‘You didn’t seem to think so this morning.’
She shrugged. ‘That was this morning.’
‘And now?’
‘We’re in bed together,’ she stated the obvious.
‘And am I your lover?’ he persisted, his hand cupping one side of her face preventing her turning away from him.
‘Adam, what we just shared was very pleasant—’
‘It was toe-curling,’ he corrected emphatically.
‘For you too?’ she asked shyly. In her inexperience it had been very special to her, but surely to Adam, a man with many affairs behind him, it couldn’t have meant the same thing.
‘Especially for me.’ His thumbtip moved across her slightly swollen lips. ‘It was the way I always wanted it to be between us, before a marriage licence and a wedding ring fouled things up.’
She looked down at the eternity ring on her finger. ‘I won’t make any demands on you,’ she told him huskily.
‘You never did,’ he said grimly. ‘Not even sexual ones.’
Her mouth curved teasingly. ‘Those weren’t the demands I was promising not to make,’ she drawled.
‘Thank God for that!’ He returned her smile.
She laughed throatily. ‘Now that I’ve discovered the—delights of being in bed with you I may never want to get out!’
‘Suits me,’ he murmured as his mouth claimed hers again.
It was after four when they ordered lunch, Leonie groaning at the amount of food Adam had ordered. ‘I’ll get fat,’ she grimaced.
‘I hope so,’ he nodded. ‘I really meant it when I said I preferred you more—rounded.’
‘You mean I really can start to eat again?’
‘Please,’ he said fervently.
They fed each other like starry-eyed lovers, and every time Leonie saw the diamond ring glitter on her finger she felt a warm glow. She wasn’t altogether sure what the ring symbolised, they could hardly remain lovers indefinitely, but somehow the ring made her feel as if she really were Adam’s lover, and not just a chattel that he took out for display every now and then. Because that was what being his wife had been like; surely being his lover had to be better than that. It was better!
‘You like the ring?’ Adam saw her glowing gaze on it.
‘If it enables me to play the part of Mrs Smith, I love it!’ she smiled across the table at him.
He laughed softly. ‘You can play the part of Mrs Smith any time you want to, it’s a two-way arrangement.’
‘You mean if I want to spend another afternoon like this I can just call you and you’ll meet me here?’
‘Well, not here,’ he smiled. ‘We can only play the newly married couple once, but I’ll meet you anywhere else that you suggest.’
It sounded like heaven after the misery of their marriage. ‘I think I’m going to like this arrangement,’ she smiled her anticipation.
‘Didn’t I tell you that you would?
‘Now don’t go and spoil it by saying I told you so,’ she reprimanded. ‘I love the ring, and I’ll wear it proudly, but it gives you no rights over me other than the ones I choose to give you,’ she warned.
‘Right,’ he nodded.
She eyed him suspiciously, never having known him be this agreeable in the past. ‘I won’t give up my job.’
‘No.’
‘And I won’t move in with you.’
‘Why not?’ he frowned, although he made no objections.
She shook her head. ‘It wouldn’t work, Adam. When I lived with you before you swamped me, I became a nervous wreck, terrified of leaving the apartment in the end in case I did something wrong.’
‘I didn’t know that…’
‘No,’ she flushed. ‘We didn’t talk a lot in those days.’
‘Then we’ll make sure we talk now. Do I swamp you now?’ he asked slowly, all laughter gone.
‘Not while I have my own home to go to whenever I want to. I just couldn’t live with you again, Adam.’
‘Okay,’ he shrugged. ‘If that’s the way you feel.’
‘You—you don’t mind?’
‘No, because I’ll move in with you,’ he stated arrogantly.
‘That isn’t the idea, Adam,’ she sighed. ‘I knew this wouldn’t work out,’ she shook her head. ‘I think we should just forget the idea, it was a stupid one, anyway.’
