by Tessa Elaine
Being home, even for as long as I have, I still forget I’m not there, and there are people here that have my back. It’s just hard to talk to them about things that go through my head, things I don’t want to worry them with.
This last week, for instance, had been worse than most. I had a couple of episodes, flashbacks, that I felt I couldn’t control. I hate being out of control, unable to shut my mind off, stop the flashes of the explosion, the faces of my friends that I lost, every time I close my eyes.
Maybe this is my punishment for surviving, maybe this is the way my life is supposed to be. Sometimes life deals you a shit hand, and trust me I have been dealt my fair share, but if it gives you that one good hand you have to go all in.
Sarah is my one good hand, and I'm going all in.
I tried to text Sarah Saturday to see if we could talk and got no response. When she didn’t answer, I drove by her house, but her car was gone. All I could do was pray she wasn’t with that asshole.
I got to the ranch and I was a little shaky from not getting any sleep and not hearing from Sarah was not helping, but I manage. Every time I looked up Lucas was on his phone and had this smile that made my heart long for what he has.
“So how is the future Mrs. Wayne?” I have asked after Lucas finally puts his phone away.
“In Seattle,” he said with a grunt.
“Seattle, why is she there?”
“She and Sarah went there to go dress shopping with her Aunt Grace and her friend Aubrey. I don’t like it at all.” Lucas was working on their bedroom while the guys and I worked on the kitchen.
He said he didn't want any of the guys in their room.
I told the guys I need to take care of something and stepped outside to text Sarah again. When she finally starts texting me back, I felt a small bit of stress leave my body. After she sent me a picture of her smiling face, I was feeling like a new man. The light was shining behind her. Her hair looked like gold silk surrounding the only face I ever think about. And those eyes, I can’t even begin to explain those eyes. They are the most beautiful shade of blue-green.
Sarah said she would call me when they made it to Seattle, and I felt like things might be okay. So, I had set out to finish Lucas and Elena’s Kitchen. We lifted the floors and secured the main load-bearing walls. We put in a hardwood floor and paint the walls. While we waited on the paint, I went and checked on Lucas to see if he needs any help.
“Okay, darlin’ call me when you get done shopping. I love you too, baby.” I heard him say as I walked into the room.
“They make it okay?” I asked pulling my phone out to see if I missed a call, but all I had was a text that said, ‘made it.’ Nope, that didn't work.
“Yeah, they are about to go shopping.” I nodded to Lucas and left his room. I was on a mission, and I had a one-track mind.
It took a couple phone calls, but Sarah finally answers the phone. I wasn't happy about the way the conversation went, but I understood why she was confused. I only have myself to blame. I have been avoiding her and for all the wrong reasons.
I thought I wasn't good enough, I thought I couldn’t make her happy. After seeing the way Brad had treated her, I knew there was no one else in this world that could love her the way I do. No one that would lay down their life for hers, would kill for her, would give her whatever her heart desired.
I will let her think she is pushing me away, let her think I will give her space. What she doesn’t know is that we are just getting started. Things have shifted, and my resolve has crashed. I’ve given her more space than I should have. I have made us both wait too long for what we want and I’m not waiting any longer. I will prove to her that this is real, that I am real; we were made for each other.
Then we will tell our families. Mine will be over the moon, they adore Sarah. Her family might kill me and feed me to the hogs. But my princess is worth everything, even my own life.
I spent the rest of the day working on the ranch until the sun went down. I left for home and went through my normal routine, feeding Mutt, and chopping wood, but before bed, I sent her a message telling her goodnight and sweet dreams. The only thing that went through my head before I gave in to the restless sleep was I hope she’s dreaming of me, I know I will be dreaming of her.
The next morning, I get up and let Mutt out then make a pot of coffee. I check my phone to see if she texted back, but no response, so I send another message.
Me: Good morning, princess, I hope you slept well. Have a safe trip home and call me when you make it back to Eureka.
I’m betting she won't call me, but I’m sure she will text with another short ‘made it’ message. That will be just fine. It will let me know when she’s home and give me time to think of a strategy. I will win her heart if it’s the last thing I do.
I spend most of the day in my woodshed working on a new table. I wanted to make something nice for my friends for when they move into the ranch. A little housewarming gift. It’s a full cedar kitchen table with six chairs. I wanted it to be special, so I found a dime with this year's date on it and placed it into the wood on the table before I added the varnish. It will last a lifetime and have the year they found each other again.
I needed to take my mind off stuff, and when I started this, I wanted to give it its own unique touch.
I sound like a sentimental fucker, and maybe that has to do with Sarah. That need to have her in my life and by my side for the rest of our lives, but I don’t give a shit. I will be sappy as fuck for her.
I go into the house and feed Mutt then check my phone. It’s getting late, and I haven't heard from Sarah. I take a quick shower and then decide to call Lucas to see if he needs my help tomorrow. The phone rings forever before he answers.
“This better be good man. Elena is home, and I am not in the mood to chat.” I laugh at the growl in his voice.
“I will talk to you tomorrow,” I tell him.
“Make it Tuesday.” He hangs up on me, and I just shake my head. I’m guessing they will not be leaving their house at all tomorrow.
