“Angel, we have to open the door. Your neighbors will call the cops,” Kyle said as he pulled Angel behind him and then opened the door a crack.
“Don’t, Kyle!” She tried to stop him, but it was too late.
“Look, man…” he began and was then hurled backward into Angel, sending her slight form tumbling to the floor as Alex pushed forcefully through and into the room.
“You! Get out!” he yelled angrily at Kyle, pointing a finger at him, his eyes on fire. He was livid as he let a right hook fly that hit Kyle squarely in the jaw. The other man stumbled backward as pain shot through Alex’s hand. When Alex saw Angel on the floor, his expression changed and filled with worry as he moved toward her. Kyle’s hand closed over Alex’s shoulder and whirled him around, putting his hand up between them.
“She’s not in any condition to talk. Give her some time.”
Alex’s focus was totally on Angel as he turned back to her. He bent to help her up but she scrambled out of his reach.
“Get bored fucking Whitney? She’s not me, you bastard!” Angry tears fell on her cheeks, and Alex took it all in, despite the alcohol he’d consumed. She was a disaster. Broken and furious, her hair a wild mess, tears leaving make-up tracks down her face. “She’ll never be me!”
“I know, sweetheart…” He reached for her.
“No!”
Alex felt ill as Angel stumbled away as if his touch would burn her. When she reached the sanctity of her room the door slammed, leaving the two men where they stood. Alex started after her, but Kyle’s words stopped him.
“You fucked her up bad, man. She doesn’t need this right now.”
Alex’s fists clenched and the muscle in his jaw worked overtime. “Don’t tell me what she needs! I know her better than you will ever dream of. This doesn’t concern you.” His voice was quiet, but deadly.
“I’ve known her longer than you—”
Alex’s nostrils flared angrily and his chest heaved. “That’s irrelevant, trust me,” he shot back.
“Look, I still care about her.” Kyle could see the misery in Alex’s expression, and it stopped him from full-on assault. He put up both hands in front of him to silently ask Alex to calm down. “If I were you, I’d hope to hell I didn’t fuck that other bitch tonight. Take it from someone who knows. She forgives me now, but only because she doesn’t give a damn anymore. Having Angel not care is something you’ll never recover from.”
Alex paused and looked at the other man, his eyes narrowing before his anger faded. He nodded in understanding before striding down the hall to her room, thankful when he found it unlocked. His heart felt ready to explode, his throat was tight, his eyes on fire. He opened the door slowly. He had to make her understand.
“Baby?” The room was in darkness. “Angel?” He could hear her crying softly, but couldn’t see her.
“Please don’t call me that!” she begged, humiliated. She’d rather die than have him see her so broken. She cleared her throat and hardened her voice. “It feels like a lie. It’s over.”
“The fuck it is,” he said quietly.
“Well, sloppy seconds aren’t my style.” Her voice was hoarse and thick with her tears.
Alex walked to the other side of the room and found her huddled in the corner behind the bed, a dark ball of shadows.
Alex’s heart broke. “You say that to me when I find you in here alone with him?”
She slid up the wall until she was standing and folded her arms across her chest. “Fuck you! You made me watch you leave with her knowing I had to keep singing! Do you know how fucking hard that was?” He heard the pain; he could see it on her face as her brow crinkled and she closed her eyes.
“Goddamned right, I did!” he railed. “I wanted you to suffer like you’ve made me suffer! You’re dragging me through hell!
“How? By forcing you to be honest? Did you have files on all of your women? Investigations of us all?”
“Yes! So what?” Alex barely hesitated. He sighed and ran a hand over the lower half of his face. “It means nothing.”
“From what I saw, you had every day of my life documented,” she spat out.
“That’s what I did! I found out about women before I got involved. Think about it! I have my family and business to protect. But with you… none of it mattered.”
“Right. I guess I imagined that file in your drawer next to my panties,” she said sarcastically. “I bet it bored the shit out of you.”
“I didn’t read it, Angel!” he yelled at her. “After I met you, I put it in that drawer and haven’t touched it since.”