‘If you want us to maintain separate households, then we will—’
‘Oh, thank you, Adam,’ she glowed. ‘I would prefer it. I don’t—’
‘—for the time being,’ he finished pointedly. ‘Leonie, I can’t keep going between two households when I reach sixty!’ he said exasperatedly as she looked dismayed. ‘The strain would probably kill me!’
‘Sixty…!’ she repeated dazedly. ‘You expect us to still be together then?’
‘Why not? Eternity is a hell of a lot longer than the twenty-one years it’s going to take me to reach that age! At least, I hope it is,’ he frowned.
‘Adam, if you think an affair between us will last that long why did our marriage fail after only a year?’ she reasoned. ‘After all, I didn’t know about Liz until that last day.’
‘No, but I did,’ he answered grimly. ‘Our marriage never really started, Leonie. I rushed you into it, made all the rules and expected you to abide by them the way that my mother did. But that isn’t a marriage, Leonie, it’s just legalising the sexual act—and even that didn’t work between us then.’
‘Is that why you married me, for sex?’
‘I married you because I wanted to be with you,’ he rasped.
‘Did you ever love me?’ she asked dully.
‘What difference does it make,’ he dismissed. ‘I couldn’t make you happy.’
It was a bitter irony that they could now make each other happy, that they were now closer than they ever had been.
‘I loved you,’ she told him softly.
‘I know,’ he acknowledged harshly. ‘And I hurt you. This way is much better, isn’t it?’
She supposed it was—Of course it was! She just couldn’t understand how they could make an affair work when their marriage had failed. Unless their expectations were lower, their demands less.
She had married Adam expecting forever, had thought him the man of her dreams, with no faults or blemishes. Hadn’t finding that he couldn’t banish all the problems of life for her, couldn’t reach her physically when she put up a frightened barrier, made him less of a Knight in Shining Armour? She had forgotten she was married to a mere man, that he had needs and fears too, had thought only of herself when the marriage began so badly and continued on its downward slide. Adam wasn’t responsible for what had gone wrong on their honeymoon, just as he wasn’t solely responsible for the end of their marriage. She had taken his involvement with Liz as the easy way out, when in fact she should have realised she was the one he had married, the one he was trying to share his life with.
Poor Adam, no wonder the idea of marriage had been soured for him; the woman he had chosen for his wife just hadn’t been woman enough to try to be his partner in life, to give him the same considerations he gave her.
But she was that woman now, could look back on their marriage with perspective, believed Adam when he said he hadn’t slept with Liz after their marriage. Yes, she believed him now, when it was too late, when all he wanted was an affair. But if that was all that could work between them then it was what she wanted too, wanted Adam in her life.
‘Much better,’ she assured him huskily, standing up to take off the towel that was her only clothing. ‘Shall we go back to bed and see just how much better,’ she invited suggestively.
Adam needed no second invitation, his own towel discarded long before they reached the bedroom.
CHAPTER SEVEN
‘NO, Adam,’ she said firmly.
After two more days together she had gained enough confidence in their relationship to say what she liked and disliked, and the idea of joining Adam’s father for dinner that
evening she disliked intensely!
‘Why not?’ came Adam’s calm query over the telephone.
‘You can ask me that?’ she gasped. ‘After the way he always treated me?’
‘I was as much to blame for that as he was,’ Adam reminded. ‘I should have made sure he understood how things are between us.’
‘And how are they?’ she demanded tautly.
‘If he wants to continue seeing me,’ Adam told her softly, ‘he’ll accept you.’
Leonie was well aware of Charles Faulkner’s love for his only child; she had often felt jealous of the closeness between them in the past. If Adam refused to visit his father because of her it would break the older man’s heart.
‘Adam, men don’t introduce their lovers to their fathers,’ she derided.
‘This man does.’
She sighed at his stubbornness. ‘And what are you going to tell him about us?’
‘Nothing.’
‘Nothing?’ she frowned. ‘Adam—’
‘It’s sufficient that we’re together,’ he explained arrogantly.
‘Adam, I don’t want to see your father again,’ she told him the simple truth behind her objection.
