by Jo Ann Brown
Church was being held at the Bowmans’ farm, which was closer to the main road that ran from Salem to the Vermont state line. Grossmammi Magdalena, who oversaw the Bowman household, had held a work frolic earlier in the week to make sure everything was ready for the service and the Leit. As it’d been held during the Miller bopplin’s nap time, Leanna hadn’t taken part. However, she knew the Bowman farm well because they’d held services there a couple of times already. The number of households in Harmony Creek Hollow was small, so each family hosted church more often than in bigger districts. No one minded, because it was an honor to provide space for the Leit to worship together.
Though the house was a short distance away, Leanna and Annie insisted on taking the buggy. It was too far for Grossmammi Inez to walk. Lyndon’s younger kinder rode with them, excited to have a chance to spend time with their beloved great-grossmammi. The rest would walk.
The Bowmans’ house was the smallest one in Harmony Creek Hollow, so the service would be held in a barn. The double doors had been thrown open wide, and the sun shone in to banish the shadows to the deepest corners. Benches had been put in place, two sets so the men could face the women during the service. Tarps beneath them would protect clothing from grit left by years of driving farm vehicles in and out.
Grossmammi Inez went to join the other older women who had gathered in the shade of a pair of huge maple trees. Annie and Leanna watched while their brother’s kinder skipped across the grass to join their mamm. When Annie said she’d be right back, Leanna wasn’t surprised she walked at a much more sedate pace toward where Caleb Hartz was getting out of his buggy. Nobody would be surprised when the two published their plans to marry in the fall.
Turning to join the other women, Leanna couldn’t keep her eyes from focusing on Gabriel, who held the handle of the wagon she’d given him. His bright red hair was hidden beneath the black church hat that matched the mutze coat and trousers he wore. Her breath caught against her pounding heart when she noticed how broad his shoulders appeared.
He looked in her direction, and their gazes collided. It was almost a physical impact, and she was surprised she wasn’t rocked back on her heels. Her breath stuck over her heart, which seemed to be trying to break a speed record. Its thud hammered like a cloudburst in her ears.
Leanna dropped her gaze, hoping her face hadn’t displayed—in that ever so brief second—how her heart hadn’t changed in spite of his choosing another over her. She walked past a group of twittering teenage girls and ignored their speculation about which of the available maedels Gabriel should consider as a wife. Her name wasn’t mentioned, and she tried not to let that bother her. Though she’d never guessed when her sister and their friends started the Harmony Creek Spinsters Club that a year later she’d be the only one with no plans to marry.
Shaking her head, she kept walking. She would marry if—and only if—God’s plan for her included marriage. As she tried to talk sense to her aching heart, she wondered if Gabriel realized how much talk there was among the unmarried women about his need for a wife.
He did, she discovered, when instead of handing off the twins to sit with the women and other small kinder, he kept both bopplin with him while he sat next to his brother on the men’s side. She wasn’t surprised when Gabriel got up twice and Michael once more with the bopplin when they became fussy or needed to be changed during the three-hour service. Though it was unusual for a daed or onkel to handle such chores, she knew Gabriel had been wise not to ask any of the women to take care of his kinder. Such a request would have been seen as a possible invitation to become better acquainted.
She fixed her mind on the service, but her eyes kept shifting toward Gabriel. It was startling to realize they’d never worshipped together before this. They’d spent hours talking about everything, including their faith, during the time they’d walked out together.
At the end of the service, Leanna rose and joined the other women getting the cold sandwiches and preserves waiting in the kitchen. The men shifted the benches to make tables for the meal the Leit would share. As always, the oldest men moved to the table first.
Leanna emerged from the house with a platter of sandwiches and set them on one end of the table. She was about to go for another plate when she saw Gabriel pull the wagon up to the table and heard a wail from it.
Heidi!
Moving to where Gabriel was trying to calm the little girl, Leanna said, “I’ll watch them while you eat.”
“You don’t have to do that. We can—”
Michael interrupted, “Danki, Leanna. I, for one, appreciate your offer.” He aimed a steady look at his brother. “That’s true, ain’t so, Gabriel? No need for any drama today, ain’t so?”
What was exchanged between the twin brothers was beyond Leanna’s comprehension, but she was sure she’d heard the slightest emphasis when Michael said drama. That meant something to the brothers, and she doubted Gabriel would want her probing into what was going on.
Leanna picked up Heidi and crooned, “There, there. So much noise from such a tiny mouth. What’s going on with you, boppli?”
The kind’s face softened from its scowl, and she began to gurgle. Relief eased the lines in Gabriel’s brow.
“I owe you one,” Gabriel said.
“Nonsense.” Leanna cuddled the little girl and tickled her belly. “I’m glad to help.”
“I know you are, but I still owe you one.”
Michael chuckled. “Don’t bother to argue, Leanna. I learned years ago it’s a waste of breath. Let him owe you one. And don’t worry about him forgetting it. Gabriel always keeps his promises.” He winked at his brother. “That’s one thing you can count on. Once Gabriel Miller says he’s going to do something, he does it. That’s right, ain’t so?”
