Suddenly, I could feel my orgasm coming on so fast that I wasn't sure I could stop it, but David already knew. "Come, Natalie," he bellowed. "Come now."
I screamed as it hit me, so powerful that I thought I might black out. It blasted through my body like a gale-force wind, sucking me up and dragging me along whether I willed it or not. I screamed on and on until my voice was hoarse, and my body went limp.
"Again," he commanded through clenched teeth.
I cried out again; the sound was inhuman and unrecognizable as my own voice. This one obliterated me, and I was only vaguely aware of David shouting along with me as he found his release. I think I actually did pass out for a few moments, because the next thing I knew I was on my side in the bed with David's now naked body wrapped around me. He whispered sweet words of appreciation into my ear, and his voice lulled me into a deep satisfied sleep.
Chapter Ten
David
Diana smiled widely as I walked into her hospital room. It was Wednesday, and I had just finished my shift in the psych unit, and like everyday this week, I went to check on my sister. She was in her bed with magazines strewn around in front of her.
"How are you feeling today?" I asked her as I walked up to her bed and sat in the recliner next to it.
"I feel fine," she told me with a frown. "I don't know why I can't just go sit around like this at home."
"Diana," I chided her gently. "You know you have to be here so they can monitor the baby and you."
"I know," she grumbled. "But I'm bored out of my mind. I think I've read all these magazines a hundred times already."
"Do you want me to go get you some new ones?" I offered in a sympathetic tone.
"No," she said. "Tony is bringing me more when he comes back later. He went home to check on Baba and the boys."
"Are they dealing with you being gone alright?"
"T.J. is doing okay, but Michael has been crying a lot," my sister said after a deep sigh. "Tony brought them to visit me yesterday, and he had to drag Michael crying hysterically out of here when it was time to take them home. It was a nightmare."
"Be patient, this will be over before you know it," I said with a nod. I reached out and took her hand.
"I don't do patient very well, David," she added with a wan smile.
"I know," I added with a chuckle.
"How's Natalie?" she asked as her smile turned sly.
"She's fine," I answered succinctly, not really wanting to talk about her.
"You really like her, don't you?"
"I do," I admitted as I looked away and started rubbing at my beard. She looked at me with narrowed eyes.
"Oh my God," she blurted out as her eyes widened suddenly. "You do love her, don't you?"
"Diana," I warned her, "I don't want to talk about this."
"Why not?" she asked incredulously. "I'm so happy that you've found love again. You've been alone for so long. Does she not love you? Because she looks at you like she does."
A wave of guilt hit me. I could see how Natalie felt about me every time she looked at me, and I felt the same way about her, but I couldn't say it. When I tried, the words would just freeze in my mouth. Telling her would make me vulnerable again, and if she broke me like Paige did, I knew that I would never recover this time. I was terrified of loving her, and equally terrified that she would get tired of waiting for me and leave if I couldn't tell her. I came so close several times already, but each time the fear would hit me and still my tongue. The closest I had gotten was that damn Ukrainian saying that just wasn't enough.
"I have to go," I mumbled as I stood abruptly. I didn't have it in me to have this conversation with my sister right now. How could I articulate what I was feeling to my sister when I couldn't even tell Natalie about it?
"David..." Diana began in a concerned voice.
"I'll come see you again tomorrow," I interrupted her. I leaned down and gave her a brief hug, ignoring her worried confused expression as I left her room before she could say anything else about Natalie.
A few hours later, I was driving over to Sydney and Jensen's for dinner. Natalie hadn't been able to come with me since she was stuck working late on a project that was due tomorrow. I was disappointed that she wasn't with me, and I missed her. I missed her whenever we were apart. These powerful feelings for Natalie were almost too much to bear, and the fear began to claw its way through me again. I was grateful to have plans tonight, so I wouldn't be pacing around at home once more, trying to figure out how to get over my fear. I needed a distraction from my own damn head.
Sydney let me in after I rang the doorbell. "No Natalie tonight?" she asked in disappointment as I followed her up the steps into the condo.
"She had to work late tonight," I explained.
"That's too bad. I was looking forward to seeing her again."
