by Lindsey Iler
“This.” Dan points at them. “You girls being friendly.”
Violet raises her hand. “We’ve come to the conclusion that Amanda’s still a bitch.”
“And so are you.” Kennedy interrupts.
“We’re like a delicious, bitchy Oreo. Kennedy’s the soft, sweet center that will keep us together,” Amanda explains.
Dan and Mark look to me for answers for their odd behavior when the girls break out in a fit of hysterics.
“Okay, girls. Enough shots for me.” Kennedy jumps off the barstool and stumbles a step. I reach out to catch her, but Mark gets to her first. He turns and sneers an insult with his eyes at me.
“Let’s go relax for a little bit,” Mark suggests. He takes her hand and drags her away.
I watch the two of them walk the length of the pool. Mark’s arm wraps tight around her shoulder and she drunkenly grins up at him. They make it through the gate to the flower garden and disappear around the corner. I wonder how he would feel to learn I stayed the night in her bed.
Three sets of eyes burn holes in my back.
“What?” I lean against the bar and order a beer.
When I turn back around, Violet’s hands are on her waist, and Dan’s got a satisfied sparkle in his eyes. Amanda gives me a sympathetic sideways glance as she excuses herself to meet up with some of the other girls.
“Will you two stop staring at me?” I demand. As I walk away, I chug half my beer.
“Is it hard for you?” Violet hollers.
I spin, and in three long steps, I’m standing in front of her. “It’s excruciating.”
“I hated you for a really long time,” Violet states. She twirls the barstool around with the tips of her fingers, then switches her attention back to me. “And then I saw you at Dan’s house and understood for the first time, why you did what you did. What I don’t understand is why you two are torturing yourselves.”
“No one’s being tortured,” I lie.
Violet holds up a single finger in my face. “There’s only one Kennedy Conrad in this world and she’s one in a million.”
“You think I don’t know that. Violet, I love her. I’ll always love her, but that doesn’t matter anymore. I will always be the guy who left her when she needed someone most. What kind of monster walks out on his girlfriend after she’s been raped?” I shout. My closed fist bangs against my chest. Everyone poolside turns in the direction of my outburst. “What kind of guy does that?” Dan and Violet’s silence rings through my ears. “Exactly. Now, will you please drop it?”
I set my beer down on the bar and walk away.
“Graham...” Violet screams. “You aren’t a monster.”
I flick my hand in the air and walk until I hit the lobby. A group of girls at a table outside the in-house restaurant stares at me as I pass. The volume of their chatter increases.
“Okay ladies, calm down. He’s still in high school,” Savannah’s boisterous voice sings through the open space. She leans against one of the pillars.
“You’re really starting to cramp my style,” I shout. “Friends of yours?” I nod to the girls who are now focusing on my bare chest.
She scans the table before turning her full attention on me. “No, I don’t know who the hell they are, but I walked by and heard them chatting about a tall, hot dude with a ridiculous body, and I assume they’re talking about you.” She ghosts her finger up and down my chest and stomach.
“You know, that’s the second time you’ve commented on my gorgeous attributes. I’m starting to think you might have a thing for me.” I laugh.
Savannah turns away and clutches her stomach as she fakes laughter. “You wish, buddy.”
“Well, I wouldn’t have to put a paper bag over your head, if that tells you anything.”
“And that, folks, right there, just sucked me dry. I’m as sandy as the Sahara.” She gestures towards her hips. “Who says shit like that? Are girls in Tennessee a bunch of dumbasses? They can’t possibly find that misogynous, bullshit attractive.” She pushes off the pillar and strides up to me.
“I haven’t been told no yet, if that tells you anything.” A cocky grin on my face, I meet her halfway.
“Dumbasses it is then.” She winks. “What are you doing in here? It’s sunny and Mexico out there.” She gestures out the large window.
“I was look-ing for you, bea-u-ti-ful,” I singsong. I wrap my arm around her shoulder and tuck her in next to my chest.
