He parked the carriage in front of Della’s house, but sat staring straight ahead.
Ruby sighed. “Are we never going to speak again?”
“I don’t understand,” he said. “I thought we were a good match.”
“We are.”
He turned to look at her, the rawness of his feelings displayed on his face. It took her breath away. Maybe he saw it as more than just a match. His proposal had been businesslike, despite the bended knee, but now he looked broken. Lost. Like he actually loved her.
Her heart squeezed at the thought of it, and she remembered all the things she’d talked about with Della’s girls. About finding real love.
She’d never felt it, so she couldn’t be sure, but she thought she loved Miles, too. His gentle touch, his kindness, and his generous, considerate way with her filled her heart. How could she not love him?
But it scared her to death to give any man that much control over her heart.
“We could have a good life together,” Miles said.
Ruby ducked her head, studying her hands in her lap. She had to either tell him about Ray now, or make Ray disappear tomorrow. She couldn’t agree to marry him with that lie hanging over them.
She took a deep breath and let it out, readying herself for the conversation. Clamping down on her feelings for him, she whispered. “There are things you don’t know about me.”
Things that will make you hate me because I lied. Things that will make you change your mind about marrying me.
He took her hand in his and brought it to his lips. “I don’t care, Ruby. Everybody has secrets. But you can’t feign goodness of heart.”
“I’m afraid,” she said. The naked confession made her squirm.
“Of what? Of me?”
He looked hurt she’d even suggest it, so she rushed to reassure him. “No, not of you. I’m afraid of losing myself. I’ve been Ruby Jackson for twenty-six years. I don’t want her to disappear into Mrs. Miles Collins.”
His brilliant smile shone in afternoon sunshine. “Nobody could ever turn you into something you didn’t want to be,” he said. “And I would never presume to try.”
Spoken like a man who’d never had to struggle simply because of who he was.
He had no idea the way the world had forced her to be someone else, and that someone else stood between them undiscussed. She couldn’t bring herself to say the words I am Ray and dash his belief in her. She couldn’t crush his hope, not to mention her own.
She’d have to manufacture a tragic accident for Ray, and tell her family of her elaborate fiction. From now on, there’d be a mysterious new member of the family that nobody had ever met, but who they’d have to pretend to grieve.
The idea was insanity.
But she loved Miles Collins, and he loved her, and she just couldn’t help herself.
“Yes,” she said. Damn the consequences.
“Yes?”
“Yes, I’ll marry you.”
She waved goodbye to him from the doorway, then closed it and leaned against it, sighing her pleasure. Before she faced fixing her mess, she’d savor her one moment of pure joy, knowing that Miles wanted her, loved her, and she’d said yes.
“So?” Chloe said. “How was it meeting his family?”
Ruby opened her eyes to find all the girls gathered around. Even Della lounged against the wall behind the rest of them, curiosity obvious in her eyes.
“He asked me to marry him,” Ruby said.
Gasps passed around the circle, but Chloe said, “What did you say?”
“I couldn’t help myself. I said yes.”
The gasps were followed by squeals as all the women engulfed her in hugs and congratulations.
“Have you decided what to do about your double life?” Della asked as the girls settled down.
“I have to get rid of Ray,” Ruby said.
“You’re not going to tell him the truth?”
“I tried, but I couldn’t do it. It’ll be easier just to make Ray disappear.”
“But is the easiest thing the right thing?” Della asked, with a knowing and uncomfortably judgmental cock of her brow.
“Oh come on, Miss Della,” Cecelia said. “How many women do we know who have secrets and lies in their marriages?”
“How many men do?” Sally asked to a chorus of agreement.
Victoria made a snorting sound. “I’ve never been married, but I’ve known a lot of men, and I don’t believe many marriages are based on honesty. In my opinion, if you get rid of Ray, you’ll be doing fine.”
Della cocked her head in concession. “That’s a fair assessment, ladies. I just want to be sure Ruby is true to herself.”
