by Jodi Thomas
He ordered more coffee. On previous mornings, he’d swear buses passed often, heading different directions. But not this morning. It didn’t matter which way they were heading; he planned to catch the first one. He just needed to get out of town before anyone noticed. He’d ride to the nearest city that had an airport, take a cab to the terminal and catch the first flight to DC. He would spend his last two days of leave in a hotel watching football and ordering room service. Then he’d go back where he belonged.
The next leave, Jamie Johnson would be just a memory.
He grinned. He did love her big imagination and the way she grinned when she was about to tell him something funny. She’d think of something to tell people back in Crossroads. He might even send her flowers at school. His last act as a pretend husband.
He pictured her going to school alone for the first time in over a week. Her eyes would probably be red from crying. Maybe people wouldn’t ask too many questions. Then she wouldn’t have to make up too many lies. All she’d have to say was that he was gone, and they’d comfort her.
Maybe he’d sign the card on the three dozen roses he’d send, Love, Wyatt.
The idea. The word, felt right. Love. Real love, not pretend. That was all he could think of to say. No other word fit.
He stared into the coffee. He couldn’t see his future. He never had been able to. But he could see tomorrow and the next day. And he had to live it, even if that’s all he’d ever have. He could do it alone. He didn’t need family or friends outside his buddies in the army.
That ache in his chest came again. He was taking invisible fire. He couldn’t bring himself to say that he was fine without her. He needed more than the dumb toy turkey. He needed more memories for once. This time, a few days of peace wasn’t enough. He needed her.
“Hell,” he mumbled as he stood and grabbed his pack. Now he had to make it back to the lake before she left for school. He dropped a twenty and marched.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Misty Bend
GRIFFIN WOKE, ONE slow muscle at a time. During the night, he’d managed to pull off his boots and coat. His hat lay on the floor where it must have fallen.
He remembered helping Sunlan with her boots, then she’d pulled a throw over them both and cuddled down beside him. He vaguely remembered her telling him to be still and hold her. Even while half asleep, she was still giving orders.
Griffin looked around as if he’d accidentally misplaced her. His foggy brain saw her boots, her coat, the throw, but no fiancée. Like the snow, she appeared to have melted off him during the night.
Scrubbing his face, Griff felt a day’s stubble as yesterday came back to him. The flight. The fight to save her horses. The fire. They’d all worked until they were about to drop in the cold and snow.
Then he’d carried her home.
Slowly the room came into view. He wasn’t surprised by what he saw: the place was neat, organized, planned. Decorated in a blend of Western style mixed with Santa Fe, but it wasn’t big and rambling like a ranch house. He knew without asking, this place was her refuge, her lair, her hideaway.
Smells drew him to his feet. Coffee, breakfast.
Griffin raked his hand through dirty hair and followed his nose down a hallway to a small dining room that widened into a U-shaped kitchen. The middle-aged woman who’d helped all day yesterday was standing in a kitchen.
“Morning, Mrs. Norman,” he managed in a voice that sounded rougher than usual.
“Morning, Mr. Holloway. You can call me Kendra—everyone does. I fed the others an hour ago, but Sunlan told me to let you sleep in. Would you like some breakfast?”
Griffin glanced out the window. The sun wasn’t full up, and he’d apparently overslept. “No breakfast, but I could use a shower.”
She nodded. “Your brother brought in your bag. I put it in the guest room. Up the stairs. First room on the left.”
“Thank you.” He had to think for a second before he remembered the name she’d just told him. “Kendra?”
“Yes, sir?”
“Call me Griffin. I feel like we fought the storm and the fire last night. We should be friends by now.”
“All right, Griffin. I’ll fix a breakfast roll with sausage and have it ready for you by the time you’ve showered. Got a feeling you’ll want to head out.”
“You’re right.” He managed a quick smile and walked back through the house, hoping he’d come across the staircase before he had to go back and ask directions. He’d noticed the smell of smoke and lathered horses filled the house, then he realized the odor was following him.
Hell. I’m the one who smells.
Ten minutes later, his sore muscles had relaxed under a hot shower and he felt ready to face the day. He pulled on the only change of clothes he’d brought, didn’t bother to shave and picked up his takeout breakfast on his way out of the house.
If everyone was already up and working, he needed to join the crowd.
The sight that met him was breathtaking. The snow had stopped and now sparkled across the land like scattered diamonds. Mountains were on his left and rolling hills on his right. Huge evergreens, their branches heavy with snow, ran along what might have been a fence line. The scene reminded him how close to Christmas it was. How close to his wedding.
He shaded his eyes and studied the land. Even the scar on perfection, the burned remains of the horse barn, seemed to sleep now under a blanket of new snow. The back of the once-big barn still stood, like one last soldier refusing to fall.
Griffin understood why Sunlan loved this place. She’d said once that this little ranch was as close to a home as she’d ever had. The very place her mother had hated and run from was now Sunlan’s paradise.
The memory of her sleeping next to him on the couch came back to him. They weren’t even friends, but it had felt right having her close. For once, she hadn’t been distant and all business.
