I glance to her, nodding my head without knowledge. “Yeah,” I say.
“I’m fucked up, too. I mean how many people’s dad is going to spend the rest of their life in prison? It sucks, I get it, but what he’s doing is unhealthy. He’s gotta stop.”
I start coughing, no, choking on air as the words leave her mouth. Prison? Her eyes hold mine as if I hold the answers. My face is cool, showing no emotion.
“What’s he doing, Lea?”
She sighs and blows her bangs from her face. “I’ll never let a friend date one of my brothers after this.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to put you in the middle of this, but what is he doing? What am I getting myself into here?” My eyes dance across her face, she thinks and slowly a soft smile curls on her lips.
“Nothing either you can’t handle. Especially together,” she says, nudging my shoulder. “Go easy on him right now. This month has been a year since everything happened…”
“Yeah, of course, I will.” I nod my head and offer a tight smile.
Hayze tosses my small, floral backpack in the trunk of the Mustang. He turns and looks at the ground, making sure he got all of the bags, then slams the trunk. Lea’s engrossed with her phone. She trips on the gravel and runs into the open car door before looking up.
“Sorry…Texting your mom, I don’t want her to stroke out when you show up with a girl,” she says.
He huffs, “Save the effort. She knows about Taylor.”
With wide eyes, Lea looks baffled. “Oh,” she mumbles.
I’m shocked too. I feel bad because I ensure my family that there’s nothing going on between us, but we have a different situation. He holds the seat for her as she climbs in the back. With a twist of the key, the engine roars to life. Hayze’s hand finds mine, with a solicitous look, he navigates from the campus.
Excluding the soft melody of Nirvana, the drive is silent. Lea pecks anxiously at her phone, occasionally giggling. I glance at her but she shrugs me off. We turn into an older subdivision on the outskirts of town. The houses are mostly worn, single story brick homes. Hayze turns left before the roundabout. The house is dark red brick with white shutters and a manicured lawn.
When the engine shuts off the front door flings open and a woman walks out. Her light brown hair hits her shoulders and frames her small face. She adjusts her squared glasses and tugs her sweater together as the chilling wind blows. A tall, graying man walks out and rests his arm on her back. Hayze lets Lea out of the back seat and walks toward the pair. Grinning, the lady clasps her hands together at her mouth.
“Hayze,” she chokes out as she wraps her arms around him.
I pull my backpack from the trunk and Lea grabs their bags. As I approach them, she lets go, with misty eyes she grins at us. Lea walks over and awards her with a hug.
“You have no idea how long I have waited for you,” she says to me. I offer her my hand, but she pulls me into a stiff hug. My body relaxes as she pulls me at arm’s length; she smiles and looks me over. I want to explain to her that Hayze and I aren’t exactly on good terms right now, I don’t want to get her hopes up, but I can’t bring myself to crush the look on her face.
“I’m Taylor,” I say, feeding into the game we’re playing. I wish Hayze would’ve filled them in before we came.
“I’m Janelle. It’s chilly out, c’mon inside dear,” she says. She pulls Hayze ahead of me, holding his arm tight. “She is so pretty,” she whispers.
Lea and I fall into step behind them. We walk inside to a small, warm home. The living room is covered in tan carpet; the walls are lined with wood paneling. The décor leads into the dining room.
“This is Glenn,” Janelle tells me. The tall man waves and offers his hand. “I hope you kids are hungry,” she smiles.
“I am!” Lea beams.
“Oh, Hayze, show Taylor where she can put her things.”
He throws his arm over my shoulder, guiding me into the hall, when no one can see us, his lips press against my forehead. He opens the second door on the left and reveals a scattered room; I suspect it’s the exact way he left it. The walls are peppered with band posters, the curtains are black and the bedding is black, a stark contrast to the tan carpet and white walls.
I search the room, stopping at pictures. My eyes are glued to the small wooden table placed by the bed. A picture of Hayze as a child posing with an older man, I grab the iron frame and study the faces.