“No, seriously, why are you in here?” she questions. Savannah looks up to me with distaste.
“Escaping my own personal hell that is this resort,” I confess with wide arm gestures.
“Let me guess, Mark and Kennedy?” Savannah asks. “Who goes on spring break with the love of his life and her new boyfriend? Maybe you’re the idiot.”
I shake my head at her blunt honesty. “You’re supposed to be cheering me up.”
Savannah’s eyes widen with excitement. “I know how to cheer you up.”
“I knew you wanted to have sex with me,” I exclaim.
“No, even better.” Savannah grabs my arm and drags me through the lobby to the elevator. “A local told me about it. I haven’t been yet, but I’m dying to go.”
We reach her floor and she leads me down the hallway to her room. I sit on the edge of her bed and take in my surroundings.
Clothes cover the floor, and everything is out of place. “Did you get robbed?”
“This isn’t mine. It’s my best friend’s.” Savannah gestures to the mess on the floor.
“Speaking of, where are your friends?”
“Probably dead in a ditch somewhere,” Savannah deadpans and my eyes widen at her brash joke. “Jesus, I’m just kidding. Relax. They’re flitting from bar to bar. Apparently, they didn’t get the memo that the real fun is in hanging out with fresh faced eighteen-year-olds.”
“Are you always this sarcastic?”
She dramatically brings her hand under her chin and smirks. “It’s a gift.”
She grabs a skimpy swimsuit and shorts out of her suitcase, and before I can close my eyes or even comprehend what’s happening, she jerks down her linen shorts and panties. I’m stunned speechless as she steps into the black bottoms of her string bikini.
“Never seen a naked girl before?”
“I just didn’t expect you to...”
I stop when she takes off her shirt and holds her bathing suit top against her chest.
Savannah walks backwards to me. “Do you mind?” She peeks over her shoulder and gestures to the ties hanging at her sides.
“Not at all.” My hands graze her soft, tan skin. The thought of spinning her around and bending her over the bed runs rampant through my mind.
“You ‘bout done back there?” Her clipped words interrupt my daydream. She turns around, making me acutely aware of how close we are. I bite the inside of my cheek to suppress the urge to reach out and touch her again.
Savannah coughs to gain my attention. “Do not use me to get over her. You haven’t blinked in my direction this whole time, and now that you need an escape, you’re ready to bury your dick inside of me. Don’t do that‒ever‒to anyone. It’s not fair.” Her voice is flat as if she’s reciting a menu instead of scolding me and her narrowed eyes are filled with disappointment. “Now, let’s go have fun,” she says through a clenched jaw.
*****
We are dropped off in a deserted area by the resort shuttle. I twist back and forth, looking for something, anything, to give me an idea of Savannah’s plan.
“It’s this way.” Savannah gestures to a small opening on our right. It’s not visible from the road. The closer we get, the more visible it becomes.
“Did you drag me all the way out here to kill me?” My eyes widen and I choke out a laugh.
“I know it may not look like much yet, but I promise it’ll be worth the three mile hike.”
“Three miles?”
“I think you can handle it.” She glances over at
my athletic form.
“Lead the way,” I insist. Intrigued now, I follow close behind her.
At the end of the long, hot walk is a canopy of trees camouflaging what I assume is a waterfall. The sound of fast moving water echoes throughout the forest. Savannah beams the brightest smile I’ve ever seen, almost like it’s Christmas.
The vibrant leaves easily move out of our way to reveal a cliff. A wide stream rushes over the edge, cascading into a perfect, clear pool at the base of the harsh rocks.
“Are we?” I point to the waterfall, a grin on my face as I anticipate the rush I’ll get from jumping.
“You bet your ass we are,” Savannah answers. She slips her shorts off and takes a deep breath. “You ready?”
I slide my shoes off and follow her up the side of the cliff. Sharp rocks gouge the bottom of my feet, but I ignore the pain. Like most things, the pain is usually worth the end result. When I reach the top, Savannah yanks on my hand and drags me to the edge.
