by Tara Lain
Tom stepped closer and whispered, “I hope it doesn’t make you sad.”
With no thought, Merle whirled and fell against Tom’s chest, burying his face in the blue T-shirt and the warm, clean smell of Tom. He got just what he wanted—strong hands caressing his back. “Sorry. I—I never knew what it would feel like to have a home. And it feels that way because you—uh, all of you are in it.”
More bodies pressed against him from behind. Ru said, “We’ve got your back, sweetie. Literally.”
Shaz sniffed. “Come on, let’s go pop some corks and let Merle see the rest of his private quarters in peace.”
Merle snuffled and almost protested as Tom pulled away and walked out with the guys—but Mist stayed. She slipped out of her bed and walked with him into his closet. A bunch of his clothes were already hanging there. It looked like more than the ones he kept at Ru and Gray’s. His big bathroom was already fitted with a lot of toiletries. One hand automatically petted Mist while he inspected his face. Yuk. The splotchiness from crying didn’t mix well with the dark circles from exhaustion.
“Come on, girl. Let’s go get some champagne.”
When he wandered back into the living room, he stopped abruptly. All the guys were settled around the large seating area—Shaz and Billy on the long gray couch, and Ru and Gray in the deep chairs with their abstract prints. Everyone had glasses nearby. They all looked so comfortable, which was exactly what he wanted in a home.
Only Tom sat a little away from the group in the middle of one of the rugs, playing with the boys.
Merle walked over and knelt in the middle of the rug. Fluffy leaped up and licked him, and Mist sidled to his side to get in the little dog’s way, which made him laugh. Tom wasn’t drinking. “Didn’t you want some champagne, Tom?”
He looked up. “Oh, thank you, but I probably better not.”
“You sure?”
He nodded.
Merle glanced at Ru, who gave a small shrug. Ru said, “We have yours right here, dear.”
Merle rose and went over to the soft-looking chair and sank in. “Oh man, in two mouthfuls, I’m going to be asleep. This is so great. I can’t begin to thank you for doing this. How and who do I pay for all this?”
Shaz said, “We put some of it on the credit card you gave Tom, but we weren’t sure of the limits, so the rest Billy will send you. We got everything with Billy’s discounts and some in my favorite used furniture stores.”
“We only splurged on a few things.” Ru giggled. “And those we made Gray pay for.”
Everyone laughed.
Ru’s eyes settled on Tom. “And Tom did almost all the work himself and refuses to charge for his time.”
Tom looked up from rubbing Tigger’s belly and frowned and blushed simultaneously. “I did it all on my own time so I could pay back Merle for letting me stay here.”
Merle shook his head. “You’re doing me a favor by staying here. You didn’t have to do all this.” Tom’s wide eyes made him rush on. “But, oh God, I’m so glad you did.”
Tom beamed.
“Seriously, it’s impossible to say what a relief it is to have it done and what a thrill it is to have it be so beautiful. Like I would have done it but much better.”
Tom smiled softly. “All your friends are so smart, Merle.”
Ru nodded. “All your friends are so smart, including Tom.”
Tom looked anywhere but at Merle, his cheeks pink.
Merle sipped his drink. “I wish I could stay right here for a year and sleep most of the time, but I have to leave for New York, so I’ve only got a day.” His eyelids wanted to close so badly.
Ru said, “Come on, guys, drink up and we’ll let this man enjoy his house and his dog for a little while before he has to leave again.”
“Oh no, I love having you here.” Which was totally true—and he couldn’t force his eyelids open.
Ru laughed. “Yep. We’re scintillating, all right.”
He heard movement all around him and tried to make himself sit up and look alert. By the time he mustered the energy, his friends were headed for the stairs. “Wait.” He hurried after them and gave each guy a hug. “I can’t even begin to describe how grateful I am for all this.”
Shaz said, “We’re just glad you love it, darling.”
“I do, so much.”
Ru whispered, “The whole thing was Tom’s idea, and a ton of it is his work.”
Gray nodded. “He worked so damned hard. All we had to say was something might be a good idea and Tom made it happen.”
