by Leila Lacey
Looking over at Seth as she sat back into her seat. Alena noticed a tear running down Seth’s cheek. Thinking it was from him being touched that Ajani thought so highly of him, she smiled wiping the tear away. “Don’t be surprised. I agree totally with Ajani, I know you love him too.”
CHAPTER TWENTY
Seth ran his arm across his eyes to wipe away the tears, still reeling from this wonderful little boy wanting him to be his father. Even after what he’d done to him before he was even born. The joy, pain, shame and love mingled together. Becoming almost overwhelming for him.
He had no words for the confusion, disappointment, love, admiration and elation he felt all at the same time. Why didn’t I just walk away the first day? Why did I keep it going? What was I thinking? His conscience answered for him…Because you loved them from the moment you saw them.
* * * *
Seth finally took her on a proper first date a month or so after Shawn died. He’d managed to get a reservation at Sassy’s, easily one of the best jazz clubs in Southdale. Sassy’s is a romantic live jazz venue which never fails to become completely packed when there’s music. Next to a historic Theatre, the restaurant served up notoriously delicious martinis to everyone from business people to students.
He’d then taken her on a long walk on the beach where at the end of the strip of sand they’d been walking on. Seth planned dessert with a picnic basket filled with pastries and a bottle of champagne. He carried a blanket and candles to surround the blanket.
As Alena laid in Seth’s arms with the ocean breeze blowing across their bodies the moon full and bright in the distance. They shared delectable kisses, he nibbled on her bottom lip and pulled away slowly, he would then slowly kiss her on her, cheeks her eyes, her neck. Actually, everywhere but her mouth, baiting her.
* * * *
“I can see you’re feeling frisky this evening,” Alena whispered to him while laying with him on the blanket. She had a hard time resisting him more and more every day.
He’s an amazing kisser, she always loved a sensual amazing kiss she could feel from the top of her head to the toes of her toes and every time Seth kissed her, it felt like the earth moved.
She knew she was going to have to tell him she wasn’t having sex again, until she’s remarried. She didn’t think she could resist him, his lips and his touch much longer. Sitting up and turning toward him, Alena crossed her legs and took his hand in hers. “Honey I need to talk to you about something,” she said solemnly.
“Uh-Oh am I in trouble?” he asked jokingly
“No, have you done something you are worried about? Am I going to find out about it and kick your balls into your throat?” she said joking with him.
* * * *
Her joke hit so close to home, it took Seth’s breath away. He quickly sat up straight, suddenly getting a sinking feeling in his gut. If he were honest with himself, he would admit that any time Alena said she wanted to talk, he felt afraid she’d discovered his secret and it was going to cost him her love.
“I am just kidding honey!” she said laughing.
Trying to play things off, Seth smiled. “I know. I just got a visual of the trauma to my testicular area,” he said shivering. “What did you want to tell me?” he asked while feeling relived they’d gotten past the hiccup in the conversation.
He knew he needed to tell her who he was soon.
It just got harder and harder every day he spent with her and Ajani. When he decided to move across the street to watch over them. He never imagined Alena would turn out to be the woman of his dreams. The girl he’d prayed for in Sunday school when he was fifteen years old.
Then again…this scenario was exactly like when people would set their hopes and dreams up to. To only get pain, defeat, regret and anger raining down on them like a typhoon.
“…Anyway,” Alena continued, “I know this may seem kind of foolish and childish seeing that I have a child already but I—”
“Lena baby, just tell me what it is you want to say,” he said as he reached forward, pulling her into his arms.
* * * *
Alena cuddled into his arms breathing in his intoxicating scent. She never thought she would feel safe and loved in anyone else’s arms but Marcus. She could hear her mother saying, ‘The Lord works in mysterious ways Lena’ in the back of her head.
“What I’m saying is...” She moved her hands up and down along Seth’s arms. “…I am celibate. I’m not having sex with anyone before marriage.” She held her breath for a few seconds before realizing the silence wasn’t because he was thinking about a way to tell her he was done—he was laughing! “What are you laughing about? Are you laughing at me?” she yelled at him slapping his arms.
“Lena baby, I figured that out two months ago. Why did you think you needed to break it to me?” he said laughing putting his words in air quotes.
“How’d you figure it out?”
“While I hate to be arrogant, I am an amazing kisser and whenever things get hot and heavy with us, you slow it down and start a conversation about God and your blessings. I figured it’s either you were celibate or you were going to become a nun!” he said laughing again.
“I do not!” She giggled. She hadn’t really paid attention to how she’d gotten herself out of those sticky situations with him. But now, when she thought about it, she had turned into a woman with religious Tourette’s every time she felt his lips against hers and he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in to him like she was a size two.
Alena jumped on top off him pushing him back onto the blanket and started to tickle him. He did have a secret that was little known to anyone—Seth was very ticklish.
* * * *
After rolling around on the blanket tickling each other and laughing, Seth kissed Alena with a long slow passionate kiss. Looking into her eyes his gut started to grumble with the guilt of the lie in the middle of their relationship.
Alena was always so open and honest with him.
