"I'll see you on Friday," I told her as I took a step back so she could open the door.
"Good-bye, David." She smiled as I walked out into the hall.
"Good-bye, Natalie." Our gazes locked and stayed that way until she finally closed the door. I took several deep breaths before I moved down the hall to the elevator. I hit the down button and stepped in when the doors opened immediately, then hit the garage level button. I stood there, my mind finally catching up with reality. I ran my hands over my face with exasperated anger at myself.
"What are you doing, David?" I asked myself aloud in the empty elevator. "What the fuck are you doing?"
**********
Wednesday came, and I still hadn't called Natalie. Once I was away from her; I could think again. I could convince myself that I hadn't really felt the things that I had felt for her. Deep down, I knew it was an utter lie, but it made it easier to avoid facing the truth, and as soon as I talked to her again, I knew all my feelings for her would come rushing back whether I like it or not. I'm such a hypocrite.
I pulled my A6 to a stop in Sydney and Jensen's driveway just after six thirty. Maybe I needed a therapist. I got out of my car and was grateful to see that Sydney's brand new blue Chevy Malibu wasn't here. It wasn't that I didn't want to see her. It was just that she'd be able to tell that something was bothering me, and I didn't want to talk about this with her. She'd never understood my drastic reaction to my breakup with Paige. Of course, if she knew the whole horrid story maybe she would have gotten why I left the country for almost a year and stopped dating. Even so, I wasn't ever going to tell her or anyone else all of it.
Jensen, on the other hand, seemed to get it. He'd been ripped apart by a woman himself and knew what that could do to someone. Mind you, he hadn't fled a continent after his breakup, but he understood why I did and why I didn't want to risk my heart again. Plus, he didn't harass me about my promiscuity like his wife did.
I rang the doorbell, and Jensen opened the door to let me in a few moments later.
"Hey, brother," he greeted me with a smile. "Come on in."
"Where's Sydney?" I asked as I followed him up the stairs to the main floor of his condo.
"She's doing the final dress fitting for Andy and Lydia's wedding tonight."
"I can't believe it's less than three weeks away already," I said as I followed him into the kitchen. "Is Andy freaking out yet?"
"He's been a little more high strung than usual." He smirked. "The other night I threatened to use an animal tranquilizer on him if he didn't stop pacing the whole time I was at his house."
"If you need something to knock him out, let me know." I smiled at him facetiously. "I have access to some great medication for that."
"I'll keep that in mind," he said with amusement as he opened the fridge, grabbing a beer for me, and a soda for himself.
"It smells great in here." I took the beer from his outstretched hand. "Please tell me you didn't cook it." That comment earned me a scowl that made me grin.
"Why does everybody think I can't cook?" he growled out with irritation.
"Well," I answered, "I've never actually seen you cook before."
"You've seen me use the grill."
"I think you have to use the stove for it to count as cooking," I said with a raised brow.
"That's just a fucking technicality." He gave me a glare.
"I apologize then," I continued with another smile. "I can't wait to eat what you cooked tonight."
His expression turned sheepish as he looked away and took a long swallow of his drink. Then he met my eyes with a gleam of amusement in his. "I didn't cook it. Sydney put it in the oven before she left."
"Oh, thank God," I blurted out in mock relief.
"Shut the fuck up and sit down," he growled out as he pointed at the kitchen table.
"That's why I come here," I said sarcastically as I sat down. "For the hospitality."
The oven timer went off just then, and Jensen let my sarcastic comment go as he pulled two folded foil packets out of the oven. He opened each of them and transferred the food onto plates and set them on the table. It looked as amazing as it smelled. It was chicken with potatoes, onions, bell peppers, garlic, and mushrooms. It tasted wonderful too as we ate in silence for a few minutes.
"How are you feeling about Saturday night?" I asked him.
"It was a lot easier than I thought it would be," he told me. "Once I started playing it felt natural, and it made me feel close to Jordan. I know it sounds crazy, but I swear it almost felt like he was there with me."