Knowing Sarah is home and hasn't called me, it pisses me off a little. She thinks she’s going to blow me off, and I’m just going to take that shit, but she's wrong. I know she has every right to give me a taste of my own medicine, but I’m putting an end to all the games.
Throwing on jeans and a shirt, I slid on my boots and lock up the cabin. It takes me no time at all to get to her house, but that's probably because I was breaking the law with my speed. The need to get to her is as present as the blood flowing through my veins.
I park at the curb and climb out of my truck, making my way to the front door. I hear her music before I even step on the porch. I knock a couple times, but I don’t think she can hear anything over the music blaring through the small house. I reach out and check the door and find it's not locked.
My first thought is what the fuck is she thinking? I know this town is small, and she knows just about everyone here, but that's no fucking excuse. Then the next thought is thank fuck because I just walk right into her house.
Probably not the most appropriate decision right now, but I’m past appropriate.
I call out her name as I walk through the house, not wanting to scare her. The house is small, but it's cozy, and I can see touches of Sarah everywhere. From the bookshelves full of different reading material, she loves to read a little of everything. The walls have pictures of her family everywhere, but I notice I’m not in any of them. I know I was present at most of these events. That hurts like hell. Maybe she doesn’t think of me as family, or even a friend.
I start to second-guess myself, wondering why I’m here when I see her. She is standing on the other side of the kitchen, where there is a small room with a backdoor. It has her washer and dryer there, and she is bent over pulling clothes out shaking that sweet little ass to the music. I groan and reach down adjusting my dick that came to life instantly.
The only thing she has on is a long white sh
irt that rides up over her perfect hips, showing me her sexy little black underwear.
Every little sway of her hips is testing my patients. All I can do is stand here and visualize myself having my way with her. Pressing those perfect tits down on the washer and taking her from behind. I lick my lips and take fast steps in her direction.
The second I get to her I can’t stop myself. I grab her by her waist and pull her to me.
“You should never tempt a beast, Princess,” I growl in her ear.
Sarah screams and spins around, laying a right hook on my jaw. For such a small woman she packs one hell of a punch. She goes to swing again, and I grab her wrist. Shit, I didn’t mean to scare her so bad.
“Sarah, baby, it’s me.” I try to calm her down.
She finally realizes it’s me and her arms relax. I let her hands go, but that was a bad idea. She lands another solid punch right in my stomach. Now, I’ve been hit by guys that were trying to kill me, so this isn’t that bad, but it still leaves me a little winded.
“Fuck, princess, I surrender.” I hold up both hands.
“What is wrong with you? How did you get in here?” She places her hands on her hips, and if looks could kill, my ass would be dead.
“The front door was unlocked.” I point over my shoulder with my thumb.
“So that gives you the right to just walk into my house?” She looks like she wants to hit me again.
“I knocked a couple times, but how the hell do you hear over this shit,” I say waving my hand around at the music that is so loud we’re practically yelling at each other.
Sarah huffs and walks over to the surround system to shut it off. The second the quiet comes we just stand there staring at each other. My eyes fall to her legs, taking in all that soft skin on display. Over the small curve of her hips, to her hard nipples that are pushing through her shirt. I lick my lips needing those tight little buds in my mouth. Sarah is small, and all I want to do is wrap my big body around hers.
“Wyatt?” she whispers my name. My eyes finally going to hers I know she sees every thought that just went through my head.
“Princess,” I say.
“What are you doing here?” It kills me that she sounds so vulnerable. So unsure of herself.
“You didn’t tell me you made it back okay, so I had to come see for myself.” I wink at her.
“Now you see, you can go.” She looks down at the floor.
She won't get rid of me that easy.
“We still need to have a talk,” I tell her.
“There is nothing to talk about.”
I beg to differ. “I will order some food, and we can do this now.” She rolls her eyes at me, knowing I'm not budging.
“Fine, I will go put some clothes on, but after ‘the talk’ you leave.”
“You don’t have to put clothes on for me.” I wink at her, and she just walks away, grumbling under her breath.
Oh yes, she is pissed, and I like seeing a little fight in her eyes.
The food gets here, and Sarah still hasn’t come back out. I walk down the hall to her room and softly knock on the door. I know she’s in there talking herself out of having dinner with me. Not that I gave her much choice.
“Sarah, food is here.” She says nothing, so I try again. “Princess, I’m not leaving until you talk to me.”
“Wyatt, I can’t.” Pressing my head to the door, I let out a breath. I guess we are doing this here and now. With a fucking door between us.
I would rather see her face, so I know how she really feels. She can’t hide her emotions from me, they are always written on her face. But if this makes it easier, then so be it. I turn and slid my back down the door, sitting on the floor. I straighten out my prosthetic and pull my other knee up. I put an arm across it and lean my head back, breathing in and preparing to lay it all out.
“Can’t do what, sweetheart?” I need her to talk to me; I need her to tell me what's holding her back.
