The tablet dropped to Jensen’s side and he ground his teeth together before speaking. “Please explain to me how that is all right? Because honestly, I’m not seeing it.”
“It was what she was supposed to do,” Ash told him.
Jensen shook his head in denial. “No. I won’t do it. I can’t. I can’t torture my own wife! I’ll grab her up and we can both go to Heaven with Calli. This is bullshit. I’m not doing it.” He moved one foot as if he were going to storm out, but Ash stopped him cold.
“You will do no such thing,” Ash growled, his voice dropping and sounding like more than one person talking at the same time. Jensen met his eyes and saw that they were glowing like hot coals. “You may leave whenever you wish, but you will not be taking my Guard with you. Even if she declined the offer, Kaia would still be, and forever would be, in Hell for her sin. She will stay for the life she took.” He slammed his palms down on his desk. “Is that clear?” Ash demanded.
Jensen felt his eyebrows kiss his hairline. Guard? “You didn’t say she was one of your Guard,” he finally choked out.
Ash returned to his relaxed pose in his chair. “I didn’t know if she would accept,” he answered. “But either way, she belongs here. If you can’t do your job, then I can find someone else. I have other things to worry about besides babysitting you.”
Jensen was taken aback by his leader’s harsh words. Ash was powerful and he never took any shit, but he was never mean. “I’m just going to go find her,” he said slowly.
“You most certainly will not!” Ash barked at him. “Kaia must accept her position here without your help. Until then, you’ll stay away from her.”
“That’s not—” Jensen started.
“Fair?” Ash finished for him. “No, it’s not, but it’s how it is.” Ash pushed himself to a standing position and laced his fingers together, flipping his hands over and cracking his knuckles. “Many things in life are not fair. For instance, I had another guard all picked out and ready to come into the fold, and now he’s gone. Just, gone. No one in Heaven or Hell seems to know where the fuck he is. Now I have to take personnel away from looking for Balthazar to find him.”
Jensen rolled his eyes. “Is this guy your wife?”
Ash growled at him.
“Yeah,” Jensen continued, wary of Ash’s anger. “I didn’t think so. She better not end up in my neck of the woods.” He turned his back on his leader and stalked out of the office, leaving the door open behind him.
“I fucking hate it when they do that,” Ash growled, waving his hand and sending his power to the door. It slammed shut with a resounding wham.
“I told you he was gonna be pissed,” Antonio finally spoke up.
“Shut up,” Ash snapped at him. At first, when Antonio had been assigned to help Ash, all he could think of was how to kill the vampire/angel/smartass. After Antonio helped Ash retrieve his mate and saved her life, killing him went on the backburner. That didn't mean that Ash didn't revisit the idea every now and again. Like now.
Antonio shoved out of his chair and stretched his back. “All I’m saying is, why not let them see each other? You gotta know that Kaia isn’t gonna be real receptive to the secret keeping either.”
“I want her to save her own soul,” Ash grumbled. “If she knew he was here, she would be doing it for her husband. It doesn’t work that way.”
“You did it for your sister. Then Elizabeth,” Antonio pointed out.
Of course, Ash did it for his vampire mate. Except she wasn’t in Hell when Ash took over. She was a human who had no idea the kind of shit Ash did on a daily basis. He loved her to the point of pain, sometimes. He even asked God to make them forget each other. Only, Ash was unable to function without her. Thank God for loopholes. Elizabeth had been attacked, and the only way to save her was for her to turn into a vampire. It wasn’t a bad change, he thought as he rubbed the mating mark on his neck that she had so lovingly left behind when she claimed him. His body reacted to the memory almost immediately.
“Hey, stop thinking with your dick for a minute,” Antonio barked at him. Ash glared at him. “I only wanted to point out that love is a pretty freaking strong emotion. It motivates and it can heal.”
“I’ve already decided how this is gonna go,” Ash reminded him.
“I’m just saying you should consider it,” Antonio said. “And you should send her to find Jamie.”
