“Cool, huh?” He beamed. “Now it’s edible. Do you know that there were times when this was about the only thing the Indians had to eat during this season? The fields of cacti stretched for miles and all sorts of different tribes would set up camp near them.”
“I didn’t realize it was that much of a food source.”
“It’s some good stuff. Helps with burns, too.”
“I’m impressed, son.”
“Thanks, Dad,” Max said, flashing a Cantrell smile before turning serious. “I’m going to make a success of this. Me and Mom.”
Zane nodded, not sure how to take Max’s clear flag that there was a solidarity that he shared with his mom that he could never share with him. It wasn’t a good feeling, even though he was still having a hard time wrapping his head around the fact that this was his son. He’d come to Mule Hollow to try to see if there could be any hope of a life with Rose and now Max was in the picture, too. All these years she’d kept him away from this amazing kid. A kid who, if Zane understood right, had just let it be known that to have a real, lasting relationship with him would require Zane to get along with Rose. A tall order after what she’d done—the fact that he’d just carried on an almost flirtatious conversation with her was startling.
“So, you and my mom must have really liked each other?”
Zane wasn’t sure where the conversation was heading and tried to hide some of his surprise. But even with the goggles Max wore, his piercing scrutiny dug deep.
Zane glanced toward Rose, half hidden from view as she plucked the fruit from the cactus. His gut tightened. Despite the distance he saw anger in the force with which she was working. After all the deceit, he didn’t know what he was feeling for her, but he knew the only answer he could give Max was an honest one.
“Yes, I liked your mother very much. I thought she was the bravest, most honorable young woman I’d ever met.” Thought.
Max laid his torch down, tugged his goggles up to rest on his forehead. “You aren’t going to hold this against her, are you?”
Fatherly pride swelled through Zane. Max was a young man who seemed to meet challenge head-on. And, as torn as he was with what was going on inside of him where Rose was concerned, Zane knew this trait came from the way she’d raised Max.
“She only did what she thought was right,” Max continued. “She said you left the day after someone tried to kill her. Why’d you do that? You ran out on her when she needed you most.”
Zane fought the urge to loosen his collar—a collar that was already unbuttoned. The kid had guts. “You’re right. I messed up. I never planned on what happened between us. I’m not proud of what I did.” The fact that his first serious conversation with his son was this topic was punishment in and of itself for past sins. How did he talk about this?
“Look, I’m still a kid to most people. But most folks don’t realize everything me and Mom have been through. My mom has always been up front with me early on about how important it is to wait for the right person, marry her and experience things the way God intended it to be.”
Zane was successfully chastised. But Max wasn’t through with him.
“And,” he continued, “now that I know the truth about myself, I get it more than ever why Mom was so straight with me. She didn’t want me messing up like she did. She doesn’t want me messing up some girl’s life and leaving her like you left Mom.”
Shame settled in the pit of Zane’s gut. He’d felt it and guilt over the years about letting his relationship with Rose get personal. But never had he felt it so acutely. The fact that he hadn’t known she was expecting his child didn’t matter. The fact was as her protector and as the man who’d cared for her, he’d let her down in every sense of the word, so he kept silent now. His son deserved to have his say.
“You ran out on her. That was pretty heartless. You’re a Texas Ranger. You’re supposed to be a real man. And my mom taught me that a real man stands up for his responsibility.”
Talk about laying it out there! Zane felt like he was the kid and Max the father. “I left because I put your mom at risk. I blamed myself for almost losing her. I was distracted by my feelings for her when the shooter came after her. I should have seen him, sensed him long before I did. I left because I didn’t want to take the chance that it would happen again.”
His gut twisted even now, thinking back to the moment he’d realized Rose had gone outside the safe house. The fact that she’d disobeyed his direct order was not consolation to him. If he’d kept his distance like he’d been trained to do, Rose wouldn’t have considered going against him. No one ever had before. But he’d let her see a personal side of him, and because of that she’d felt too comfortable and not taken him seriously. The result had been costly. “My job was to keep her safe—no matter what it cost me personally. That meant no matter what I felt for her, if I didn’t feel like I was doing my job, then I had to give it up. And that’s what I did. Can you, as a man, understand where I’m coming from?” He rubbed his hip as a dull ache radiated through it.
The ache and the remembrance of Rose’s brush with death had him thinking about his recent assignment…the one that had brought him on this journey at last. He’d almost lost that witness, too. Almost given his life to protect a small-time thug who’d gone state’s evidence against a money-laundering ring. Zane’s keen sense of awareness had been what saved the man’s life. Zane had already sprang into action before the car busted through the barriers blocking the street. That hadn’t been the case with Rose’s ambush. That she’d survived the shooting had purely been an act of God and nothing that had to do with him protecting her. He’d not been able to forgive himself for that—if she’d been killed…he couldn’t even think about that possibility.
“Sometimes a man has to make sacrifices in order to pay for his mistakes.”
Time stretched between them while Max considered his words. “Yes, sir,” he said at last. “I think I get it. But you could have told her goodbye. She might not be so mad at you if you’d told her goodbye. And…” He took a long breath. “And she might have gotten in touch with you later and told you about me.”
