Remy knew she couldn’t stay. She knew the triplets felt guilty about what had happened to her and were trying to make amends, and she couldn’t bear the thought of taking advantage of their guilt. She’d been putting off telling them she was on her way out, but after today’s appointment with her doctor, she feared she wouldn’t be able to postpone it anymore.
What she couldn’t figure out was the way the brothers had been acting the last couple of weeks. It was really weirding her out, and she didn’t quite know what to make of it.
It seemed as if the more she recovered, the more grim Drake acted, becoming tight-lipped and stern whenever she spoke with him. Knox wasn’t speaking to her at all. He left the room as soon as she walked in, and he only responded to questions she asked him directly. Joss, on the other hand, looked at her with such incredible sadness in his beautiful eyes she could hardly stand to be around him. She had decided to chalk it up to their disappointment in her. She had put her entire team in the middle of an ugly hostage situation, and she squirmed every time she thought about the hundreds of things that could have gone wrong, the dozens of minute details that, if they hadn’t happened exactly as they had, could have gotten any one of them killed.
Remy was thoroughly disappointed in herself. She didn’t know how she’d gone so wrong, but she’d managed to compromise herself personally and professionally, and now she had to pick up the pieces. She was a big enough girl to admit to herself that her heart was feeling pretty damn sore, just as sore as her body had felt when she’d come back from Monaco. Truth be told, she hadn’t been able to figure out where one pain ended and the other started. She’d always prided herself on being so cool and professional and just look at the mess she’d made! So much for all the hard work she’d put into her career. So much for the time she’d spent as the Grantham brothers’ woman. At this point, no team would have her after the way she’d behaved, sleeping with all three brothers then trying to run away, only to put all of them in extreme danger as she managed to get herself abducted and needed to be rescued.
Remy stopped her brooding as Knox slammed the Lexus into park, giving herself a strong mental shake. The doctor had given her a clean bill of health today, saying she’d recovered fully from her injuries and there was nothing internal to be concerned about. That meant there was no time like the present. She was going to leave the triplets today.
She rushed out of the truck before Knox could come around and open her door, the knowledge of what she planned to do making her heart race and her stomach clench. She practically ran to the front door and hurried to her room, not bothering to check and see if Knox followed her.
Once in her room, however, she sank down onto the bed and put her head in her hands, her courage failing her. The truth was she didn’t want to leave. She’d made a home with these men the years they’d been living together, and the thought of walking away from it because of a mistake she’d made was really tough to swallow. She knew she was completely at fault for what had happened in Monaco, for all of it, and she didn’t see a way to make amends. It seemed no matter how she looked at it she was going to lose her team and her home. Not even a phone call to Jessie helped, since the phone rang and rang and then went to voicemail. Remy wondered if Jessie was still getting spanked by Gabriel.
With a heavy heart, Remy set about packing the things in her room. She lifted her two suitcases onto her bed and began loading clothing, jewelry, books, and trinkets into them, not taking much time to fill them both. She sighed, looking at her handiwork. There was nothing for it. She’d have to take only the two suitcases with her today and then make arrangements to come back and pack the rest. She knew it was cowardly, but she was even considering hiring a moving company to come in and pack up the rest of her things so she didn’t have to bear the shame of seeing the triplets again. She was standing, pondering the idea, when a knock sounded on her door.
“I...I want to be alone right now.” Her voice wobbled, and she worked to firm it. “I just need some space.”
“Knox said you practically ran away from him after you saw the doctor.” Drake’s voice was clipped, making Remy flinch. She was glad he wasn’t in the room. “We’re worried and want to make sure the doc didn’t say something you weren’t expecting.”
Remy bit her lip. She really, really didn’t want Drake to see what she was doing. “Everything’s fine. Please leave me alone.”
“Remington, why am I getting the impression you’re hiding something?” Drake’s voice had hardened even further, his question coming out on a growl. “Open the damn door when you talk to me.”
