by Nicky Webber
‘Yes, thanks Dr. Andrews,’ she seemed suddenly galvanized into action. ‘I’ll phone reception and book in a few appointments. Let’s hope it all goes well like the first one.’
‘I’m sure it will,’ assured the doctor. ‘Fred will be delighted.’
CHAPTER 9
Daddy Makes Two
Remorse tormented Maddy all the way home as she played out different conversations in her mind. She considered the reactions of both Fred and Logan, which heightened her growing anxiety. Dealing with the inevitable clarified her strategy, and she needed to discuss with Logan first. Securing his confidentiality and acceptance of Fred being the father was business critical to avoiding anger, insults, and divorce. Silent tears streamed down her face as she thought of her son Blake suffering the loss of their happy family. She had to negate the risk of forfeiting her marriage and motherhood for her unborn child. Fear crept into her consciousness as she dabbed her eyes with a crumpled tissue. She experienced a slight reprieve, knowing Fred and Logan looked alike, confident either man could be the father to her unborn child. That was the least of her worries. She must pull herself together and appear as if nothing out of an ordinary has occurred.
Later that afternoon, Maddy was home as Fred burst into the kitchen. She almost lurched with fright while holding a chopping knife as Fred strode through the door. Blake sat at the countertop, scribbling with a fat red crayon across several pieces of blank paper.
‘Daddddddyyyy,’ he squealed with delight, clambering off the kitchen chair and racing into his father’s arms. Fred lifted him up and swung him around. Maddy continued diligently slicing the vegetables and salad for dinner.
‘Look at you!’ Fred smiled at his son. ‘Did you have a good day?’
‘Yeah, Dad,’ laughed the child. ‘I did all the big shopping for Mom.’
Even Maddy laughed out loud and briefly kissed her husband.
It was early the next morning when Fred left home for the long, congested commute to work that Maddy called Logan’s cell phone. She texted him, confirming a private time when she could call him.
The cell phone only rang twice, and Logan picked up. ‘Hey! Lovely to know you want to talk to me. Hope you’re Okay?’ were Logan’s first words.
‘Yeah, yeah.’ She tried to reassure him. ‘I haven’t got long, but I’ve got a major problem.’
‘Shoot.’ He instantly responded. ‘I’ll do what I can to help. Is it work?’
Logan didn’t have an inkling of the crisis they were all about to face. Maddy didn’t have time to mollify him or package fate with a palatable explanation. There was no simple way of expressing the impact of her predicament and the difficult future they faced. She knew him well enough, so played it straight.
‘Are you sitting down?’
‘Yeah.’ Logan’s voice sounded quieter, his enthusiasm severely impaired. ‘Something serious?’ He stood up in his office and closed the door.
‘You could say that.’ She breathed in, holding it as he held his breath, too. ‘I’m pregnant,’ she mumbled, lowering her tone.
The two words stung the cyberspace between them. Only a deathly silence greeted them both.
After a few empty moments, Maddy spoke softly into the mouthpiece, ‘Are you still there?’
‘Yup,’ he sighed. ‘I heard you. But… I’m not sure what to say.’
‘I see.’ She sounded aloof, preparing herself for an emotional disconnect.
‘I mean, hell, it’s a shock. I’m grappling with the implications. How long have you known?’
‘Two days.’
‘Does Fred know?’
‘I should’ve known your primary concern would be Fred. But no, he knows nothing yet. I thought we should discuss it first.’
‘So, are you saying that it’s not his baby?’ Logan said.
‘Yes, I am. It’s your baby, Logan. That’s why I’m calling you. We both have a big problem.’
‘Whooahh!… Okay. This is a lot to take on board out of the blue. Are you sure it’s not his?’ he asked again.
‘Yes.’ Her voice was impatient, as irritation rose in her throat. This wasn’t going as she intended. ‘I didn’t expect the third degree!’ He heard the distress in her voice but persisted.
‘How do you know for sure?’
‘Dates, for heaven’s sake!’ The level of anger in her voice took him aback. ‘I’m already seven weeks. You do the math! I wouldn’t bother you in your frantic business life if it weren’t critical. You’ll be able to work it out for yourself. I can send you the printed doctor’s report, so you get the full frigging picture.’