Gabriel’s shoulders stiffened as he’d been about to reach for his son. “I guess so.”
Leanna glanced from one brother to the other. Again some message she wasn’t privy to had passed between them, but she wasn’t sure which of Michael’s words bothered Gabriel. It had to be more than his brother complimenting him.
Gabriel mumbled something that she guessed was “Danki.” To his brother or to her?
Gathering up Harley after Michael walked away to speak with their minister, Eli Troyer, she said, “Gabriel, there’s a question I’ve been meaning to ask you.”
“Go ahead.”
“Are you okay with me taking the bopplin off your farm while I’m watching them?”
“Of course.” His familiar frown returned. “Why would you ask such a thing? Don’t you think I trust you?”
“No, that’s not it. I know you trust me. You wouldn’t have asked me to watch your kinder if you didn’t trust me.” She edged away one step, then another. “You’re their daed, and I thought I should check with you before I do anything different with them.”
She sounded like a dummkopf, babbling as if she couldn’t stop. She clamped her mouth closed before she said something she’d regret for the rest of her life.
* * *
When Leanna looked away, Gabriel understood what she was trying to avoid saying. It wasn’t a matter of him trusting her. It was about her not trusting him. And why should she? He’d betrayed her once.
At least that was how she must see it.
It was how anyone would see the events that had occurred. If he could be honest with her, maybe she would have forgiven him. He rued the letter he’d written, because it must have seemed ridiculous to her when he couldn’t explain the truth of why he’d agreed to Freda’s daed’s proposition. Knowing how Leanna cared for her own family, he guessed she might have forgiven him if he’d been able to tell her why he’d stood her up and married someone else such a short time later.
The truth burned on his lips, begging to be spoken. How many times had Aden reminded him, Michael and Freda that the truth would set them free? He’d told them
being honest kept them from being bound by ropes of lies that would grow tighter with each layer added.
So why, Aden, did you bind me to a promise that keeps me from being honest with Leanna?
“Where do you want to take the bopplin?” Gabriel asked.
“I thought they might like to visit my goats.”
“That’s not dangerous?”
“Do you think I’d do something to put the twins in danger?” Her blue-green eyes snapped, and he knew he’d upset her again.
He wasn’t sure why he kept doing things to distress her. Was keeping a chasm between them a way to prevent him from having to think about what they’d shared in the past? If so, it wasn’t working.
“No, of course not. I know you love Heidi and Harley. But I know these two kinder. I know they will go looking for trouble whenever possible. Or at least Heidi will.”
“She’s curious about things. Like her daed.” Her smile for the bopplin was warm, and it widened to include him, as well.
He couldn’t smile because her words were a slap in the face. A reminder of the truth he wished he could share with her and close the chasm between them.
He couldn’t let that happen. He’d failed as a husband once. He couldn’t risk doing that again.
* * *
Monday evening, Gabriel came home to an empty house. He found a note in the middle of the kitchen table. It was from Leanna and told him she and the bopplin were at her family’s farm. She asked him and Michael to meet them there for supper.
He handed the note to his brother before heading into the bathroom for a quick shower. Tomorrow he and Michael would paint the Fentons’ art studio, so they’d spent the day smoothing joint compound on the new walls. A glance in the mirror as he waited for the water to warm up showed how much plaster dust covered him. Now he knew what he’d look like when his hair and beard were more white than red. He rushed through his shower. Coming back into the kitchen, he let Michael know it was his turn to clean up.
“I’m heading next door to get the twins, ” he said as he reached for his hat.
“In a hurry to see our pretty neighbor?” asked Michael, dropping his suspenders over his shoulders as he walked toward the bathroom.
“Ja.”
The honest answer surprised his brother, halting him as he was about to close the bathroom door. Gabriel didn’t blame his brother.
It didn’t take Gabriel long to find Leanna and the twins at the Wagler farm. She’d told him she wanted to bring the bopplin to meet her goats. Going to the pen where the animals were kept, he held his breath, not wanting to interrupt the scene in front of him.
Leanna sat on the box where she milked her goats. Heidi was perched on Leanna’s knee and bounced with excitement while Harley sat in the wagon, staring with big eyes at the goats, which must seem huge to such a tiny boy. Heidi’s fingers were outstretched and wiggled as if she could lure the goats to her with the motion.
Leanna made a soft, clicking sound, and the goats looked toward her, their ears up. One brown-and-white goat edged forward. It was, he guessed, the one she’d been milking the first morning he’d come to the Wagler farm.
“This is Faith,” Leanna said with a smile that seemed to encompass the boppli, the goat...and him. “Faith is the boss, and she never lets any of the others, including me, forget it. Once she’s your friend, they all will love you, too.”
He realized she was talking for his benefit because neither Heidi nor the goat could comprehend her words. She was trying to reassure him again the bopplin would be safe with her goats.
His heart softened as he watched Heidi touch the brown-and-white goat. The little girl snatched back her fingers before reaching out again. Her deep laugh swelled into the afternoon when she buried her fingers in Faith’s coat. She leaned her cheek against the goat’s head, then patted the goat’s face, attention that he was surprised the animal accepted as her due.