“That was the plan.” Ash confirmed what the warrior already knew. “Just as soon as she’s got her wings.”
Chapter Two
"I'm glad my sin was not sloth," Kaia muttered as the doors to the realm closed behind her. "I think I like Tinkerbell, though."
Lacy laughed. The first time she met the T-Rex that roamed Sloth, eating all the slug-people cursed there on a daily basis, she was beside herself as well. "Come on, next is Lust. You'll like Ameris. She's a peach."
Kaia followed Lacy blindly, knowing that she had to get to know her new home. The entire time, she kept wondering to herself, would she accept the job? Would she be able to do it? What if she decided it was too much?
Damn, she needed a drink.
"I can feel your emotions running wild," Lacy told her. "Just hang with me here. It won't take as long as you think it will."
"What happens to me if I decide not to take this job?" she blurted out.
Lacy turned to face her, all seriousness taking over. "You will go on to where you would have been if Ash had not intercepted you." The angel was very quiet for a moment. "You committed suicide, and I have specific instructions to keep you away from Murder. I imagine it is because Lucas was nearly lost to the realm for just thinking that was his sin. I guess Ash doesn't want to take that chance with you."
"I see," Kaia said absently. Her eternity would be in Hell, in the realm of Murder, with no hope of seeing her husband or child again.
"But if you see the Leader of Murder, look out, he's pretty. But don't tell Liam I said that." Lacy chuckled.
"Liam?" Kaia asked.
"My husband," Lacy answered. "He runs Wrath. You'll meet him in a little bit." Lacy stopped walking in front of another door. She tapped on a pad next to it, and the door opened easily. Once inside, Lacy found herself in another room that looked like a professional waiting room. The thick, heavy doors were blood red and had images of people doing carnal things etched into them. "Lust," Lacy told her just before opening the doors.
Whatever she expected, this was not it. Lust was a beautiful place. Cobblestone paths cut between rows of cherry blossom trees as far as the eye could see. There were statues scattered about, as if they were sculpted at random wherever the artist stood. The aroma of flowers, roses in particular, was strong, and Kaia noticed that each corner of the path was adorned with lush rose bushes in every color. The sky above, if there could there be sky in Hell, was a brilliant blue. It seemed that this was more of a paradise than a realm in Hell for sinners. "I don't understand," Kaia breathed, taken back by the sheer beauty before her.
"It's an illusion," a lovely woman said, appearing out of nowhere. "Lust is not just about sex and the carnal. It's about desire. Everyone sees something different in here." The woman approached with her hand extended. Kaia took it and gave it a gentle shake. "I'm Ameris," she said. Ameris was a tall, willowy blonde with eyes the color of brilliant sapphires. To say she looked like a runway model was an understatement.
"Kaia," she answered her.
"New Guard, huh?" Ameris asked with a gorgeous smile. Kaia nodded. "Well, welcome aboard. Just a hint, don't let your eyes deceive you. This place plays on your deepest, most hidden desires. It will consume you if you let it."
Kaia was listening, but movement to her right caught her eye. As Ameris and Lacy talked shop, Kaia wondered off to follow that movement. She kept close to the tree line, her body low, as years of training had taught her. Something was moving around, something that didn't belong. She followed it around the bend where she could no longer see Lacy. A tiny warning bell w
ent off in her head, but Kaia was helpless to stop herself.
As she rounded another rose bush, Kaia saw what the movement was. A man with short, sandy hair and brown eyes the color of milk chocolate was standing on the path. His smile warmed a place in Kaia's heart that she had thought went cold a long time ago. "Jensen," she breathed.
"Come to me," he said in his voice that was music to her ears. How long had it been since she heard it? Her heart rammed against her ribs. Joy that she thought she would never feel again filled her soul. His hand was held out for her, waiting for her to take it. "Stay with me, forever," he told her.
Kaia nodded and ran toward him.
A pair of slim, but very strong arms grabbed her around the waist and was hauling her away from her husband. "No!" Kaia screamed. "I want to stay!"