There was only so much about his relationship with Rose that Zane cared to talk to Max about. Some was too deep and just too personal. A nod would have to suffice. He couldn’t tell Max that he’d been afraid of waiting until morning. That if he’d tried to tell her goodbye he might not have been strong enough to walk away. It was his sworn duty to keep her safe, not to take advantage of her fragile emotional state. Which was what he’d done.
And that was what he’d been afraid of all these years. That what she’d felt for him had really only been misplaced emotions due to his protector role.
Only after his near-death experience had he finally decided he had to find out. And so he’d come to Mule Hollow to see if what they’d had was real. His second chance had turned into so much more. God had given him a chance to know Max. But his resentment of Rose lingered and with it that undeniable connection that he couldn’t shake.
Rose was coming out of the pasture, so he used her approach as a way not to continue the conversation. What could he say?
She moved with the quick grace of a woman who had things to do and places to be. Without preamble, she set the bag on the table near him, her gaze touching his like the quick sting of a wasp before lighting on Max. She had purple juice splattered all over herself, across her goggles, her cheek and down her neck.
“I’m going to go work in the kitchen. If you need me, just call,” she told him then strode toward the house.
It was clear that she was tolerating him for Max’s sake—just like he was doing.
So why couldn’t he pull his gaze from her?
“Sure thing,” Max said, not giving away to her that he’d just taken Zane to the mat. He poured some sad-looking fruit out onto the table. “Mom,” he said, laughing. “What happened? You killed them.”
She cringed. “Sorry.”
Zane chuckled unexp
ectedly and drew a pointed look from her. It only made Max’s grin widen broadly as she cut those eyes back to him.
“I’ll need those as soon as you can get them to me,” she said coolly before heading toward the house at a brisk gait.
Max lifted one shoulder. “She gets like that when she has stuff on her mind.” He pulled his goggles down and picked up his torch. “I better get a move on.”
“Sounds that way.” Zane’s attention was drawn back toward the house where Rose was removing her equipment. As he watched, she lifted both hands and smoothed her hair as if smoothing the tendrils would smooth her nerves. Unexpectedly, she glanced his way and caught him watching her. She froze, then yanked open the door and stalked inside.
“I better do the same. It’s time for me to relieve Brady from duty.” He started to go then stopped. “Max, I honestly never meant to hurt your mom.”
Max looked somberly at him. “I don’t think she knows that.”
He squeezed Max’s shoulder, wanting to hug him instead, but not sure if now was the right time. “I’ll see you later.”
“Yes, sir. Later.”
Zane’s heart felt like lead as he climbed in his truck and headed back toward town. For a man who’d always seen things in black and white, his entire world suddenly seemed washed in gray.
Chapter Nine
“Son, ya got a long row ta hoe,” Applegate said the next morning. He lifted a bushy brow. “Ya know that, don’t ya?”
Zane frowned into his coffee. “Yes, sir,” he said, resigned to the fact that he was about to get plenty of free advice. With his dark mood he probably should have skipped the diner and headed straight to the office, but he wasn’t thinking completely straight today.
Sam leaned a hip against the counter. “I know yer upset ’bout her not telling that boy you were his dad, but from what we’ve been told, that little gal has been through enough to break most folks.”
“Yep,” Stanley said, talking loud as he and App usually did. “She’s a scrapper. It’s hard to believe all she’s been through. To look at her you’d never believe it.”
“So now what?” Applegate boomed, walking over from his forgotten checker game. “You gonna fight fer yourself.”
“I’m going to fight for my son,” Zane said.
Stanley grunted. “A smart man would fight fer yor family.”
“I don’t have a family.” There was still that resentment for what he’d missed—unbelievably strong this morning.
“Oh, phooey!” Applegate exploded. “Don’t be a fool. Ya know good and well ya could have a family. If you were a big enough man to get past feelin’ sorry fer yourself. You goofed. She goofed. Get over it and on with it.”
“Now, App, he don’t know that, and neither do you,” Sam said. “Rose has a mind of her own. She might not want him after what he did. She might not want to forgive him.”
“He could make her want him if he had a mind to,” Stanley said, spitting a sunflower seed into the spittoon. “A man’s got ta know when ta fight fer what he wants.”
Sam glared at him. “And I’m saying he kin fight all he wants, but if Rose don’t want him then he ain’t got a chance.”
Okay, that about did it for him in the advice department. Zane pushed away from the counter. “I’m standing right here, fellas, so would you stop talking about me like I’m not.” He’d struggled with his next move all night.
Applegate scowled. “I gotta say, I ain’t so sure you’re all here. I mean, if you cain’t look at that little woman and see a jewel to be won, then thar must be a hole in yer head.”
Zane blinked back his sudden irritation. He hadn’t known these old guys long, but it was obvious they didn’t pull punches. “I guess I have a hole in my head.” He slapped a buck on the counter and stalked to the door. He could feel steam boiling and would have welcomed another hole in his head to relieve it.
He wasn’t sure about anything at the moment except that he wanted to build a relationship with Max. Sure, he couldn’t deny that despite everything there were feelings battling inside of him where Rose was concerned.
