“Are these part of your makeover?”
She shook her head. “I bought them last year.”
He let his gaze drop to the lace and to what he could see beneath it. He slid off the bed and lifted one of her legs so he could remove the shoe on that foot. He got rid of the other one as well, then bent to grip the panties. He peeled them off her, then sank to his knees on the floor beside the bed. Her legs still hung off the edge of the mattress and he put his hands on her knees, but didn’t try to force them open. Instead, he spoke softly to her.
“Open for me, Claire. Let me see you.”
She didn’t move at first, and he wondered if he was asking too much of her. Then she took a shuddering breath and slowly parted her legs. He felt his erection harden even more as he slid his hands up her thighs. He didn’t have to touch her to know she was wet enough to take him. Every male instinct he possessed was screaming at him to climb on top of her and bury himself as deep into her wet heat as he could. But he’d already sworn to her and himself that he wasn’t going to hurt her, and rushing into it now would certainly hurt her. If not physically, then emotionally. She’d already endured enough of that. So he forced himself to go slow as he brought his hands to her. He started by barely brushing the dark curls between her legs, then he gently stroked the moist folds of her flesh. She was already trembling but the moment he found her clit and ran his finger over it she jerked and began to shake in earnest. He brushed it twice, then slid his finger to her opening and slowly inside. He had to close his eyes for a moment as he felt how tight she was. She was going to kill him when he entered her. He pulled his finger out, then slipped it back inside and used his thumb to massage her clitoris again. He heard the whimper she made and had to open his eyes to watch as she arched her back off the bed. He stroked and rubbed until she was gasping, then pulled his hand away and put his mouth in its place.
Claire thought she would go insane with need. Her entire body felt hot and tight and hungry for something she couldn’t begin to explain. She knew, logically, that she was on the threshold of having an orgasm. She’d read all about it, but never felt anything like the sensations that were coursing through her body at this moment. She could hear herself whimpering but couldn’t make the desperate little cries cease. She felt her legs parting as far as they could as she silently begged Colin not to stop. She ought to be embarrassed by this. She’d never been touched like this, never thought she wanted to be. But she couldn’t make herself feel anything but the driving need to find completion. So she rocked her hips unconsciously and gripped handfuls of the sheets as Colin’s tongue and teeth pushed her ever closer to that goal.
Colin felt the first contraction of her muscles and ran his tongue over her one final time. She sucked in a sharp breath, then cried out as the orgasm took her. He slid his finger inside her and felt her clench around him over and over as her body shuddered with the release. He couldn’t stand it. He had to feel her squeezing around his erection. He slowly stroked her with one hand as he turned to find his pants. He pulled out the supply of condoms he’d been carrying around since he’d come on board the ship. He hadn’t planned on actually having sex with anyone, but he knew that if push came to shove, he might not have a choice if he wanted to maintain his cover. So he was always prepared. He ripped open a packet and quickly sheathed himself. Then he rose and put one knee on the bed. Claire’s eyes were closed. She was still shuddering every few seconds as the aftershocks rippled through her body. He put his hand on her waist.
“Scoot up some.”
She opened her eyes and met his gaze, then obeyed. He slid his hand from her waist to her hip as he gave her an apologetic look.
“I didn’t want to move this fast, but if I don’t get inside you right now I’m going to explode.” He put his hand on her knee and gently pushed her leg aside. “I’ll be gentle, Claire. I swear.”
Claire felt a tiny thread of dread as she watched him move between her legs. She didn’t dare give it voice or even let it show on her face, though. Colin had given her the first orgasm she’d ever experienced. It was only fair that she let him find the same release. So she parted her legs for him and even managed to give him a tremulous smile as she felt him lowering toward her. Then he was touching her, the tip of his erection grazed her, and she felt him reach down between their bodies to guide himself into her. She expected him to drive his hips down and sink into her hard and fast. Instead, he went incredibly slow. So slow that within a few seconds she was shocked to feel herself lifting her hips to hurry the process along.
Colin groaned when Claire lifted her hips to meet him. He meant to go slow for her, to make sure he didn’t hurt her in any way. But the moment he sank into her he’d known that if he didn’t take his time he’d come long before he was fully inside her. He held himself still and spoke quickly.
“Easy, honey. It’s taking everything I have to hold on right now. Give me a minute, and I’ll pick up the pace a little.”
Claire was shocked by the flush of heat that suffused her as she heard the strain in his voice. She suddenly knew that she wanted him to lose control. She wanted him to soar to the same reckless heights he’d carried her to only minutes before. But he was on top of her, and there wasn’t much she could do to push him over that line. And then she remembered that there was nothing keeping her from touching him. So far, he’d done all the touching, all the exploring. Maybe it was time for her to do a little touching of her own.