"I wish she was here too," I agreed, my voice coming out more pathetic than I had intended. Sydney gave me a sympathetic glance as we walked into the kitchen.
Jensen was busy setting the table and looked up at me with a grin as I followed his wife into the room. "Hey, brother." He glanced behind me, and his face fell. "No Natalie tonight?" God, they were like the same person.
"She's at work," I told him with an amused smile. "I'm glad that you both like her."
"What's not to like?" Sydney added. "She's beautiful and has no problem helping me harass my husband."
Jensen scowled at his wife. "Why am I always the victim around here?"
"Don't feel too bad," I told him with a wry smile. "Natalie has no problem dishing it out on me either. She's kind of mean, and she calls me a nerd all the time."
"You're not a nerd," Jensen said vehemently, trying to defend me.
"You never saw me in high school," I said. "I was all gangly with bad hair."
"I've seen pictures, baby," Sydney told her husband. "He was a total nerd." She leaned toward him conspiratorially. "Still is."
I smiled at her as I shook my head. "What's for dinner?" I asked, trying to put an end to the nerd references. All it did was make me miss Natalie more.
"I made salmon with rice and steamed asparagus." Sydney said with a nod. "Jensen made the asparagus."
"Wow," I said sarcastically. "I'm impressed. I can't wait to get food poisoning."
"Shut up, nerd," Jensen told me with a growl.
I laughed as I took my seat at the table while Sydney served dinner. The food was delicious as always, and we chatted about our families for a while. I let them know that Diana was doing fine right now, and I found out that Lauren, Sydney's older sister, was engaged to her boyfriend, Adam. Eventually, the topic of Natalie came up, like I knew it would.
"How are things going with Natalie?" Sydney asked nonchalantly, but I knew my love life was something she was very interested in.
"We're doing fine," I answered vaguely, focusing on picking up the last bits of rice on my plate with my fork.
"David," Sydney said in chiding tone. "Come on, I can tell when something is bothering you."
"Is it that obvious?" I asked in resignation.
"Yes," Jensen chimed in. "It is." I glanced at him in annoyance.
"What's going on?" Sydney asked me sternly.
I closed my eyes and let out a bone-deep sigh. "I can't tell her."
"Can't tell her what?" Syd asked.
"How I feel about her," I explained. "I'm so terrified that I can't even say it out loud."
"You love her," Sydney stated with a small smile.
I nodded, unable to acknowledge it with words. I was such a damn coward it made me feel sick. I put my fork down and stared at it. "How am I going to make this work if I can't even tell her how I feel?"
"Does she love you?" she asked quietly.
I nodded again.
"If she cares that much for you, then she'll wait until you're ready," Syd said with certainty. I glanced up to see her eyes filled with concern.
"What if I'm never ready?" I asked in a tremulous voice.
"What if she gets tired of waiting and walks away? I need her. I can't breath without her, and I'm terrified that she'll destroy me like P...Paige did." I was in so deep with Natalie now that I didn't think my heart could survive her leaving me.
"Have you told her that?" she asked.
I shook my head stiffly. "Not exactly, but I have told her to be patient with me."
"Has she told you how she feels?" Jensen asked me.
"No, but I can see it her eyes when she looks at me," I answered him. "I've come close a few times, and I could see the disappointment in her eyes. I hate what I'm doing to her. I feel like a failure."
"There's nothing wrong with being afraid, David," Syd said in a gentle tone. "Who could blame you, after what you've been through?"
I nodded yet again. She only knew part of what Paige had done to me. No one knew the whole truth but Paige and I. My fear was deep and overpowering; the pain I still carried with me fed it every day that I was with Natalie. I had shoved it aside for so long, pretending that it couldn't control me, that I could defy it by ignoring it. However, now I feared it was going to keep me from moving on, from taking my life back. I was afraid it was going to keep me alone for the rest of my life.
"Does she know about Paige?" she asked.
"I told her," I answered her. "She knows I've been hurt badly."
"Then give her the benefit of the doubt." Sydney said. "Would she still be here if she wasn't willing to wait for you?"
