been the only sound to fill the buggy since they had left home.
Laura pulled the buggy blanket up higher on her lap, and Lydia did the same. As usual they were of one mind. But did Lydia side with her when it came to Wendell? Not that it mattered.
Laura glanced at her twin. “I suppose I should tell you what Wendell said.”
“If you wish.” Lydia attempted a smile. “But I can about guess.”
Laura looked away to hide the tears. “I doubt that. He had the nerve to tell me that John and I could never have kinner. Not with John in his present condition.”
Lydia gasped. “That was plainspoken, even for Wendell!”
“And the truth, of course! Which is why it hurts! But it doesn’t change my mind. The Lord can give us what we need, even kinner.”
“Yah, He can,” Lydia agreed. “But that’s asking a lot. Even hoping for John to get better is asking a lot. I hope you won’t think I’m a traitor when I say that maybe you should consider Wendell now that Mamm has passed. He might make you a decent husband.”
“Mamm’s passing changes nothing,” Laura shot back.
“You know it does.”
“Like what?” Laura hung on to the reins as she pulled into the Yoder driveway.
“Deaths always change things,” Lydia said. “They increase our duty to the community and the faith. On that, Wendell is correct.”
“I’m being faithful to my love for John and his for me,” Laura countered. “That’s also one’s duty. And Mamm’s death makes me stronger in my love for John.”
Lydia shrugged. “I’m just saying it seems like we’ve both landed in a mess with the men we love.”
Laura sat up straighter. “Sorry. I’ve been too wrapped up in myself, but you’re right.”
“That’s okay.” Lydia offered a tender smile. “You can’t do anything about Milton anyway. Milton likes me, I think, and he wants me to jump the fence with him.”
“That is a mess,” Laura agreed. “I guess we both need miracles—which the Lord will surely supply.”
“I’m not as confident as you are,” Lydia said. “But there’s no question we need the Lord’s help. Me with Milton, and you with John. If the man can’t walk or work, you know you can’t marry him. There’s this little matter of support. John’s parents will care for him if John doesn’t marry, but if he does marry, you’d be on your own.”
Laura pressed her lips together. What was there to say? What Lydia said was true, but still…
“And there’s John to consider,” Lydia continued. “If John does come around—and that’s still up in the air—he might not take you as his frau if he can’t walk. John knows he has to support you, and so do his parents.”
Laura kept her voice steady. “The Lord will help us.”
This she hadn’t thought of. John was an honorable man. He could easily see her as a martyr or some such thing. He might not believe that her love was deep enough to travel this valley and come out safely on the other side.
“Dear Lord, help Lydia and me,” Laura whispered as she pulled up to the Yoders’ barn.
“Amen,” Lydia echoed. She hopped out, and Laura followed her to begin unhitching Maud from the buggy.
John’s daett, Herman, appeared in the barn door and hurried toward them. “You have come on the day of your mamm’s funeral? You should not have.”
Laura managed to smile. “It has been a while since I’ve been here. And life must go on, must it not? I need to see John.”
Herman grunted and appraised Laura with a long look. He finally nodded and took the tie rope from her hand. “Okay, go on in the house. But you’re not unhitching your horse from the buggy. I’ll tie her up. You and your sister need to leave before long.”
Laura dropped her gaze and stepped back. The submissive gesture should please Herman. As her future father-in-law, she needed him on her side. Placating Herman was the least she could do at the moment.
“Come.” Lydia took her arm.
“I’m not a bobbli,” Laura protested once they were out of Herman’s earshot. Lydia kept her hand on Laura’s arm until they reached the front porch.
Hilda opened the front door for them. “Goot afternoon, girls.” Hilda’s smile was gentle. She motioned them on inside. “John’s awake. He must have known you were coming.”
Laura tried to breathe evenly. “How is he?”
Hilda’s face clouded. “He doesn’t drift off into unconsciousness as he did before, and he seems to know we’re here, but…”
Laura left Lydia with Hilda and hurried toward the bed. John’s white face turned on the pillow toward the sound of her footsteps.
“John!” she called out. “I’ve come again. I’m so glad you’re awake.”
A trace of a smile crept across his face. “Yah,” he whispered. “You have been here often, I think. Or was it only in my dreams?”
“I’ve been here!” she exclaimed, grabbing his hand. “Oh, John, you se
em better. Much better!”
His face darkened. “I don’t know about that. There’s still a lot wrong with me.” He stopped and turned his face toward the ceiling.
