Lydia's Hope

by Marta Perry

  “I know. When I offered to help Lydia find you, it seemed so simple. But I guess nothing about families is simple.”

  Now it was her turn to study him. “That sounds like experience talking.”

  He shrugged. “I spent eighteen years being Amish and twelve years trying to be English. For the past few months I’ve been walking a tightrope between the two because of my family. So no, it’s not simple.”

  “I guess it wouldn’t be.” For once, her barricades were down, the real Chloe showing in those clear eyes. “I felt as if I’d strayed into a foreign country today. I’m glad I had you here as translator.”

  “Anytime.” He tried for a lightness he didn’t feel.

  She glanced at her watch. “I’d best get on the road. Thanks again.” She reached for the handle.

  Seth got out quickly. He walked with her to her car and closed the door once she was in. She started the engine and then pressed the button to lower the window.

  “You never did tell me the story of why you left the Amish,” she said.

  “Next time.”

  Chloe raised her eyebrows. “Are you so sure there’s going to be a next time?”

  “Yes.” He spoke firmly. “I’m sure. You’ll come back.”

  But after she’d pulled away, he stood watching her car until it disappeared from view. He’d like to be confident she’d come back. For Lydia’s sake, he told himself. Not his.

  * * *

  Adam glanced at Lydia as Ben’s car approached their lane. She had been quiet during the ride home, too quiet. Something was bothering her, and it might be best to bring it into the open before they reached the house.

  “Just drop us at the end of the lane, Ben. A little walk will feel gut after all the sitting.”

  “Sure thing.” Ben drew up to the lane and stopped. “It’s my pleasure to drive you folks anytime. Just give me a call.”

  “Denke, Ben. We are grateful.” Adam handed over the money he had ready in his hand as he got out. Even so, Lydia had already slid out the other side before he could reach her.

  “Denke, Ben,” she murmured, and set off rapidly down the lane.

  Adam repeated his thanks and hurried after her. Goodness only knew what Ben must be thinking about all these sudden trips to Oyersburg.

  Adam caught up with Lydia in a few strides and fell into step with her. She was walking faster than she usually did, and he was reminded of a teakettle getting ready to steam.

  “Was ist letz?”

  “What’s wrong?” She stopped and spun to face him, her eyes flashing. “I should be asking that question of you. What was wrong with you, that you sat all through lunch and didn’t say a word?”

  He took a firm hold on his temper, but a little slipped anyway. “Maybe I didn’t have anything to say. It seemed to me that you and Seth were talking enough for all of us.”

  “That’s the second time you’ve said that about him. Why are you so down on Seth? He was just trying to help me make Chloe feel wilkom.”

  “Well, then, you and he did a fine job.” Adam didn’t like the bitterness in his tone, but he couldn’t seem to get rid of it.

  “How could Chloe feel wilkom with you sitting there looking disapproving the whole time?” Angry tears sparkled in her eyes, making him feel guilty. He had never thought he’d make his Lydia cry.

  “Ach, Lydia, don’t be so upset. I wasn’t trying to be disapproving, just cautious.”

  “I doubt that Chloe could tell the difference.” Her voice was still tart, but the tears didn’t spill over. “And what is there to be cautious about anyway?”

  He paused. Lydia ought to know why he felt the way he did, after he’d told her the hard truth about his brother. But it seemed she’d forgotten in her excitement over this newly found sister.

  “I think one of us should be wary,” he said. “Chloe is a stranger, and Englisch besides.”

  “And she is my sister,” Lydia added. “Just because your brother—”

  She stopped abruptly, putting her fingers to her lips, her eyes wide with dismay.

  He stiffened, feeling as if she’d struck him. Didn’t she realize how much it had cost him to tell her about his brother? It seemed not.

  “I have gut reason to be worried about Englisch influence on my family. I have already seen what it can do.” His throat was so tight he knew he couldn’t talk about this any longer. “I’m going to the barn,” he said shortly, and stalked off away from her.

  Well, she’d already moved away from him, hadn’t she? He felt as if Lydia was on the far side of a swift-flowing stream, and he didn’t have the slightest idea how to reach her.

