The sangria is stronger than it tastes. The floating orange-slice garnishes become repositories of alcohol. Gwen is fishing oranges out of her cup and eating them with red-tinged fingers. Tanga takes her gently by the elbow and guides her away from the party, up the stairs to the big yellow room. When Tanga returns, she helps steer the party toward a graceful conclusion without drawing attention to Gwen’s exit.
After clearing the party debris, Tanga puts Jessie to bed with another traditional Malanesian legend, the one about the princess who grew wings. When Joe peeks in, Tanga pauses in her recitation, having apparently forgotten which princess this story is about. She turns toward the figure in the yellow square of doorway and smiles apologetically.
“You’re doing great,” he says. “Really great.”
He gives a little wave and retreats to his side of the house. The story can resume. Things do not end well for the princess with wings, but the tale is very long and by the end Jessie is asleep, dreaming, beyond caring that her mother is vomiting and crying many rooms away.
Without warning, Lexie picked up Jersey Transit. She was in Penn Station, trying to buy cocaine for a party Jenn and Leora were throwing. She enjoyed buying drugs; it was a skill someone like Leora would never master. You had to have an eye, an ear, and a way with people if you wanted buy what was not supposed to be for sale.
Then the female voice with its strange automated inflictions drifted through the station, “Rahway, Lyndon, Princeton Junction…” She went to track three and got on.
The train popped up from beneath the Hudson in a part of Jersey that was mostly abandoned factories half-sunk in marsh. Not the Jersey she was headed back to, the one where gently curving driveways led to spacious garages, the one where the refrigerators teemed with fruit and bottled water.
She was determined not to go back to her parents, but there wasn’t much in her bag. An Altoids tin of mushrooms, a borrowed sorority t-shirt, some journals she was planning on throwing out because most of the stuff in them was nonsense she wrote in altered states. Instead she starts a new page: Foods I Would Eat if I Had $50. Then a list of possible ways of getting 50 dollars. She crosses out her only previous work experiences: cleaning the litter box for an allowance and selling marijuana that was stolen anyway. Next, she tries a list of her skills. Once she crosses out typing and filing (both lies), the list does not resemble a viable resume. Which is not really fair. There must be something she can build from lies and kisses and the good little girl she used to be.
Last year the Rogers went on a cruise. Jessie was occupied every day with activities advertised as educational fun: swimming lessons, arts and crafts. She was allowed to make her own sundaes and stay up until nine o’clock.
This summer they take her to a red building on the perimeter of the mall, where cheery teens smash any candy you want into full-fat ice cream.
“No wonder Americans are so fat,” Gwen regards the ice cream paddles with a look usually reserved for cat vomit.
Joe glares at her and puts his hand on Jessie’s back. He orders chocolate with two kinds of smashed candy bars in a cone the size of a trombone. Jessie gets the same. She is going through what Gwen calls A Daddy’s Girl Phase.
They sit near the back and tell Jessie the truth. Gwen is getting an apartment in Manhattan. Daddy and Jessie will stay in the house, which is in a phenomenal school district.
“Will you send Tanga away?” a rivulet of chocolate traces Jessie’s chin, ending in a single drop that won’t fall.
“Tanga’s not going anywhere,” says Joe. Gwen’s eyes flicker with disgust, even though they have agreed not to interact inappropriately around Jessie. It is their mutual hope that Jessie is too young to be harmed. At her age there are no causes, only events. Like those babies who don’t even notice if you throw them in a pool.
All is quiet as Joe pilots the SUV back to the house. Gwen reaches to turn up the air conditioning, and Joe tells her to leave it alone.
Sometimes, when it is night in the big kitchen, Tanga goes there to sit. The only light is the gleam of the appliances, the only sound is their hum. She sits on the bar stool. Sometimes she drinks a bottle of beer or smokes One of My Special Cigarettes. Her time in the Rogers’ house has made her more attractive. Her cheeks are less hollow. Her eyes no longer dart defensively.
Joe has never asked Tanga to do the cooking, but she likes the big kitchen. It is hers now. The whole house is hers, even the soft side of the big bed when she wants it. She ruminates on her unlikely path to good fortune as she stirs the saucepan of halpa.
Halpa is one can of sloppy-joe starter, one jar alfredo sauce, and a half bottle of Tabasco. Tanga invented it when she was a runaway girl in New York, stealing jars from bodegas and writing utopian journal entries about a land called Malanesia.