“That’s my dad,” he says, coming up behind me.
You look just like him,” I say, hoping I don’t cross a line.
He nods his head once; his mouth is pressed in a hard line. “Uhh, you can just throw your bag anywhere.” He motions around the room.
“Your mom’s going to let me sleep in here with you?” My eyes widen in shock.
“Yeah,” he says. He pulls the bag from my arms, looking at me as if I’m clueless.
“My parents would not be down for that, well, my dad wouldn’t…”
“Yeah?” He chuckles and looks at me amused. “This isn’t your house and my dad’s not a preacher.” He smirks.
“Where’s Lea staying?” I ask, wanting to steer the conversation from me.
“She has her own room down the hall. She used to stay a lot when we were in school.”
I nod, remembering her mentioning that to me. As we walk into the kitchen, the smell fills my senses. My tongue swells from the aroma. Lea hits the stove as it rings; she bends down to grab the turkey from the oven and places it on the table.
“Is there anything I can do?” I ask.
“Nonsense, you are a guest in this house! Hayze help your sister,” Janelle says.
“Yeah, don’t just stand there,” Lea teases him. He grabs a damp dish towel, rolls it up and pops Lea’s thigh. She yelps and goes after him.
“No fighting in the kitchen,” Janelle says. Her tone is harsh, but her face breaks into a grin.
Once we are seated at the dated table, Janelle passes behind us, tapping Hayze as she takes her spot. She sniffs and dabs a napkin under her eye.
“I’m so happy you’re here, Taylor. Hayze has told me so much about you.”
“Thanks for having me,” I smile. A strong hand captures mine underneath the table. Slightly uncomfortable, I cut my eyes at him and he winks.
“I hope you’ll be back every holiday, if you get Hayze here, you are welcome anytime. What’s it been hun, two? Three years?” She looks to Glenn then Hayze.
“Three,” Hayze says.
A knock comes from the front door. Hayze head snaps up, his eyes pass between his mom then to Lea. Lea brings a glass to her mouth, with her brows raised she shrugs. His mom shamelessly grins as she stands and saunters toward the door. A woman walks in, her arms wrap around Janelle. Two teen boys step around her; the shorter one has dark rimmed glasses peeking from his shagged, curly brown hair. The taller one dumps his duffle bag on the floor; his eyes scan the room without focusing on us.
The floor complains as Lea shoves her chair back in a rush. She clamps a hand over her mouth then walks over to the strangers. “I didn’t know you guys would be here!”
“We weren’t sure either, that’s why Janelle and I didn’t say anything.” The tall red headed woman with a strong face declares.
Hayze stands, bumps into my chair and trips as he rushes from the room. Everyone notices, their faces drop but quickly go back into conversation with one another.
“Taylor, there’s a couple of boys you need to meet,” Janelle says. They gather around the table and take their seats as if they have been here before.
“Casey,” she says, pointing to the shorter boy. He perks his head up briefly and waves.
“Chance,” she motions to the taller one. He holds my gaze, studying me. “These are Hayze and Lea’s brothers from Colorado,” she explains.
“We haven’t seen these kids in like five years!” Lea booms with excitement.
“It has been awhile,” the woman agrees. “And I’m
Anna.”
“I’m Taylor,” I add with a smile.
The group grabs a plate, adding food as they chatter. I tug my jacket around my chest and cross my arms. Twenty minutes flicker by without a hint of Hayze's departure. They carry on as if they're immune to him. Every growing minute brings a new, frustrating insecurity. Being accustomed to him, Lea slid to the screaming vacant seat.
"Where is he?" I ask in a hushed whisper.
"Probably in the bathroom," she shrugs. The spoon lifts, pushing overcooked turkey into her mouth. She smiles at me, then chews, her dimples flicker around her cheeks.
"Why’s is he in there for…?” I jingle the face of my watch to my eyes, "twenty-three minutes?"
"It's hard for him to see the twins," she says, pointing her fork to the tall one. "They shouldn't have sprung it on him like this."