“See?” Leanna asked without looking over her shoulder. “The kinder are safe with the goats and me.”
“I should never have doubted that.” He resisted stretching out as Harley patted the goat’s haunch. When Leanna lifted him from the wagon so he could explore Faith as his sister was doing, Gabriel added, “You’ve always been cautious. You’re someone who looks before you leap.”
“Almost always.” The words were so soft he wasn’t sure if he’d heard her right.
Regret flooded him anew. She had to be referring to walking out with him. If only he could be honest with her...
Leanna stood and put the bopplin into the wagon. The goat wandered off to join the rest of the herd.
After closing the gate, she pulled the wagon around so the kinder could see him. They held up their arms, and he knelt and gave each a hug and a kiss on the head. The bopplin babbled with excitement, and he wondered if they were trying to tell him about the goats. Heidi was bouncing as she had on Leanna’s lap while Harley leaned against the wagon’s panel and grinned up at him.
“I’d say the visit to the goats was a success,” Gabriel said, standing.
“They took to the herd as if they’d been around goats their whole lives.” Leanna smiled. “Heidi astonishes me. She’s curious about everything while Harley is content to observe his world. Was Freda like Harley?”
He flinched, unable to halt himself. Why was Leanna asking about Freda? Had he exposed the truth he wasn’t the bopplin’s daed without realizing it?
As if he’d asked aloud, she said, “Maybe you don’t want to talk about Freda. I understand that, because it’s been such a short time since she died. However, I don’t know anything about her because I never met her. I see how much Heidi resembles you, and I’m curious whom Harley takes after because they seem to have such different personalities.”
“More like Freda’s daed.” He warned himself not to overreact to what was an obvious question. In fact, he was amazed Leanna hadn’t asked about Freda sooner. “Freda was a lot like Heidi. I remember when she first started school. She wanted to poke her nose into every book there, even ones she wouldn’t be using for years.”
“Ja, that sounds like Heidi.” Her smile fell away. “When you hugged Harley, did you notice his wheezing?”
“He seemed to be breathing harder, but I assumed it’s because he’s excited. Do you think he’s allergic to your goats?”
“He drinks their milch, but they’re dusty, so he might be allergic to dust.”
“I never noticed that, and our house was thick with dust before you started keeping it clean.”
“You may want to mention it to his doktor the next time you take him in.”
“I’ll try to remember.”
“Gut. If—”
“Gabriel!” called Juanita as she jumped off the porch. Running to where they stood, she grinned. “You’re coming to school on Friday, ain’t so?”
He almost asked what Friday was, then wondered how he could have forgotten the eighth-grade graduation. Last week, he’d been counting down the days, the hours, the minutes until Juanita would be done with school so she could take Leanna’s place watching the bopplin. He was startled. He hadn’t done that during Leanna’s second week at the farm.
He resisted the longing to ask her to stay on, because he guessed the people she cleaned houses for would be anxious for her to work for them. In addition, Juanita having a responsible job would satisfy the vocational study requirements the State of New York had set for plain scholars who didn’t attend school until they were sixteen as Englischers did.
“I wouldn’t miss it,” he said.
“Gut!” Juanita clapped her hands as if she were as young as the twins. “We’ve been practicing our pieces for the past month. Not just the two of us graduating, but all the scholars. It’s going to be a wunderbaar ceremony, and we want everyone in the hollow to attend.”
“I’m sure most will.” Lean
na gave her sister a quick hug. “It is our first school graduation from our brand-new schoolhouse.”
With a wave, Juanita rushed back into the house. The screen door slammed in her wake.
“You don’t have to feel obligated to attend.” Leanna stared at his boots.
“It will be a chance to see inside the school where the twins will be scholars in a few years.”
“All right.”
His fingers tilted her chin up before he could halt them. Astonishment bloomed in her eyes, and he hoped he hadn’t made a horrific mistake. Since he’d touched her on the porch the night she’d given him the wagon, he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about how much he longed for another chance to do so.
“Is everything really all right?” he asked.
“Everything is as it should be.”
“You’re avoiding answering my question.”
“That’s my answer.” Her breath brushed his face as he leaned toward her.
“That everything is as it should be?”
“Ja.”
“I wish I could believe you believe that, Leanna.”
“You can.”
Would she say the same thing if he asked if he could kiss her? He’d kissed her once. She’d been soft in his arms, her fingertips curved along his face as if she wanted to memorize it. Her lips had been welcoming, and his tingled at the memory.
“Gabriel!” she gasped.
“What?”
“You’re smiling.” She stared at him in disbelief.
“I guess I am.” He felt his lips tip more.
She flung her arms around him as she whispered in his ear, “I’ve been praying you’d be happy again. Danki to God for opening your heart to joy again.”
He was saved from having to answer when his brother came up the driveway and her sister called from the house at the same moment. As she hurried to help with whatever needed to be done inside, Michael stopped next to the wagon.