“Rylee?” Paige asked at her silence.
“Paige, I thought maybe I was ready, I really did. I’ve been waiting for a long time for a sign that it was time for me to move on. I know we were only young, but I loved your brother so much, and I don’t think anyone will ever take his place.” Her eyes stung with unshed tears. She’d gotten over the devastation of losing Scott, but it wasn’t possible to ever forget. Keeping his memory close had been the only thing she could do to survive the first couple of years after his death, and then after that it had become her safe zone. She’d lived her life with walls around her heart that didn’t allow in feelings that could result in more pain.
The idea of moving on from Scott’s memory had been frightening but also exciting. When she met Nick, she’d started craving to feel more, to give her heart to someone who loved and desired her. She’d allowed herself to think Nick was the man to draw her out from behind those walls. Maybe she had wanted something with him so badly she imagined a sign where there wasn’t one. What a fool she’d been.
“Oh honey, of course no one will ever take his place.” Paige went silent.
“I’m sorry, I know you miss him too.” She hadn’t meant to bring up Scott. Paige’s heart hurt as much as hers did when it came to him.
“I miss him every day. Don’t you know I think about him too? But he’s gone, Rylee. And he loved you very much. He would hate to see you hiding away from the world still pining over him. Honey, he’s not coming back.” Her voice quivered with emotion. “You’ll feel it in your heart when you’re ready to move on, but don’t wait too long.”
“Why?”
“Because then you’ll be old.” Paige teased.
Rylee ended the phone call feeling slightly better, but still upset over her predicament. She couldn’t give her heart to someone who was spoken for. Or who was still playing the field. Maybe she had misread his signals. That seemed unlikely, but she hadn’t much experience with men, and so it was very possible.
Pounding on her front door shook her from her thoughts.
“Rylee, I know you’re in there.” Nick shouted.
“Nick, I don’t feel like talking, please.” She pleaded, not moving from the couch.
“I don’t play games, Rylee. Let me in.” His voice was stern but shaky.
It wasn’t fair to let him stand out there in the cold. Did he even know why she was upset?
“Look,” his voice continued. “You don’t have to be nice to me, or even talk to me. But I’d appreciate it if you just heard me out.”
She sucked in her cheeks and chewed on their insides. Slowly she went and opened the door. Rylee’s jaw still tight, she avoided his stare and stomped back to the couch, leaving him to stand at the door.
“Okay, I can still talk to you from here. And I’m fine with the silent treatment as long as you give me a chance to explain. Alright, I’ll take that silence as acknowledgement.”
Dammit, he’s even polite and proper when we’re fighting.
“Rylee, I assume you saw me with the Ice Girls in the conference room.” He paused, but she didn’t speak. “Again, I will take your silence to mean yes. First of all I wish I’d known you were there. Second of all I wou—”
“I bet you wish you knew I was there! Instead of smooching and hugging another girl!” She sounded incoherent, her words didn’t come out the way she meant, damn her anger.
“Rylee, please hear me out.”
Again with the proper grammar and calmness in his voice. She threw him a look that she hoped was as sharp as daggers.
“The young ladies you saw me with were Renegades Ice Girls. The one was Tanya, but I’m sure you’d prefer to hear about Kourtney.”
The sound of her name made her already twisted stomach turn. Why wouldn’t he just leave? “Look, I never asked for an explanation, so you don’t owe me any.”
“I thought you were giving me the silent treatment?” He shot her a stiff glance. “As I was saying, Kourtney Miller. She—”
“Let me stop you right there.” Rylee straightened her shoulders and decided to put it all out there. “I went there with the intention of telling you I agreed to take a chance, to see where things went with us. I had done a lot of thinking since the other night.” She stood up and paced to the other side of the room. “It’s been a long time since I dated, and not until now was I ready to jump back into that. I hadn’t planned on even going to dinner with you that first night. I was going to back out before you got there.” She chewed on her lip. “But I had a great night, and I was glad I went. Then when we went out again, you asked me to give you a chance. You can’t understand how hard that was for me.” A tear rolled down her cheek, and she swept it away with the back of her hand. “I knew once it was time for me to start over, I would get a sign, and I hadn’t gotten it. But after our dinner I did some soul searching and talking with certain people,”—Scott—“and I realized it might be time. I came to the Christmas event to tell you I was ready to take that chance.”
“So what’s stopping you?”
“Are you dense?” The words came out sharper than she had planned, but it was too late to take that back now.
“Um, dense? No. Not that I know of.” Nick fought to hide a smirk.
“Kourtney or whatever her name is was hanging all over you. Tanya was too, touching your bicep. But Kourtney was the one you were hugging and kissing.”
“Excuse me. I gave her a hug, and a peck on the cheek.”
“So you admit it! Look, I don’t plan on being made a fool of. I haven’t been ready until now to give my heart to someone new, and I refuse to be used when I do!”
His eyes widened. “Your heart? To me?”
Why the hell had she said it like that? Her face blazed with heat. “No way in hell I’m going to now. You can see your way out.” She sat back on the couch and turned away from the door. She knew she was acting like a little kid throwing a temper tantrum, and she didn’t care. But he didn’t argue, yell, or move.