“No! No, I...” Remy fumbled for something to say, a reason to give Drake to stay in the hallway. “I’m...naked.” She smacked her face into her palm, wincing at the awkward lie.
Drake was silent for so long Remy thought he might have left. She took a tentative step toward the door, planning to check and see if he’d gone. Her foot had barely fallen when his voice sounded from the other side of the door.
“One, I’ve already seen you naked. Two, I don’t believe you. Three, Oh, to hell with this.” Remy squeaked, startled when her door came crashing open, Drake’s big frame looming in the doorway. He walked in, his eyes taking in her fully dressed form and the packed suitcases on the bed. His eyes hardened and became like blue chips of ice as he turned to her. He raised an eyebrow.
“Going somewhere?”
Remy swallowed. She nodded, not trusting herself to speak.
Drake pinned her with his icy gaze. “You know, I didn’t ever think you’d be the kind of person to run away from something. I always took you for the kind to stay and fight it out. Guess I misjudged you.”
He turned to go, his words causing Remy’s eyes to well up as she recognized the truth in them. He paused, turning back to her in the doorway.
“We’ll be waiting in the living room. I think that, with everything we’ve been through, you owe us the courtesy of some honesty. Not to mention a good-bye.” Drake’s footsteps echoed down the hall as Remy’s eyes spilled over. She sat between her suitcases, thinking about what a mess she’d made and mopping her eyes. Drake was right. They did deserve honesty from her. It would be hard, but she owed them that much. She owed them a hell of a lot more, but for now, honesty would have to do.
With that in mind, Remy drew a deep breath, blew her nose, and squared her shoulders. She got up from the bed and looked in the mirror to make sure she didn’t look like a scary clown, mentally thanking the person who’d invented waterproof mascara. If she was going to face this, she was damn well going to face it looking her best. She figured if she looked together on the outside, the triplets wouldn’t be able to guess the truth, a truth she herself had only come to admit over the last weeks. It was bad enough she was going to have to admit she’d overheard their conversation that last morning in Monaco. She didn’t want them to guess the real reason for her misery, the real reason being that she loved them. Let them think she was embarrassed and felt foolish. There was no reason for her to tell them her heart was breaking.
She tried smiling at herself in the mirror and failed miserably. Oh well, this looked like it was going to be the best she could do. Clinging to her resolve this was for the best, she started down the stairs towards the living room, prepared for her last conversation with the Grantham triplets.
* * * *
Knox paced in the living room, his face carefully schooled into the blank mask that had been in place since their return from Monaco. He could hardly believe what Drake had said about what he’d seen in Remy’s room.
He thought back to the day three weeks before when they’d discovered she was missing, the panic that had set in when they’d found the duffel bag containing her things in the hotel elevator giving way to the rage they’d all felt when they’d received the ransom call. He’d been happy to snipe that bastard who’d dared to put his hands on her. Knox remembered the anger that had coursed through him when Zachary had raised his knife to Remy’s face, how he, Kn
ox Grantham, a celebrated Marine sniper had had to take a minute before taking the shot to calm the trembling in his hands. He admitted to himself he’d been terrified.
He’d spent years watching Remy, secretly crushing on her and wanting to explore a relationship with her and his brothers. In Monaco, he’d thought he’d died and gone to heaven. Everything had seemed to be going so well until she tried to sneak out on them, the truth of which remained buried even now. They hadn’t discussed it at all. At first they hadn’t wanted to upset her. She’d been through a hell of a lot and had the injuries to prove it, and they didn’t want to risk upsetting her even more by pressing her. Once her injuries had begun healing, she hadn’t brought it up. Neither had they. It was always there, though, between them. Knox didn’t know why she’d tried to leave or where she’d been going, but he feared he and his brothers had come on too strong, scaring her with their demands. He knew it wasn’t easy for some women to submit, and although Remy had seemed to love it, Knox also got that handling three Doms at once was an awful lot to ask of any woman. He had the sinking feeling that maybe she’d simply decided she didn’t want a ménage relationship. It was one thing to be fine with some kinky sex when they were in a hotel room far away from reality, but perhaps she’d thought better of it when it came time to their return to real life.