“I don’t know how to—wait, where is he?” Merle looked around. No small fuzzies and no big, handsome guy.
“I think he slipped out.”
“Damn.” Merle reached for his phone.
Ru shook his head. “It’s hard to say thank you to that man.” He put a hand on Merle’s arm. “Sleep in and if you feel like company, call us. If you don’t—don’t. We won’t be offended.”
Shaz laughed. “We plan to spend lots of time hanging out here after your film is done.”
Merle grinned. “I’m counting on it.” He gave Billy the biggest hug. “Thank you so much for all the hard work. You’re a genius, and I plan to tell everyone that.”
Billy blushed, which reminded him so much of Tom.
Shaz waved a hand. “Well, of course.”
With that, the guys trooped down the stairs and out to their cars with Merle waving behind them and Mist half leaning against his leg. When the guys drove away, he closed the door and knelt by his new dog. “Hey, pretty lady, now that I’ve got you, what the hell do I do with you?” He stood and started up the stairs to look for dog food. The weight of his phone in his hand reminded him. He took a deep breath and pushed Send.
It rang once, twice—oh shit, maybe he’d stop answering again—
“Hi, Merle. You should be asleep.”
Think fast, Justice. “Well, I can’t go to sleep because I’m worried about Mist.”
“What? What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know where her food is or how much to give her or if she needs to go for a walk or where she likes to sleep or—”
“Oh, I’m sorry, Merle. I should have left you a note.”
“So I was thinking maybe you’d like to come over and tell me all those things and maybe have some food with me after I find out if I have any food.”
Tom chuckled a little. “You do have some food in your refrigerator.”
“And I bet the pizza guy could find this house too.”
“And I bet I could stop and pick it up.”
“I’m sure Mist and I would be very happy to have you do that.”
There was a pause. “You sure, Merle?”
“I’m sure, Tom.”
If a voice could sound like a smile, this was the one. “I’ll be there in a little while. You order the kind of pizza you like, okay?”
“I will.” He hung up, and that smile that must have been on Tom’s face warmed his whole chest. He called the pizza place, ordered two pies and a large salad since he knew Tom’s appetite well, then ambled into his kitchen and searched for dog food. He found both an opened package of beef and vegetables in a plastic pouch in the refrigerator and a large bag of dry food in a lower cabinet that seemed to have been set up as Mist’s food storage. Miscellaneous treats were stacked on one side, and Mist knew it because she crowded beside him, not being pushy, just letting him know she was open to whatever he might choose to share.
So where are her food bowls? He looked around for a dish on the floor, found nothing, and looked in the mudroom in back. Nope. He turned, glancing around the beautiful big room, and saw it—the most ingenious dog feeding station he’d ever seen. One end of his kitchen island was open, and inside were fitted three bowls—one held water, one some dry kibble stuff, and the third was just an empty hole where a dish must go. Sure enough, in a drainer over the huge farm sink sat a clean bowl that would fit right in that hole. Well, damn, this detail was pure Tom.
He grabbed the package of food, squeezed some into the dish, and got wide, interested eyes from Miss Mist. “Am I doing this right?”
He swore she nodded.
He took the dish to her feeding station and put it in place. She gave him a look like asking permission. “Sure, eat up.”
Permission accepted, she fell on the food and scarfed it up in a few bites, then daintily licked her lips. Merle laughed. “Good to see you have a healthy appetite.” He refilled the water dish from the filter on the refrigerator and she lapped some up, then cleaned up the last of the dry food. She was a big dog, so it didn’t seem like it was more than she should have. He’d ask Tom. Tom. He smiled. Maybe for the first time in days.
After finding and pulling out some plates and setting them on the huge island, he wandered into the sitting area and collapsed into one of those comfy chairs. Mist rested her chin on his knee and he sighed—as his eyes drooped.
TOM TIPTOED up the stairs carrying the two big boxes. He’d knocked, but no answer. Mist met him at the top step, giving him a little hop. He nodded at her, patted her with one hand, then carried the pizza quietly to the kitchen. Merle was sound asleep. Boy, he must be tired. Maybe I should put the pizza in plastic bags and carry Merle to bed?