“I’m not leaving until you hear everything I came to say.”
Letting out a heavy breath, her eyeballs fell back into her head. Again, it was a childish move, but couldn’t be helped.
“Can we talk face to face? Because now I’m talking to the back of your head, and that’s really not how I wanted to do this. Can I please come over and sit down so we can discuss this like adults?”
Obviously he wasn’t going to leave anytime soon. “Fine.” She huffed with another eye roll.
“You really have the wrong idea, Rylee.” Nick made his way to the couch and sat at the opposite end. Good move not sitting too close.
“About you?”
“No, that’s not exactly what I meant. You have the wrong idea about what you think you saw today.”
“Please don’t insult my intelligence, I know what I saw thank you very much.” How dare he?
“Okay, so maybe that came out wrong. You saw what you saw. But I think you interpreted it incorrectly. Kourtney was not coming on to me.”
“You expect me to believe that? Nick, I won’t be one of your girls or be with you while you have girls on the side. I know you are important, and apparently very well off, and girls throw themselves at you. I’m not one of those girls.”
Nick shook his head. “Wow, okay. No, I never thought that you were. Please. You know we raise money for the local cancer charity, right?”
Rylee nodded.
“There are countless cancer charities out there that want teams to help them raise money. Do you know why we raise money for that particular one?”
Rylee shrugged her shoulders. Did it really matter? And what did this have to do with anything?
“We raise money for the Charlie Miller Cancer Charity because Charlie was my best friend and roommate in college.”
Tilting her head to him she felt bad wondering where this story was going.
“Charlie fought a hard fight but eventually the cancer won out. It was the hardest thing I ever ha
d to watch. He refused to give up until the very end. The last thing he wanted to do was leave his little girl. I started the charity in the hope other people wouldn’t have to go through what we did. You see, Charlie was only forty when he passed away, and his daughter had just turned sixteen. She was still so young.” He took a moment, taking in a few breaths before continuing. “I promised to watch over her. Her mother was there but, losing Charlie shattered her. Kourtney needed a parental figure and I was all she had.”
“Kourtney?” He can’t possibly mean—
“Yes, Kourtney. She’s my god-daughter. I helped her get the job as an Ice Girl for the team. I wanted to make sure she had a job and was able to support herself. Since then she has taken over managing the charity for her dad and she’s doing a great job. She’s a good kid and like a daughter to me and going to make one hell of a business woman someday. I’m very proud of her.” He was gushing, and she had never seen him like this before.
Rylee’s face burned. The knotting in her stomach was now embarrassment. Her uncertainty and the terrifying newness of her feelings for Nick had made her behave unreasonably. She had thrown a fit like a little kid before knowing all the information. She buried her head in her hands. “Oh my god, I’m mortified. I’m sorry I acted like a spoiled brat. Oh. My. God. You can sneak out of here if you want and we can forget we ever happened.”
“Why in the world would I want to do that?” He slid closer to her and gently pried her fingers away from her face. “Rylee, I’m not sure if you noticed, but I really like you.”
“And I totally went psycho on you for showing affection to your god-daughter!” She covered her face with her hands again.
He chuckled, taking her hands away from her face again. “You didn’t know. I can’t really blame you for being upset over what you saw. I know Kourtney is a beautiful girl, and I’ve had to keep my eye on her as she’s growing into a young woman. The last thing she needs is to get mixed up with someone who isn’t worthy of her.”
“How can you sit there and smile? I acted like a real jerk and made such a scene. At a Christmas party for sick kids, no less!” She groaned as her gut twisted and turned. With any luck no one had paid any attention to her.
“Everyone was busy with the boys from the team. I doubt anyone realized what was happening.” His thumb lazily trailed over her cheek, pushing her hair out of her face, and he gave her a little smile. “Look, I’m not sure what we have here, between us, but I’d like it to continue. If you aren’t ready to let me in completely I understand, but I’m not going anywhere.”
She twisted her necklace between her finger and thumb, not really knowing what to say. She was surprised he wanted to keep seeing her, but if she was honest, she was relieved as well. She’d behaved horribly, and that scared her. What did it mean? “Nick, just give me time. I don’t know how much or how little, but I just need to work a few things out. I really do like you and don’t want to stop seeing you.” She pushed a weak smile across her lips. “I’ve grown used to your company.” It had been lonely closing herself off to everyone, especially since Paige moved out.
He smiled, but it seemed edged in sadness. “Good, because I’ve grown used to yours too.”
CHAPTER 14
It had been a few days since her meltdown at the hospital. Nick really had been great with her, and as promised, didn’t back off. Her ankle had been a bit sore after running through the hospital and she had taken a day off to rest it. Nick was by her side, bringing her dinner and waiting on her hand and foot, and even though she told him she didn’t need to be cared for, it was nice.
Rylee stretched out on the couch, and Nick pulled her feet onto his lap. Being with him like this felt easy and comfortable, and she smiled at him. “Nick, I’ve had a really nice time this last month. Thank you. With the Christmas season coming, it’s been nice to have a distraction from myself.”