What really got Knox going was the possibility she’d overheard the conversation he’d been having with his brothers that last morning and had disagreed with what they’d said. If that was true, then there was nothing he could do to stop her from leaving.
What really sucked, he was willing to admit to himself, was that, if she was genuinely unhappy with them, he loved her enough to let her go. His head reeled at the thought, his heart warring with his brain for the best course of action. He loved her. His heart pounded, telling him he should fight for her harder than he’d ever fought for anything. His head told him he had to let her go.
Knox paused in his pacing, his inner turmoil brought to an abrupt halt by the tentative, soft footsteps making their way down the hall. He took a deep breath, throwing himself into an armchair. He would listen to what she had to say, and if there was even a glimmer of hope she was still interested, he and his brothers would do whatever it took to keep her. If not...well, if not, he would kiss her once, and then he’d let her go.
Chapter 14
Remy paused just outside the doorway of the living room. She felt her eyes well up again and angrily dashed the tears away, drawing a deep breath to calm herself. She drew herself up to her full height, reminded herself that she hadn’t come this far in her life just to get tossed on her ass, and went in.
The first brother she saw was Knox. He was sitting in an armchair and looked tense enough to have been carved from wood. Her fingers itched to rub his neck, molding themselves to his shoulders as she worked out the tension. She caught herself before she offered. This was hardly the time to be offering backrubs. Besides, the look in his eyes would have stopped her. His gaze was blank. She couldn’t tell at all what he was thinking, and it made her nervous.
Drake caught her attention next. Unlike Knox, he wore his emotions all over his face, and he was pissed. She blanched as she saw all that emotion directed at her. He was just as tense as Knox, but she’d learned to read his tension and knew what to look for to see how bad it was. Right now it wasn’t the worst she’d seen it...but it was bad.
Finally and most painfully, she turned her gaze to Joss. He’d been looking at her with puppy-dog eyes for the last while, the quiet sadness in his gaze wrenching her heart every time their eyes met. He looked at her now with that same expression, causing her gut to clench and her eyes to tear.
Remy looked back and forth between the brothers, drinking them in with her eyes. Even though they were all pissed, sad, whatever, this was the last time she’d be seeing them, and she wanted to etch them into her memory. Not that she’d forget them, but it seemed to her in these last moments she was panicking, wanting to hug them all, tell them she loved them, and otherwise act totally desperate.
No, she thought. They deserved better from her. They deserved the truth, yes, but they also deserved the chance to move on with their lives without a constant reminder of everything that had happened in Monaco. They wanted out, Remy reminded herself, and she wouldn’t stand in their way. Perhaps she’d find a new team. Perhaps not. Right now that wasn’t important. What was important was making sure they understood she accepted full responsibility for everything that had happened and that she wasn’t going to get in the way of them moving beyond her.
Before Remy could muster her voice, Joss spoke.
“You were leaving us.”
The innate sadness in his voice made tears rush to Remy’s eyes, and she sobbed once before she could stop herself. She nodded at him, feeling the blood drain from her face.
“I have to go.”
Joss stared at her, unblinking, sadness written across his rugged features. He looked like a statue. “Why?”
Remy weighed her words carefully. “I’m so grateful for everything you’ve done for me. You came for me when Zachary took me, you brought me home, you made sure I was okay. I can’t ask for anything more. I just think it’s time we all started to move on.”
Knox broke the silence next, his poker face unreadable. “That’s not what he meant.”
Remy looked at Knox, confused.
“What he meant was you were leaving us in Monaco. Before Zachary took you. We’d all like to know what we did wrong.”