In the blink of an eye, Kaia was standing outside of Lust, staring at the closed door. "What the hell?" she demanded, already heading back to the doors.
Lacy stayed her with a hand to the shoulder. "I don't know what you saw," she said, "But it wasn't real."
"My husband is in there!" she cried.
"No," Lacy told her firmly. "He is not. That is how Lust works. It tricks you. Once you're in, you never get out. It shows you what you want to see, but never allows you to have it."
Kaia's shoulders slumped in defeat. "I was so sure it was him," she said.
"I know," Lacy told her. “The realm takes your memory of him and dangles it in front of you, never allowing you to quite reach him. Very quickly you become obsessed with finding him, lost to the realm. I couldn’t let you stay. We can’t lose you.”
Kaia's heart broke all over again. She kept the tears at bay, but the burning in her chest was damn near overwhelming. "Get me out of here," she whispered to Lacy.
Lacy nodded with understanding and took Kaia by the elbow to lead her away. She couldn’t imagine going through what this woman had, and she hoped she never could.
The next stop was Wrath. Lacy's husband was a blonde Adonis; a Viking looking man. He was nice, though, and was happy to show Kaia around. She didn't stay long, however, because she could feel the anger over what had happened to her family growing inside her. The pull of the realm was strong and Kaia didn't want to risk another episode like she experienced in Lust.
They toured Wrath, Gluttony and Pride, skipping right over Murder. By the time they were nearly finished, Kaia was beat.
“I knew there was evil in the world, but now that I am surrounded by it, it makes me sick,” Kaia said through clenched teeth. “Why would I want to protect something so horrid? This world is so full of evil!”
Lacy knew exactly how Kaia felt, because she had felt it too. “Come on,” she said, “We have one more stop to make.”
They rode the elevator to the last stop and got off. “This is the Playground,” Lacy told her. When Kaia only gave her a questioning look, Lacy explained. “It’s where those who commit crimes against children are kept.”
“I have no desire to see pedophiles,” Kaia snarled and turned to leave.
Lacy stayed her with a hand on her shoulder. “It’s not the pedophiles I want you to see,” she said. “Come.”
Kaia reluctantly followed Lacy into the realm. There were people, men and women alike, all chained to the stone floor by their ankles. One man looked up and then began screaming in agony. “Whenever they think any impure thoughts about the children, they are subjected to pain. I hear it’s like being eaten alive from the inside out, but I wouldn’t know that for sure,” Lacy told her.
Kaia looked to where the man had been before he was swallowed up by his punishment. The realm seemed to be encased in a dome where they could see out, but no one could see in. On the outside of that dome? Children. Many children, all of them laughing and playing.
“Those are the children in Heaven,” Lacy told her. “It’s a rare sight that most of us never get to see. It brings me peace to just watch them sometimes. They remind me of what we’re fighting for. A safe place for our children to grow and call home.”
Kaia’s feet took her to the invisible barrier without her permission. There was one little blonde girl that had caught her eye. “Callie,” she whispered.
“She’s yours,” Lacy said as she came to stand beside Kaia. It wasn’t a question, but a statement of fact. “I can see it in her eyes. She looks a lot like you.”
“Can she see me?” Kaia asked in a whisper, placing her hand on the barrier.
Lacy shook her head. “No.”
“But how will I let her know that I’m here? How will she know everything is okay?”
“It’s different in Heaven,” Lacy explained. “Callie knows you are not there, but she also knows she’s in Heaven. She misses you, yes, but to her it is like you have been separated a day, not years.”
“I will never hold her again,” Kaia said, fighting back the hot tears that burned the back of her eyes. This was the pain she sought to escape. She had thought if only she could see her daughter again then everything would be okay, that she would feel some kind of peace. But she had been wrong. All the pain of her loss reared its ugly head and came back stronger than before. Kaia choked back a sob and forced the air in and out of her lungs.