Dear Aunt Gwenda: Summer Circus Edition
Dear Aunt Gwenda,
My dead old mom keeps knocking on the door late at night. She’s never there in the morning but she recently left me a note saying that if I open the door she’ll split the royalties from her new memoir—I’m An Octogenarian Zombie!—with me. Thing is, she hasn’t written it yet and I am afraid she wants me to do it. I’d kind of like to hear her story but I know if I let her in it will be all “Aunt Janice says hello. Your Aunt Mimi looks wonderful. And my, I am hungry.” Any suggestions on what to do?
Earpluggedly yours,
XD
Aunt Gwenda: It seems to me that you’re sitting on a golden ticket. Since the Walt Disney Corporation likes to keep the profits of its own shuffling (and more spry) zombiekind, it turns out the law is quite clear on this issue. While dead old mom (what a way for a child to refer to a parent!) may still hold the copyright for 75–150 years of undeath, the royalties belong to her beneficiaries. What need have the dead for money? They just eat the brains they want, and never think to pay for them.
Wait a second. I know you what you’re thinking:
Why don’t I just put her out of her misery? Then I will be both copyright and royalty holder? Mwahaha. (I hear your Mwahahas. Oh yes, I hear them.)
You are a terrible, terrible child. In a different time, you might have ended up in a comic book, running an asylum for the criminally insane. Have you forgotten all she’s done for you?
I’m opening the door for her tonight myself. Please disregard the above advice. Follow this: Don’t wear a hat while you’re sleeping, but instead slather your scalp with peanut sauce.
I’m sure zombie mom and I can come to an arrangement on the royalties. Merchandising ideas include: a touring circus of the octogenarian damned and a workout video.
Dear Aunt Gwenda,
I have this horrible feeling I made a mistake.
Best,
Scott Walker, Wisconsin
AG: That horrible feeling is your soul. Trying to get out while it still can.
Dear Aunt Gwenda,
When I got to work last Tuesday all the candy bowls had been switched out for candy jars. Now to find out what’s in them I have to stop and actually talk to people. I think I may either stop eating candy all day at work or start bringing my own.
Yours,
Grazing While Typing
AG: Two words: Baseball bat. Of course, with the easier access to the candy this method provides, as well as an incentive to run post-bat and grab, you may soon find yourself on the unemployment line.
You could also try dressing as Willy Wonka. I guarantee no one will try to talk to you.
Dear Aunt Gwenda,
I am always 24 hours from being caught up but never quite get there. Help?
Yours,
Not Getting It Done in Texas
AG: Boy, can I relate.
Even with the circus of the octogenarian damned (they’re hard workers), a polydactyl criminal mastermind cat named after Ernest Hemingway, two dogs named after Shakespeare and Austen characters respectively, and a flock of murderous bats that do my bidding, I can’t keep up these days. What I can tell you, in
confidence, is that I keep dreaming of doppelgangers. Holograms, robots, cyborg clones—call them what you will, but they are coming.
And when they do, we will be way too busy battling them to retain control of our lives to worry about little things like deadlines and bills.
Dear Aunt Gwenda,
I would like to be reelected to the mostly ceremonial position of head prefect in the White House School for Recalcitrant Politicians but I cannot get the people to pay attention to me now that I am no longer the outsider running on dreams. I’m thinking of handing my cap over to Dennis Kucinich and going for some beach time but I keep thinking surely this job is worth something, right?
AG: Given recent events, the coming rise of the machines, and the touring schedule of the Octogenarian Circus of the Damned (towns near you, prepare: they are hungry!), I say why bother trying to get people to pay attention to you? Why not focus your attention on developing the bionic carrier pigeons we’ll need once we can no longer trust electronics equipment? Why not help that poor guy in Texas meet a deadline or two? Why not take Dennis Kucinich hostage for a weekend of nothing but Goldie Hawn movies, including the disturbing patriotic emu film Protocol? Even zombies don’t run on dreams.
Dear Aunt Gwenda,
I’m so bogged down in anniversaries I can’t celebrate the moment.
Yours,
AK
AG: Again, I hear you. This one’s easy though. Have others do your celebrating for you. Why, what’s that, I hear? It’s no longer you, it’s the sound of many loud (oh so loud) octogenarian zombies clapping and cheering the most important anniversary of the year. I speak of the tenth anniversary of Small Beer Press, of course. As disconcerting as they are, still, their songs are lovely.