“Why should I believe you? You lied about Mark Swanson, too. You had me tailed without telling me!”
“I lied about that bastard? You lied to me! You didn’t tell me the whole story and wouldn’t let me protect you! If you were honest with me in the beginning, I could have been, too. What the fuck was I supposed to do?”
“Nothing! You were supposed to do nothing!”
“Like hell! I’d go back and kill that motherfucker if I could get away with it!”
“It wasn’t your problem until we agreed on the plan!”
Alex laughed, sarcasm dripping. “Everything to do with you is my problem, Angel!”
“I can take care of myself! I don’t need you!”
Her words hurt and he visibly recoiled, but then turned and railed at her. “And we see how well that went, right? Stop trying to change what this is about! You’re killing me—maybe both of us—and, for what? What does this prove?” He moved closer, and she turned her head, unable to bear the pain in the green depths, trying to block out the voice that filled all of her fantasies, afraid to believe anything he said. “It was a stupid file. It means nothing!” Alex insisted again.
His hand closed around her arm above her elbow and pulled her closer, his other arm going around her waist, dragging her roughly into his arms. Angel resisted, pushing roughly against his chest in protest, but he had her against a wall, and she was trapped by his body.
“It means I can’t trust you!”
“No, it doesn’t! It means I’m not used to trusting anyone. I had it compiled before we’d even met. Are you trying to convince me you don’t need me? Fine. But, talk to me. Yes, I fucked up, but don’t push me away.” His lips rested against her forehead as he spoke, and he breathed in her scent, fingers kneading the soft flesh of her arm. As always, the need to touch her overwhelmed him.
“I need distance. I can’t function like this, Alex! Please. I can’t think straight when you touch me.” She didn’t have the strength to push him away but willed herself to maintain control and not melt into him.
“No. Just once, I can’t give you what you ask. I can’t breathe when you’re in front of me and I can’t touch you. All night, I was suffocating.”
“Then tell me you didn’t fuck her,” she commanded miserably. The other woman’s perfume was a sickening assault on her nostrils, and she wanted to vomit, her heart plummeting to the pit of her stomach. She already knew the answer.
Alex froze. He had to come clean and he knew it. How would she ever trust him if he didn’t tell her the truth? From here on in, he would tell her absolutely everything, even if it meant he’d lose her. His eyes closed and he prepared himself, turning his face into her hair as he inhaled deeply. The wetness of her tears smeared across his cheek.
“I didn’t fuck her, Angel.”
“But you touched her.”
He steeled himself and pushed on. “Yes, but…”
Instantly, Angel’s voice caught on a sob and her arms shoved at him violently. “Uuuuuhhhhhggg! Don’t touch me after her! Don’t!” She cried hard, her body shaking with her sorrow as she fought to push him away. Alex’s heart dropped.
Her reaction only made his arms close around her more tightly as she kicked and clawed, angry tears streaming down her face as she beat at his chest; anguish threatening to choke her. The palm of her hand connected in a sharp slap that stung his cheek. “Don�
��t touch me!” she cried brokenly.
“Angel! For Christ’s sake!” Fire ignited across his face.
“No! Nooooooo! Arrahhhhhh!” Her scream pierced his ears, and her struggles caused him to fall with her onto the bed. “How could you? I fucking hate you!” she cried and cried, her heart breaking, fighting against his steel arms and hard chest with all she had, yet sucking in his scent with each gasp. “Don’t ever touch me again! I can’t bear to have you touch me!”
Alex let her hit him over and over, steeling his muscles against her blows. Ignoring the pain, he held her tighter, his voice trying to calm her down, his fingers stroking her hair while his other arm wrapped around her as tightly as he could. It was unbelievable that this hysterical reaction was coming from this woman.
“Baby, it wasn’t like you think. I couldn’t… Shhhh…”
“I hate you!” she cried again. “Are you happy? Seeing me so broken and out of control? Did you make fun of me with your whore? Did you kiss her? Was this what you wanted from the beginning? Is this your revenge for that fucking phone call? Tell me, Alex!”
