by Lindsey Iler
“You said you were here to escape, and at first glance, I would assume you don’t have much to escape. You’re gorgeous and obviously athletic.” She points at my body. “So, I’m guessing you’re escaping a girl. First love, maybe?” Her eyebrows perk up in question.
“How’d you guess?”
“You look tired like you’ve been through hell,” she spits, then drops her eyes to her lap. “I’m sorry. Sometimes I say things without thinking.”
“No, it’s refreshing.” I extend my hand and she takes it. “I’m Graham.”
“I’m Savannah,” she offers as she releases mine. “Was I right? You’ve been through hell?”
I think about what she’s asking, and when I can admit she’s right, I nod my head. I have been through hell.
“I ran her over with my car,” I confess as I look her in the eyes. A sense of relief floods me.
Savannah gasps. “After you fell in love with her?”
“No, before I even knew who she was,” I add. My mind flashes back to the night she danced.
“Now, this is a story I need to hear.” Savannah smiles with interest.
We laze around near the pool, and I relive every moment between Kennedy and me. Savannah listens without judgement, and encourages me to get it all out of my system. Around midnight, her friends try to drag her away, but she refuses to leave until I finish.
“You’re an asshole, Graham Black!” she exclaims. Her elbows rest on the table as she studies me. “But you love her, still?”
“That’s a tricky question,” I answer.
Savannah jumps from her chair and slides into the one next to me. “It’s not tricky. What if I said you could never talk to Kennedy from this day on? How would that make you feel?”
“I’d be lost,” I admit. My head leans back against the back of the chair.
“And why do you think that is?” Her hand comes down on my leg, and my body jolts upright. “Graham, I just listened to the saddest story I’ve ever heard. You should hear the way you talk about her. The love you have for her dripped from every word.”
“Who are you, Savannah? Because most high school girls I know aren’t this smart.”
“Oh! I’m not in high school. I’m a freshman at Ole Miss,” Savannah confesses, sitting up straight and bouncing around in her chair.
“You could’ve led with that, you know?
“Can I say something, Graham?”
“You haven’t held back all night, so why start now?”
“I get why you did what you did, but what I don’t understand is what’s up with all the back and forth? One minute you push her away to protect her, but the next, you pull her back in.”
“I can’t stand to be around her, and I can’t stand the idea of her being gone,” I confess as I lean my forearms on my knees. As if she feels my frustration, Savannah’s hand runs down the length of my back. “Does that make any sense? It’s hard to be around her without wanting to devour her, but I know I’m no good for her.”
“Don’t you think that should be up to Kennedy? From what you’ve said, she seems intelligent enough to make a smart enough decision for herself. You took that choice away from her. It’s simple, Graham. You don’t hurt her. Stop hurting her.” Savannah stomps away from the table.
“Where are you going?” I yell as I push my chair back and stand.
Savannah checks her watch. “It’s three in the morning. I’m going to bed.” As she reaches the steps, she throws parting words over her shoulder. “Be the boy she knows you are. You can never lose that way.” She waves as she retreats into the shadows.
Be the boy she knows you are.
You can never lose that way.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Kennedy
The half-burnt framework of the old, two-story, country bar always catches my attention when I’m downtown. Familiar, broad shoulders stand out against the stark backdrop. My chin trembles when I get a clear view of his face. The conversation he’s having with the pretty brunette looks innocent, until she shifts away and he blocks her escape. Something about her is familiar.
“Dan’s party,” I mutter, straining to remember. “Jacob Landers. The girl who looks like me.” The pieces click together as the vivid memory crashes into me. “Mark, stop the car.” Overcome by panic, I bang my fist on the window. “Mark, stop the fucking car,” I yell. My body heaves forward when he slams on the brakes.
“I need out. Unlock the doors. Now.” Despite my hard tug on the handle, I can’t manage to escape.
“What’s going on? If you forgot something, we can get it in Mexico. We’re already running late.” He rubs his hand down my arm.
