by Mychea
“Good evening. I am terribly sorry for the inconvenience of showing up, but I was wondering if a Kenneth Vaughn lives here?”
I look at her in speculation. I wonder what she could possibly want with my dad.
I lift my eyebrows at her. “That depends. May I ask who you are?”
“I am the daughter of an old friend of his, who passed away recently and wanted to pay him a visit. Are you related to him?” she asks as her light brown eyes focus on me.
“As a matter of fact I am. I’m his daughter.” I look at the way her eyes watered when she said ‘passed away’ and felt for her. “I’m sorry to hear about your loss. My father should be home shortly, would you like to come in and wait for him?” I ask her.
Her eyes light up when I invite her in and she says, “I would love to.”
Emeri 15
I cannot believe that I am inside of my father’s house. I never imaged that I would be here, looking at this gorgeous woman that is my sister. It is so hard for me to take it all in. There are so many photographs lining the wall, and I want to examine each one, but I am rooted to the floor out of nervousness.
“Would you like to have a seat? Um, I didn’t get your name,” the gorgeous woman said to me.
I look at her in slight embarrassment; I had not given her my name. In my surprise to being invited in the house, I forgot.
“My name is Emeri Kendall Castado, and you are?” I say as I reach out my hand to her.
She takes my hand in hers and says, “Naima Ari Vaughn. It’s nice to meet you Emeri.”
“The pleasure is mine. You sure have a pretty name,” I respond.
“Thanks, I like it; I think I’ll keep it.” She says to me with a smile. “Emeri, I’m sorry. I have a slight headache and need to get some medicine before the children get here. Will you be alright if I leave you down here for a little while? My dad should be in soon.”
“That will be fine, thanks,” I tell her.
When she leaves the room I cannot help but look at the photos; it is as if they were calling my name. I see what must be various family photos taken through the years. They look happy as a family. I see why my mama might not have wanted to break up Kenneth’s happy home. He looked so happy. It is so hard to imagine that he was living this wonderful life without me. My mama and I were struggling. I would not trade my time with her in the world, but we struggled. I feel the tears pressing against my lids threatening to fall, but I refuse to long for what could have been.
I hear the door open and a whirlwind of motion begins. A little girl with green eyes runs inside yelling for her mommy. The most adorable little boy is following behind at a slower, wobblier pace, trying to keep up and Naima comes back into the room to scoop up the little boy and hug the little girl she affectionately calls “Muffin.”
Then I see him enter, followed by an older version of Naima. Once again, I am so nervous that I do not know exactly what to do with myself.
“Well hello,” The older Naima look alike says to me. “We didn’t know Naima was having company this evening. How are you?”
I stare at her for what felt like eternity, but could not have been more like a couple of seconds. I finally find my voice.
“I, uh, I’m Emeri,” I manage to stammer out.
“Well I’m Mrs. Cynthia, Emeri. It is nice to meet you.” She moves on toward the kitchen and says, “I would stay and chat with you, but dinner won’t wait.” I feel as if I am in a trance.
Naima must have taken notice because she came over and spoke to her father, our father.
“Daddy, this is Emeri. She stopped by to see you. She said that she is the daughter of an old friend of yours and wanted to pay you a visit.” She turned back to me. “I must run Emeri, I have to listen to school day activities, help with homework and change diapers,” she says with the hint of a smile. “It was nice meeting you.” Then she is gone.
I hang my head down. I am now alone with the man my mama said was my father and I have not the slightest clue of what to say to him. He handles the situation for me.
“Emeri, was it?”
I glance up slowly and I see a smile in his eyes.
“I recognize you from Blanca’s funeral.” I feel my heart drop to the floor. He recognizes me; I wonder if he knows who I am.
“Yes, I am Blanca’s daughter.”
“I can tell by the eyes. What has brought you all this way to me?” He gazes at me intently as he waits for my reply.
“Well,” I begin slowly as I clear my throat, “one of my mama’s last wishes was that I find you and get to know you.”
“She wanted you to get to know me?” his voice laced with confusion. “Why?”
“I’m not sure where to begin or how to explain.” I look down at my hands. I feel so awkward and cannot believe that my mama put me in a position where I would have to defend myself.
“Well if it helps matters any, I don’t bite. Would you like to have a seat?” Kenneth offers.
“I think I better stand, at least until you hear what I have to say.” I take a deep breath and forge ahead.
“I am your daughter. My mama told you that she miscarried me all those years ago, when in fact she didn’t. Now here I am, alive and kicking.” I give a short, tortured laugh and continue staring at my hands. I hear a funny noise and look up in time to see Mrs. Cynthia retreating from the living room area. I had not even noticed that she was standing there listening.
I look over at the man that stole my mama’s heart, to gauge his reaction and he seems to be suspended in time. He looks as if he has aged 10 years in the last five minutes. Finally, I cannot take the silence any longer. I stand up and proceed to walk to the door.