‘I’m sure he feels the same way,’ he sounded amused. ‘He certainly sounded surprised when I told him you would be accompanying me.’
‘Then why put either of us through what can only be an embarrassing experience?’ She put her hand up in acknowledgement of the night security guard as he passed by on his rounds. She was working late tonight, felt as if she were the only person in the building; it felt good to know Mick was about.
‘I thought you said you wouldn’t stay hidden as a lover,’ he reminded softly.
‘And I haven’t been!’ She was angry with him for reminding her of that; the two of them hadn’t exactly been keeping a low profile the last few days, Adam calling for her at the office for lunch, a rose, a real one now, continuing to arrive daily. She wasn’t trying to hide their relationship, but neither was she willing to hypocritically sit down to dinner with Charles Faulkner; they both knew their dislike was mutual. ‘I’m not going to have dinner with your father, Adam,’ she repeated emphatically.
‘He’s expecting us.’
‘Then you go on your own,’ she snapped. ‘You had no right accepting the invitation without first consulting me.’
‘You would have said no,’ he reasoned.
‘Obviously,’ she bit out. ‘Now could we end this pointless conversation, I have work to do.’
‘It’s after seven,’ he pointed out.
‘And thanks to an insatiable man I know that kept me awake most of the night I didn’t get to work until after ten this morning,’ she reminded dryly, smiling at Mick as he passed by her open office door on his way back downstairs.
‘Are you complaining?’ Adam’s voice had lowered sensuously.
‘No.’ She could still feel the warm glow whenever she remembered their nights together, magical nights when they couldn’t get enough of each other, seeming intent on making up for the time they had wasted. ‘But I am saying I have to work late tonight. I don’t expect to be able to leave much before eight o’clock, and. I am certainly not going to feel in the mood to cross swords with your father when I do!
‘I can tell that,’ he drawled. ‘Okay, I’ll call him and change it to tomorrow.
‘Adam—’
‘And I won’t come to your apartment tonight so that you can get a good night’s sleep and won’t have to work late tomorrow,’ he added huskily.
To say that she felt bereft at the thought of not seeing him tonight would be an understatement, the rest of the evening and night stretched before her like a long black tunnel. But she had a feeling Adam knew exactly how she felt, and she wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of knowing how much she would miss him.
‘That sounds like a good idea,’ she agreed lightly. ‘I can also get a few jobs done around the flat that I’ve neglected the last few days. And I’m sure Harvey would welcome my undivided attention for a few hours.’
‘You sound as if you’re looking forward to an evening without me.’ Adam sounded annoyed.
She smiled to herself. She would spend a miserable evening without him, but it would be worth it to know that he didn’t realise that. ‘Well we did agree we would have a certain amount of freedom in this relationship, Adam,’ she reminded brightly. ‘And the idea of putting on an old robe, curling up on the sofa with a good book, sounds like heaven.’
‘It sounds awful,’ he rasped.
‘Only because you don’t have an old robe,’ she mocked. ‘And you never relax enough to read.’
‘I prefer other methods of relaxation.’
She could just picture the scowl of his face, almost felt it was worth the night without him to have turned the tables so neatly on him. Almost. But she had become accustomed to curling up against him at night, and she knew she would sleep badly tonight. ‘Take a hot bath and read for a while, Adam,’ she advised mockingly. ‘It’s just as relaxing.’
‘Like hell it is!’ he exploded. ‘Is that really what you would compare our lovemaking to, a hot bath and a read?’ he demanded angrily.
‘I didn’t say it was as good,’ she was enjoying baiting him. ‘Only that it’s as relaxing.’
‘It’s the same thing, damn it,’ he snarled.
‘Is it?’ she asked with feigned vagueness, almost laughing out loud at his indignation. ‘Adam, are we having our first lovers’ argument?’ She instilled disbelief into her voice.
‘Yes,’ he rasped coldly. ‘I’ll call you tomorrow.’ He rang off abruptly.