“Craig’s arguing with someone.” The air in the car grows hot and stagnant, making it hard for me to take a deep breath. “Let me out.”
Mark glances out the back window at the scene on the sidewalk and then glares at me. “What exactly are you going to do, Kennedy?”
“She looks scared,” I explain. “I know how that feels.”
“And you’re going to approach him? And then what?” He shakes his head and rolls his eyes. “He’s not stupid enough to break the restrictions of his bond, Kennedy. He hasn’t approached you, babe. You need to stay as far away from him as possible.”
“But...”
“But nothing,” Mark snaps as the car accelerates. “Kennedy, I know what you’re thinking. You have every right to feel this way, but he’s not going to hurt her.” He sighs and reaches for my hand, but I jerk away.
“Kind of like he wasn’t going to hurt me,” I whisper. Anger boils in my veins. Wanting to avoid further conversation, I curl up in the seat, lay my head against the window, and close my eyes.
As reality seeps in, I realize Mark’s right. Technically, Craig isn’t breaking any laws. The fact he’s allowed to talk to girls is part of the ugly within the judicial system. Innocent until proven guilty and the right to a fair trial don’t seem fair to the victims, but the beauty is, when the time comes, Craig will get what he deserves.
“It’s like I can’t escape him.” My words catch in my throat and I swallow down the lump.
“It seems Mexico couldn’t come soon enough, then,” Mark offers with a reassuring smile. “The airport, here we come.”
*****
Remembering my parents’ morning pep talk doesn’t help calm the flock of butterflies fluttering in my stomach when Mark and I board the plane. They said, with no uncertainty, no one is to be trusted, and being alone will only put me at risk. I understand their uneasiness at my gallivanting all over Mexico without them here to keep me in check, but this trip is necessary, crucial even, and Jackie agrees.
When our plane descends, my nerves plunge with it. I wring my hands together, going over every possible situation I could encounter while I’m down here. What will Mark expect from me? What will it be like if I run into Graham? The scariest, how will I handle situations that may make me uncomfortable? It’s Mexico, where big crowds of strangers gather in small places, and alcohol runs in mass quantity.
“You okay?” Mark’s voice breaks through the clouds in my head. Seeing Craig soured my mood.
“Yeah, I’m just anxious. I’ve never been to Mexico,” I lie through the grimace on my face.
Mark’s expression softens as his arms wrap around my shoulder and he pulls me close. “Relax. We’ll have a good time. Plus, Violet’s here.” He knows she is more than capable of cheering me up.
“You’re right.” I smile at him as he reaches up to grab our carry-on bags.
On the short drive to the resort, I make a silent promise to myself to push Craig to the back of my mind. Not as much as his name will be muttered from my lips. I need this. I deserve the time to be free of it all.
Mark, always the gentleman, helps me from the van. After we check-in, we find our room and I explore the spacious accommodations. A sliding door leads out to a patio overlooking the pool. The ocean is only a few hundred feet away and I itch to dig my toes into
the sand. The salty breeze calms me, but when the lush, king-size bed catches my eye, the elephant in the room grows larger.
“I know what you’re thinking, but nothing has to happen. I just...”
“Mark, it’s all right.” I try to ease the awkwardness stifling the room.
“If it’s not, then we can call down and see if they can get us a suite or something, babe. It’s not a big deal.”
Walking towards him with a smile on my lips, I reach down to grip his hands in mine. “Mark, it’s okay. I’m okay. You need to stop worrying so much.”
“I know you are, but your comfort’s important. I know we haven’t...”
SEX! He’s talking about sex. We haven’t talked about sex... ever!
Yes, we’ve made out, and maybe it’s escalated to some serious, heavy petting, but sex has been off the table. Mark seems okay with that, but as I stare at the king-size bed, sex with Mark is the only thing I can think about. His troubled expression slowly morphs into a playful grin. I need to work on my poker face.
“Let’s go find, Violet,” I blurt and release my hold on him to scavenge through my bag for my bathing suit and shorts.