  As he neared the barn, he realized that his father-in-law’s wagon was drawn up by the door. He hurried his steps. Had Joseph come to pick up Anna already?

  He stepped into the barn, empty and shadowed at this time of day with the horses and the milk cow turned out in the pasture. “Joseph?” His voice echoed.

  “Ja, I’m up here.” Joseph’s voice sounded from above him.

  Adam looked up to see his father-in-law in the loft. The boys popped up, one on either side of him.

  “Look, Daadi, we’re helping Grossdaadi with the hay,” David said.

  Adam smiled, his tension subsiding. “It looks like you’ve been rolling in it, as much as you have sticking to your clothes.”

  David looked down at his black pants and began vigorously brushing them off. “We were moving bales. Daniel and I moved one all by our own selves.”

  “Gut job.” He looked an inquiry at Joseph.

  “I brought a few more bales of hay over,” his father-in-law explained. “I was chust making some space by the window. You want to climb in the wagon and toss them up to me?”

  “Ja, denke.” Joseph provided most of the hay they needed, since they didn’t have much to cut themselves.

  Adam hung his coat on a peg and went back outside, clambering into the back of the wagon. Joseph was generous with the hay, refusing to accept money, of course, but they paid him back in fruit.

  The hay window swung open, and Joseph shooed both of the boys away from the opening, being safe about the drop to the ground. Adam tossed the first bale up, Joseph caught it, and they were soon working in rhythm.

  This was what he needed—a little physical labor to clear away the tension of the day. Maybe it would sweep all thoughts of Seth and Chloe from his mind.

  Working together, he and Joseph soon had all the bales into the loft. Adam went inside and climbed the ladder to do the stacking.

  Joseph glanced at his face and gave a satisfied nod. “You boys go outside now.” He nudged Daniel and David toward the ladder. “There’s not room up here for four.”

  David looked a bit mutinous, but Daniel nodded and shepherded his little brother down the ladder to the lower level and out of the barn.

  Adam kept his face turned away from Joseph’s curious gaze. It was certain-sure that Joseph had noticed something, but maybe he wouldn’t speak.

  “So, how did it go with little Chloe? She must have been happy to see her sister, ain’t so?”

  It was natural enough for Joseph to want to hear about their visit. Chloe was his niece, too, his brother’s child. “I think she was glad enough to meet Lydia,” he answered carefully. “It seemed she doesn’t know what to make of the Amish, though. She was a bit stiff in her manner, I thought.”

  “I can’t say I’m surprised,” Joseph said. He stacked bales easily. A powerful man in the prime of life, he’d reject any suggestion that Adam take care of this job alone.

  “No?” He’d like to hear Joseph’s view of the situation, Adam realized.

  Joseph frowned, not stopping his work. “From the few things Diane said about her mother, it seemed the woman would never forgive her for marrying Eli. Diane sent her notes when the boppli were born, I heard, but she never responded.”

  “She knew enough about the family to grab Chloe after the accident.” Adam swung the final bale into place. “I�
��m thinking she stuffed the girl’s head full of nonsense about the Amish and how we live.”

  “Ach, now that Chloe has met our Lydia, she’ll soon see how wrong that is, ja? Nobody could be kinder than Lydia.”

  Adam nodded, wondering if Joseph would say that if he’d seen Lydia’s display of temper. But that was for him and Lydia to work out, nobody else.

  “Getting the two of them together is a beginning, anyway,” Joseph said. He turned and swung easily down the ladder.

  Adam followed him. “Ja, it is.” A beginning he’d be just as happy to see over and done with. “She said she would write to Lydia.”

  “Lydia will be running to the mailbox every day, then.” Joseph’s ruddy face split in a smile. “I’d like to see for myself how that sweet baby turned out. Maybe she’ll come for a visit one day.”

  “Maybe.” Adam kept his tone noncommittal.

  “We ought to get on our way home, but I’d guess Anna and Lydia are still in there talking.” Joseph hesitated. “I hope they are, for sure.”

  “Ja, I do, too.” The gap between Lydia and her mother had been painful to watch.

