As far back as she could remember, love was suspect.
Nonetheless it came knocking upon her heart asking for a place to stay. Though Ella doubted whether it would ever attempt to establish permanent residence, she didn’t have the presence of mind to turn it away. Despite her determination to dismiss that foolish fantasy of someday falling in love with a wonderful man who would see past her freckles and red hair and come to cherish her for who she really was, Ella couldn’t make herself let go of her lovely illusions. Walking around the Frog Festival on the arm of a real Prince Charming made it hard not to believe in fairy godmothers who made all things right for those who were truly good at heart.
That tender daydream was shattered by the sound of Sarah’s wailing. Apparently the lid of her container had worked itself loose and her frog had escaped into the high grass. The distraught child was on her knees hysterically searching the area for any clue of the lucky frog’s whereabouts.
“Watch out! Don’t step here!” Sarah shrilly commanded to myriad legs passing by.
Hawk’s offer to just buy her another one only made her cry more intensely. Shaking her head at his insensitivity, Ella fell to her knees and joined the search. Billy’s smug announcement that his frog was still safely ensconced in its jar did not help the situation. Though Hawk held out little hope that the critter in question would ever be found, he nonetheless bent down to give the appearance of looking for it.
“You don’t understand,” Sarah bawled. “I don’t want another frog. I want my Kermit!”
It was situations just like this that had Hawk tearing out his hair. Clearly the child could no more tell Kermit apart from any other unfortunate amphibian forced to be in this festival. Hawk knew Sarah was only four and a half, but her behavior was so irrational that he didn’t know of any other way than bribery to avert a scene that to some outside observer could have all the earmarks of child abuse. He certainly didn’t want to end such a lovely day with his daughter tucked beneath his arm screaming her head off as they made their way back to the parking lot, an unfortunate goodly distance away.
“I know you don’t want to hear this,” he heard Ella tell Sarah in a voice that was both soothing and reasonable. “But maybe it’s really for the best. Frogs don’t like being cooped up any more than any other wild animal. Maybe it’s Kermit’s destiny to give some nasty boy warts or to find a princess to kiss him and turn him into a prince or maybe just to find a pretty girl frog and start a great big happy family like yours.”
Sarah wiped her eyes with the back of a grimy hand. “You think so?” she asked with a hiccup.
“I do. And I think God would be very happy with you for letting one of his wild creatures free. I know I’m certainly proud of you.”
“You are?”
Sensing a possible aversion to what only a moment ago seemed certain catastrophe, Hawk chimed in, “So am I, sweetheart.”
He glanced over his daughter’s golden head to give Ella a look of gratitude—and respect. How she managed to avoid disasters with a soft word and a kind tone of voice was a skill he needed to learn. Its advantages over sheer force and/or bribery were obvious not only for the present but also in the future. If he ever hoped to see his children grow into well-mannered, self-reliant young adults, Hawk knew he needed to develop better communication skills himself.
“I don’t have to let Rover go, too, do I?” Billy asked, eyeing both adults nervously.
“Not unless you want to,” Ella coaxed gently.
“Good!” he said, sighing in relief and clutching his jar to his chest. Though he wasn’t buying the spin Ella put on this predicament, he was nonetheless glad when his little sister stopped crying and his daddy offered to buy them all double-scooped ice cream cones.
“Will you be able to catch a ride home tonight, or do you want to call me to come get you?” Hawk asked stiffly. As hard as it was to concentrate on anything other than the erotic flick of Ella’s tongue as she attacked her ice cream, he hadn’t forgotten Buzz’s invitation. Not a chance when it had been simmering resentfully on a back burner all day long.
“What are you talking about?” she asked.
That Ella actually looked perplexed by his question was a bit of balm to his ego. If by some slim chance she had actually forgotten about Buzz’s request, Hawk was going to kick himself for reminding her of the party at the lake afterward. Had it not appeared so desperate, he might have actually considered hiring a baby-sitter for the night and accompanying her himself. As a younger man, Hawk had been too busy building his empire to spend much time indulging in keggers and frat parties. From what he heard, he didn’t think he’d missed much. Even now the thought of hanging out with a bunch of self-absorbed college kids sounded like as much fun as lancing a boil.
“I’m talking about your friend Buzz’s offer to hang out at the lake after the booths shut down.”
“Oh, that,” Ella replied offhandedly.
“Yes, that.”
Hawk thought about expounding. That disgusting little twerp who implied that he sampled your phenomenal kisses in the past. That infuriating and risky offer to combine drinking and driving with rampant hormones and a decided lack of judgment.
“I think I’ll skip it if you don’t mind.”
If he didn’t mind?
It was all Hawk could do to keep from blowing his suave, aloof cover by breaking out into a toothy grin.
His reaction seemed to prompt an explanation from her. “I’ve been to my fair share of parties over the years, and to be quite frank, I usually find them a bore.”
Indeed the maturity level displayed at such gatherings often left Ella feeling disgusted with many of her peers. The truth was she would much rather spend the remainder of the day falling hopelessly in love with this man.
“Well, if you’re sure,” Hawk said, interrupting her train of thought. He didn’t want to press his luck after all. “I’m ready to go if you are.”