Leonie put her own receiver down more slowly, knowing she had won that round, but at what price. She had denied herself a night with Adam, and the mood he was in now she couldn’t even be sure he would call tomorrow. But she wouldn’t go to him, had given in to him too much in the past to follow that pattern again. She looked at the ring on her finger; a long-lasting affair he had said. And she believed him. One little argument wouldn’t spoil what they had now.
But that knowledge didn’t cheer her up at all, and she had little enthusiasm for work now, her concentration level down to nil. She packed up after a few minutes, deciding she would be better off coming in early in the morning.
‘Had enough for one day?’ Mick sympathised as he unlocked the door for her to leave.
‘More than enough,’ she grimaced at the middle-aged man. ‘I’ll see you early in the morning,’ she told him lightly, knowing he would still be on duty when she got to work at seven-thirty tomorrow. It must be a long boring night for him.
It was a long boring night for her too. Her bath was relaxing, so was Harvey’s decision to spend the evening in with her for a change, but the book might as well have been written in Chinese for all she understood it, putting it down after several minutes; her favourite romance author deserved a more avid reader than she could provide this evening.
Had she fallen into the trap so quickly, wanting more from Adam than he wanted to give? There could be no doubting that they came together as equals now, but would marriage make so much difference to their relationship? Their approach to each other was different this time around, would a wedding ring and marriage licence really ‘foul up’ the relationship, as Adam had claimed it had last time. Couldn’t he see that it wasn’t those things that had ruined their marriage at all, that it had been their attitudes that were all wrong?
Was she saying she wanted to be married to him again? She knew she had changed since their separation, that she was more self-confident now, had independence in her career if not in her emotions, felt more able to meet Adam on an equal footing, both intellectually and emotionally, and certainly physically. God, how quickly she had changed her mind about being married to him, how she wished she didn’t have to spend evenings apart from him like this! Could she accept just an affair now, when she knew she wanted so much more?
* * *
The insistent ringing of the d
oorbell woke her up, and with a bleary-eyed glance at the bedside clock she saw it was after three o’clock in the morning. She came instantly awake. She had told Adam that she was sure her obscene telephone caller wouldn’t come here while she continued to take his calls, but suddenly she wasn’t so sure. And she was very much alone here.
Should she call the police before answering the door, or try to find out the identity of her visitor first? The police certainly wouldn’t be very thrilled with her if it turned out to be a false alarm. She decided to do the latter, moving warily to the locked and bolted door, knowing that if someone were really determined to get in that they could break the locks with one blow to the door.
‘Who—who is it?’ she demanded in a hushed voice, trembling from head to foot.
‘Who the hell do you think it is?’ rasped an all-too-familiar voice.
‘Adam!’ Her hands shook as she quickly unlocked the door, almost falling into his arms in her relief, barely noticing he wore casual denims and shirt, his jaw in need of a shave. ‘Thank God it’s you!’ she groaned, her face buried against the warm column of his throat.
His arms tightened about her convulsively as she continued to tremble. ‘Who did you think—Oh no,’ he groaned, holding her closer. ‘You thought it was him, didn’t you?’ he realised, closing the door behind them.
‘Yes,’ she shuddered.
‘I’m sorry, baby. God, I’m sorry,’ he muttered over and over into her hair, holding her until the trembling stopped and she pulled out of his arms.
‘Sorry!’ she glared at him. ‘You frighten me half to death and all you can say is you’re sorry!’ After the relief came her anger, and she was truly furious!
‘I’m very sorry?’ he said hopefully.
‘That doesn’t make up at all for the scare you gave me,’ she snapped. ‘Just what do you think you’re doing here at three o’clock in the morning anyway?’ she demanded to know.
He sighed, thrusting his hands into the back pockets of his already tight denims. ‘I couldn’t sleep—’
‘Well you can take your damned insomnia somewhere else!’ she told him angrily.
‘You don’t mean that.’
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