“It seems less scary on the bottom.” Her breath quickens and her grip tightens. Eyes filled with fear meet mine.
“Do you want to go back down?”
“You’re not supposed to just let me give up, jackass.” She scoffs as she stares at the drop-off. “Make me realize I’m stronger than I think, and then jump with me.” Savannah smacks me on the chest.
“Girls are complicated creatures,” I grab her arms, turn her towards me, and bend down to peer into her green eyes. “You can do this. I’ll be by your side the whole way down.”
“Promise?” Savannah whispers. Her muscles quiver in my grip.
I lace our fingers and we face the rushing waters. Once I peek over the edge, I immediately step back. “You’re right. This is high up.”
“You’re supposed to be the strong one.” Savannah bends over to look again. “Okay. We can do this. We can do this,” she repeats to herself in encouragement. Her hand squeezes mine until my fingers tingle.
At my nod, we place our feet on the edge.
“On the count of three,” I instruct.
“On the three count, or one, two, three, jump?” Savannah asks.
“One, two, three, jump, okay?” I laugh and tighten my hold on her. “One... two... three...”
And we jump.
The second my body hits, the cold water infiltrates all my senses. The pressure in my lungs is a welcome reminder to breathe, to live. I reach the surface of the pool first, and yank Savannah’s hand until she breaks through.
When my breathing evens, I swim to the water’s edge and climb up the rocks. Savannah treads water as she watches me, a thrilled gleam in her eyes.
“I’m going again,” I shout down to her, eager to jump.
A free feeling looms behind every leap I take today. The choice and control are mine, and when I hurl myself off the cliff, there’s no way to turn back.
Life is not as simple. Once a choice is made, if you second guess your decision, you can either ask for forgiveness or a do-over.
I’ve been given plenty of do-overs in my life.
Sometimes, I just don’t know what to do with them.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Kennedy
“Do you want another drink?” Mark stands from the hot tub and gathers our empty beer bottles before I can answer. His leg swings over the side and his abs contract with his movement. He’s sometimes too much to look at. I resist the urge to reach out and run my hands over his body.
“I’ll have one more.” I slide down further in the bubbling water and relax.
Somehow, no one has interrupted us tonight. Things are quiet on the pool deck. Most of the younger crowd stays out late at the bars. Violet begged us to go out with the rest of our group, but I need a little bit of rest and a moment of solitude. We’ve been on the go since our plane landed in Mexico.
“Mind if I join you?”
A strong voice breaks me from my thoughts. A tall, blonde surfer type stares down at me. His smile is as white as freshwater pearls, and almost as crooked. The trait would be worth admiring if I didn’t already have the guy standing behind the surfer.
“She’s with me, man.” Mark slaps him on the shoulder and steps in beside me. The surfer frowns and retreats as Mark twists to hand me a bottle. A long pull on the cold beer is refreshing against the heat of the water.
“I’m gone for one minute and someone tries to swoop in and steal you from me.” Mark’s mouth is sinfully close to my ear. His lips graze my earlobe, causing a shiver to run up my spine.
“He didn’t have a chance in hell, just so you know.” I find his hand under the water and hold it in my own.
Mark presses a soft, intimate kiss on my shoulder before pulling me in closer. A shiver runs through my spine as I rest my head on him and close my eyes. The waves of the ocean and the jets of the hot tub, a relaxing mixture, is all I can hear.
“Okay, I’ve got to ask, how did that thing with Amanda happen?”
“Honestly?” I shrug. “Graham. He reminded me of a few things that sometimes are easy to forget.” I squint up at him.
“Like what?”
“She blamed herself. Maybe I placed some blame on her as well.” I shake my head in disgust at the memory of Amanda replaying her experience in the aftermath of Craig’s attack.
“Amanda hasn’t always been so brash and uncontrollable,” Mark begins to explain. The past plays out as a series of years behind his eyes. Amanda grew up with all of them. They know her better than most. “I don’t know when everything changed, but it did. She became less aware of those around her.”