Alex rolled over on top of her and held both hands above her head, his own heart aching as he caged her in with his body. He was burning, his skin crawling until he wanted to rip it off. Somehow, he had to make her understand. His very life depended on it.
“Angel, listen to me!”
She closed her eyes and struggled against his iron hold, her body shaking with the force of her sobs.
“Do you think you’re the only one affected? I can’t work; I think of little else, keeping myself sane only by talking to Allison and Cole, working with Gant to make sure Swanson gets put away, but even that is about you. I thought we were in a good place, until you found the file. I should have gotten rid of the damn thing, but I didn’t think twice about it! I haven’t touched it since the night we met.”
“There are too many lies between us.” She turned her face away, tears still dripping from her eyes, and her chest heaving. Her heart was broken, yet he was here, close, and even if it was screwed up, she needed him to take it all away, to rewind the world and erase all that went wrong between them. He was the only one that could ease the ache, and Angel was desperate for it to go away.
“I watched you tonight, looking so fucking amazing, so magnificent, and was so proud of you. Then it all fell apart when I came backstage and Kyle was touching you, your name tattooed on his shoulder like a brand! I felt like I was having a goddamned heart attack! Do you think I’m not suffering? That I haven’t been suffering? The way you tease me, taunt me… staying just out of my reach! You suck me in closer, and then pull away again! You’re sending me to hell and I’ve had enough!”
“No, I wasn’t! I’ve… missed you.” She shook her head violently and gasped as the admission ripped from her. “I would have told you after my last set, if it all didn’t go to hell. You fucking destroyed me when you left with her!”
He rested his forehead against hers and tried to steady his breathing. Angel had stopped struggling, but tears still dripped from her eyes. Those eyes, so deep he could lose his soul in them.
“I know. I knew it would.” He sighed heavily and prepared for what came next. “Yes, I went to Whitney’s tonight. I was drunk off my ass, and I wanted to fuck her.” Angel heaved beneath him, once again trying to be free as another sob broke from her throat. “But, not because I wanted her! I wanted to get you out of my head!” he said urgently. “I couldn’t do it, Angel! I don’t want anyone else!” Alex’s chest heaved with the exertion of her struggles and his emotions. His heart thudded heavily in his chest and his breathing was shallow. “I’m—” He paused as he struggled with himself. “—in love!” he almost shouted. “Jesus! Can’t you see it?”
She stopped struggling as her eyes snapped open, and his mouth found her cheek in a slow, gentle caress, the salty wetness of her tears found purchase on his tongue. His own eyes welled, and his voice thickened. “Agony and ecstasy all rolled up into one. You are everything to me.”
Alex’s chest was heavy as he struggled for breath, his heart constricting, throat aching. He waited for words that never came. Fresh tears squeezed out of her eyes as she gasped for her own breath.
“I went crazy seeing you in his arms. I don’t want to see another man’s hands on you again. Never. Again. Is that clear?” His hot breath fanned her temple as his lips moved against her skin.
“You don’t own me.”
“We own each other. We both know what this is, so just… fucking… stop denying it! You belong with me. Admit it.”
“If that’s true, then why are you acting so damn insane right now?” she breathed.
Alex’s knee moved between her legs and he pressed his thigh on her sex, letting go of her wrists and lowering his body to hers, the fingers of one hand gently entwining with hers as his other ran down her body, over the soft swell of her breast. His eyes never left hers as she gasped.
“Because you drive me to it. Because this is mine,” he whispered against her cheekbone, “and this….” He squeezed her breast gently, bushing his thumb over the nipple as it hardened. His thigh pressed against her heat, making her body open and moisten against her will. She moaned softly in protest.