Lacy placed a hand on her shoulder and for a second, Kaia felt a little better. “You’re doing that, aren’t you?” Kaia accused Lacy.
“Yes,” Lacy answered her honestly.
“Please don’t,” Kaia said. “It’s my pain and it’s all I have left of them.” She knew it was silly to want to hold onto the pain, but it was all she had known for so long that it was her home.
“You have to let it go,” Lacy said softly. “You have to grieve.”
“I’ve been grieving!” Kaia shouted, turning to glare at the angel. “That’s all I have been doing! It’s all I know how to do!” Without Lacy’s help, the pain became too much and the tears began to flow freely. “It’s all I have now.”
Lacy felt her own eyes well up with tears. She could feel this woman’s pain as if it were her own and it was heavy. She knew there was nothing she could say, nothing she could do to help her. Kaia didn’t want Lacy to use her gift to make it go away, and she had to respect that. But she wasn’t the sort to just stand there and watch her cry, either. She took two steps forward and wrapped her arms around the other woman. At first, Kaia protested and tried to pull away, but Lacy held strong, even wrapping her wings around her.
Kaia was not the kind of person to allow another to comfort her. She had always been the one who was strong, but in the arms of an angel, Kaia allowed herself to let go. As the large white wings enveloped her, Kaia couldn’t help but feel surrounded by love. Not the love of her husband, nor her child, but unconditional love just the same. She knew immediately why Lacy had become an angel. Her heart was full, and yet seemed to have room for one more at the same time. As the tears fell, Kaia felt something she hadn’t felt in a long time. Relief. It was as if the angel was taking some of the burden of grief off of her shoulders and taking it into herself. Sharing her pain.
After the tears ran dry, Kaia continued to be wracked with uncontrollable sobs. Lacy held her, in the protection of her wings, until it was all out. "I'm sorry," Kaia told her.
"Don't be," Lacy said with a gentle smile. "You needed it. I know you think you have to be strong, but you suffered a great loss. There are going to be some hurdles getting over it. In fact, I don't think you ever get over something like that. You just learn to keep going. Keep living."
"Um," Kaia said with a small smile, "I'm dead."
Lacy barked out a laugh. "Technicality," she countered. She wrapped her arm around Kaia's shoulder. "Come on, we gotta get back to the office."
Chapter Three
"Have you made your decision?" Ash asked Kaia from behind his desk.
“I have,” Kaia told him. “I want to stay as a Guard.”
“Alright then,” Ash said, standing. “Let’s get you dressed. Follow me.”
Kaia had to speed w
alk once again to keep up with the man, but at least this time she wasn’t the only one. Everyone, it seemed, wanted to see this. The few that weren’t already in the office as they left joined on the way.
They went down a series of corridors into a cavern that was very wide and open. When they reached the center, Ash stopped. Everyone else backed away, forming a circle around them.
“What’s going on?” Kaia finally asked, feeling a little bit like she was in a fishbowl. It was weird to have all eyes on her, and it was making her self-conscious. However, one look at the faces of those around her calmed her nerves a bit. They looked excited, as if something great was about to happen.
“Father we ask that you bring this soul into your fold,” Ash said with his eyes closed. Oh crap, she thought, he was praying. Quickly she bowed her head and closed her eyes. “Kaia has proven herself worthy in her human life and now wishes to serve you here, in Hell. Grant her the strength and the power that she will need to go forth on this journey.”
Kaia squeezed her eyes tight, unsure of what was to come. She waited, and then waited some more.
“What’s the hold up?” Antonio asked.
“I don’t know,” Ash said.
Kaia opened her eyes. “Something wrong?”
With a shake of his head, Ash said, “I don’t know, this hasn’t happened before. I ask for your wings, and you get them. That’s how it works.”
Kaia craned her head around to see behind her. “I don’t see any wings.”
“That’s the problem,” Ash told her.
“I don’t get wings?” Kaia said with no small amount of disappointment.
“I’m sure there’s a reason. Are you certain you have accepted your position here?” Ash asked her.
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