‘Okay. Okay. I get it. I’m sorry, Maddy. It’s a lot to take in. What do you want to do? Are you thinking of abortion?’
Maddy burst into heart-wrenching sobs and immediately Logan knew he had headed off down the wrong track. He tried to soothe and reassure her they would work it out. Logan suggested meeting for lunch at LAX in three days after an airport stop-over meeting at the head office and which would mean staying overnight before carrying onto London. He hadn’t mentioned it to Fred yet.
‘Just as well,’ he said. ‘I’ll text you the arrival time and let’s go somewhere private and talk this through. Don’t worry, we’ll figure things out.’ An adrenalin rush kicked in, he had absolutely no idea how to resolve this. He just needed time to think calmly and clearly. Time to absorb the concept of another baby without the shock factor distorting his responses.
‘I’d rather meet you somewhere else instead of at the airport.’ Her tone almost pleaded. ‘Can’t you catch a cab to me at a nearby restaurant?’
‘Sure. I should be there by 2.00pm on Wednesday. I’ll text you the name and address.’
‘Okay.’ She merely replied, slightly calmer and relieved there was someone else who literally had skin in the game and would share the problem.
Her mother often repeated the adage, ‘a problem shared is a problem halved.’ If only it were that easy.
Two days later, as directed by Logan’s text, she arrived at the Italian-American influenced Providence Restaurant in Melrose Avenue. It offered exceptional seafood, succulent shellfish, tender sliced or deep-fried calamari, tasty grilled cod and tuna. Pity, she no longer had the stomach to face eating. The very thought of those creamy white wine sauces triggered a rebellious sense of nausea. She’d suffered bouts of morning sickness at various times of the day, making it difficult to camouflage from Fred. Nausea meant she could only sip cool water and stab a fork at a boring green salad instead of indulging in world-class cuisine.
There were only a handful of diners inside the contemporary restaurant, happily munching through the remains of their delicious lunch. She asked the server for an unobtrusive table in the corner of the open plan room. She could smell the delightful flavors mingling with the understated class and ambiance of the space, but the smell did nothing to entice her compromised appetite. The server, dressed in a long black linen apron over his white-collared shirt and dark slacks, seated Maddy at a discreet table for two.
Within a couple of minutes, Logan crept up behind her and hugged and kissed her cheek and neck before turning to face her. ‘Haven’t you learned your lesson yet?’ He tried humor as his opening gambit.
With a wry grin she retorted, ‘I guess I’ll be able to see the funny side of this in, say… about forty years!’
‘It’s still good to see you, darling,’ he said, grinning at her. ‘You look pretty good on it. Good enough to eat.’ His eyes danced in hers.
‘Enough lip from you.’ She smiled across the table. ‘Let’s get down to the nuts and bolts. Pardon the pun. Now that you’ve had a few days…’ A fleeting thought intercepted her speech, and she frowned. ‘You didn’t mention it to Mila, did you?’ Maddy felt alarmed. She hadn’t considered the possibility of Logan spilling the beans.
‘Hell no!’ He said immediately, convincing her with his emphatic response.
They ordered their meals, even though Maddy selected the safest sal
ad option. Logan made no comment, knowing full well how ill she had been while pregnant with Blake. They discussed the pregnancy in subdued voices, maintaining a modulated calm in keeping with their salubrious environment.
With all the variables on the table, they must make some hard decisions.
‘I’d never have picked you to be a pro-lifer.’ Logan said. ‘Think about it, Maddy. Living a lifelong lie with Fred and Mila, not to mention the baby. I don’t want a child of mine to never know who I am.’
‘Look. We will always be friends. We’ll always be together. You’ll see the baby grow up. Of course, you’ll be in the child’s life.’ Sarcasm crept into her tone, and Maddy gave an offhand shrug. ‘The alternative is that we go full throttle and both divorce and raise our love child together!’
Logan looked mildly irritated and weighed his next words. ‘But isn’t the simplest and less complicated approach to terminate? It’s early days,’ he tried again. ‘No one will ever know.’