“People have the capacity to change as long as you give them the opportunity.” My fingers trace through the shallow pool of water on the deck.
“You hold out for people, and you always want to see the best. How can you still do that?”
I take a long sip of my drink. “Don’t you believe that everyone has some form of good inside of them?”
“Would you hold it against me if I said no?”
“Of course, I wouldn’t. Not if it’s your truth.”
“And what’s your truth?” Mark skims the back of his hand down my cheek and I lean into his touch, savoring the contact.
“My truth is...” I pause to think about my answer. No one has ever asked me something as profound and complex. “We’re allowed to change our minds as many times as we feel necessary. People are meant to be loved and accepted, not changed. Don’t worry what others think as long as it makes you happy. No one can define your strength.” I shrug at the underlying sadness behind my words. “Loving someone doesn’t guarantee an eternity.”
Mark nods, but behind his eyes, where he likes to conceal everything, I see apprehension building. Brick by brick, the wall gets stronger. He takes a long gulp from his bottle and sets it down with a loud clank. Within our silence, I feel Mark slip away, hiding in plain sight.
When my fingers are pruned, I step out, and Mark wraps a towel around my shoulders. Shivers run through me when the cool wind assaults my overheated, exposed skin.
Once in our room, Mark lounges on the bed while I scurry around the room looking for my toiletries. His eyes burn through the towel gripped against my body.
“I’m going to get in the shower.”
I push the curtain aside and turn the handle. My fingers dance through the water to check the temperature. After I peel my wet bathing suit off, I step into the soothing embrace of the waterfall showerhead. The warm liquid cascades down my body as I lean my head back to wet my hair.
“Kennedy.” Mark’s voice breaks me from my euphoria.
“Yeah?” I yell to be heard over the sound of the running water.
“Can we talk?”
“Now?” I huff, irritated by his intrusion.
“Earlier in the hot tub, you said your truth. Now I’d like to tell you mine.”
I glare around the curtain at Mark. He leans against the marble counter, staring at his bare feet. When he hears the plastic crinkle, he studies
me through lust filled eyes.
“Mark...” My voice is soft, maybe even a touch hesitant.
“My truth is that I like you. A lot.”
“Mark...” I try to interrupt because I’m afraid of what he’ll say and what it will mean.
“Don’t say anything. I need to get this out.” Three large steps connect his chest against the shower curtain. “I think that you could love me, Kennedy.”
“Somewhere along my path of healing, you came along and turned my world upside down. I never expected you, and if I’m being honest, I never wanted you because you...” I squeeze my eyelids shut.
“Help you forget.” Mark finishes my thought.
“You help me forget.” My eyes spring open. “When I’m with you, I find memories of him slipping away and that scares me.”
“Why do you invest so much of your heart into him, when he clearly isn’t doing the same for you?” Mark snaps. “Jesus, Kennedy. I’m standing in front of you, confessing my love, and all you can do is think of him. I’m not cocky, but even I know I’m a catch.”
I drop the curtain, turn off the faucet, and wiggle my fingers in Mark’s direction. “Hand me my towel. Now.” I wrap the cotton fabric around me and groan as I push the curtain open and step out of the shower.
“Why are you getting out?” Mark questions, taking a step back against the vanity.
“If you want to talk about this, let’s talk about it.” I storm out of the bathroom. Anger flushes my skin.
On the edge of the bed, my legs crossed, I watch Mark lean against the doorframe. His stare burns into me, but I hold strong with my shoulders squared and my spine stiff, not willing to relent on my feelings.
“He gave up on you,” Mark states, matter-of-fact, as if what he says I haven’t already told myself. “He gave up on you, and still, you hold out for him.”
“I’m not holding out for anything.” I stand and pace the length of the room.
“Give me a fucking break, Ken. I’m the place holder. A thing to pass the time until he gets his head out of his ass. You think I don’t see it. You’ll never look at me the way you look at him.”
“And how do I look at him, Mark? Please, do explain yourself.”