“That’s probably the best idea. Let’s get out of here.”
Mark laughs as I slip into the bathroom to change.
When we step out on the deck, hot air hits my face. I hear Violet’s laughter before I find her in the large crowd congregating near the impressive pools.
As we walk towards Violet and Dan, she slaps him on the arm.
“Want to do me a favor? Quit staring at every ass that saunters by you,” she demands with a raised eyebrow, ready to go in for the kill.
“He can’t help himself, Violet.” Mark interrupts.
Surprised, Dan and Violet turn towards us. She jumps to her feet and swings her arms around my neck, pulling me in close with a loud squeal. She’s what I need.
“Thank the lord you’re here. I was forced to have dinner with Amanda last night, and this big guy got so drunk we had to leave him at the hotel,” Violet complains.
As she releases her hold on me, Dan swoops in to take her place. “Can I at least stare at Kennedy’s ass?” Dan jokes, pointing at my butt.
Violet and Mark don’t see the humor in it and fight off their own heated glares.
“I thought it was funny. Tough crowd,” Dan whispers in my ear. He steps back and shrugs his shoulders.
“What have we missed?” Mark dips his toes in the pool.
The urge strikes, and I can’t resist shoving his shoulder. So quick I miss it, his hand wraps around my forearm, and the next thing I know, I’m gasping for air.
When he pushes off the bottom and breaks the surface, he’s painfully close to me. Our legs tangle as we tread water to stay afloat. The brief contact makes my heart beat frantic with a heat from the anticipation. The same nerves I felt in the hotel room cloud my chest and mind.
To break the spell I’m under, I push off his chest and swim towards the stairs. Violet waits with a towel at the top of the steps.
“How did you see that working out in your head?” Violet tries to hide her amusement, but fails.
“I didn’t expect to end up soaking wet,” I admit.
“With Mark, you’ll always end up wet.” Violet walks backwards until she bumps into Dan. “Isn’t that right, Mark?”
“You’ve never had the pleasure,” Mark jokes with a grin the size of the Grand Canyon.
Dan rolls his eyes. “Seriously, guys, I’m right here.”
“Are your minds always in the gutter, or do you just keep it all bottled up until I’m around?” I pull the towel away from my body to wrap it around my soaked hair.
“I was simply referring to the water. It’s your panties that are in a bunch after Mark got you all soaked,” Violet jokes.
“Want to go get changed?” Mark whispers in my ear. “You’ll want dry clothes. Dan reserved us a spot on the zip line excursion.”
Go back to the room where there’s only one bed, and I’m all wet.
You need to get your shit together and quick. He didn’t just invite you to screw him on the first day of spring break.
“I’ll take her.” Violet links her arm through mine. I’m thankful as she leads me away from Mark’s watchful eyes.
We walk in silence through the hotel lobby and step onto the elevator. Violet opens her mouth several times as if she has something to say, but nothing comes out.
As I push the hotel room door open, Violet barges by me. “What’s your deal? You’re acting like they just released you from the nut house.”
“Is it that obvious? I’m losing my mind, Vi,” I confess. I fall to the soft mattress Mark and I will share for the next five days. I stare at the soft fabric, guiding my hand over the floral print.
Violet drags a chair over beside the bed and sits. “What’s going on in your head?”
I sit up and rub the corner of my eyes. “I saw Craig before we came to the airport.”
Violet releases a loud groan. “That’s the second time you’ve seen him then? I’ve seen him a handful of times. I would think he would hide away until the trial, but he seems to be out more and more.” She stands abruptly and treks back and forth in front of me. “Is that what’s bothering you?”
“He’s a big part of it, but mostly I’m scared of...” I can’t say it out loud, even to my best friend.
“Being intimate.” Violet cringes at the word. “The thought makes you uneasy. Ken, I saw the way you reacted when Mark mentioned coming back up here to get changed.”
“Uneasy is not the right word. Maybe apprehensive about the next step. It’s not like I haven’t allowed Mark to touch me. It’s just different when I think about him—you know.”