  Adam followed his father-in-law out of the barn, and they turned toward the house. Painful to watch, ja. And the one between Lydia and him was even more painful still, and he didn’t know how to fix it.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  Lydia hurried into the house after she left Adam, to be met by the aroma of baking. Her mother was pulling a cherry pie from the oven. She set it on the cooling rack beside the one she’d obviously just taken out, the dark red cherries bubbling up through the leaf-shaped vents she’d cut in the top crust.

  “Ach, Mamm, you didn’t need to bake, as well. You had your hands full watching the boys.” Lydia gave her a quick hug, inhaling the comforting aroma.

  “As if those two sweet boys take much watching,” Mamm said. “You’ll know I’m ready for pasture if I can’t bake and watch kinder at the same time. Anyway, they are out at the barn with your daad.”

  “I hope at least you used our canned cherries instead of bringing your own.” Lydia removed her bonnet and hung it on the peg near the door. If she kept the talk on simple things, maybe she could keep Mamm from seeing how upset she was, though Mamm always seemed to know what she didn’t say.

  Of course, she was the same way with Daniel and David. Maybe a mother never outgrew that sixth sense where her children were concerned.

  “Ja, I did use yours,” Mamm said, “but only because I forgot to bring mine. Your trees certain-sure produced plenty of cherries last year.”

  “I hope they’ll do as well this year.” She glanced through the window toward the orchard as she spoke, where the four cherry trees were clustered together at one end. “We talked about putting some more cherry trees in this spring, but we didn’t get it done. Those trees are getting pretty old, ain’t so?”

  “Ja, I guess.” Mamm poured coffee and carried it to the table without troubling to ask. “Seems to me they were put in after the apple trees were, but often cherry trees don’t last as long.” She pulled out two chairs. “Now sit, and tell me what has you troubled.”

  Lydia was surprised into a smile. “I should know I can’t hide how I’m feeling from you.”

  “Was there trouble with Chloe? She came, didn’t she?” The lines around Mamm’s blue eyes deepened.

  “She was there.” Lydia sat down next to her mother and took a sip of coffee, its warmth seeming to ease the tightness in her throat. “You should see her, Mamm. So pretty, like a picture in a magazine.” She hesitated. “So . . . Englisch.”

  “Ach, well, it’s to be expected.” Mamm was practical, as always. “Her grandmother had the raising of her, after all, and she didn’t have much sympathy for Amish ways, from what I know.”

  “I should have been prepared. But when I saw her there with Seth, I felt as if I were looking at a stranger. Somehow I thought I’d know her in my heart.” She put her palm against her chest and blinked away a tear.

  “You do, really,” her mother said. “It just maybe will take some getting used to.”

  She nodded. “I’m being silly, I guess. There were gut moments. She was interested in the boys, and she asked questions about our birth mother. And then, just at the end, when I was thinking she was eager to leave, she hugged me.” Another tear spilled over as she relived that moment.

  “You see?” Mamm said. “It will be all right.”

  “That touched my heart. I did feel, then, as if we truly were sisters. But when I asked if she’d come here to visit, she didn’t want to.”

  Mamm patted her shoulder. “I’m sorry if it wasn’t all you hoped, but it seems to me things went fairly well from what you say, for a first visit.”

  “But why doesn’t she want to come here? That’s what I don’t understand. Unless it’s because Adam scared her off.” Her annoyance with him dried her tears and flushed her cheeks.

  “It is hard to imagine our Adam scaring anyone,” Mamm said, her voice mild.

  “Well, maybe it wasn’t that bad, but he just sat there, hardly saying a word the whole time. It would be no wonder if Chloe felt he wouldn’t welcome her to our home.”

  “She probably just thought he was shy,” Mamm said. “I’m sure you and Seth kept the talk going, ain’t so?”

  It was hard to hold on to a grudge in the face of Mamm’s common sense. “You always stand up for Adam,” she said in mock complaint, a smile escaping. “Anyone would think he was your child instead of me.”

  “I confess we’ve always been partial to Adam. Your daad and I were glad when you picked him. For a time we feared it would be Seth who won your heart.”