Her expression changed, and at that very point, she knew she had no choice but to confess the abortion she had during her student days many years ago. This would be penance, the price she must pay to shut him up.
‘But I will. I know.’ She was emphatic. Her words fell like hard stones in a pond, rippling with meaning. Logan frowned and looked deep into her eyes, intense with apprehension.
She looked directly at him. ‘Years ago, when we were at Uni, I got pregnant. That’s why I broke up with you,’ she started. ‘It was the key reason I walked away. It’s been the shock of my life and didn’t know how to handle things.’
Logan looked shaken. His mouth gaped open as the blood drained from his face. ‘Maddy. What are you saying? What are you talking about?’
‘This is the second pregnancy we have shared,’ she stated coldly and matter-of-fact. He would not get off the hook so easily this time.
‘What? Why didn’t you tell me?’ he asked with a pained expression.
‘What could you do? We were both young and dumb. I had no chance of raising a child at eighteen, so I took the abortion option. I’ve had to live with that guilt all my life.’ She said emphatically. ‘I will never ever do it again.’
Logan remained speechless. They both stared at one another. ‘I wish you’d confided in me. Had trusted me enough to be there for you.’ She looked down. He understood and knew there was no need to rack over the past. He reached over and grasped her hand in both of his. ‘Maddy, I did not know. I love you. I would never want to do anything to hurt you. I am just appalled you had to go through that alone.’
‘Mila knew back then,’ she said.
Jolted to attention, Logan leaned back in his chair. He inhaled before leaning forward again. ‘What?’ he said in a harsh whisper. It was the only word he could manage.
‘She’s never mentioned it to you?’ Maddy asked.
He shook his head. ‘No. Not a word. I had no idea.’
‘Well, at least I know she’s a very trustworthy friend. Don’t worry Logan, I didn’t tell her you were the father. I lied and said it was from a one-night stand.’
‘And she believed that? Seriously?’ he grinned, partly at the ridiculous notion of Maddy having a one-off in some sleazy bathroom or backseat of a car with some stranger. But most of his sheer relief was the understanding that Mila didn’t comprehend the degree of his subterfuge.
‘Right then,’ countered Maddy. ‘Are you agreeing with this?’
Logan froze, still processing the bombshells he’d received in the last hour.
‘To socialize the concept into the framework,’ Maddy continued sarcastically, using corporate jargon.
‘Whaaat?’ he frowned.
‘Just using your corporate speak, the language you relate to and making sure we’re both on the same page.’ She continued in her boardroom executive tone.
He shook his head. ‘I get it. Fred will be the daddy of my child, and I will pretend to be a friendly uncle. Is that for the rest of my life?’
‘I would hope so. What’s the child going to think, if you pop up telling him you are the real daddy dearest?’
‘Ummm, yeah, I guess you’re right. All pretty incestuous.’
‘Exactly.’ She openly smiled at him for the first time. ‘And please remember to look delighted when Fred tells you the bad news!’
Logan reluctantly glanced down, distracted by the sense that this was unreal, imaginary, and he was in some trippy dream that was quickly transforming into a lifelong nightmare.
Maddy continued. ‘It won’t be long before you get used to the idea that the child’s ours. You and Mila will attend the occasional family event with all the kids, as we always do. What’s so hard about that? Good old Logan is such a devoted uncle to the youngest child.’
‘It won’t be easy,’ he said, as the server returned with the check.
Ten days later when Logan returned to Auckland, he received a long-distance call from Fred announcing with great excitement that he and Maddy were expecting another child.
‘It’s due in November,’ Fred explained, his voice flush with delight.
‘Wow, that’s excellent news!’ Logan tried. ‘Congrats to you both. Are we still meeting up in Italy for the cycle race?’
‘Hell yeah,’ said Fred. ‘Cycling before all else! Besides, L’eroica is in the first week of October, so plenty of time to train, race and fly back around the tenth. That’s a good five weeks before it’s due.’
‘Excellent Fred. I love it when a plan hangs together despite nature’s demands on our time frame! Hard training on our bikes is priority numero uno.’