“Honey, I don’t know what you went through, and I can never pretend to understand. I think your reaction’s normal. After what you experienced last year, I’m surprised Mark got through to you at all.” She slides on the bed next to me. As she does, her hand finds mine in comfort.
“When I should feel uncomfortable in most situations, he eases my mind. I’m scared of how easy it is with him.” I fight the tears welling up in my eyes.
“He loves you.” Violet shrugs as if what she says is no big deal.
With a sharp inhalation, I turn to her before releasing the air. “How do you know?”
She stands and looks in the large mirror above the table. “He looks at you when you’re not paying attention,” Violet explains.
Through the mirror, I look to Violet. “And that automatically means he loves me?” My eyebrows squeeze together.
Violet’s eyes meet mine in the reflection. “No, but he keeps looking even when Graham’s eyes are on him. No guy in his right mind would step between Graham and you if he didn’t love you.”
My shoulders tense at hearing his name.
I stand to slip dry clothes over my damp bathing suit. When I reach for the door handle, Violet’s hand wraps around my wrist.
“It’s okay if you’re not ready yet. Just know, you’re in control of what happens, and if you aren’t comfortable, you need to speak up.”
“You sound like my therapist.” I laugh with a shake of my head.
“She’s pretty smart then, I take it?” Violet smirks as she strides out the door.
“The Harvard diploma hanging on her wall seems to say so.”
Violet follows me to the elevator, and even though it’s lit up, she jabs the lobby button twelve times. When the doors open, familiar honey eyes greet me. I close my own, but when they open, he’s still here. Graham steps off, a beautiful brunette by his side. She’s wearing the shortest pair of white shorts ever made and a flowy tank top over her tiny black bikini.
“Kennedy, you guys finally made it, I see,” Graham sneers.
His nostrils flare in obvious disdain and his knees wobble. His indifference slams straight to my gut. We’ve been coexisting well with playful banter, flirting (if you ask Violet), and small conversations when we fe
el the need. This is an act of survival for both of us.
The brunette’s eyes widen in surprise as they shift between Graham and me. “This is Kennedy?” the bombshell exclaims and points in my direction.
My eyes narrow on the two of them.
This is Kennedy? How the hell does she know about me?
“I’m sorry. Graham told me about you,” she admits. As she turns away, the wall ornament catches her attention.
“He did?” I clear my throat.
Graham scrubs the back of his neck. “That’s enough bonding for one day. You guys have fun, and maybe we’ll see you at dinner later tonight,” Graham rambles as he pulls the pretty girl as far away from us as possible.
The elevator doors open and close before Violet sticks her hand out to stop them. We step in and then look at each other through squinted eyes.
“What the fuck just happened?” Violet says my thoughts out loud.
I push the button for the lobby. “Who knows with Graham,” I answer. “And who’s the girl is the better question.” I press my forehead against the wall, lightly banging it against the hard surface.
“Did it bother you to see him with a pretty little thing like her?” Violet elbows me in the side. Her smirk tells me everything I need to know. She enjoys my pain.
“She wasn’t anything to write home about.” I try to believe my own lie.
You know she’s going to call you on the bullshit.
Violet’s laughter fills the small space until we hit the lobby and the doors slide open. She turns to face me. “Oh princess, that’s very admiral of you, but the girl is gorgeous.” Her eyebrows raise to mock me.
“Who’s gorgeous?” Mark asks, startling me as I take my first step off the elevator.
“Some hot piece of ass Graham’s running around the hotel with,” Violet divulges, fluttering her hand in the air.
Mark’s eyes meet mine, trying to get a read on me. I try my hardest to keep a straight face, but it doesn’t work. Frustration rolls off him and he storms off across the lobby.
“Thanks a lot.” I shove Violet’s shoulder and curse under my breath. “You’re supposed to be my best friend.”
“I am your best friend.” She links our arms. “You’ll figure it out at some point.”