“I shouldn’t have come,” I say choking over the lump in my throat. “I don’t know what I expected from this visit. I guess I wanted to know what you were like and what it would be like to have a father. With my mama gone, there is only me now. I am sorry for wasting your time. Please have a nice evening. I can see my way out.”
I drop the bundle of letters that my Mama had written for Kenneth on the couch and open the front door. The tears that I was trying to hold in before were free falling down my face. I do not know what I am going to do now. I drove all the way out here, I do not have anywhere to stay, and it is dark out so I will probably get lost. What a disastrous evening. At least now, I know where things stand. I was given the opportunity to meet my father, and appease my curiosity. I guess it was now time to let it all go and move on with my life.
“Emeri,” I stop and turn, trying to see through the tears streaming down my face. It was Mrs. Cynthia. “Chile’ you come back on in here and have some dinner. No sense in you running round at night lost and alone in a place you’re not used to.”
Oh, bless Mrs. Cynthia! I close my eyes and offer up a quick prayer of thanks to God. I slowly make my way back to the house, where Mrs. Cynthia promptly pulls me into a hug.
“Now, now this is just too much excitement going on in the life of one so young. You need a mother’s touch. It must be hard losing your mother, and having to meet your father all in such a short time. You’re doing a lot better than I would have.”
I return her hug and she allows me to cry out all my tears. She is right; I did need a mother’s touch. All she offered was a hug. Until she gave me one, I did not realize how much I needed that very thing; I didn’t want to let her go. She felt so safe, the way a mother should feel. I missed my mama so much. I felt a fresh outpour of tears begin. A short while later I pull back.
“Mrs. Cynthia I am so sorry for all the tears,” I say as I reach up to wipe my eyes. “I’m just not myself lately. I’m going through a tough time at the moment.”
“Chile’, don’t you worry any.” She looks up at me and for a brief second before turning her face. It looks as if she had been crying as well. “You come on in here, get cleaned up, and ready for dinner. Naima will show you to the guest room where you can stay.”
I walk back into the livi
ng area, and just as Mrs. Cynthia said she would, Naima was waiting for me.
“Emeri, follow me. I will show you where you will be staying this evening.” I look around to see if I see Kenneth, but he is nowhere in sight, and neither are my mama’s letters.
Once Naima leads me to the room where I will be staying, I notice her giving me the once over. I can only imagine what she must be thinking, so I beat her to the punch.
“Naima, I know this must come as a shock to you, it was a shock for me also when my mama told me not too long ago.”
Naima looks at me for a prolonged minute, as if trying to figure out exactly what to say.
“To be honest,” she finally begins, “I don’t know how I feel. I mean, you are a stranger, yet from what I have come to understand is, we are sisters. You are a representation that my father had an affair, obviously, because you do not seem to be that far removed from your college years, and you look a few years younger than myself. I cannot begin to imagine how my mother feels, since I am at a loss for how I feel. Either way we want you to be safe, so if you need anything please let me know.” She then turns and closes the door as she leaves.
Well at least she was not upset. I had no idea of how she would respond to the news. Maybe this was my chance to have a real family. Who knows, stranger things have happened.
Naima had been gone for about five minutes when I heard a light knock on the door. Maybe it was Mrs. Cynthia coming to check on me. I think I would like that. As I get up, there is another light knock, and the door creeps open. It was Kenneth.
“Do you mind if we talk?” he asks me rather reluctantly.
“Sure.” I replied to him, though my heart was really not in it. Since I witnessed his initial reaction, I did not know what to expect from him.
He enters the room, sits on the edge of the bed, and pats the space next to him, for me to have a seat. I inhale and exhale slowly before I sit. I have a feeling this conversation is going to take a lot out of me.
Kenneth begins slowly. “Emeri I would like to apologize for the way that I reacted when we spoke earlier. It is not everyday that someone walks up to you saying they are your daughter from a life that you had long ago forgotten. It was a lot to take in all at once.”
I look over at him now.
“It was a lot for me to take in too,” I say softly, staring into light brown eyes that match my own. “You weren’t the only one. Until a month ago, I did not even know who you were, and that you didn’t know I exist. Then with Mama passing, and having to adjust to life without her, I have been going through a lot. I took a chance coming out here because I no longer have a family. I wanted to see you, and see if you would be interested in letting me be a part of yours.” I felt my eyes watering again. I swear tears are never too far out of my grasp these days.
He reaches over and shyly pulls me into a hug.
“We would love to have you be a part of our family. I want you to know that if I had known about you things would have been different. I don’t know what your mother may have told you, but I loved her in my own way.” He pauses as he puts his hand under my chin, and lifts my face so I can look him in the eyes, “Emeri, I loved your mother more than she ever knew. I thought about her often and wondered how her life was going. I never would have known she was dying. Your grandmother found me somehow, and told me about the funeral. Otherwise, I would have never known.”
Tears are sliding down my face as I begin to tell him about my life.