No one put up any argument. Hours of sunshine, fattening treats and merriment left them all ready to load up and call it a day. Perhaps it was the thin air, the bright blue sky, or the tops of the mountains glistening in the background that made their time together feel so utterly wonderful. Driving into a deepening sunset that Hawk maintained could not do justice to the color of Ella’s hair, they enjoyed breathtaking scenery and the simple pleasure of one another’s company on the way home.
Hawk was more relaxed than he had been in a long, long time. He hadn’t given thought to business more than once or twice all day. Even the disturbing news that Rover, his son’s frog, had staged a daring breakout and was loose somewhere in the car didn’t upset him. He simply pulled the vehicle over to the side of the road until the wayward creature was recaptured. Everyone seemed relieved but Sarah. She maintained it was in Rover’s best interest to set him free like Kermit, causing her big brother to question whether she had been an accomplice to his escape.
Sideswiped by a sweet wave of sentimentality as she watched Hawk attempt to reason with his children, Ella allowed herself to imagine for a moment what it would be like to be a “real” member of this family. To be a wife. And a mother.
Ella doubted whether Hawk or his children would object to the idea of including her in the family on a purely cerebral level. It was that nagging fear that they were looking for a replacement for the “larger than life” Lauren that sent the butterfly of optimism fluttering out of Ella’s grasp. Settling for second best wasn’t her style. She might not be as gorgeous, sophisticated or beloved as Hawk’s late wife, but that didn’t mean Ella didn’t see herself as one iota less deserving of happiness.
As the red-eyed sunset surrendered to the purple hues of a perfect summer night, Hawk impetuously reached over and took Ella’s hand into his own. The children were too preoccupied in a conversation about providing a safe environment for Rover to pay the act any notice. Given their enthusiastic reaction to the performance their father had given back at the kissing booth, Ella doubted they woul
d have cared. They were happy as long as their father was. And as sad as it was, reality would decree that before long, the children would remember little of their mother but what they heard of her through secondhand sources.
Ella squeezed Hawk’s hand back. Their hand holding was in its own way more intimate than all the public or private kisses Hawk had ever bestowed upon her. The simple act of one’s fingers entwined with another’s conveyed a genuine affection completely separate of sex. Not that Ella had anything against great sex. It was just that intercourse was so often driven purely by physical need that it wasn’t something she much trusted. What woman didn’t know that promises and sweet words issued in the heat of passion were not always reliable indicators of a man’s sincerity?
Holding hands was to Ella’s way of thinking incredibly romantic. It made her go tingly all over. And soft inside. And all too vulnerable to the fleeting charm of a moment she intended to press in her memory book like the precious blossoms of some enchanted rose.
Releasing her hand, Hawk proceeded to rub his fingers up and down the length of Ella’s arm. She didn’t know how something so harmless could be so incredibly sensual. She knew only that, beneath his expert touch, the goose bumps he raised could not have possibly escaped Hawk’s notice. Ella was sorry to see the lights of the ranch house glimmer into sight.
Although she remembered leaving the porch light on, she hated to see electricity wasted in other parts of the house. Having lived without public utilities for extended periods of time, such frivolous expense bothered her. She knew Hawk would never broach the subject with the children. He was far more concerned about them growing up without wanting for anything than teaching them the value of thrift. Ella wasn’t so sure that wasn’t a mistake on his part. Personal experience had taught her that “want” was a great motivator.
By the time they pulled up to the front door, the children had drifted off to sleep in the back seat of the car. Glancing over his shoulder, Hawk cleared his throat in a gesture that Ella was quickly coming to recognize as a nervous harbinger of an uncomfortable subject matter.
“About Buzz,” Hawk began, feeling twelve shades an old fool.
“What about him?” Ella asked.
“I know it’s none of my business, but…”
That nasty little conjunction sat between them like a piece of stinky cheese.
Valiantly Hawk tried again. “It’s just that… I was wondering whether… Listen,” he said, plunging his fingers through his hair. “I know there’s no place for jealousy in an open relationship such as ours, but something that young man said has been bothering me all day, and I figure it’s better to just come out and ask you rather than keep beating around the bush. What exactly did he mean by saying he personally knew the value of your kisses?”
Relieved that it was such a trifling matter, Ella laughed out loud. Hawk could maintain all he wanted that theirs was an open relationship, but the jealousy in his tone made her heart leap within her breast. Never having thought herself the type to inspire possessiveness in anyone, she found herself at a sudden advantage.
“The last time Buzz kissed me,” she said in all seriousness, “he knocked me down and literally wrestled it from me.”
Hawk’s eyes darkened dangerously. His hands clenched the steering wheel in anger. For a delicious moment Ella thought he was going to turn the car around and go after poor Buzz seeking retribution for his crime against womanhood. She hastened to explain.
“We were in first grade as I recall. It was May Day. In case you don’t know, the custom around here is that if you receive a May basket from someone of the opposite sex, you are entitled to a kiss in return. In typical tomboy fashion, I resisted tradition and ran away just as fast as I could. It took Buzz the better part of a block to catch me.”