“So what are you going to do with Ray?” Chloe asked.
They spent the next couple of hours sitting around together coming up with scenarios for disposing of poor Ray. Ruby finally settled on the most innocuous plan they concocted; to send Ray back east because of an inheritance, and have him die of pneumonia or influenza or some such disease. Ruby already grieved for Ray. He’d served an important purpose for her, but she couldn’t keep up the ruse. It was unsustainable, even if Miles hadn’t proposed. Still, he’d become an important symbol of what she could accomplish.
The next day at the mine, Ruby made several attempts, as Ray, to tell Miles she was leaving, but each time she wanted to start the conversation, she either lost her courage or they were interrupted.
Finally, she took a pile of correspondence to his desk and said, “Mr. Collins, I need to talk to you about something.”
Miles looked up at her. “What is it, Ray?”
Butterflies did a reel in her belly, but she forged on. “I’ve received word that an uncle has died, and I’ve been named in his will. I’ll need to travel to Ohio to accept it.”
“Oh, certainly. I can spare you for a time while you deal with that.”
Ruby cringed on the inside that Miles had no idea that once Ray left on his journey, he’d never be back.
“Thank you, sir.”
Miles grunted acknowledgement as he moved on to reading his correspondence.
As Ruby turned to leave the office, Miles said, “Wait a minute, Ray.”
“What is it?” Ruby turned back to face Miles, who continued reading from the letter he held.
He finally looked up and waved the letter in the air. “A friend of mine in the Montana Territory has taken ownership of a mine and has asked me to come up and inspect it and help him hire a good manager.”
“Oh.”
Ruby didn’t see what that had to do with her or Ray.
Miles seemed to catch on to that fact. “I’d like you to come with me to help manage that. You can help us set everything up, and as much as I hate to admit it, I’ve come to depend on you to keep me focused. I’m more organized and accomplish more with you around.”
Ruby cringed again that she was taking that away from him, but the compliment didn’t go unnoticed despite her guilt at abandoning him.
“Thank you, sir. But I was hoping to make the trip to Ohio as soon as possible.”
“Is it urgent? Our travel to Montana Territory shouldn’t take more than a couple of weeks. You can leave directly from there for Ohio, if you’d like.”
As much as she wanted for Ray to stand up to Miles and say, no, I must go to Ohio now, Ruby felt bad enough about Ray’s impending death that she relented. Ray would take the trip to the Montana Territory, then leave for Ohio as soon as it was reasonable to do so, but in reality Ruby would return to Nevada to await Miles’ return so she could break the bad news.
“Certainly. I can do that.”
“Good. We’ll leave at the end of the week.”
The train trip to the Montana Territory, other than being long and boring, passed with very little incident. It gave Ruby time to think.
Miles had come to visit her at Della’s and told her he and Ray would be away for a short time. They even set a date for their wedding—in April the following year. H
e was kind and apologetic and attentive, and guilt washed over her like an enormous wave.
The next day Ruby—as Ray—boarded a train with Miles and Roger Hodges, one of the engineers at the mine. Ruby was actually thankful for Roger’s presence because it took the pressure off of her to interact with Miles exclusively. Roger served as a chaperone without even knowing it.
It killed her to be so close to Miles without being able to tell him she was there. But when it began to overwhelm her, she reminded herself that Ray would be gone after this trip.
So as they traveled, Ruby listened to Miles and Roger talk, occasionally participating in the conversation if they included Ray, but mostly she daydreamed about her wedding and wondered how her life had become so complicated.
Several months ago she didn’t have a way to support herself or her family, but at least she didn’t have to hide who she was. Now, she sat next to the man she’d agreed to marry, but he didn’t even know it.
She shook her head. It was madness.
At one point Roger stood and yawned and said, “I’m going to go stretch my legs. Be back in a bit.”
Which left Miles and Ray alone.
They sat in silence for a while. Ruby was ready to pretend she was asleep to avoid the feeling they had nothing to talk about, but then Miles turned to her.