She’s quiet for a while, and I’m a little worried she won't open up to me, that she won’t let me in. I hear soft footsteps cross the room and I can feel the press of the door. She is sitting on the other side, and we are back to back, with only a door separating us. I need to tear down this door she has put between us, but it is going to take patience. If I push, she will just shut down more. So, I wait until she is ready, praying she won’t hold herself back.
“I don’t know what this is, but whatever it is I can’t do it with you,” she says softly. It makes my chest hurt.
“Is it me?” I'm almost afraid to hear her answer, and I think I know why she doesn’t want to give me a chance.
I’m only half a man. Yes, I can do just about anything everyone else can, but there is still part of me missing. Then there are the scars and not just the ones on the outside, there are the ones inside too. How can I ask her to deal with all of that? I am so selfish asking her to take on this mess I call a life.
“Yes,” she whispers. I have to close my eyes and concentrate on my breathing. My chest feels tight, and my throat feels like there is something lodged in there. I can’t swallow.
“I get it, sweetheart, I’m sorry I didn’t come back whole. I know I’m a mess and the scars are a lot.” My head falls to my arm. I should leave but I’m so dizzy I can’t stand up. I wanted her to be honest. I can’t be mad about how she feels.
“Do you really think so little of me?” My head snaps up.
“No! I think the world of you, Sarah. I don’t blame you for not wanting to take on half a man.” The second the words leave my lips the door is opening, and I am falling on my back, looking up at the most beautiful light in the world.
“I am not shallow, Wyatt.” I would never accuse Sarah of being shallow.
Chapter 12
Sarah
When Wyatt grabbed me, I just reacted and swung, scared out of my wits. Having two brothers, you learn a few things. I felt a little bad I hit him, twice, but I was so mad. He had no right to come into my house without my say so. Then he demands we talk and he’s buying dinner.
I didn’t want to do this with him. I didn’t want to have the talk. Why can’t we just let it go, let things go back to the way they were? But then he comes to my bedroom door and sits in front of it. The unmoving boulder that is Wyatt, he is such a stubborn man.
So, I tell him I can’t do this with him and the first thing he does is insult me. He thinks this has something to do with his injuries, or that he is missing half of his leg or the scars that run up and down his left side. I can’t believe he would think I’m so vain. Is that really how he sees me?
I am now standing over him, laying half way in my room on the floor. He is looking up at me with those dark chocolate eyes, my head and my body are waging war. My brain wants to kick him right now, but my body says to crawl on top of him and take what this man is offering.
He has my life completely upside down, and I don’t know what way is up.
He has been like the ocean ever since he got back. One second, he is pushing me out, casting me away, and then he is pulling me back in, putting my feet on dry land. I can’t take it if he gives me a taste of what it's like to walk with him, and then pushes me back out in the water to watch me sink.
I really don’t think he understands how I feel about him, that I have been in love with only him my whole life. Looking down at him and seeing the little smirk that is on that sexy mouth of his, I realize I am still in just a shirt.
“Real mature, Wyatt.” I walk over to my dresser and pull out some yoga pants.
“I was just enjoying the view.” He pulls himself up using the door frame.
He watches me slide my tights over my ass, and I feel the burn from his eyes. Like he’s physically touching me everywhere his eyes are. He looks so sexy standing in my house, leaning against my door, like this is where he belongs. I can almost see this being our life. Waking up to him in the morning and starting my day, then coming home to this man in my bed.
I have
to shake that thought from my head. Having him here is clouding everything I keep trying to tell myself I can’t have. I need to put an end to this and get him out of here. Walking past Wyatt, the side of my body brushes his hard chest, and I feel a shiver run down my spine. Just that small contact has my self-control slowly slipping.
“Let's get this talk you seem to think we need to have, out of the way.” I have work tomorrow, and I have a feeling I will be getting zero sleep tonight.
“Don’t sound so enthusiastic.” I hear his steps behind me and the smile in his voice. He is enjoying this too much.
I let him take his seat first and then sit as far away from him as possible. Needing to keep as much distance between us as I can. If he touches me, I will give into whatever he wants. God, the smell of him has me wanting to crawl in his lap and rub myself all over him. Get it together Sarah, you are not a kitten.
You could be his little kitten.
Oh, no. No, no, no! Where are all these thoughts coming from and how do I shut it off. I pinch the bridge of my nose, needing to get a grip on my libido. This is ridiculous, never in my life have I ever had a problem controlling my sexual urges.
Then there is the fact that Wyatt has never been in my house, sitting next to me, wanting to talk about a kiss we shared.
“You okay princess?” I hear the smug tone in his voice, and I want to slap him.
“Yes, I’m fine. Let's eat.”
I turn on the TV, and there is a game on, so I just leave it. He dishes out the food, and I hadn’t realized that he set the coffee table for us. I stand up and go into the kitchen to get me a glass of wine, I’m going to need it, and I grab him a beer while I’m in here.
Walking back into the living room I hand him the beer. I take my seat and look over at him laughing.
“What?” I ask.
“I won't bite.” The wicked smile he gives me has my pulse racing. “Not yet at least.” He winks.
I look down at where I’m sitting, and I have to laugh at myself. I am hugging the arm of the couch, and if I move over any more, I might fall off the side. I am acting like a crazy person.