“I know, John.” Laura clutched his hand in both of hers. “But I love you. I always will.”
She waited, but his head didn’t turn back to her. She wanted to touch his face and pull his gaze back toward her, but Hilda and Lydia were behind her.
“John,” Laura repeated. “I love you. With all my heart. I always have, and the accident changed nothing. Even if you can’t walk again, I don’t care. The Lord will help us. Our love hasn’t changed. Wouldn’t I have stayed true to you if we had already said the wedding vows?”
John’s face turned toward her with a solitary tear on his cheek. “But we haven’t wed, Laura, and…there’s something I need to tell you that you don’t know.”
“It can’t be that bad,” Laura said. “The only thing you could say that would make a difference is that you don’t love me anymore.”
“Of course, it’s not that,” John said. He hesitated and then squeezed Laura’s hands. “The truth is…I can’t see. I’ve waited for a long time to say it, hoping this blindness would go away, but it hasn’t. I can’t see you. Not a thing. The world is black to me.”
The room seemed to tilt on its axis, and Laura grabbed for the side of the bed. Had she heard correctly? “John.” She bent toward him. “What did you say?”
“I’m blind,” he repeated. “I haven’t been able to see a thing since I’ve been awake. That’s why I tried to drift off again so many times. I hoped my blindness would go away or that I would…” He stopped. “Laura, you can’t love a blind man who can’t walk.”
Laura didn’t move as quick footsteps came up behind her.
“What he did he just say?” Hilda asked.
Laura kept her gaze on John’s face and remained silent.
“John!” Hilda spoke directly to her son. “What did you just say to Laura?”
“I wanted to tell Laura first,” he finally said. “I’m blind, Mamm. I’ve been blind since the accident. I’ve wanted to die because of it. I’m just so useless this way.”
Hilda reached over to loosen her son’s hand from Laura’s grasp. She wrapped her arms around his thin frame and held him close, as if he were still a small boy who had come to her with news of his scraped knee.
“You had best go,” Hilda said to Laura. “You heard what John told you. It’s over, dear. You can’t marry a blind man.”
“But I can!” Laura exclaimed. “This is no worse than not walking. I love him, and he loves me. Ask John if you don’t believe that.”
Hilda shook her head. “Laura, you have to let go. This cannot be. John is paralyzed and now blind.”
“I’m not leaving!” Laura declared. “I’m his promised one, and this could improve. He could get his eyesight back again. And why would the doctor not have said something if John was blind?”
“They sent him home with no hope to offer. Remember?” Hilda lay John down on the bed again. “Now please go, Laura.”
Laura didn’t move. “Ask John if he still loves me. I want to hear it from his own lips.” Laura paused. “If John says he doesn’t love me, then I’ll go.”
Hilda’s gaze moved between John and Laura. Finally she sighed. “I already know the answer, but his love notwithstanding, we have to do what’s best for the both of you. This can’t go on, Laura. Surely you know that. Marriage is a great responsibility. John won’t consent to marry you no matter how much he loves you. Not if he’s blind and can’t walk.”
Laura pushed past Hilda’s arm until her face was just above John’s. She spoke slowly. “Do you love me, John? Enough to marry me regardless of what happens? Regardless of this? Because it all make no difference to me. The Lord will still be with us.”
The moments ticked past until in a faint voice John said, “I do still love you.”
“See?”
“It’s plain enough,” Hilda admitted, “but that still doesn’t make it right.”
Laura leaned forward to hug John. Hilda would have to think what she wished. A great victory had been won, and John had dared to speak his heart. Laura would always love him for that. John could have dismissed her out of his agony. The pain of his blindness could have driven the man to insanity, but John had not sent her away. He had left the door open for the Lord to work. Even if it took a miracle.
“Come, it is enough for one day.” Hilda placed her hand on Laura’s shoulder. “You buried your mamm only a few hours ago. Go home and rest, Laura. Maybe things will look different in a while.”
Laura loosened her hold on John’s neck. She wanted to kiss him, but that would have been indecent with Hilda and Lydia in the room.
“Thank you for still loving me,” she whispered in John’s ear.
John’s hand grasped hers in a tight grip. He didn’t say anything, but tears trickled down his cheeks.
“I’ll be back again soon,” she said, moving away from the bed.
Lydia also had tears in her eyes as she took her sister by the arm. The two made their way out to the porch. Herman wasn’t in sight as they went down the steps and approached the buggy.