“Don’t even think about eating all that pizza by yourself.” Merle laughed behind him, and it made his whole body feel warm to hear it.
He turned. “I think me and Mist can do it. She gets one and I get the other.”
Merle stood, and he looked yummier than the pizza. “Can dogs eat pizza?”
“Nope. It’s bad for them. But they do it anyway sometimes.”
Merle nodded. “I guess we’re all like that, aren’t we?”
“Eat pizza?”
He shook his head. “No. We like to do stuff that’s bad for us.” Merle wiped a hand over his face.
The words made his ears feel tingly like they wouldn’t stop repeating. Tom swallowed. Yeah, Merle thinks I’m bad for him. People would make fun of him for having me around. I bother him for sex when he should be making friends with people like René. Important people. He turned so Merle couldn’t see his face.
I forgot how much this hurts.
Tom grabbed the plates and set them in front of two stools by the island. “This is a good place to eat, and it’s easy to clean up.”
Merle touched his back. It made him jump. “I really love the way you worked out the feeding station for Mist. How did you ever think of it?”
He tried to smile. “That’s what I’d do if I lived here. I thought Mist would like it.” He looked up. “I just made it for her. The boys ate on the floor. They didn’t mind.”
“Where are the boys?” Merle opened the refrigerator. “Oh good. You want beer?”
“Yes. In the sewing room.”
“What?” Merle looked up really fast.
“The boys are in the sewing room at Mrs. A.’s and yes, please, I’d like a beer.”
Merle opened the bottles and put one in front of each place; then he dished salad onto the plates. “How come you left the boys there? Will Lily watch them for you?”
Tom got the forks. “No, I’ll take them out when I go home.”
“Oh.” Merle looked really surprised. “I thought you were staying here.”
His heart leaped so high it tickled his throat. “Oh, I—”
Merle frowned. “Sorry. I don’t mean to take advantage of you. I’m sure you want to be in your own place.”
Tom stared at the pizza. It didn’t look quite so good as it did before. “I don’t have a place, Merle.”
“What do you mean? Aren’t you staying with Mrs. Allison anymore?”
“Lily lives in my room now. I just stay in the sewing room with the boys.” He didn’t want to feel bad about that. He liked having Lily stay, but he didn’t have anything that was his.
“You can stay here.”
He nodded and pushed the slice of pizza on his plate. “Yes. Thank you. I’ll bring the boys back Monday night and look after Mist and watch the place.”
“Oh.” Merle looked unhappy. He took a bite of his pizza and chewed slowly. “I was thinking you might want to stay tonight.” He looked up. “You know, go get the boys first.”
Something strange happened in Tom’s chest. Like growing and shrinking at the same time. It hurt, almost. Words came out before he could stop them. “That’s okay, Merle. Thank you. But you need to have fun in your house. I better go be with Lily since I haven’t been with her too much and she probably gets lonely too.” He stood before he could even stop himself. “If you don’t mind, I’ll take some of this great pizza to Lily because she really loves it. You know that.” He rushed over to the drawer where he’d put the plastic bags, got one, and stuffed it full of pizza slices. Merle stared at him really funny. “You have a good sleep, and I’ll come back Monday and stay for as long as you need me to, okay? I’m really glad you like your house. That makes me happier than anything.” He waved and hurried toward the steps. “Bye, Merle.”
Just like that, he was down the steps and out the door and into his truck with the warm pizza kind of squished in his hand. The front door of the house opened, so he backed out really fast and gunned it up the street before he could see Merle and change his mind.
He made it all the way to the Pacific Coast Highway before the first sob made him bite his lip. Why did I do that? Why? I wanted to stay with Merle so bad.
He drove straight down the highway in the right lane so he didn’t have to pass or go too fast ’cause he couldn’t see so good. He hooked his shoulder to wipe the wet from his jaw where it was about to drip.
Why?