"You sounded great and you looked like you belonged there."
"Thanks." He smiled gratefully. "I feel like I'm slowly piecing myself back together, and it feels good."
We ate in silence for a while longer before he spoke again.
"Sydney is worried about you," he announced out of nowhere. I let out a sigh. I was surprised that he had waited this long to bring it up, considering the tension between Sydney and me when I left the bar Saturday night. "She doesn't think you're happy." His eyes were filled with concern. "I know you're not. Do you even remember the last time you were?"
I stared down at my plate. It was the truth. I hadn't been happy in a very long time and faking it didn't count. However, I did remember the last time I was happy. It was Sunday night with Natalie. Once again, memories of her green eyes and her mouth and her warm body filled my mind. I felt a longing inside me that I hadn't felt in a long time, and I had been trying to deny it since that night.
"You know that girl that fell during the race on Saturday?" I asked as I looked up to meet his gaze.
"Yeah," he said with a perplexed expression as he tried to figure out where I was going with this.
"I saw her at work on Sunday," I said reluctantly. "She came up to me during lunch and I...I sort of took her out that night."
"You what?" Jensen blurted out as his brows shot up in surprise.
"I slept with her," I said quietly, feeling like I was sitting in a confessional.
"Alright," he said, sounding confused. "So you fucked her. You fuck a lot of women. What does that have to do with you being happy or not?"
I stared back at him with a neutral expression, unable to bring myself to spell it out for him. I watched his eyes widen in comprehension.
"Holy fuck!" he sputtered out as he lowered his fork. "You like her don't you?" A slow smile spread across his face.
"I...I felt something for her."
"Are you going to see her again?" he asked, looking way too invested in this as he continued to smile at me.
"I don't know."
"Why not?"
"You know why, Jensen," I told him in exasperation.
"I see," he said flatly as anger started to fill his eyes.
"See what?" I asked irritably.
"You won't buy the shit you've been selling."
"What are you talking about?" I asked as I leaned back in my chair and met his angry stare with one of my own.
"I'm talking about all that shit that you told Sydney about fate and things being meant to be for her and me."
"It wasn't shit," I tried to explain. "I meant everything I said to her. This situation isn't the same."
"Isn't it?" he asked.
"No, it isn't," I insisted.
"So you're telling me that shit can only apply to everyone but you."
"Yes."
"Bullshit," he said, sounding eerily like his wife. We glared at each other across the table. "You're getting in your own way, and you know it. I don't know all the details about your breakup, but no matter how fucked up it was; it can't be worth being alone for the rest of your life. Can it?"
"You don't understand," I told him with a deep sigh. "She broke me, and it can't be fixed."
"Are you fucking kidding me?" he said as he shook his head in utter disbelief. "You're telling me that you're broken and can't be fixed?" He let out a bitter laugh. "I don't even know how to fucking respond to that."
>
"I'm sorry," I said as my shoulders slumped down and instant regret came over me. "I didn't mean to belittle everything you've been through. I know I'm a hypocrite. I know how I've been living is keeping me from being happy, but I can't take the risk."
"Then why did you even go out with her?" he asked, the anger slipping away into concern.
"I'm...I'm tired of being alone," I confessed, the unbidden words pouring out of me.
"That's what I thought." He nodded.
"When did you become my therapist?" I asked with a wan smile.
"I'm not even close," he answered with a laugh. "I'm just a friend who thinks you need to take your own advice and stop avoiding things that cause you pain. You might find something fucking amazing if you do."
Then, because that's the kind of great friend Jensen was, he changed the subject and didn't bring it up again the rest of the evening. However, the things he said resonated with me. If someone as broken and hurting inside as he had been, could get better, why couldn't I? Why wasn't I buying my own "shit" as he so inelegantly put it? Perhaps seeing Natalie again would help me figure this all out. Maybe taking this one chance could help me stop this self-destructive behavior that I was trapped in. Maybe this was my chance to find something amazing.