"What if I'm not worth waiting for?" I whispered. I'd never admitted aloud to the insecurities that had been festering inside me since Paige's rejection. The only reason I said it now was because I trusted them completely. After all the personal things they had shared with me, I owed them honesty about my own messed up head.
They both stared at me in shock for a moment, then shared a look of concern with each other. Sydney reached across the table and took my hand in hers. "David, you are a good man, and any woman would be lucky to have you," she said vehemently. "Just because Paige was too stupid to see that, doesn't mean Natalie won't. Paige was the one who wasn't worth it, not you."
I wished I could believe her. Part of me wondered if she would still think that if she knew the whole truth. I almost decided to tell her, but my mouth went dry with fear, and I knew I couldn't do it. I had enough pity for myself; I didn't need it from them too.
"I'm not a good man; I'm just a pathetic coward," I said as pain welled up inside me.
"That's enough of that fucked-up shit," Jensen growled out as he dropped his fork onto his plate with a clatter and glared at me. "I'm not going to fucking sit here and let you talk about yourself like that. I wouldn't be here right now if it weren't for you. Sydney wouldn't be here if weren't for you. I owe everything I have to you, so I don't want to hear that bullshit. You know it's not fucking true."
"But..." I began.
"Shut up! I'm not fucking finished," Jensen interrupted me angrily. "You were willing to help me even though I was a fucked-up mess and a complete stranger. You believed in me when I didn't think I would ever get better. You forgave me when I lied to you. You didn't put up with any of the bullshit that I tried to throw at you when things got hard. I yelled and screamed at you, and you never flinched, not even when I started flipping coffee tables and acting like a fucking dumb ass. You are the bravest man I know. So don't fucking sit here in my home calling yourself a pathetic coward when we both know that you're not."
Sydney and I both sat there staring at him in shocked awe.
"I think you missed your calling," I told him with a wan smile, once the shock of his reaction wore off.
"What the fuck are you talking about?" he asked with a scowl. Sydney smirked at her husband.
"You would have made a great therapist," I said. "Minus the swearing, of course."
A slow smile spread across his lips. "It's not therapy, just a little tough love, brother."
Their belief in me made me feel better and the irony of two of my patients turning into my therapists was not lost on me.
"I know you told her to be patient with you, David," Sydney said softly. "But you need to be patient with yourself too. When the time is right, you'll tell her how you feel, and if she's smart, and she really loves you, then she'll wait. Everything will work out. You'll see."
I nodded, still not completely convinced, but feeling better about this situation then I had before I came over here tonight.
Sydney changed the subject after that, and the rest of our evening was calm and relaxing. They both gave me a hug as I walked out, and I felt grateful for their friendship. At least something in my personal life was working for me. When I got home around nine-thirty, I went straight to my room, intending to crawl into bed and call Natalie before I went to sleep. My phone started ringing in my pocket, just as I pulled my shirt off. It was Natalie of course. An idiotic grin spread across my face.
"Natalie," I said affectionately when I answered the call.
"Hi," she said in that sexy alto voice that made my chest tight, and my cock twitch.
"I was just about to call you, sweetheart." I sat on the edge of the bed. "Did you just get home?"
"Yeah," she said with a sigh. "I'm exhausted. It was a long damn day."
"I bet," I told her. "Did your day go well?"
"It could have been better," she replied. "I'm going to have to work late again tomorrow, so we won't be able to have dinner like we planned. I'm sorry, David."
"That's okay," I said, disappointment coloring my words. "I understand."
"We could reschedule for Friday night," she suggested.
"I've got Andy's bachelor party to go to that night," I said. "I'm sorry."
"A bachelor party, huh?" she said suspiciously. "Does that mean you'll be hitting the strip clubs?"
"I'm afraid so, sweetheart," I answered her. "Does that bother you?"
"That depends," she answered in an ambiguous tone. "Are you just going to watch or are you into lap dances?"
"The only lap dance that I'm interested in, is with you straddling me with my cock inside you," I told her in a low growl. "Those girls won't hold a candle to you, Natalie."
"You are a very smart man." I could hear the smile in her voice.