Nick looked up from where he was gently rubbing her sore foot, his eyebrows raised. “Is that all I am? A distraction?”
“No, of course not. You’re a… friend.”
Nick thought for a moment, his jaw clenched before he relaxed and a smile moved over his face. “Rylee, I don’t want to be just friends.”
“But—”
“Hear me out. I don’t want to be just your friend. This last month has been great but I want to spend more time with you.” He closed the space between them, his suit clad body barely touching hers, yet she could feel his heat radiating against her. She wanted him against her, she wanted him to hold her, and feel his lips on her.
He put his hand on her cheek. “Before you ran away from me at the hospital, I felt as though we were getting closer.”
“Please don’t remind me about that.”
He smiled. “If it makes you feel any better, I was kind of flattered that you were jealous. I was relieved because I hoped it meant you felt more than just friends with me.” He frowned. “You do, don’t you?”
She was drowning in his liquid brown eyes, and it was all she could do to whisper, “Yes.”
He gently stroked her cheek, his hands rough and warm. “Do you remember what I asked you after our last date? To give me a chance?”
She nodded.
“Rylee, I would never intentionally hurt you; I can promise you that. You are beautiful and smart, and I can’t imagine not spending my days with you. You’re all I think of day and night.” He drew back a little, and a weak smile crossed his lips. “But if I have to wait for you to be ready, that is what I will do.” He took her hand in his and placed a kiss on her knuckles. “Friend.”
‘Friends.’ Coming from him, she had to admit that sounded pathetic. She didn’t want to just be friends. She wanted to spend nights in his strong arms. She wanted to call him hers.
She leaned forward until her lips met his. The kiss was warm and gentle, but had her heart racing. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled closer and she could feel him trying to keep himself under control, to let her set the pace.
When they drew apart, his hands smoothed her hair back from her face. “It’s up to you when things go further,” he said, his voice thick. “I won’t cross any line you don’t want me to.”
He’d been so kind and patient with her, and her fear of letting him in was fading, replaced with longing for more. But something still held her back and a different kind of worry was beginning to grab at her heart. How long would he wait? What if she took too long to make that final jump? Just thinking about a life without Nick in it made her heart ache. Her fingers toyed with the gold heart at her throat, and she prayed that she’d find the clarity she needed soon.
***
The sun shone in her window, and she snuggled into her covers to avoid the chill of the bedroom. She had hit snooze for the second time and wasn’t ready to expose herself to the winter morning. Snuggling back into her warm and soft pillow, the dream she’d had of Scott last night came flooding back to her.
His words weren’t exactly clear, or maybe it was just her memory. But in the dream he’d been smiling and happy, just like they used to be. He was doing something with her necklace. Instinctively she reached to touch the gold heart, and her heart thudded.
There was nothing around her neck. Rylee shot straight up in bed, grasping at her neck. “Where is it?”
She had never been without it since the day he’d fastened it around her neck.
“Oh my god, I hope I didn’t lose it!” Tears burned at her eyes, threatening to fall. That necklace was the one piece of him she had left.
Frantically searching though the sheets and blanket, the glimmer of gold caught her eye. It sat under her pillow, pooled up. Her breath caught at the sight of it, happy relief washing over her that she’d found it. Gently grasping the heart charm, she picked it up noticing that the clasp had broken. She’d worn it all these years and it had never broken, so why now?
A shiver ran down her spine and some strange sense of apprehension called her to the dresser. She slid out of bed, her
feet hitting the chilled floor, and she realized the photo of her and Scott that had always sat on her mirror was gone. Ironically, it too had fallen out of its place and was now laying on her dresser.
Her heart picked up and slammed against her chest. Could this be the sign she had been asking for? Anyone she told would think she was certifiable, and even Paige probably wouldn’t understand or agree with her superstition. But she knew in her heart Scott was telling her it was time to move on.
Hot tears overflowed and spilled down her face. “Scott, I will always love you,” she spoke out loud. With a heavy breath but a less heavy heart, she slipped the necklace into her jewelry box, and laid the photo on top of it. “Rest now Scott, I’m going to be okay.”
***
Rylee watched as Tyler fixed the Christmas lights in her window. The twinkling rainbow colors sparkled as he struggled with the strands, trying to get them as straight as possible. She tried to convince him she could do it herself now, but he wasn’t hearing it.
“Tyler, make them so they can be seen from the outside as well as inside, okay?” He just nodded and continued to hang them.
Her house was finally coming together. Her house. It still sounded too weird. The Santa Claus knick-knacks on the tables, garland outlining frames that hung on the walls, holly along the stairway. The fireplace was decorated in holly and bows. Christmas music blared over the radio.
Being homebound hadn’t been that bad. It gave her the time she wouldn’t normally allow herself to sit back and watch Christmas movies with hot cups of cocoa.
“So Paige is at home making dinner?” she asked.
Tyler just nodded as the light strand fell off the window. His head dropped and he quietly started the window all over again. That’s the same issue she’d been having.
“Do you guys have Eggnog? If not I can bring some over. I really like that stuff. I mean, it’s good when you add alcohol to it, of course, but I just like to enjoy it when I’m watching the holiday shows.”
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