Outside, he glared toward the dress store as he walked down the sidewalk to the office. He had too much time on his hands. So far, fixing Mrs. Lovelace’s flat had been his most eventful day. He’d had far too much time to dwell on Rose. He hated to wish for something to happen at work, but even something small like another flat tire would give him a momentary reprieve. Maybe then some of the confusion would dissipate.
But this was Mule Hollow, making the odds slim that he’d get any distraction. He kept reminding himself that his job being boring was a good thing for the quiet little town.
To his amazement, the phones started ringing the instant he walked into the office. For starters, a loaded-down cattle hauler had blown a tire, hit a tree and tipped over out on the north side of the county. There were stressed-out cattle running loose up and down the county road. This time they called Prudy’s wrecker service to haul away the truck while he and Brady rounded up the cattle until new transportation could be arranged. Needless to say it was a chaotic morning that lasted through lunch. No sooner had they gotten that taken care of than a call came in on a grass fire. As he turned on the lights of the patrol vehicle and fell in line behind Brady’s truck, heading toward the fire, he decided maybe wishing for something to take his mind off Rose had been a bad idea.
Rose had just locked the door for the day when Zane walked across the street and stepped onto the sidewalk. He looked tired and hot as he scooped his hat off and held it limply in one hand. She had never seen him looking rumpled and was startled to see him this way. There was mud caked to his boots and the bottoms of his jeans and his shirt was damp. His short hair clung to his forehead. She’d heard about the cattle truck and the fire.
“Hello, Rose.”
“Hi,” she acknowledged, and tried hard not to notice how good he looked even rumpled. “Even if I hadn’t already heard, I could look at you and tell you’ve had a busy day.”
He gave her a tired smile. “I was under the false assumption that nothing ever happened around here.”
“We have our moments. I’m glad the man driving that cattle hauler is okay.”
He nodded. “Word spreads quickly around here.”
“Surely that doesn’t surprise you.”
“Not really.” They studied each other as an awkward moment of silence ticked by.
“I was just about to leave. Is there something you needed in the store?”
“No.”
Okay, then, she thought, and headed toward her car. “Rose,” he said, catching up to her. “I think we need to talk.”
“We’ve been talking.” She was evading the issue and she knew it.
“I mean really talk. This situation isn’t going to fix itself if we don’t figure some things out. Peacefully.”
“Talk about what? You trying to get custody of my son?” The words were out before she could stop them. Ever since seeing him and Max laughing together yesterday, she’d been fighting off horrible visions of being left out.
“Our son,” he said firmly.
She stiffened, feeling volatile. “Our son,” she amended after a moment.
“We need to find a way to get along. For Max’s sake,” he added. “Can we do that?”
“For Max, I’ll do anything.” No matter how hard.
“Even talk to a snake like me,” he asked, with a hint of a smile.
“Don’t push your luck,” she warned. “So, what do you suggest?” she asked. He hadn’t answered her question about custody, but she was under no illusion. He’d probably avoided answering the question on purpose. If he was going to try to get custody of Max, then maybe her best defense was to let him see her and Max in their home environment.
He surprised her by leaning past her and opening her car door. He smelled of smoke, reminding her that he’d spent all afternoon helping the men in the fire department to stop a grass fire from getting out of control. W
hen his arm brushed hers, she shivered. Even after everything that had happened between them she’d never felt so aware of any man in her life as she did with Zane.
Fool.
“I have a question. I was wondering if you’d mind if I took Max with me to look at a piece of property I’m considering. Haley left the key for me so I could look at it tonight.” He held up a key.
Rose’s heart skipped a beat. The fact that he wanted Max to help him pick out a new home increased her apprehension. “If he wants to go, I won’t stand in his way,” she said. What else could she say?
“Thank you. He tells me he wants his own ranch one day.”
Jealousy reared its ugly head. Max was sharing his dreams with Zane. It was normal and she had to be glad for Max. He had his dad in his life. She was happy for him. “Yes. He loves everything about life here. Look, I’m going by to see Dottie before I head home, so you can just run out there and pick him up. I’m certain he’s getting a new batch of fruit ready for me to cook. Tell him I’ll be a little late and to go with you and have a good time.”
“I hoped we could talk after I bring him home.”
She slid behind the wheel, feeling sick. He draped one arm over the door and bent slightly as he looked down at her. It was too cozy for comfort as she looked up at him. “Sure,” she lied.
His gaze softened. “Thank you. Do you think after we get back you could show me some pictures of Max?”
Pictures meant sitting down, thumbing through albums! It meant sharing her past. It meant exposing her and Max’s special moments to his scrutiny.
But…how could she deny him? “Yes, certainly. And, um, we can have copies made of anything you want.”
“Sounds good to me,” he said, looking as if she’d just promised him the world.
Him looking like that was a dangerous thing!
“Be careful,” he said, tapping the top of the car before closing her door.
Be careful? Ha! If she were being careful, she would never have invited her worst nightmare to come and sit on the couch and casually thumb through her and Max’s life.
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