‘Exactly!’ laughed Fred.
Logan worried about how Maddy would cope with being eight months pregnant with them both overseas. There was no quick trip home if anything went wrong.
CHAPTER 10
The Arrival
Mila arrived in LA to spend time with Maddy and endure another batch of blood tests and scans to ensure she remained in remission from cancer. She privately discussed with Maddy how she had found another lump under her arm and didn’t want to alarm Logan until she knew for sure what her medical status was.
As Mila walked with an overloaded trolley and her two daughters through the glass double exit doors at LAX, her eyes immediately fell on Maddy. Her almost full-term pregnancy made her look completely out of proportion. The swollen belly looked like some massive alien appendage glued to Maddy’s slight frame, her legs and torso struggling to balance as she waddled like a duck towards her dearest friend.
‘Oh darling,’ Maddy clung to Mila, hugging her long and hard. I am so glad to see you.
Mila smiled. ‘And I am shocked to see you. Are you sure you’re not having twins?’ she giggled. ‘Reminds me all about it. It’s a wonder humans survive.’
‘I know,’ grinned Mila. ‘I used to complain about poor design and why couldn’t we just lay an egg.’
‘Yeah, me too, and from under a perfectly waxed armpit instead of putting Charlie through all that drama!’ They chuckled and hugged one another again. Suzie and Sacha complained, pulling on the trolley as they slowly walked and talked to the exit and the carpark.
‘I called the Oncologist, and he’s confirmed for 2.00pm on Wednesday,’ Maddy said.
‘Thanks.’ Mila looked down. A shadow crossed her face, casting worry over her presence.
Maddy grabbed her friend’s shoulder. ‘You’re going to be okay, Mila. Don’t worry. Shove the negative energy away.’
****
Both wives endured the isolation of being cycling widows in the months leading up to the men’s trip to Tuscany. The friends chatted every day, which offered some solace, comparing notes about their own offspring and domestic demands. Mila and Maddy became wholehearted supporters and therapists for one another, coping with being single parents with absentee cycoholic husbands. Over the years they had spent long hours alone, their wannabe champion cyclists having no interest in restaurants, alcohol, movies or walks in the park. Bike training wi
th the demanding diet regimen took up every waking moment.
While both lived in separate countries, Fred and Logan used the Strava App to track their training program and compare rides and levels of fitness and failure. They competed online using Zwift, and completed in international internet cycling races, becoming imaginary world-renowned cyclists on overseas championship tours.
Both friends challenged other enthusiasts to several Tour de France races over the previous eight months, while seated on stationary bikes in the comfort of their own homes. Other cycling ‘champions’ in various countries signed up for the competitions, fighting to beat Fred and Logan, who believed themselves to be cycling masters of the universe, for their age! The appeal of the competitive nature of the game hooked most amateur and professional cyclists alike. They sweated over the results, dissected by the two men in microscopic detail, concluding in extended hours spent in the garage adjusting seats, pedals, sprockets, and brake pads, to ensure they wrung every split second out of their world-class performance. Weight to speed ratios along with VO2 max measurements for lung capacity provided the means to harbor excuses and hurl abuse at a competitor’s lack-lustre performance.
Nearly every day Logan cycled two to four hours on the trainer while frequent heavy downpours pounded the surrounding roads throughout New Zealand’s wet winter. Meanwhile, Fred trained at the gym in one of the largest spin classes in California and out on the foothills of La Tuna Canyon Park in the San Fernando Valley. He tested his stamina on harsh gradients, and fast downhill runs with long flat rides to build muscle strength in his legs, preparing for their Italian cycle showdown.
By mid-September Fred and Logan were both cycle-fit and met up in Milan in northern Italy. L’eroica, an annual vintage bike race held in Tuscany, required vintage bicycles that were manufactured before 1987. The men had a choice when they entered the famous one-day annual race. The entrants could sign up for the 209 km race or the shorter 135 km. While it’s known worldwide as a fun ride, Logan and Fred’s competitive drive took the race to be a competitive crucible, showcasing their athletic prowess and what it meant to be a real man.