**********
"Hi, David," Natalie said as she answered my call. I was right. As soon as I heard her voice I wanted her all over again. "I'm glad you called." Her voice was a perfect alto, low and seductive. It gave me the shivers, and I was glad she couldn't see me right now. I wasn't ready for her to know just how deeply she affected me yet.
"Hi, Natalie," I replied, hoping my voice didn't waver. "I'm sorry I waited so long to call you, and I hope I'm not calling you too late tonight." I didn't get home from Jensen's condo until almost nine. Then I sat on the edge of my bed staring at her contact information in my phone for nearly a half hour, before I worked up the nerve to call her.
"That's okay," she reassured me. "It's not that late, and I figured you were waiting so you wouldn't seem too desperate." Her voice was laced with that sexy biting humor of hers that I was starting to adore. It made me laugh, and it felt good.
"How has your week been so far?" I asked, not really sure what to talk about now that I didn't want to focus on just the physical stuff anymore.
"Hectic," she said with a weary sigh. "I'm working on a pretty involved project with a deadline that's approaching faster than I'd like."
"What do you do?" I asked, realizing that I didn't even know what she did for a living.
"I'm a graphic designer," she told me. "I work at a graphic-design firm called Oberlin-Bosch. We design layouts for ads, logos, websites, and all kinds of other stuff."
"That sounds like fun."
"It is. I've always been into art and creating things. I'm also into computers, and the two things kind of go hand in hand in this field."
"What made you want to do that for living?"
"Truthfully," she said with a self-deprecating laugh, "I took one of those career aptitude tests in high school when I wasn't sure what I wanted to do, and graphic design was one of the things it suggested. I enrolled in the program at the art college, got a bachelor's degree, and the rest is history."
"Good thing you ended up liking it."
"Actually, I love it," she confessed. "I get to do something artistic, and my parents think I have a respectable job. It's a win, win."
"A respectable job?" I asked curiously. "What constitutes a job that's not respectable to them?"
"Well," she sighed, "my brother is a tattoo artist, and our father totally disapproves, so I guess that's one."
"What does your father do?"
"He's a lawyer," she answered matter-of-factly. "I think he wanted his son to follow in his footsteps, but Ford is stubborn and has a mind of his own. Which makes him exactly like Dad," she added wryly, and I laughed. "What about you? How did you grow up to be a psych nurse?"
"I guess it started when my mom bought me one of those operation board games, and came to a head when I took an anatomy class in high school." I was enjoying talking to her about myself, which shocked me. "At first I wanted to be a doctor, but when I found out it would take over ten years to do it, not to mention the student loans, I chose nursing instead. I'm glad I did too, especially when I discovered I had a knack for the psych specialty."
"How did you discover that?"
"During one of my psych rotations, I met a girl who was really hurting," I told her. "She'd been through hell, and I was able to help her when she needed it most. It was a revelation, and the rest is history." I was talking about Sydney vaguely, since her story wasn't mine to tell.
"Wow, your reason is better than mine." There was humor in her voice.
"Do you love what you do?"
"I do," she answered sincerely.
"So do I," I agreed. "So the reason doesn't matter does it?"
"Not at all," she answered happily.
"Is Ford your only sibling?" I asked, wanting to know more about her.
"Yeah," she answered. "He's my big brother by five years. What about you?"
"I have a twin sister named Diana."
"Is she as gorgeous as you?" Natalie asked flirtatiously.
"She's far better looking than me," I said with a smile, then paused before speaking again. "You think I'm gorgeous?"
"I do," she admitted immediately, her voice lowering seductively.
"I think you're gorgeous too, sweetheart."
"I keep thinking about all the things you did to me Sunday night," she said breathily. So much for not focusing on the physical. I pictured my hand on her throat and felt myself getting aroused already.