All he’d given her was love and friendship. But had he really even done that? Lying to her about who he was and why they met. Seth knew he needed to tell her, he’d tried so many times. But he’d always stopped himself, the thought of Alena hating him was more than he could take. He loved her the way he never imagined he would.
“What wrong?” she said reaching up to run her fingers through his hair.
“There’s nothing that could make me not want to be with you Lena. Nothing, you know that right?” he told her, desperate for her to know how much she meant to him.
Reaching up to wrap her arms around his neck and pull him into her she whispered, “I do now.”
Seth fought himself, he had to tell her, but he wanted to kiss her and not ruin their ‘first real date’ like he did the first time.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
It’d been ten months since Shawn’s murder. Seth and Alena had been in separable. She’d been such a heaven sent angel to him and his parents in dealing with Shawn’s murder and when they all found out Shawn had indeed gotten in over his head on the force and crossed the line.
Alena and Ajani were his ray of light in an otherwise, miserable life. Alena hadn’t hesitated in her support to him and his family. From helping his parents with the funeral to getting him to open up about how he felt about the loss of his brother. She’d even started to go to mass with his mother, trying to help distract her from the absence of her youngest son.
What Seth and his parents hadn’t known all along was Shawn had a gambling addiction. He’d gotten in a bad way with some horrible people, then he’d been convinced by some other dirty cops on the force to contact Maddox and his people and they would help him.
That help rolled into being a part of a full on crime syndicate in the police department.
Seth still felt so much shame he hadn’t been there for his little brother more. It just added to the overwhelming weight of guilt he carried around with him every day.
* * * *
Seth, Alena and Ajani were spending the day together in culture village, a small artsy part of Southdale. Since the 1920’s, when the deep Lowell neighborhood was a mecca for musicians. Jazz and blues have been the staples of great music in Southdale. In addition to the old haunts where many amazing artists of the '40s and '50s got their start, Southdale offered some amazing modern locations for taking in a live performance. Southdale jazz and blues bars honestly reflected the passionate music scene of Texas, offering incredible performances by some of the best artists in the country.
Seth had been wanting to bring Alena and Ajani to the Southdale Museum for months. Ajani was sick for weeks with a terrible strain of the flu, so they’d postponed it until today.
It was the most beautiful museum in the south. With an impressive display of Jazz artists, record labels and instruments that made a large impact in the growth of the Jazz music movement.
Seth always loved coming here with his mother on Sunday afternoons after church. Being the choir director, his mother always related jazz to gospel music, bringing her sons to see the history of the artists and the connection to the sounds of praising the Lord.
Touring the place with Alena and Ajani, it stuck Seth what a great place this would be for a wedding ceremony
“Ajani you ok baby?” Alena asked him.
He’d been clinging to her hand. When they first started out today Ajani was a ball of energy. He’d slowly gotten quieter after lunch.
Kneeling in front of him, Seth looked Ajani in the eye. “You ok buddy?” he asked and at the same time, Ajani’s eyes rolled to the back of his head and he collapsed into Seth’s arms.
“OH, MY GOD!” Alena yelled “Ajani? Ajani baby,” she said running her hands over his body to try and figure out what’s wrong with him.
“He’s burning up!” Seth exclaimed while gazing at Alena. Without a word, they both took off out of the museum, running toward the car.
Seth did ninety down the freeway toward the hospital. Alena sat in the back seat holding Ajani in her lap as she called his pediatricians office. “I don’t know, I don’t know! We took him out today for the first time in weeks to the museum. He was fine, then his fever all of a sudden spiked and he passed out!” Alena cried and tried to wake Ajani up. “He won’t wake up! What is wrong with my baby please?” she yelled dropping the phone bundling Ajani into her arms.
“We’re almost there baby! Hold on, we are almost there” Seth said speeding down the road. He wanted so much to be able to hold Alena and make her feel better. To tell her Ajani would be all right and know he was telling her the truth.
A few minutes later, Seth zoomed up to the Emergency room honking his horn screaming, “HELP!” He hopped out and ran around his car to help Alena out of the backseat with Ajani.
Two nurses came running from the inside of the hospital with a wheelchair. “What happened?” one of them asked Alena
“I don’t know! He was fine before, then he just spiked a fever and passed out!” Alena replied with tears streaming down her cheeks.
Seth started to follow Alena and the nurses into the hospital but the security guard stopped him. “Sir, I need you to park your car in ER parking. You can’t leave it in the bay,” he said.
“I need to go with them!” Seth yelled at the guard.
“Sir please! I will get you right back to them as soon as you come back. Please move the car!” the guard said with a pleading, yet resolved look in his eye.
After parking his car, he’d rushed back to the guard, who did as he promised and brought him directly to Alena.
She was standing just outside the emergency room bay Ajani was in being attended to by more than ten doctors and nurses. “I can’t do this! I can’t do this Seth! I can’t lose Ajani too,” she said collapsing in his arms.
“You’re not going to lose him baby! I promise you it will be all right,” Seth said bundling her up into his arms. He’d never felt so scared in his life. Ajani looked so small and helpless there on the gurney with all the medical personnel surrounding him.