  She could only stare at her mother, dumbfounded. “Seth? Why would you think that?”

  “All the girls were sweet on him, ja? Weren’t you?” Mamm stirred her coffee absently, not looking at Lydia.

  “He charmed all the girls, that’s why. Oh, me, too, a little, but never seriously. You couldn’t be serious about Seth. Anyway, I always knew he’d leave. Or be unhappy.”

  “You were wiser than we knew at that age.” Mamm stroked her hand lovingly. “Adam is steady as a rock.”

  “And just as immovable,” she said, her voice as tart as the pie cherries. “Even after meeting Chloe, he is still telling me to be cautious with her, not to care too much.”

  “Adam’s a gut man, but he is a man, after all. They don’t always understand a woman’s heart. He should know that you aren’t one who could care just a little.”

  “Ja, he should know that.” She felt a bit justified to hear Mamm speak so.

  “But you should know something about him, too.” Mamm’s voice grew serious. “You love him in part because he is so responsible, ja? And being responsible means he has to be cautious for those he loves.”

  “Ja, but just because his brother—” She stopped, swept by the sense that she was being disloyal. She could not betray what Adam had told her about his brother.

  “Ja, you told me about his grief for Benjamin,” Mamm said. “Poor Benj—a sweet boy, but always crazy to try something new. His family is grieving still, and Adam more than most, because he was the oldest and would feel responsible.”

  “He does.” Her voice went husky as she relived Adam’s pain over his brother.

  “There are times in every marriage when the two are like harnessed horses pulling in different directions,” Mamm pointed out. “You and Adam have been blessed with few troubles so far, but troubles are a test that can make a marriage stronger.”

  Lydia studied her mother’s face, touched by the depth of feeling in her voice. “You and Daad . . .” she said, and then thought she shouldn’t.

  Mamm patted her hand. “Our first big trouble was the accident, and us only married for less than a month. We went from planning our wedding visits to rushing to the hospital to becoming parents.” She smiled, but tears glistened in her eyes.

  “I’m sorry . . .” Lydia had never thought of it from that perspect
ive.

  “We never regretted that part of it, that’s certain-sure. But when we were going through all of it, the burdens seemed too heavy to bear. Now I know that our marriage grew so much stronger because of what happened.” Mamm paused, her gaze searching Lydia’s face. “Just let God use finding your sisters to make you and Adam stronger together, ja?”

  Her mother’s words seemed to sink into Lydia’s heart. “I’ll try,” she whispered.

  * * *

  Mamm and Daad stayed for supper, and Lydia managed to present a smiling face to the children. But once her folks had gone home and the two boys were settled for the night, she found she was reliving every minute of her visit with Chloe.

  She ought to be dwelling on the positive, Lydia told herself. At least she and Chloe had spent some time together. She bent to pick up a block that had missed the toy box when the boys were cleaning up. And Chloe had said she’d write and send pictures. Those were promising steps.

  Just because Chloe didn’t feel ready to visit her here, on the farm where she’d been born, didn’t mean she was shying away from their relationship. Maybe she thought it would be too emotional, being in the house where their mamm and daad had lived.

  Lydia walked into the kitchen, running her hand along the wooden cabinets that had been installed long before the house came to her. Her father had built those cabinets, Daad had told her once. Eli had been a skilled craftsman.

  She took comfort in being here, in being able to touch things her parents had touched, maybe even more so because she couldn’t remember. If Chloe wasn’t ready to face that, she must be patient. It would happen, in God’s own time.

  Please . . .

  Lights reflected from the kitchen windows. Someone had just driven in the lane. Seth?

  Lydia hurried to the back door. By the time she reached the porch, Seth had already jumped from the car. He stopped at the bottom of the steps, looking up at her.

  “Is something wrong?” A tiny fear shimmered along her nerves. “Is Chloe all right?”

  “Sure, fine, as far as I know.” Seth shook his head. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to alarm you by coming over so late. I won’t stay, but I thought you should know that Chloe stopped to see Susanna after she left the restaurant.”