Cooper rode up with a mount for Griffin. “Don’t you just love this place? I vote we sell Maverick Ranch and move here. I could so get used to having something besides buffalo grass and tumbleweeds to look at.”
“No doubt it’s beautiful.” Griffin took the reins from Cooper. “Where is everyone?”
“Elliot is at the burn site with a deputy sheriff who came out from some small town. He claims he’s an expert because he took a course on fires.” Cooper shook his head. “I read one sheet of paper Elliot printed off from the internet last night on the ten most common causes of barn fires, and I think I outrank the deputy in knowledge.”
“Where is everyone else?”
“Elliot and Andy are trying to identify the horses who died in the fire. A few were trapped beneath the barn. Andy’s helping dig them out. The vet had to put down one more this morning. He’s got men coming in to handle the disposal.”
“Did you run everything by Sunlan?”
“Yep. She knows about it, but I don’t think she wanted to see it.” Cooper lowered his voice. “Our Sunlan is really taking this hard.”
Griffin wanted to remind Cooper that Sunlan wasn’t theirs, but he felt that considering how long his brothers had worked last night, they’d proved just how much they cared. “What are you up to?”
“I’ve been out circling the pastures. There is still one horse unaccounted for. He was new, only came in last week. A high-priced stallion. He may have been hurt, so there’s a good chance I’ll find him down. But if he’s alive, he can’t be too far. This place isn’t all that big.”
“Where’s Sunlan?” Griffin swung up into the saddle.
“Over with the doc, taking care of that colt you brought in last night. She’s mothering him like that baby is the future of her ranch. He might very well be.”
Griffin turned his horse toward the hay barn. He didn’t bother to say goodbye to Cooper. He’d be bumping into him all day. Five minutes late
r, he found her just where Cooper said she’d be.
“Morning, Sunshine,” Griffin said in a low voice as he stood behind her.
She didn’t smile when she glanced back and answered, “Morning, sleepyhead.”
Griffin stepped into the makeshift stall and began to help. He wanted to talk about how they’d slept together last night, but there were too many people around. They were engaged; everyone probably assumed they slept together, so advertising it wouldn’t be any news.
“Thanks for your help last night.” Her voice was calm as she brushed the mare. “I couldn’t ask you to come, but I’m glad you did.”
“Happy to help. We’ll stay till we get this cleaned up. I have a family of cowhands watching over my spread. You can use us here for a few days.”
She agreed. “As soon as I can, I’d like to move as many horses as possible south to your place. The few mares I have to leave here will have the doc and Lloyd to look after them. But with more snow coming soon, it’ll be easier to handle most of the herd at your place.”
He agreed. “I noticed three horse trailers in the hangar. Two could carry six. The third looked a little battered, but if it is road ready, we could put a few of the wounded horses in it and load in extra equipment.”
“Sounds good, but that won’t take care of half of those who could be moved.” She looked a bit broken. “Without my big barn, I can’t keep many here.”
He leaned down as she knelt to brush the colt. His low words were only for her. “I’ll call home and have a couple of my men start driving this direction. I’ve got a six trailer, and I know where I can borrow another. My men can leave within the hour and be here by dark if you think the pass will be clear to get over today.” His light touch on her shoulder silently told her she wasn’t alone. Not anymore.
“I checked.” She nodded, her strength coming back into her eyes. “They’re plowing now. But your men need to get here by sundown. There are spots on the pass that freeze over as soon as the sun sets.”
“If Andy and Dave can drive one each, Cooper could handle the third one pulling out from here. If they leave by noon, they should have no problem. They’ll be out of the bad weather by the time they cross the Oklahoma panhandle. I’ll have Elliot order more feed delivered to our place so we’ll be ready for them when they arrive. If the snow holds off, my rigs can be here, loaded and leave again tomorrow morning.” Griffin looked down at the colt. “He’ll need to stay here with his mother for a few weeks.”
She rubbed her cheek against the colt’s neck. “I know, but I’ll miss him.”
Her comment told him the one thing he’d hesitated asking. She was going back to the ranch with him. “We’ll get through this, Sunshine. It may not be till spring, but we’ll rebuild.”
She nodded. “If it’s okay, I’ll stable as many as I can in your barns until I’m operational here.”
“The white barn on my place is yours,” he corrected. “I gave it to you, remember? If I can put up with half a dozen decorators in my house, I can easily handle thirty or so horses in the barn.”
“I forgot about the decorators. They’re supposed to be finishing by now.”
Griffin growled as he fought down laughter. “They probably are. I didn’t lock the door. They won’t even notice we’re gone. Elliot hides in his study from them. They run when they see Cooper, and I’m usually gone before they drive under our gate.”
She laughed and an ounce of sadness left her. “You men hated them, didn’t you?”
“No. We like what you told them to do, and we wanted you to have your rooms the way you wanted them.”
A bit of distrust echoed in her tone. “Why?”
“Because, Sunlan Krown Holloway, whether you stay a few nights or all year, I want you to know that you’ll always have a home at Maverick Ranch.”
She took his offered hand. “I think, in less than a month, I’ll be dropping the Krown part of that name. I think just Holloway will suit me fine.”