Remy felt her confusion grow. “What you did wrong? You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Then why were you leaving? Sneaking away when we weren’t looking?” Drake’s voice sounded just as pissed as he looked.
Remy breathed deep. This was the moment she’d been waiting for.
“I heard what you said. About wanting out.”
All three brothers inhaled sharply. Their gazes were like laser beams on Remy’s face, and she had to look at the floor to avoid the intensity of those looks.
Remy rushed on, unable to stop the words tumbling from her lips and needing to get them out before she lost her nerve.
“I loved Monaco. It was beautiful and perfect, but I never expected it to be permanent.” Remy swallowed, realizing how badly she’d hoped it would be. “I heard you talking in the bedroom that last morning about how you wanted out and you hoped I wouldn’t make it difficult for you. I won’t stand in your way.”
Now was the hard part. Remy gathered her courage and looked at each brother, her gaze lingering on their faces.
“I know you didn’t want to break up the team, but you have to understand I can’t move forward like this, and I don’t think you can either. I know you hoped we’d still be able to work together, but I can’t do that. That’s why I have to go.”
Remy’s eyes were dry now. That had been probably the toughest thing she’d ever had to say, but she felt an enormous sense of relief now that it was out. She couldn’t say she felt good, but at least she felt like she was taking steps to move forward. She wasn’t even crying anymore.
She noticed that at the same time she became aware of the ominous silence in the room. She glanced up nervously, not sure she wanted to see the looks of relief on the triplets’ faces that she was sure would be there since she was handing them what they wanted on a silver platter. Just because she was giving them what they wanted didn’t mean she had to be thrilled about how pleased they’d be she was leaving.
Nothing could have prepared Remy for what she saw on the triplets’ faces.
Joss’s mouth hung open, his astonishment obvious. He opened and closed his mouth a few times like he was trying to think of what to say but gave up each time to simply stare at Remy in bewilderment.
Drake’s eyes were closed, and he pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and fingers, taking deliberately even breaths.
It was Knox’s expression that really floored her.
The wooden mask that had b
een his face these last weeks was gone, and in its place was so much emotion Remy thought he might explode. She watched, dumbfounded, as the play of emotions across his handsome features built to a crescendo, his face reddening as it settled into a grin that looked slightly unhinged.
Then he started to laugh. He buried his face in his hand, shaking his head and laughing like a madman, while pounding a fist onto the couch cushion beside him.
More than a little alarmed by the triplets’ apparent insanity, Remy started to edge toward the door. She didn’t know what was happening, and it unnerved her completely to see the polar-opposite responses each brother seemed to be having to her declaration.
“Stop.” Joss’s order cracked like a whip, stopping Remy in her tracks. She turned to focus on him once more, aware Drake was looking at her again and Knox had stopped laughing, the silence punctuated by an occasional snort as he got himself under control.
“Let me get this straight.” Joss stood up, walking nonchalantly to where Remy stood, causing her to move to the opposite side of the room to avoid having him brush right by her. On her way, though, Knox snaked an arm out as fast as lightning, catching her hand in his and holding fast. He hauled her close but didn’t pull her down, seeming content to hold her hand—tightly—while her attention shifted back to Joss.
“So you were eavesdropping.” Joss glowered at her, wearing an expression that would have looked much more at home on Drake’s face.
“No!” Remy corrected him, wanting to be clear on that point. “I was...well, it wasn’t important what I was doing, but I wasn’t eavesdropping.” Remy recalled exactly what she’d been doing at that particular moment. She’d been preparing to make an entrance wearing skimpy lingerie and a butt plug. She wasn’t about to admit it. “I overheard you talking, that’s all.”
“So you were eavesdropping.” Joss spoke with finality. “And you overheard part of a conversation. If…” He looked sternly at her. “If you’d ‘overheard’ the rest of the conversation we were having, all this might not have been necessary.”
Remy's Release [Submissive Sirens] (Siren Publishing Ménage Amour) Page 12