My eyes shift to the twins then back to Lea. "...Why?"
"Taylor, how's the food?" Janelle asks.
I dab my napkin at the corner of my mouth before placing it on the table. "Everything is wonderful," I sing praises to her. "I’m going to check on him," I say, standing.
She nods; an appreciative smile casts over her face. I walk mindlessly down the long hallway until I find the door with an under glow of light. I rest my back on the frame and bend my knee with my foot propped on the wall. I hear each rugged, fast breath he takes. Drawers open and belongings flail through them, then the drawer closes and the process starts again. He stops and I suck in a breath, waiting for his erratic noise to commensurate. A boom jolts me, followed by a pile scattering on the floor, he curses once.
I knock. "Hayze?"
"Shit. Yeah?”
"Can I come in?" I ask. He doesn’t respond, but light fills the dark hallway, he walks from the doorway and to his room without speaking. “Hayze?"
He turns to me, watching me with reluctance. He cocks his head and points to the door. "You need in there?”
"No... I uh, I just wanted to check on you." With a swift nod of his head, he turns and walks from me.
“I’m confused,” I say. Sighing, he stops. “Why am I even here? Why did you ask me to come?”
He forks his fingers through his hair. His shoulders dipped then he turned to face me. “I wanted you to be here...With me; I wanted you to meet my family.”
“Is this normal? Am I the only one that sees anything wrong with this picture? You run out of the room and leave me with your family. And what was that about? You couldn't get out of the room fast enough when your brothers came.”
His brows bumped into a scowl. “That's not true. I was just looking for something then I was coming back.”
“You were walking to your room,” I remind him.
With an inaudible curse, he brings his hands over his face. “I don't know what you want, Taylor. You went out with another guy...”
I cut him off. “But you asked me to be here. And here I am!” I say, my finger slams into my chest, dramatically. “Asking you to let me in; I don't want you to invite me over just to ditch me. If you have a problem with someone out there just tell me.”
With long legged strides, he edged closer to me. “Come with me.”
With his hand presses against the small of my back, he guides me into his room and shuts the door. I collapse into his childhood bed and the springs squeal in protest. Sighing, he sits beside me with his hands braced on his knees.
“Those two boys in there are my little brothers, Casey and Chance,” he says.
“Yeah I know. Lea filled me in.”
With a brow cocked, he laughs once. “Well now I’m telling you. I stayed with my grandparents a lot growing up. I don’t know why, my mom’s a fucking angel. My dad would always come in drunk or high and start shit sometimes. One night he took it too far, he was pissed at something and came in... And my little brother was on the couch... He realized it was him after the blade was shoved through his stomach. Wanna know what his excuse was? He thought it was me. He wouldn't have done it if he knew... I know how they look at me now. Some of them blame me, some feel sorry for me.”
“No one blames you, Hayze. Did he ever hurt you? Like that bad?”
“Not to that extent, no,” he says, shaking his head.
Involuntarily, I brush my thumb across the scar lining his brow. The scar, along with Hayze, has lost its mystery. His eyes find mine and something shifts between us. All logic and fear of the unknown fly out the window.
“Beer bottle,” he says, clasping his hand around mine to pull it from his face.
“What?”
“That’s from a beer bottle. That was probably the worst. Nothing like what he did…” He stops midsentence and groans.
“Have you considered talking to anyone about this?”
He sighs, knowing where this is going. “I’m talking to you.”
“I mean a professional.”
“Huh uh, I’m not talking to a shrink. What I just did here is a first, and I only told you because I know that’s what you want.”
“I want you to tell me when you’re ready…”
“I won’t ever be ready, baby. I don’t wanna talk about it again, I don’t need to rehash my feelings, let’s just forget it. I told you to keep you here; when you leave it won’t be because I kept shit from you.”
“So, there’s nothing you want to tell me now?” I ask him, searching his face. I know there’s more, and I need him to tell me. But I can wait. He proved a lot to me tonight.
“No.”