He closed his fingers around hers, and she let him help her stand. They might have a mountain of chores to do before tomorrow when, weather permitting, they moved her stock south, but he felt like they were working together.
Cramming his hat on, Griff winked at her. “How about we divide and conquer? You and the doc take care of the horses in here. Lloyd and I will take care of the deputy sheriff and the cleanup.” He leaned slightly and kissed her cheek. “We’ll talk at supper. Deal?”
“Deal.”
Halfway through the day of dirty jobs and bad smells, Misty Bend’s caretaker, Lloyd, finally turned to Griffin and said his first sentence that wasn’t about the work. “Me and the missus are mighty glad you finally got here, Holloway. We’ve been wondering how long it would take you to find our Sunlan.”
“What makes you think I found her? Maybe she found me.”
Lloyd shook his head. “No, not possible. She may talk all strong and bossy, but when it gets down to it, she’s afraid of men. Her daddy tries to run her life, and I think she’s afraid any man she comes across would do the same.”
“I don’t want to boss her around, Lloyd. I never will.”
The older man grinned. “I know. I noticed that. That’s why she must have let you close.” He scratched his bald head. “Something else I noticed, Holloway. Now and then, she looks at you the same way she looks at that colt. Over the years, when she was here visiting her grandfather, I’ve seen her sleep next to a sick or dying horse many a time, but until last night, I never saw her sleep next to a man.”
“Are you telling me you’ve never seen her with a man? No boyfriends or lovers?”
“Oh, sure, her father tried to match her up with some rich dandy every now and then. A few even come out here determined to win her over. But I had a feeling she’d never settle for anything but a real cowboy.”
Griffin walked away smiling. Lloyd obviously didn’t know as much about Sunlan as he thought he did. She’d found him, and before that, some other guy who didn’t use protection.
She’d still be her own person when they were married, and he’d have his ranch after the wedding. But things were getting a bit mixed up.
They were becoming friends.
CHAPTER THIRTY
The Johnsons
JAMIE JOHNSON SAT on the couch holding the teapot Wyatt had left on her shelf. She was dressed for school, but she couldn’t make herself go. She needed a bit of time to think.
She’d gotten up early. Planning to say she was sorry for leaving Wyatt last night. She’d mend fences, and they’d laugh about it. If he just wanted to be friends, she should treasure that and not ask for more. Never ask for more. He might have admitted he thought of more between them, but he obviously wasn’t willing to risk it. Like the tiny mice on her teapots, she should just be happy with what she had.
But when she walked out of her bedroom, Wyatt had already left. Without sharing breakfast. Without saying goodbye. All signs of him ever being in her life had disappeared.
She’d thought they’d have one more day, maybe two. She’d intended to say she could drive him to wherever he needed to report. She could take a few days off. Her principal would understand. After all, her husband was in the army.
Jamie swallowed a cry. Captain Wyatt Johnson was not her husband. She’d had so much fun pretending that for a moment, she’d almost believed it herself.
But last night something had shattered their little make-believe world. She wasn’t sure what woke them up at the same time. Asking for a kiss? Wyatt afraid to step over some invisible line?
She’d been dumb to ask him to kiss her. She’d embarrassed him, and he’d rattled on, trying not to hurt her feelings. He’d said he couldn’t go halfway. Did he think one kiss was an invitation to join her for the night?
She knew he cared about her. She saw it in his eyes. Felt it in his gentle touch. Or at least she t
hought he did. How could her signals be so off?
Slowly she stood and placed her new treasure back in its place. She had a memory of almost being married. If that’s all she got, she wouldn’t complain.
She stood tall. All her life she’d learned to appreciate the little things she had, and she’d do that now. She had a job she loved. Everyone believed she was married, so hopefully there would be no more harassment or efforts to hook her up with unmarried relatives. Half the town had seen her husband. Wyatt had done her a great favor.
That was enough. He didn’t have to kiss her. That hadn’t been part of their bargain. She had nothing to complain about, she repeated. No one got all they wanted in life.
She laced her shoes and picked up her bag. Maybe she’d write Wyatt and send it general delivery to the army. Surely they could find him. She’d thank him for the great time. Today she’d teach her class. Maybe she’d get out her tiny Christmas tree and plug it in by the window. Then she’d order her one gift and pay the extra to have it come wrapped.
She could tell herself all would go back to being the same, but she knew it never would. Wyatt had left a big hole inside her. Now her real life would seem to be the pretend one.
Pretending to be happy. Pretending nothing was missing. Pretending she hadn’t fallen in love.
She stepped onto the porch and for once didn’t see the beauty around her. Wyatt wouldn’t be taking her to work today. She wouldn’t be kissing him on the cheek for everyone to see. She loved that part of their game. People who’d noticed them would smile at her when she climbed out of the car.
But not today. They’d probably only look at her with sad eyes. Mrs. Johnson’s husband had gone back to the army.
Snowflakes pirouetted in the early morning air, thick and heavy, wet on her cheeks. She smiled, remembering how he’d swung her around that first day as if she were made of air. Memories, she thought. I’ll collect all the good memories and leave the broken ones on the floor. I’ll think of how we began, how we pretended, how we laughed. I’ll forget how it ended.