“Poor guy,” Hawk said, completely without sympathy.
He couldn’t resist smiling himself at the thought of Ella only a little older than his own darling Sarah giving all the little boys a run for their money.
“I suppose,” he added, “that you kept your father busy at home polishing his shotgun to protect you from such scamps all through school.”
“The only thing my father ever polished in regard to me was his exit,” Ella assured him.
Hawk was taken aback. He couldn’t imagine being estranged from his own children. Ella was so good with them that he had simply assumed she had grown up with the example of two wonderful parents herself.
“You never have told me anything of your background,” Hawk prodded gently.
“That’s because there’s not much to tell,” she replied flippantly hoping to let it go at that. Unfortunately the puzzled expression on Hawk’s face compelled her to provide him with at least a thumbnail sketch of her pitiful history.
“My biological father ran out on us when Mom told him she was pregnant with me. We didn’t have much money, but we had each other and a world full of hopes and dreams. We had several wonderful years together until my mother was diagnosed with cancer. She didn’t live much longer. When she died, I was put in an orphanage.”
Not a man given to over-sentimentality, Hawk nonetheless felt something hot behind his eyelids. He sucked in his breath and forged bravely onward.
“Surely such a cute little redheaded girl like yourself had no trouble finding a good family to adopt you?” he asked, hoping against hope that he was right.
Ella’s bitter laugh assured him that he was not.
“No, but I did pick up some valuable nanny skills from all the foster families in need of free baby-sitting and house cleaning services.”
Seeing Hawk’s look of horror at the retelling of her life’s circumstances, Ella hastened to lighten the mood. She had never intended to tell him this much about herself. The last thing she wanted was for him to start thinking of her as a charity case.
“It turns out it was a good thing. Those skills certainly have come in handy lately.”
Unable to respond to such cheerfulness in light of the dismal facts revealed, Hawk took one hand off the steering wheel and reached over to squeeze Ella’s hand reassuringly. His heart contracted in pain to think of her orphaned so young. Assuredly that was why she was so compassionate and insightful in dealing with two motherless children desperate for a woman’s touch in their lives.
Aware that Ella was deliberately downplaying the more painful elements of her past, he didn’t press her further. He knew only too well that a person had to deal with grief in his or her own way.
Hawk gently awakened the children, then came around the car to open the door for Ella. The simple gesture made her feel like a princess alighting from a golden carriage. It didn’t matter that Ella knew just how dangerous such fanciful thinking could be. It was beyond her power to keep hope from resting on her shoulders.
It wasn’t completely out of the question to think life might actually write her a fairy-tale ending, was it?
Those beautiful sand castles she had been building in her mind came crashing down about her the minute they opened the front door and discovered exactly why all the lights were burning at home.
Nine
“Aunt Frannie!” cried the children, shaking off the remnants of sleep and blasting past Ella in a blur.
Lounging upon the living room couch was the most beautiful woman she had ever seen. When Sarah had mentioned her Aunt Frannie before, Ella had pictured a more matronly personage. This femme fatale reminded her of a blond Cleopatra holding court. Wearing a silk chemise and matching robe of an exquisite design, she set her wineglass down to throw her arms open wide. The welcome the children gave their aunt spoke of their genuine affection for her.
Hawk also greeted his sister-in-law with a big smile and a warm hug that lasted far too long to suit Ella. Clearly this relative’s favored standing in the family hadn’t been diminished any by Lauren’s death. A petite five-foot-three-inches on tiptoes, his ex-sister-in-law barely reached Hawk’s shoulders. Perhaps that was why she didn’t see Ella stan
ding in the shadows awaiting a formal introduction.
Digging her bloodred nails into Hawk’s back, she exclaimed in a breathless, feminine way, “Don’t squeeze me too hard! You big men sometimes forget your strength.”
Even though Ella didn’t actually know the woman herself, she wanted to squeeze her, too—around the neck.
“What are you doing here?” the children demanded, jumping up and down in their excitement. “How long can you stay?”
Her smile was beatific as she answered their questions with a distinctly theatrical flair. “Your Aunt Frannie is here to be your nanny for as long as you need me!”
Ella felt the bottom drop out of her stomach. To be replaced by this ravishing creature was too cruel. Why couldn’t Aunt Frannie weigh closer to two hundred pounds and have a nasal quality to her voice instead of such an intriguing lilt? Why didn’t Aunt Frannie stay where she belonged like New York or Paris or wherever it was that she bought those dazzling clothes?
Why did life always pull the rug out from under Ella whenever she got her hopes up?
Frannie’s announcement seemed to have been met with stunned disbelief. Having expected a more enthusiastic response to her offer, her voice took on an injured quality. “Have I said something wrong?” she asked.
“Not at all,” Hawk hastened to assure her. “We’re just surprised to see you. After all, the outback of Wyoming isn’t exactly your typical getaway destination.”
Frannie’s response was a throaty laugh. “Indeed not, but when you called and said your nanny ran off, leaving you single-handedly responsible for my nephew and niece as well as your demanding business, I dropped everything, abandoned civilization and rushed right out to help.”
“That’s very kind of you, Frannie,” Hawk began, “but—”
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