by Holly Jacobs
“Maybe you can catch lightning bugs with me and I could see if they are fairies?”
Finn nodded. “In the summer. They don’t come out until it’s hot.”
In the summer. Finn would probably have custody and she’d be somewhere else. Mattie would miss seeing if the lightning bugs were fairies. She wouldn’t be the one standing in the yard with Abbey and the other kids...and Finn. They’d do it themselves, like a real family, which they were.
She poured the medicine onto the spoon and said, “Open.”
Abbey complied and smacked her lips, not minding the bubble gum flavor. She put her head back on Finn’s chest. “Maybe lightning bugs don’t come till summer, but maybe Mommy was right and they’re really fairies. I think fairies come out anytime.”
“No matter when they come out, I’ll help you find some,” he promised Abbey.
Mattie remembered holding Abbey the day that she found out that Finn was suing her. She’d doubted that he would be able to give the kids the time and emotional connection they needed.
And yet, here he was. Here for Abbey. Comforting her, holding her.
Finn Wallace might be a doctor, but he was Abbey’s uncle. He was her real and honest-to-goodness relative, and he loved her. Mattie had only borrowed the title aunt. Just like she’d borrowed Bridget’s family.
Heck, just like she’d borrowed her own family.
It didn’t matter that she loved them all and discovered how much she loved Valley Ridge, they still weren’t hers. Not really.
As she watched Finn, who seemed content to sit and hold his niece, she realized something else.
She loved Valley Ridge, her family, the kids...and she loved Finn Wallace, too. She’d used the word intimate when she thought about what they’d done, but it was more than that. They’d made love. Well, at least she’d made love to him.
She loved him.
It was the cowboy hat moment that Sophie had talked about. It was nothing big. Nothing of massive importance, but everything in her world shifted because it was the moment she understood that she hadn’t only been intimate with Finn, she’d made love to him because she loved him.
She needed to be sure the kids were happy, but she wanted to be sure Finn was happy, too. Because she loved him.
Thinking the words felt liberating.
She wouldn’t fool herself into thinking their lovemaking was anything more than sex for him, but for her it was.
And because she loved all of them, she had to find a way to see to it that all of them were happy and well cared for.
She wasn’t sure how she would do it, but Mattie had never met a task she couldn’t handle once she set her mind to it.
And she was setting her mind to this.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
FINN SAT IN his office Monday afternoon and glumly peered out the window. He had half a sub on his desk, but after the first bite he’d lost interest. His thoughts weren’t on lunch or work.
His thoughts were exactly where his heart was...in Valley Ridge.
Finn had experienced personal revelations in the past. For instance, he’d always known he wanted to be a doctor, but it wasn’t until he was in his first cadaver lab that he realized he wanted to be a surgeon. There was something so eloquent about the human body. How organ worked with organ in perfect harmony. He understood the workings of the human body, but he didn’t have nearly as much expertise with people and their feelings.
He had his partners in the practice, and he was certainly friendly with them, but they weren’t friends. Yes, he asked about their families, commiserated when their sports teams lost, but he’d done so merely as a colleague.
No, his true friends were Colton and Sebastian.
For the first time he wondered if something in him had broken after they’d become friends. Even in college, he’d been too busy with his studies to really invest in anything more than a cursory acquaintance with anyone.
With Bridget it was something deeper than friendship obviously. She was family. His sister. He knew, despite her reassurances, that he often let her down, but she’d loved him enough to overlook his flaws. Now she was gone, and he knew that Bridget’s children needed him badly.
Mattie had seen it from the start. When he initiated the lawsuit, there had been an element of competition in it. He hated admitting that, but he had to face it. He’d thought he could breeze in and easily give the kids everything and maintain the same level of commitment at work. But plenty had changed in the past few months of weekend visits.
He no longer saw Zoe, Mickey and Abbey as his sister’s children. He no longer loved them for Bridget’s sake, or because they were family and he should love them. He loved them exactly because they were Zoe, Mickey and Abbey.
He’d spent the past couple months enjoying the weekends because he loved them and couldn’t stand being apart from them. He packed his bag on Friday mornings and left for Valley Ridge as soon as he saw his last patient.
A woman was walking along the sidewalk. She had two dogs with her. A large black one, and a small white one. She glanced at the office building and for a moment, he could have sworn it was Mattie. Maybe it was the blond ponytail. Maybe it was just that as she moved, there was a spring in her step that spoke of happiness.
That’s how he felt in Valley Ridge—as if his every step spoke of his happiness.
Every Friday as he crested the hill and gazed down onto Park Street, something inside him unwound. He’d never thought it was there before, but when he came home, it disappeared. When he packed again on Sunday to head back to Buffalo, that tension began to wind up tight. Squeezing him until it almost hurt.