Colin felt her hands come up to rest lightly on his sides. When they began to tentatively slide over his skin he knew he was in deep trouble. She’d finally worked up the nerve to take some initiative. He was starting to lose count of the number of times she’d surprised him with her courage. As her hands wandered further over him, he knew she was about to push his self-control to the breaking point. He pushed himself the rest of the way into her, then pulled back out once more. He started the rhythm slow, as much for himself as for her, but she didn’t let him keep it slow for long. First, her fingers found his nipples. He saw the amazement that filled her eyes as she realized he liked being touched there as much as she did. Then, right about the time he thought his control couldn’t be strained any further, she lifted her legs and wrapped them around him. The change in angle made it possible for him to bury himself even deeper inside her. She lifted herself to meet every thrust of his hips, and just before he felt the unavoidable rush of release he slipped a hand between them and found her clit. He’d barely touched her when she clenched around him and cried out. He plunged into her one more time, groaning long and loud as he pumped himself dry with her contracting around him.
It was the hardest orgasms he’d ever had, and it took a long while for it to end completely. By the time it did, he had collapsed onto her and was panting in an effort to get his breath back. He was still inside Claire, and he had to work hard to shake the feeling that he wanted to spend the rest of his life in her bed and her arms. He knew he had to be crushing her, but he needed a few moments to wipe the crazy thoughts in his head out of his eyes. When he finally did lift himself off her and look into her face, he felt his stomach clench as if he’d been kicked there.
There were tears rolling down her face. He didn’t need to ask to know why. He cursed himself for a selfish prick as he shifted his weight off her, reaching out to touch her cheek.
“Claire?”
She closed her eyes, then shook her head. A moment later she was scrambling off the bed and running for the bathroom. Colin collapsed onto the bed and cursed himself long and hard.
Claire knew that hiding in the bathroom wasn’t going to work for long. It was a silly thing to do in the first place, but she hadn’t known where else to go to get away from Colin. She couldn’t stop the tears, and she didn’t want him to see them. So she sat on the closed lid of the toilet while the tears ran silently down her face. No great wracking sobs, no sniffles, just hot tears. Her body still trembled occasionally as the memory of their lovemaking washed over her. A
nd she knew it was lovemaking. He’d been incredibly patient with her, so gentle and tender that in the aftermath she couldn’t make herself stop crying for it. No one had ever touched her like he did. Physically, or emotionally. Despite his incredibly crude warnings about what he wanted from her, he’d taken her to the bed and loved her thoroughly. It was the most beautiful thing she’d ever experienced. She jumped when he knocked on the door.
“Claire, are you okay?”
She lifted a hand and brushed at the tears still gliding down her cheeks as she forced herself to speak.
“I’m fine.”
She didn’t sound fine. She sounded like her voice was full of the tears he knew she was crying. Tears that he was responsible for. He closed his hand into a tight fist as he leaned his head against the door for a moment. He really could be a self-serving prick sometimes. He’d taken her when he knew she wasn’t ready, and he must have hurt her in his greed to find his own release. That or he’d done such a miserable job of it that she was crying because she didn’t know how to tell him she wanted him to leave her the hell alone. He had to resist the urge to bang his head against the door a few times in the hope that it would knock some sense into him. He’d known she wasn’t ready for him. Hell, she probably wouldn’t ever be ready for someone like him. She needed a nice, normal man. Someone who’d been around the block enough times to know how to handle her, but that wasn’t so jaded by life that they’d hurt her. He couldn’t hope to do anything but hurt her. It was in his nature to keep things light and carefree, and Claire would never be that kind of woman. It didn’t matter that beneath her outward uncertainty lay a woman full of passion and fire. It didn’t matter that she had the most responsive body he’d ever touched. All that mattered was that she deserved a man who could touch her soul as well, and he sure as hell wasn’t that man. She wouldn’t want him anywhere near her soul. Not if she had half a clue about who and what he really was.
He sighed as he lifted his forehead from the door and turned to glance at their clothes lying on the floor beside the bed. He ought to just get dressed and go. It would be easier on her in the long run. She was going to wind up hating him eventually, he might as well start giving her the ammunition to do so now. But he couldn’t make himself go. It didn’t matter how smart he knew it was or how foolish he’d be to stay, he simply knew he couldn’t walk away until he’d made sure she was okay. He turned to focus on the door once more.
“Open the door, Claire.”
There was emotion in his voice. Resignation and maybe even disgust. With himself or her? Claire again tried to swipe the tears from her eyes, but they kept right on coming. She closed her eyes, willing the useless tears to stop. He’d never understand why she was crying. He’d probably laugh if she tried to explain it to him. The very idea was enough to make her want to cringe. She couldn’t bear for him to laugh at her right now. She felt too exposed, too raw. He knocked on the door again. She dropped her gaze to the knob, watching as it turned back and forth a bit when he checked to see if she’d locked it. She heard him mutter something beneath his breath when he discovered that she had turned the small lock home.
“Damn it, Claire, let me in.”
She knew he wasn’t going to just go away, then. She’d half expected him to. When she came running into the bathroom she’d waited, thinking she’d hear her bedroom door slam shut or even close quietly as he made his escape. But he wasn’t leaving, and something in his voice said he wasn’t going to any time soon. She cleared her throat.