“Has Ruby told you yet that I proposed to her?”
Ruby made a surprised choking sound, only because she hadn’t expected him to bring up the subject.
She cleared her throat and said, “Yes, she did.”
“And?”
“What else do you want me to say?”
Miles shook his head, an exasperated look on his face. “I don’t understand your family, Ray. I told Ruby that since your father has passed, I’d like to meet your mother to ask her permission to marry Ruby. But Ruby dismissed the idea as unnecessary. When I asked about talking to you to get permission, she nearly bit my head off.”
“Why would you ask my permission? You’re not marrying me, you’re marrying her.”
Ruby fumed at having this conversation again, even if it was as Ray this time.
“That’s what she said. It’s a tradition of respect for a suitor to ask a father’s permission to marry his daughter. And, failing a father, the oldest male member of the family.”
“Ruby isn’t my property. She can make her own choices.”
“Which is also exactly what she said. Even so, I’d still like to meet her—your—family since I’ll be marrying into it.”
Ruby—as Ray—shrugged non-commitment. Ray didn’t have any feelings about it one way or another. Ruby, on the other hand, had many feelings. She wanted very much for her family to meet the man she planned to marry. She couldn’t be more proud of him, or more in love. But first, she had to get rid of Ray and warn her family about him. In the months she’d been working at the mine, she hadn’t had time to visit her family. She worked six days a week, and if she left to visit them it meant Ray would have to be gone, too. The logistics of it became too complicated. She had at least managed to send letters and money to her mother, which afforded her a great deal of pride. Because of her, the family had enough money to live. But she couldn’t tell her mother about Ray in a letter. It had to be in person, which meant she hadn’t been able to yet.
She didn’t look forward to telling her mother about Ray. She’d have words for Ruby about all the lying to the family about what Ruby had been up to, and lying to Miles about Ray.
But if Ruby ever intended to get out from under this mess, she’d have to face her mother’s wrath.
“You’ll have to arrange that with her,” Ruby said, implying that Ray had no more interest in the conversation.
“I’ll do that,” Miles said. “If you’ll excuse me Ray, I’m going to go take some fresh air.”
Miles left Ruby alone, allowing her to gaze out the window and watch the world slip by. As the miles passed, Ruby considered how much she’d miss being Ray and the freedom of being a man. Not that she’d particularly miss pretending to be a boy, but she’d miss the job. She took satisfaction in the work itself, but also in earning her own money and not depending on anyone else to take care of her. She didn’t want to give it up, and because of that desire, a new idea began to brew in her mind. As the trip progressed, it took root and blossomed.
After Ray was gone, she’d propose to Miles that she take Ray’s place. Since his primary argument against having a woman at the mine was that it would distract the men, being his wife would provide her protection from that concern. Plus, she already knew the job, though he wasn’t aware of that.
By the time the train finally pulled into the station in Sweetwater Springs, Montana Territory, Ruby was more than ready to get off the train and out of her own head. She itched to have the trip over and get back home so they could get on with their lives.
As the train slowed, Ruby watched out the window. The town looked very small compared to Virginia City. One street of hard-packed dirt ran from the train station at one end of town to the white-steepled church at the other end. In the space between the two, Ruby made out a few false-fronted businesses including a mercantile, a school, a saloon, a blacksmith, and a livery stable.
“Not much to it,” she said.
“No, there isn’t,” Miles said. “Our business is actually north of here, but we’ll meet my friend Daniel Bernard at the saloon later to talk business, and make arrangements to inspect the mine.”
Roger’s face lit up. “I’m game for relaxing at the saloon.”
Miles had stood and collected his things. Ruby followed suit and trailed after Miles as he exited the train.
On the platform Miles stopped and looked around, as if searching for something, and a moment later grinned and headed directly for a tall, lanky, sandy-haired man standing behind the crowd.
When they reached him, Miles held out his hand to greet the man. “You must be John Carter.”