Instantly, his body sprang to life, filling so fast it hurt as his cock rubbed painfully against the constricting denim and Angel’s thigh. His hand moved further down between them to cup her, his fingers pressing into her soft, hot flesh until she arched up into him. “And this…” he whispered, “every inch… all of you. Mine.” Finally, he let his mouth take hers in a deep kiss. Angel cried into his mouth, trying to resist until she gave in, opening fully, her tongue sliding against his in ravenous hunger, both of them forgetting everything else as their bodies melted together, and he settled against her.
Jesus, it hurts so bad, her heart cried, tears falling even as she surrendered to the inevitability of his ownership and her love.
Angel pulled her hand free of his and pulled him closer, her hands going to his hair and then the side of his face as the kiss gentled, his mouth seeking and lightly sucking on hers.
“I hate that you make me so weak,” she said brokenly.
“I’m just as weak. I can’t stay away from you.”
“How could you touch her? Didn’t you know what that would do to me?” She curled into him, her arms tightening around him, holding on for dear life as she let go of everything she’d held in aan sobbed her heart out. “I di-didn’t… wa-want to fe-feel like this.”
Alex’s heart swelled with hope, yet screamed in pain at the same time. He gathered her shaking body closer still, and her arms and legs encircled him, her hot tears soaking into the shoulder of his shirt. They both fought to get closer even though they were tangled up together. Alex wanted to take her pain away, to soothe her and make sure she knew how much she meant to him. For her to be this upset, surely she must love him in return. He stopped and looked down into her sad eyes, his fingers gentle as his knuckles brushed the side of her face, pushing the hair back.
“Yes, I knew, but I needed you to admit your feelings. I was out of my mind with jealousy. Angel: I’m so sorry. I have no other excuse,” he said, his tone like velvet. His nose nuzzled hers until she responded, and finally, he placed a series of soft, open kisses to her now willing mouth as her breathing evened out and deepened. She was calmer now, and Alex needed to finish the conversation. She still hadn’t said she loved him, and it ate at his insides. He never thought three simple words would have come to mean so much to him.
Alex forced himself to pull away, rolling off her and sitting on the edge of the bed. Angel was surprised, her skin cold from the sudden loss of his body heat. She turned onto her side toward him, her eyes wide in confusion as they glittered in the half-light, a little crinkle appearing above her nose. Even in all of this mess of emotions, she was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.
The tears still glistening in her eyes ripped at his insides, but he needed th
is to be her choice. He knew he could weaken her resolve, make her give in and probably never leave this room, but he ached for her to come to him of her own free will. Only then would he know for sure she belonged to him.
“I never thought I’d feel anything for anyone, let alone this consuming burn. I hate it, and I’d die for it at the same time. It was inconceivable to me, but, Angel... you… enchant me. Maybe that matters, maybe it doesn’t, but I’m to the breaking point. I can’t take any more of this push and pull bullshit. I know the game. I used to play it, but it’s done. I’m leaving now, and it’s up to you. You will come to me,” he commanded softly. “Tonight, Angel… or, I’m out. I’ll tell Brody to expect you. If you come, we’re together and committed. If you don’t, then I’m done. I can’t live like this.” He took her hand and kissed the inside of her wrist, then her palm. He studied her face, her lower lip trembling as she looked up at their entwined hands, then up into his eyes. “I love you. I would give you anything… everything. Let me.”
With a touch of his index finger to her chin, he was gone.
17
Strength in Weakness
Waiting… for the beginning… or the end.
The minutes ticked by, dropping like nuclear bombs. The more time that passed, the more certain Alex became that Angel wouldn’t show. He didn’t know how long he’d waited, sitting alone in the darkness in the luxurious big chair, nursing a bottle of Chivas without a glass. The liquid burned on the way down and Alex welcomed the pain. It helped him concentrate on something other than the tightness that refused to let his lungs expand, but the alcohol had yet to numb his mind.
His eyes blurred. Regretting his choice to give her the decision, he told himself he should have stayed and made love to Angel until she had to admit she loved him. She had to love him. He sucked in a painful breath. He couldn’t stand the consequences if she didn’t. He’d be completely lost for the first time in his life.
After Dark: The Complete Series Page 58