"What was your favorite?" I asked, my voice deepening.
"I liked them all," she said. "Do I have to choose just one?"
"No," I answered her. "I'm just asking for future reference. You know I like to bring my 'A' game."
"What was your favorite, David?" She said my name in that way that made me ache for her again.
"I loved your mouth on my cock."
"Mmm...I loved that too."
"I want to go down on you, Natalie." I growled. "I want to taste you."
"What else do you want to do to me?" she said breathlessly, sounding wanton and needy. My cock got even harder.
"I want to make you touch yourself while I watch," I told her in a harsh demanding voice.
"What if I touch myself right now?" she asked in an evil wicked tone. I swore under my breath as I shifted myself in my jeans, my cock uncomfortably hard now.
"Do it," I told her hoarsely. "Do it now."
"Yes, sir," she whispered and I could hear her start to moan over the phone line. Goddamn, it was so hot. I juggled my phone as I undid the zipper of my jeans and pulled my unbelievably hard erection out. I brought the phone back to my ear as I laid on the bed, my head on my pillow.
"I want you to come with me, Natalie." I moaned as I pumped my fist up and down my cock with slow measured strokes. "Don't come until I say so."
"Yes, sir," she said, her voice wavering. I could hear her breathing heavily now. I closed my eyes and listened to the soft sexy mewling sounds she was making, moaning and breathing hard myself. I moved my fist up and down my cock, faster and faster. I pictured what she must look like right now as I chased my release.
"You left teeth marks on me," I heard her whimper softly. I swore and let out a deep heavy groan as my release started to rise up inside me at her words.
"Now, sweetheart," I snarled. "Come now, Natalie."
I listened to her wail out my name as she came, my own climax blasting out of me right along with her. I groaned as pleasure spiraled up and out of me. I came all over my own hand, pumping out my release until I could breathe again.
"Natalie," I whispered when I could speak. "That was so damn hot."
"Oh, David," she answered breathlessly. "I know."
"I can't wait to see you again."
"Me too," she moaned out.
"I want to touch you."
Her answering hum sounded sleepy.
"Are you falling asleep?" I asked softly as a mountain of fatigue fell on me too.
"Hmm, hmm," she answered. "Sorry."
"It's okay, sweetheart," I said with amusement. "You should go to bed. I want you rested for Friday."
"What are we doing Friday night?"
"It's another surprise," I answered with a smile. I hadn't given our date a thought yet, but she didn't need to know that.
"Everything about you is a surprise, David," she mumbled. Her heartfelt words sent a flicker of fear through me, but I tamped it down and ignored it.
"Go to sleep, Natalie," I told her with affection. "I'll see you at seven on Friday, okay?"
"Okay." Her voice was starting to sound incoherent as sleep came for her.
"Good-bye, sweetheart," I whispered.
"Bye."
I ended the call and felt bereft. How could I miss someone this much already? I barely knew her. I felt fear well up inside me again as I got up off the bed to go clean myself up. I tried to ignore it, but it was still there nagging at me when I crawled into bed to go to sleep. I conjured up an image of Natalie in my head, and it seemed to help. It didn't erase all the fear, but it made it bearable as I fell asleep with Natalie's wicked smile and gleaming green eyes in my head.
Chapter Five
Natalie
"He called me last night," I told Maggie as we sat in my small office eating greasy Chinese take out. We'd both been so busy that this was the first real chance I had to talk to her today. Maggie was sitting in a chair across the desk from me with her black pumps crossed on the edge of my desk, and a box of broccoli beef in her lap. She was dressed in a white blouse and a black leather pencil skirt, and I was amazed that she hadn't dropped any food on herself yet. Her dark chin length bob was sharp and perfect today, highlighting her high cheek bones and long neck. How she still managed to look so sexy sprawled in a chair like this, and shoveling food into her mouth astounded me.
You Are My Air: Breathless Book 1 Page 9