"Why should I pay to get teased by a skank, when I can have the real thing with you?"
"Another great answer."
"And I'm cheap," I added with snorted laughter. "It'll take more than a couple of fake breasts to get me to part with my hard-earned money."
Her answering laughter was enough to make me hard, and my jeans started to feel tight. I still couldn't believe the things this woman did to me.
I heard her yawning over the line, and I knew I couldn't drag this call out much longer. She needed to sleep if she was going to have another long day tomorrow. "I'm going to let you go so you can get some rest, sweetheart."
"Alright," she said in that pouting tone that I found almost irresistible. The deep feelings I had for her welled up inside me.
"I..." I tried to say those three words again, but the fear hit me, and my tongue suddenly felt thick and heavy. I still couldn't say it. I squeezed my eyes shut and bowed my head in defeat. "I...I'll call you tomorrow night."
There was a pause before she spoke. "I miss you," she said, and I swear she sounded disappointed and sad.
"I miss you too, sweetheart," I replied. "Ty moe povitrya, my Natalie." I gave her what I could, trying to make up for my shortcomings. I hoped it was enough.
"Goodnight, David," she said, her voice warm and filled with love.
"Goodnight, sweetheart." My heart ached with guilt and shame. I ended the call and flopped back onto the bed, laying my arm across my eyes and wishing that I had met Natalie first, instead of Paige. Then I wouldn't be this pathetic man who couldn't even tell the woman of his dreams that he loved her.
**********
"Really?" I asked Jensen incredulously. "A stretch Hummer limo?"
"He insisted," he replied with a shrug. "I did
n't really have a fucking choice."
Jensen and I were standing next to the behemoth black vehicle, staring at it. Jensen had parked his truck a little way down the street from Andy's house, and we had paused next to the limo on the sidewalk out front.
"Are we riding in that?" I heard an excited male voice announce to our left. I glanced over to see Ben coming up the sidewalk from the opposite direction.
"I'm afraid so," I told him.
"This is so awesome." Ben said as he stopped next to me and eyed the limo with a huge grin.
"At least somebody thinks so," Jensen mumbled next to me in resignation. I felt the same way, which a few weeks ago would have surprised me. Before Natalie, I would have been just as excited as Ben, but she had changed everything, and that deluded promiscuous moron was gone. I didn't want him to come back, ever.
A commotion by the front door of Andy's house made all three of us turn in unison. Andy was laughing as he came out with four other men whom I didn't recognize.
"What do you think of our ride?" Andy asked with a wicked grin. He was dressed in black jeans, a gray T-shirt, and a black leather jacket.
"It's a bit much, don't you think?" Jensen commented with a scowl.
"Come on, brother," Andy said in a cajoling tone. "If we're going to have an epic night, we need an epic ride."
"Yeah," Jensen added with a smirk. "It's epically awful."
"You," Andy pointed at Jensen and glared at him, "are so fucking boring."
"And you are fucking insane," Jensen replied with a smile.
Andy's glare cracked around the edges, and a wide grin spread across his face. "Yes, I am," he admitted unashamedly.
"We'd better go," Jensen announced to all of us. "I'm being charged by the hour for this fucking beast."
"You heard the man," Andy said. "Regulators, mount up!"
"Really?" I asked him with a smirk. "A Young Guns reference? What, are you forty?"
"Don't disparage the classics, dude," Andy warned me with a scowl that didn't hide his amusement at all.
Andy made some quick introductions; the other guys were his co-workers. We all piled into the limo, and Andy was already into the wet bar before the vehicle even pulled away from the curb. I had a feeling someone was going to be getting married with on hell of a hangover tomorrow. By the time we reached the first strip club of the night, all of us but Jensen had already had a few shots of tequila, and we were feeling pretty good. Jensen looked a little green as he watched us down the tequila, and I couldn't really blame him, since the last time he drank the stuff he had ended up throwing up in Andy's drive-way. I was happy we weren't drinking vodka. The last time Jensen had that, was the night he tried to commit suicide. He didn't need a reminder of that tonight.
You Are My Air: Breathless Book 1 Page 22