The man cracked a smile, the skin around his eyes crinkling when he did. To Ruby, he looked like the kind of man who lived his life outdoors as much as he could.
“I am. And you’re Miles Collins?”
“That’s right. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to spot you, but you look a lot like Mother’s side of the family,” Miles said.
“Isn’t it funny how resemblance can still be strong even in second cousins?”
“You two are second cousins?” Ruby blurted.
Miles laughed and said, “Sorry. This is my clerk Ray Jackson, and my engineer Roger Hodges. Gentlemen, this is my second cousin John Carter.”
Ruby gave Miles a skeptical look. “You two look nothing alike.”
“Maybe not, but John here and my brother Sam could be first cousins, if not brothers,” Miles said.
“Well, family is always welcome,” John said. “My wife Pamela is expecting us for supper at the ranch. You’re all welcome to come, of course.”
Roger held up a hand and said, “Thank you, but I’m going to beg off. I have an appointment at the saloon I need to keep.”
“We’ll meet at the saloon tomorrow morning with Mr. Bernard. Don’t be late,” Miles said. “How about you, Ray? Saloon or supper with my family?”
Ruby swallowed down her doubt and said, “Supper, sir. If I won’t be intruding, that is.”
“Not at all,” John said. “My godson, Nick, is about your age. The two of you should get along just fine.”
“Your godson still lives with you at age twenty?” Ruby asked.
Carter’s brows shot up. “You’re twenty?”
Miles’ smirk irked Ruby, but she lifted her chin and said, “Yes, sir.”
Carter nodded, though he didn’t look convinced. “Well, then. I apologize. Nick is fourteen. Still, I suspect you’ll have some things in common anyway.”
They rode out to the ranch on a buckboard—Carter and Miles up front and Ruby bouncing around in the back. But the scenery made up for the sore behind. After having lived near the mountains of Nev
ada, she’d assumed all mountains were the same, but the mountains of the Montana Territory were a completely different thing. Enormous and craggy, snow-capped and majestic, they took her breath away. On top of that, the green late summer valley where the Carter ranch had been built reminded her of the Collins family ranch—similar in that its imposing size would impress anyone, but different in its geography. While the Carter ranch was all bright green and lush trees and open grassland, the Collins ranch was high desert with scrubby green and yellow grass, mesquite, juniper, and Ponderosa.
They pulled into the yard at the house and Ruby hopped out of the buckboard, happy to have her feet on the ground again.
As they headed for the house, a woman emerged onto the porch. She smiled sweetly, her plump cheeks giving Ruby a preview of the kind, generous grandmother she’d be someday. Ruby liked her immediately.
John took the porch steps two at a time and kissed his wife on the cheek. She blushed and ducked her head, clearly in love with her husband.
“Gentlemen,” John said. “This is my wife, Pamela.” To her he said, “I hope you’ve got supper on the table. I’m so hungry I could eat a bear.”
Pamela’s brown eyes twinkled as she smiled. “Supper is ready, but you’ll have to settle for beef. We’re fresh out of bear.”
“It’s nice to meet you, ma’am,” Miles said. “I’m Miles Collins. John’s cousin, and this is Ray Jackson, my clerk.”
“Please come inside, and make yourselves at home,” Pamela said.
Inside, the house had the kind of warmth and appeal Ruby expected after having met Pamela. It put her at ease, but at the same time worried her that she’d ever be able to make this kind of home for herself and Miles. Did she want to? She’d watched her mother slave to keep things cleaned and washed, and her family fed while Ruby’s father worked to earn a living. Her mother never stopped working. Did Ruby want to do that?
Pamela seemed happy. Ruby wanted to be happy, and being in love with Miles certainly made her happy. But so did having a job. She enjoyed working with Miles and didn’t particularly like the idea of being stuck at home all day washing and cooking and raising children while he left every day for a job. She thought her mind might just shrivel up and blow away.
Montana Sky: Becoming Mine (Kindle Worlds Novella) (Nevada Bounty Book 3) Page 6