He knew that as he parked in the garage at his condo, there was never a feeling of coming home. That was saved for Fridays. When he went to the house he’d grown up in on Lakeview, that’s when he truly came home. And it wasn’t that he grew up there. The house was home because that’s where Mattie and the kids were.
He knew that his feeling of home would only be stronger now that he and Mattie had made love. She was fighting it—their attraction. She’d practically put her hands over her ears and cried out Na na na, I can’t hear you when he tried to talk to her about it. But it was there and he didn’t know what to do precisely.
But he knew what not to do.
He knew that you didn’t sue the woman you loved for custody of the kids she adored.
Yeah, he was sure about that much.
And he was sure that whatever was growing between him and Mattie wouldn’t have a chance to fully develop if he only saw her on weekends.
There. That was two things that he knew. And that was more than he’d known last week.
He thought that someday he’d fall in love with a woman who would fit into his life without causing a ripple. Someone who would be easy to be with. Someone with whom a relationship was easy to build and balance.
Mattie wasn’t that woman, and yet...
That first thing he was certain of he could take care of with a call to his lawyer. He’d asked him what his options were on Friday, and the attorney said he could look after the matter quickly. So that was done. No more lawsuit.
The second... Well, that took more thought.
Normally, he’d toss the problem out to Colton, or now that Sebastian was home, to him. Problem was, Colton was not only preoccupied with the vineyard, he was planning his wedding. And Sebastian was barely home and would have to deal with Hank’s problems. From what Finn had heard, Sebas
tian was having a hard time with Hank’s issues. Neither of his friends needed Finn to dump on them.
His other option would have been to go to Bridget. She’d always been his touchstone. He’d never told her that. There was a lot he’d never told her. But he knew she knew. Bridget had always known him better than he’d known himself.
And part of him wondered if Bridget had somehow always known that Mathilda Keith was the woman for him. He suspected she might have. He also suspected that she was watching over them now and cheering him on.
Finn ached with how much he missed Bridget. He’d give almost anything for one more conversation with her. He’d pay any sum to hear her laugh one more time as they chased fairies in the backyard on a summer’s night.
Though he couldn’t go back and be a better brother, he knew he’d spend the rest of his life trying to be the best uncle to her children.
He weighed his options during what was left of the afternoon as he went about his normal routine. He saw patients. He scheduled surgeries. He went home to his quiet, sterile condo, with no screaming kids, no giant dog...no Mattie. He called the house in Valley Ridge and talked to everyone, wishing he were there.
Before he hung up from the call, he’d decided; his plans solidified.
He knew what he wanted, and he knew what he had to do next.
* * *
MATTIE HAD MADE her decision and spent her week storing up memories like a hoarder adding another box to the stack.
Her mother dropped in on Monday for coffee with her. They’d gossiped about the boys, about her father, talked about the kids with pride. Her mom had gotten up and kissed her, saying, “I’m so glad to have my girl home. I love your brothers, but there’s something special about a daughter.” She’d walked to the door and gave a little wave. “I’ll come by again soon.”
Mattie admitted how much she’d missed spontaneous moments with her mother and how much she was going to miss them when she left.
She filed the moment away, a moment to be savored and treasured. Her mother really did think she was special. Oh, Mattie still knew she wasn’t, but having someone else believe it felt like a gift.
She packed that memory away.
* * *
WEDNESDAY NIGHT MATTIE walked into Mickey’s bedroom and was almost bowled over by the stench. “Mickey, what is that smell?”
“What smell?”
Her initial instinct might be to blame poor Bear, but this wasn’t a stinky dog smell. They’d had Bear long enough that she would know if it was. When she finally tracked the odor to its lair under Mickey’s bed, she found that it came from a hunk of cheese that had to be have been under the bed for days and smelled so disgusting that even Bear wanted nothing to do with it.
She stored that smell away...she was pretty sure she’d never totally eliminate the memory anyway. She’d also do it because it was a typical moment with Mickey.
Sophie breezed into the coffee shop four times during the week, asking Mattie’s opinion on this or that wedding detail.
Lily dropped in between home health care visits, or on her way to help out at the diner, to vent about Sebastian. “That man is impossible,” she’d insisted again and again.
Lily’s perception of Sebastian didn’t really mesh with Mattie’s memories of him, but she didn’t contradict Lily. Instead, she listened and tried to be a friend, realizing how much she’d miss Lily and Sophie when she moved on.
She stored those moments, too.
And her favorite memory, one that she knew she’d pull out repeatedly, had been reading to Abbey. The little girl cuddled on her lap, and Bear sprawled on the bed with them.
Both Mickey and Zoe had wandered into their sister’s room at bedtime, lingering while listening to Dorothy’s adventure in Oz. The story was coming to an end and Mattie couldn’t help but feel the parallel between her time here with the children, and the end of the story.