“Our life was deprived. Mama’s parents disowned her when they found out that you impregnated her. I have never known them. I spoke to them for the first time at the funeral and was not impressed. We struggled. Mama worked hard to take care of me, and raise me to the best of her ability. She did the best that she could with what she had. I respect her for that. A part of me is angry with her for never telling me about you, and never having the opportunity to grow up with a dad and a sister. I always wanted a sister. Always.”
“I know a lot about your situation now after reading your mother’s letters. I am sorry that I was not able to be around for so many of the milestones in your life, but I promise to be there for the rest of them if you’ll let me.”
I reach up to wipe the tears away.
“I would love for you to be a part of my life,” I whisper, trying to swallow over that ever-present lump in my throat. “I would love it.”
Naima 16
I cannot believe what is going on around here. Everything is out of sorts. I have a half sister in the other room, that I never knew existed. My father has gone up to talk to her, and my mom is around here somewhere cleaning as if her life depends on it. What is really good? I open the door to the room that Namiyah and Kalani are sharing for the moment, and my angels are fast asleep. Bless their little hearts. They look so peaceful when they sleep. I quietly shut the door to their room and look for my mother. I have a slight inkling of how she feels, and what she is going through. I make my way down the stairs and think I hear her moving around in the kitchen. As I reach the kitchen doorway, I see her standing at the counter with her head in her hands sobbing.
My eyes begin to tear up. I feel so bad. No one wants to see their mom hurting like this, it is so sad.
“Hi Mommy.” She jerks her head up at the sound of my voice. She sweeps the floor like nothing is wrong.
“Hey baby, what you still doing up? Don’t you have to work tomorrow?”
“I thought I would check on you before I went to sleep. That was some pretty heavy news to deal with.”
“I’ll be fin-.” My mother stops mid sentence when the door opens and my father enters the kitchen. My mother looks up at him and goes back to sweeping.
“Cynthia, I can explain this.” He begins.
“I don’t see where you can Kenneth. Whatever you have to say is not going to be enough.”
“Will you at least let me try?”
“Kenneth what is there to say? You had an affair and you fathered another child. I mean, am I missing something here?” My mother’s voice was dripping with sarcasm.
“Cynthia it wasn’t as…it didn’t quite happen like that.”
“Didn’t it? Or was that not your child that walked through this door not too long ago? Before you deny anything and make an ass of yourself. That child looks just like you.”
There was nothing my dad could say. He looked so guilty.
“Cynthia please, please let me explain,” he pleads with her. “I know to you it may seem as if I just went off and had an affair, but it wasn’t like that. During the time all of that took place, you and I were having issues. I was depressed about losing my job and living off my wife. I was going through some things.”
“We both were having issues Kenneth, but I didn’t go out and sleep with the first guy that I saw.”
“Baby it wasn’t like that. It was something that just happened. I did not go looking for it or planning it. It just happened, plain and simple.”
“Just happened? I wish I had a nickel for every time a man said that. It’s amazing how I don’t have any ‘just happened’ moments.” My mom pauses for a minute. “You know what really hurts Kenneth? For the rest of my life, there in that room upstairs, there is evidence of your infidelity to me.” She could not contain her tears as they silently slide down her face. “Emeri is a beautiful child, and I hurt for her most in this situation because she has just lost her mother, and has to forge a relationship out of thin air with a father and a sister she just met. I just need help understanding. Please tell me what I am supposed to do? Because I don’t know,” she says as she flops back down in the chair with a defeated look on her face.
I hurt so badly for my mother. It is so hard to see her like this. She has always been the strong opinionated type. Seeing her reduced to this saddens me. She must have forgotten I was there because she never would have allowed herself to show so much emotion in front of me.
My dad walks over to her and attempts to put his arms around her, but my moth
er pulls just out of his reach.
“Kenneth I am going to need time. You have to allow me that. Once I wrap my mind around this, we will go from there. Until then, I need my space.” Having said that, she stands to put the broom away and leaves the kitchen.
I have never seen my dad look so dejected. His and my mom’s issues reminds me so much of Kaden and my issues, that I could not even feel sorry for him. He brought this situation on himself. He looks over at me.
“Do you feel the same way that your mother does?”
“Daddy, I don’t know what to say or what to think. I do, however, understand how Mommy feels. She feels betrayed, and now she’s second guessing herself, asking herself why she wasn’t good enough to keep her husband loyal to her.”
“She’s always been good enough for me, which is why I ended the affair. Things between her and I had gotten so bad, I was drinking heavily, and Blanca made everything okay for the moment. She was young and did not have any cares in the world. She was such a breath of fresh air, and not that that makes it okay, but she was what I needed at the time to help me through, and she did that.”
I look at my daddy and wonder if that was how Kaden felt. I doubt it; Kaden has always been a selfish bastard.
“Well are you done with that type of thing? You still love Mommy right?” I ask as I cock my head to the side and look at him intently.
“Of course I love your mom. I will never love anyone as much as I love your mother. She is the greatest asset and I was ever fortunate to acquire.”
“Then you have to help her see that. Show her that she is still the most important person in the world to you, and that the two of you can survive this.”