“Give me a minute.”
“You’ve had a minute. In fact, you’ve had close to five already. Either open this door, or I’ll do it myself.”
Inexplicably, she didn’t doubt that he could. The lock was hardly on par with a deadbolt, but it was a step above the most typical inexpensive bathroom lock. Still, she was mildly surprised to realize that she didn’t find it remotely difficult to imagine Colin possessing the sorts of skills that would make the lock no barrier at all. She pushed to her feet, moving to the sink. She deliberately avoided her reflection in the mirror. She didn’t want to see the aftermath of the tears. She knew it wouldn’t be pretty. Instead she turned on the water and splashed some on her face, then dried it with one of the small hand towels. That done, she turned around and drew a slow, unsteady breath before reaching out to flip the lock on the door.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Colin was a little surprised that she actually unlocked the door. He’d fully expected to have to bypass the lock to get to her. By now, he ought to be used to her doing things he didn’t expect, though. She was certainly making a habit of it. He reached out to grasp the doorknob, then stepped back in a hurry when it suddenly turned, and the door swung outward. Claire stood there, still naked, with red-rimmed eyes and a nose that looked like it was a heartbeat away from glowing. Her lashes were still wet with tears he could see brimming in her eyes, but she had her head held high. It was a precarious kind of control, he knew, but it was damned impressive anyway. He couldn’t stop himself from reaching out to her. He’d barely touched her face when one tear spilled free and trailed down her cheek. Colin felt his gut clench. He’d never been particularly susceptible to women’s tears. Usually he had no real trouble at all hardening himself against them. But that lone tear seemed to slam into him with the force of a sledgehammer. He cupped her head and pulled her forward, wrapping his arms around her.
“God, I’m sorry, Claire.”
He thought she’d collapse against him and burst into more tears. Instead, he felt her stiffen and step back.
“For what?”
“For whatever I did to make you cry.”
She shook her head. “You didn’t do anything. Not anything wrong, at least.”
He frowned as he brushed his thumb across the wet trail on her cheek. “Then why are you crying?”
He could see her struggling, either for the words to answer him or with the decision whether to answer him at all. Eventually she gave a small shrug as she looked up into his eyes.
“I couldn’t help it. I’ve never felt anything so incredible in my life. I never thought it could be like that. I never thought I could be like that.” She blushed and dropped her gaze from him. “I guess I thought I was...frigid.”
Colin didn’t need to ask to know that she wasn’t talking about a conclusion she’d leapt to all by herself. The bastard who’d taken her innocence had certainly done a thorough job on her. Colin wondered how long it would take him to find the prick and make him pay. He shoved that question aside as he reached out and caught her chin, gently lifting her face so she was forced to meet his gaze.
“You are most definitely not frigid, Claire. Not even close.”
A new tear spilled down her cheek. “I didn’t disappoint you?”
Colin wanted to curse but managed to keep the impulse in check. Instead he gripped her hand and brought it to his already growing erection.
“Does it feel like I’m disappointed?”
She blushed furiously, but she didn’t pull away from him. Instead she closed a tentative hand around him, squeezing gently. He saw her eyes widen when her touch made him harden swiftly. He gripped her wrist. “Hold that thought for just a minute, will you?”
Claire watched as he stepped away from her, going into the bathroom to get rid of the used condom. He ran the water for a few seconds, wetting a washcloth that he used to clean himself off before coming back out of the bathroom. She let her eyes drop to the evidence of his arousal. So far she’d pretty much kept her gaze averted from that particular part of his anatomy. She could feel the heat rise in her face again, but she ignored it. They’d already touched in the most intimate of ways. It was absurd to feel embarrassed at this point. As she studied him, she saw the erection harden even more. In response, heat pooled low in her belly. At that moment, she felt anything but frigid. She felt hot and wanton and strangely powerful. He was getting hard because he wanted her. Her touch had brought him to this point. She suddenly wanted t
o know what else it would do to him.
Colin was fully prepared to lead her to the bed and cradle her against his body for a while before giving in to the need to have her again. Claire, on the other hand, clearly had decided she was past the need for that kind of companionship. She took a step toward him, reaching out to wrap her long, slender fingers around him. He felt his entire body jerk at the touch. She squeezed him, then let him go as she trailed her fingers up his length before brushing his tip lightly. His erection twitched, and his arms came up to grasp her. Her eyes lifted to his, and the innocence in her gaze was nearly his undoing. He’d meant to tell her that she had to stop touching him like that if she didn’t want to wind up with one hell of a mess on her hands, literally. But the wide-eyed way she looked at him told him she’d never touched a man like this before. Not even her former lover. The idiot had probably been too busy gratifying himself to even consider that she might want to touch him. Or maybe she hadn’t been interested in it then. It was obvious she was interested now, however, and he couldn’t bring himself to tell her no. Somehow he’d hold himself together, even if it killed him. He dropped his hands from her shoulders, catching one of hers in the process. He gave her a rueful smile.
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