“I guess we should probably go back. I’m sure your mom is wondering where we went,” I say.
He nods. “We’re good?”
I chew on my bottom lip, debating what I’m about to ask. I know it’ll just lead into a fight, but I just need to know that he’ll at least tell me when he’s ready. Sighing, “One more thing…What happened the night you had your stomach pumped?”
“Fuck! Really?” He runs his hands through his hair, tugging at it in frustration.
“I just need to know.”
He shakes his head. “Not yet. Someday when it’s behind me I’ll tell you. Can you live with that?”
“For now,” I say.
I push past him and open the door before he stops me. “I can’t go out there,” he says.
I cuff his face, pulling him close to me. I lean on my tiptoes and press a swift kiss on his lips. “Hey, if you’re not ready, then we don’t have to go.”
“You shouldn’t have to stay in here with me,” he says.
“What kind of girlfriend would I be if I left you in here alone?” I interlace our fingers and pull him back to the bed. I sit down and he crouches in front of me, with his palms pressed on my thighs, he leans in for a soft, lasting kiss.
“You don’t know how long I have waited to hear that,” he says. “What did I do to deserve you?” He asks, nuzzling his face in my neck. I giggle and push him back.
Before I get too distracted, I type a quick text explaining that Hayze doesn’t want to come out and send it to Lea. I wanted to spend this night getting to know the family, but the look on his face keeps me locked in this room with him.
“Have you talked to you brother since it happened?” I ask.
“Chance, it was Chance, and no I haven’t talked to him.”
“Do you visit your dad?”
“No, Taylor, I don’t,” he mutters as he takes his place beside me.
I face him and tuck my legs underneath me. “Do you write or call? Does he even try to reach out to you?”
“He has before… No offense, babe, but I don’t want to talk about this.”
“You shouldn’t be embarrassed about it. Everyone has secrets, some are better at hiding them,” I say, grinning.
“Yeah, guess you’re right,” he says.
“You asked me about ‘The High School Taylor Thompson.’” I say, adding air quotes. “I dated this guy all throughout school. His dad was our youth preacher, I was around him all of my life and it just made sense that we shoul
d date.”
“What happened?” He asks his brows bunch into a scowl. I know he has a jealous side so I’ve never talked about him. Now that I’m looking at his face, I feel bad for keeping this from him. He was a big part of my life growing up.
“My dad had an affair. I found out my senior year, the night of homecoming. I lost faith in everything and I ended it with him. I never cared for him in that way. He was a good friend and he’s a good guy. But that year I found out that, it didn’t matter how good of a person you thought someone was, or what their position was, they could still do some shitty stuff.”
“Does your mom know?”
“Oh, yeah. So does everyone else. Surprise! The fucking saint that won’t let his family embarrass him was sticking his dick in his secretary.”
He tries his best to hide his surprise at my language. I usually don’t speak like…Well, Hayze, but something about my father makes me want to cuss. “Why’d she stay with him?”
I shrug. “For the family, knowing her…maybe she felt stuck. I’ve honestly never talked to her about it. They just pretended like it never happened.”
He exhales, “Shit.”
“Yeah,” I mumble.
He places a soft kiss on my lips then tucks a lock behind my ear. “Don’t let that worthless piece of shit determine your choices. Not everyone’s like that, Baby.”
My heart does a flip every time he calls me ‘baby.’ I shake my head. “I don’t. Not now, anyways. I just pushed through school because I knew it wouldn’t always be like that. I knew one day I would leave and never go back. Then I met you,” I laugh. “God, I was so disgusted with you. Your lifestyle choices repulsed me,” I laugh.
“Please, tell me you have a point,” he says, clearly not amused.
“I do. Then I spent time with you and it was refreshing. You were like a breath of fresh air. Your flaws were on display for everyone to see. You didn’t put on a front or try to be someone you’re not to impress people. And I think I started to fall for you…” I know I look like I saw a ghost. I can’t believe I admitted I’m falling for him out loud. Honestly, I wasn’t sure until it came out of my mouth.
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