Because it hurts so much worse when it’s over.
Chapter Twenty-six
MIST RAN out the open door past Merle and hurtled to the edge of the lawn, barking. First time he’d really heard that, and he panicked. “Mist! Stop. Come here, girl.” She did stop and looked back at him, then turned toward the car again and stood there on the grass, vibrating all over like a shaking gray fog.
Merle jogged over to her and knelt, wrapping his arms around her neck. “It’s okay. He’ll be back for you. You’ll see him soon. Don’t worry.” He burrowed his face in her fur. “Don’t worry.” But his heart wasn’t listening. Tom had left. He’d walked out when he could have stayed. Certainly Tom knew from what Merle had said that he could have had sex with Merle that night. Turned me down flat.
Whoa. Hurt like a son of a bitch. Served him right. When he was a kid, his younger brother—the one who was in med school for neurosurgery now—used to make a face at him whenever anything bad happened and chant, “That’s what you get.” Yeah, Tom had just given him exactly what he deserved.
He stood slowly, hitching a finger into Mist’s collar, and walked back into the house. She didn’t protest at all, but she didn’t seem quite as happy as she had a few minutes before. “That makes two of us.”
Inside, he bagged up most of the pizza after forcing one piece down his own throat just to say he ate something. Digging in the “Mist” cabinet, he found some chicken chews and gave her one to gnaw on, then popped the cap on a bottle of beer and wandered around his house, trying to get used to it. It felt so much homier when Tom was here. Made sense since it was really more Tom’s place than Merle’s yet. Tom had done everything. Merle could practically feel the guy’s love and care radiating off the cabinets and the tile in the bathroom and the light fixtures.
I should go to bed. Still, it was only 9:00 p.m., and the prospect of staring at the ceiling while trying not to think about Tom sounded like as much fun as a funeral. He flipped on the TV and stretched out on the couch. Football. I don’t think so.
He switched off the sports station onto a network channel, then clicked on his guide and started sorting through the hundreds of choices his provider served up. As he clicked, the small preview box showed the channel he’d landed on. Well, damn. He exited out of the guide and stared at the show he’d inadvertentl
y chosen. Breakup Tales—the artistic home of Otto fucking Fastholder, heavy-footed “serious” actor and recipient of the Emmy award for Best Supporting Actor in a Drama.
Suddenly he started to cry, tears flowing down his cheeks like rivulets of ridiculousness. Here he sat—arguably a TV star, unarguably well paid, with a new movie contract for a very promising project, living in a brand-new home near the beach with a new dog and, best of all, surrounded by some wonderful friends. Friends who had gone way out of their way to make a home for him. Hell, his parents had even warmed up to him a little. As lives went, his was perfect. Was he seriously going to cry over one thing he couldn’t have?
Yep. His fucking tears didn’t care. They kept flowing. He set the beer bottle on the coffee table, turned off the TV, and closed his eyes. The last thing he remembered was Mist’s warm head resting against his hand.
“WOOF.”
Uh, woof? Merle’s lids fluttered open, and in one blinding flash he remembered he had a house, a couch he’d just slept on, and a dog! A dog that had to be fed and walked and otherwise taken care of. Holy shit! He sat up like the world’s fastest zombie, grimaced at the crappy taste in his mouth, and decided he couldn’t put off walking Mist long enough to brush his teeth—or even pee himself. Jesus, when had she gone out last?
A slender paw scraped at his still jeans-clad leg.
“Right. Okay, girl, let’s get you outside.” He stood, and Mist gave a little hop. He looked around frantically. Leash? She wore a collar.
He raced down the stairs to the ground floor with the sound of dog paws behind him. Leash? Leash?
“Woof!”
Wait, he had a backyard! He ran toward the rear of the ground floor, powered through the door to the garage, and flung open the service door that led out to the garbage cans and the gate that went to the curb. The second the door opened, Mist raced through, looked around—probably for grass—saw none, and squatted where she was. It wasn’t tough to imagine the extent of her doggy sigh. Her whole pretty face reflected sheer relief.