For the first time in years, Seth wanted to pray. He wanted to believe there was a God and he could fix him, to protect his family. Your family? He felt that soul crushing guilt again. Remember, they are yours by default.
Just then, a doctor and nurse approached to talk to Alena. “Mrs. Banner has Ajani been sick recently?” the doctor asked. Steering her to sit down with him on a bench
“I. Yes, Ye—he was diagnosed with walking pneumonia a month ago. But he took all of his antibiotics and his doctor said he was better when I took him in for his follow up appointment,” she explained hurriedly.
“Okay,” the doctor said nodding at the nurse who turned and headed back into Ajani’s room. “Mrs. Banner, Ajani has what is known as a spontaneous pneumothorax it is the sudden onset of a collapsed lung without any apparent cause, such as a traumatic injury to the chest or a known lung disease. A collapsed lung is caused by the collection of air in the space around the lungs. This buildup of air puts pressure on the lung, so it cannot expand as much as it normally does when you take a breath. In most cases of spontaneous pneumothorax, a small area in the lung is filled with air, what doctors call a bleb, causing the air to leak into the space around the lung,” he paused.
Alena’s eyes widened as she listened.
“…However, in Ajani’s case, the cause is pneumonia; the infection in his lung must have spread to the pericardium, which is the sack around his heart.”
“Oh, my God!” Alena cried out in a torturous moan. “My poor baby! Can you fix it?” she finished grabbing Seth’s hand for support.
“Patients with large pneumothorax who seek treatment within a short time of the onset and present more severe symptoms may require placement of a chest tube inserted between the ribs to release the tension. In most cases, the placement of the chest tube allows the lung to re-expand fully and quickly.” He took a deep breath. “However, if Ajani does not get better with the chest tube after 5 days, we will have to do surgery where we identify the blebs responsible for the air leak and remove them if they are present and obliterate the pleural space and minimize the chances for future lung collapse.”.
Taking a deep breath herself while trying to muster up all the courage she had in her at the moment, she asked the doctor if she could be with Ajani now.
“As soon as we place the tube and get his supplemental oxygen started to improve his symptoms and help the air around the lung be reabsorbed more quickly.” The doctor nodded. “As a precaution and because of his young age. We will have to keep Ajani in medically induced coma to give him a better chance of heeling, so he doesn’t move the tube.” He stood up to go back into Ajani’s bay.
“Thank you doctor,” Seth said.
“I can’t do this. I can’t take it.! Seth I can’t lose my son. Not Ajani too…Oh God, this will kill me,” Alena sobbed.
“Shhh….Alena baby. It’s going to be okay. You have to have faith, I know you’re scared, but I promise you we are going to make sure he gets the best care,” Seth said to her as he rocked her back and forth.
Thirty minutes later, the doctors let Alena and Seth into Ajani’ room. There was a tube down his throat to breathe for him, a tube coming out of an incision in his chest, an IV in his hands and machines completely surrounded him.
Walking to his bedside, Alena went to take his hand pausing she asked the nurse, “Can I hold his hand?”
“Yes” the nurse said solemnly before leaving the room.
Seth pulled a chair up to the bed for her to sit in.
“He looks so small,” she whispered.
“Yeah, but he’s strong and he can get through this,” he told her rubbing her shoulder.
They both sat for a while, listening to the machines beep when Alena looked over at him. “Will you pray with me?”
He felt like he’d been hit with a bolt of lightning. It’d been a long time since anyone asked him to pray. Of course, it had been a long time since he wanted to pr
ay about anything. Willing to do anything to help Ajani get well, he nodded his head taking her hand.
Alena released a shuddering breath as she held Seth and Ajani’s hand and started to pray. “Dear Lord, we come to you today asking for a healing of our precious child. We know you have blessed us so much in these last few years with the boutique and bringing a wonderful man like Seth into our lives. But I come to you Lord, pleading for your grace again. Please heal Ajani’s lungs and heart, help him to rise up out of this bed to be happier and than he was before. In the mighty name of Jesus…Amen”
Seth never hated himself more in his life than he did right now. She thought he was a blessing to their lives. The fact he was the cause of any of their current happiness made him want to walk on sunshine with pride. He knew as long as she didn’t know who he was to her, to her son. He would be lying to her, living a lie with her and he knew as long as he had this secret, their love could never achieve its full potential
No matter how scared he was of losing her, he needed to tell her the truth. He promised himself he would this time, the moment Ajani was well.
Alena gasped.“Oh, God! I have to call my family and I have to call Marcus’ family. Can you sit with him while I go and call them?”
“Of course, baby. Go, go make your calls I will be right here,” he said, holding Ajani’s hand.
Alena grabbed her phone and stepped into the hall.
Seth sat down in the chair she vacated. “Okay, God! I know we have not been on good terms since—well, you know how long. Alena has been telling me for months you are up there and you are fair and just. I love this kid like he’s my own. He doesn’t deserve this, Alena doesn’t deserve this. I beg you, please, please let him get better. Heal his little body. Alena won’t survive if you take him from her. If you do this, if you protect Ajani. I promise, I will go back to mass and take mother to bible study every week. Deal?”