As she’d read the book she glanced up and stored away the memories. Abbey smelled like Bridget as she cuddled close. Bear snored. Zoe tried to pretend she wasn’t really engaged in the story, but her rapt expression gave her away. And Mickey put his hand under his armpit and made farting noises, which had both his sisters outraged at his grossness.
No, most people probably wouldn’t choose that as a memory to hoard, but Mattie adored it even as she said, “Mickey, no arm farts! Girls, ignore him.”
She went back to the book and her voice faltered at the words about how it didn’t matter where anyone was, so long as they were loved.
She collected herself and continued, but even as she did, the rest of the stored memories flooded her mind. It didn’t matter where she was...in Valley Ridge or Buffalo. It didn’t matter as long as she was with the kids.
And Finn, a little voice whispered.
She cast it aside. Finn wasn’t her concern. The kids were. But as she finished the chapter and tucked Abbey under her covers for the night, Mattie could hear the voice still whispering and Finn.
And Finn.
And Finn.
* * *
MATTIE HAD WANTED to talk to Finn on Friday night, but there wasn’t a quiet second to be had. And amidst the chaos that the kids and the dog generated, he’d given her some looks that she couldn’t quite interpret.
She hardly slept after he left. Her stomach was a twisting mass of nerves. She finally gave up about four and started coffee, the laundry and picking up in that order.
She wanted to hurry the day along. It was a beautiful May morning. The flowers were out, the trees were budding and she could use that as an excuse to send the kids outside so she could talk to Finn.
She had everything ready. She only needed to give the envelope to him and explain her plan. She’d already called her attorney and told him what she was going to do.
She set the manila envelope on the table, and found herself touching it every time she walked by. And she walked by often, because she couldn’t sit still. She was pretty sure Finn would agree with her decision.
But wasn’t positive.
That not positive part was the part that was making her crazy.
She had everything picked up before Abbey bolted downstairs with Bear on her heels. “Bear and me is hungry.”
“You and Bear are hungry?” Mattie said, heavy emphasis on the are.
“Yeah, we is,” she repeated as if Mattie were dense.
Before she could go make another stab at her grammar lesson, there was a knock at the back door and Finn came in with a big bag in one hand, and a coffee mug in the other. Bear rushed out past him. He shut the door and held the bag aloft. “Muffins. And notice I took my own mug to the store. I saved a dime...and saved the world. I love your new promotion. It’s brilliant actually.”
Mattie didn’t have time to bask in his compliment. It did seem like a no-brainer, win-win sort of idea. Bring in your own mug, save the store the cost of a paper one, and also do a bit to save the planet.
Abbey hollered, “Uncle Finn, you brought food. Me and Bear was so hungry.”
As if on cue, Bear barked at the door, indicating he was ready to come in.
“Well, I’m glad I saved the day,” Finn said.
He sat down at the counter next to Abbey and got her a muffin, then got up and brought her milk and an apple, unasked.
“That’s three colors, Uncle Finn. That’s a good breakfast, right, Aunt Mattie?”
Both Finn and Abbey smiled at her expectantly, so she pa
sted a smile on her face and said, “Right.”
“I taught Uncle Finn about lots of colors. He’s only got two though. Coffee’s brown, and that muffin’s kinda orange.”
Finn looked at her and grinned. “Well, I don’t want to get in trouble. I’d better find another color.”
He went and helped himself to an apple, as well. Abbey nodded her approval, then started eating her muffin as if she were well and truly starving.
“So, can we find a minute after the pickup party?” he asked conversationally.
“I’m planning on it. I have something for you.” She thought about the envelope and prayed that he was going to agree.
“That’s intriguing,” Finn said.
“Do you have somethin’ for me, Aunt Mattie?”
“A big, giant, wet kiss. Bigger than Bear’s.” Mattie planted the kiss on Abbey’s forehead.
“That’s awful big,” Abbey said through a giant mouthful of food.
Mattie would normally have scolded her niece about talking with her mouth full, but today she didn’t have the heart. This was it. The last of the pickup parties before she changed everything.
Even if Finn agreed to her plan, it wouldn’t be the same.
* * *
MATTIE WAS ACTING weird.
If asked, before everything had changed for him, he’d have said Mattie always acted weird. He never knew what to expect from her. If he thought she should go left, she went right. And vice versa. It used to drive him crazy.
He felt he knew her now, but he still obviously had a thing or two to learn, since he had no idea what was wrong with her today.
He knew why he was nervous, but he didn’t know why she was.
Somehow they finished the pickup party more quickly than they’d ever managed. They went to the store, and rather than going out to lunch, Mattie had bought a premade pizza and baked it, then shooed the younger kids out into the yard with Bear. Zoe disappeared into her room, but soon after, came back down and headed out back, too.