“Get in,” Lydia ordered. “I’ll untie Maud.”
Laura silently obeyed. Lydia untied Maud and tossed her sister the reins. As they pulled away, the barn door opened and Herman stepped out to give them a wave of his hand.
When they were out on the road, Lydia turned to her sister. “You know you have a long, hard road ahead of you,” she said.
“This is true,” Laura agreed, “but I love him, and John had the courage to stand true to that love this afternoon. He is a man regardless of what has happened to his body.”
“Maybe the Lord will walk with us and help us both,” Lydia suggested.
Laura smiled and reached over to slip her free arm around Lydia’s shoulder. “I know He will.”
Chapter Twenty
Nancy Beiler peered out of her kitchen window at the buggy that had pulled up to her barn. Who would drive in her lane on a Saturday afternoon? Perhaps one of her students had stopped by to discuss a problem? Nancy pulled her head back and thought for a moment. That was hardly the answer. Things were going well at the schoolhouse, and everyone knew their lessons. This visit wasn’t related to schoolwork, but more likely to her personal life. She had planned to meet Charles tonight after dark. No doubt, that was where the problem lay.
Nancy leaned forward for another look. Sure enough, Deacon William was stepping out of his buggy. This could not be goot. Had she been found out? But how? She had taken such care, and so had Charles.
Nancy pulled her head back as Deacon William glanced toward the house. The deacon’s face was somber, but he always looked that way when he made house calls for church problems. That’s what she had become. A church problem. She might as well face it. This was what happened when a person tried to act in secret. Eventually the truth came out. She had reminded herself of this last week at Lavina Mast’s funeral, but nothing had changed. She even had managed to catch a few moments alone with Charles on the evening of the funeral.
Perhaps it was for the best that Deacon William had discovered her transgressions. At least the matter would be out in the open, where judgment and condemnation could fall upon her. Maybe that was what she needed to correct her ways—if she wanted to correct them. That, of course, remained the question.
Nancy’s mind raced as she forced herself to open the front door and meet the deacon with a smile on her face. “Goot afternoon.”
“Goot afternoon,” he responded. “Do you have a few moments, Nancy?”
“Yah, of course.” Nancy forced her smile to broaden.
Deacon William wasn’t smiling, but he took the chair she offered him. Nancy closed the front door and took a seat on the couch. She was so used to dishonesty by now that she could act cheerful even when she knew something was dreadfully wrong. How low she had fallen. What if sh
e had been in Lavina Mast’s place and the Lord had called her home? Lavina had been ready, but could Nancy say the same for herself?
“How are things going at school?” Deacon William asked.
“Okay, I guess.” Nancy forced her eyes to meet his. “I mean, none of the parents have complained. I’ve been trying to heed your words—and not teach them Englisha things.”
“And have you been learning new things yourself from your contacts with the Englisha world?” the deacon asked.
Nancy blinked. What a strange question. Was Deacon William toying with her? But that was unlike him. “I don’t know what you mean,” she finally said.
Deacon William regarded her with a steady gaze. “Something is going on, Nancy. You’re not the same anymore. Elizabeth has noticed, and so have some of the others. You seem distracted at the Sunday service…even distressed. Have you been making contact with the Englisha people in some way that your conscience is bothering you? Perhaps they have told you things that trouble you greatly. Has your faith been shaken? The Lord has called us to a simple and humble life. The knowledge these people have can easily unsettle the spirit and bring doubts into the strongest soul. Is this what is happening to you, Nancy?”
Nancy’s mind spun. None of this made the least bit of sense. Had she been seen with Charles or not?
“I…” She tried to speak, but no words would form.
Deacon William appeared troubled. “I take your hesitation for guilt, Nancy, so let me make this easier for you. One of the parents saw an Englisha man stopping by the schoolhouse last week. This has to stop. I know you think it might be harmless, but we can’t have this influence coming into the community. We believe the Lord uses the medical field to heal, but it is not for us to learn how. We leave that in the hands of others who have been given more grace than we have.” Deacon William sighed. “I told you this at the barn-raising when John Yoder was injured and you tended to him. I thought you would listen, but maybe I should have spoken with you again to make sure you understood. You hold an important position in the community, one we all respect, but you can’t act like this, Nancy. Having Englisha people in the schoolhouse is totally unacceptable.”
Always Close to Home Page 13