You won’t want to open any mail from them though, especially if the packages are damp. Brains don’t travel well, what with the heat death of the sun coming on and all.
I promise you the tickets to the circus are worth every penny.
About these Authors
Joan Aiken (1924–2004) was born in Rye, England. After her first husband’s death, she supported her family by copyediting at Argosy and worked at an advertising agency before turning full time to writing fiction. She wrote for Vogue, Good Housekeeping, Vanity Fair, and Women’s Own, and over a hundred books—perhaps the best known of which are the dozen novels in The Wolves of Willoughby Chase series. She received the Guardian and Edgar Allan Poe awards for fiction, and was awarded an MBE. “The Sale of Midsummer” was first published in Ghostly Grim and Gruesome (Helen Hoke, ed., 1976) and was recently collected in The Monkey’s Wedding and Other Stories.
David Blair’s first book, Ascension Days, was chosen by Thomas Lux for the Del Sol Poetry Prize. He teaches at the New England Institute of Art.
Gwenda Bond lives in Lexington, KY, with her husband, the writer Christopher Rowe, and a number of pets, chilled bottles of champagne, books, and just the right number of screwball comedies.
Carol Emshwiller’s most recent books include The Collected Stories of Carol Emshwiller, Vol. 1, a novel, The Secret City, and a collection, I Live with You. To see her interviewed go to carolemshwillerproject.blogspot.com. She lives in New York City.
K. M. Ferebee was bred, born, and raised in Texas. Currently she lives, more or less, in New York City. Her work has appeared or is forthcoming in Shimmer and The Brooklyn Rail. She has a strange obsession with the geography of London, and no great gift for gardening.
Sarah Heller received her BA from Bard College and her MFA in poetry from NYU. She teaches Creative Writing at Rutgers University, and was the Executive Director of the Authors League Fund from 2000–2010, where she now serves as Executive Advisor. Her work has been published or is forthcoming in RealPoetik, Painted Bride Quarterly, Pembroke Magazine, NextBook, The Temple/El Templo, Thin Air, The Apocalypse Anthology, The Literary Companion to Shabbat, and Hayloft. She has received fellowships or awards from the Drisha Institute, MacDowell Colony, Virginia Council for the Creative Arts, Centre D’Art I Natura (Spain), Vermont Studio Center, and Soul Mountain Retreat. She is on the Board of Directors of Nightboat Books and Triskelion Arts.
Karen Heuler’s stories have appeared in anthologies and in dozens of literary and speculative publications from Alaska Quarterly Review and Arts & Letters to Fantasy Magazine, Clarkesworld, and Weird Tales. She has published two novels and a short story collection, and has won an O. Henry award. She lives in New York City with her dog, Booker Prize, and cat, Pulitzer.
M. K. Hobson’s short fiction has recently appeared in the Haunted Legends anthology, as well as in Realms of Fantasy, The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction, Strange Horizons, and Postscripts. She is the author of two novels, The Native Star and The Hidden Goddess. She lives in Oregon.
A. D. Jameson is the author of the novel Giant Slugs and the prose collection Amazing Adult Fantasy. He contributes regularly to the group literary blog Big Other.
Nicole Kimberling resides in Bellingham, Washington with her epically long-time partner, Dawn Kimberling, two bad cats and a rotating assortment of houseguests. Her first novel, Turnskin, won the Lambda Literary Award. Though currently the editor of Blind Eye Books, she has mostly made her money working as a professional cook.
Jessy Randall’s stories, poems, and other things have appeared in Asimov’s, Flurb, and McSweeney’s. Her young adult novel The Wandora Unit is about love and friendship in the high school literary crowd.
David Rowinski splits his time between Amherst with his sons and East Africa where his wife, Sali Oyugi, runs their bar and inn. He has taught English in Cairo, worked in a youth hostel in Athens, been a PCA in Zurich, a security guard in Boston, and is currently painting houses to pay the bills. Last year he found out he was adopted and is tracking down his half sister via the internet. All of this will find its way into the stories he has yet to write.
After stints in Arkansas, Nashville, Charlottesville, England, New York, and Pittsburgh, Sarah Harris Wallman settled in New Haven CT, where she teaches English and creative writing at Albertus Magnus College. She has an MFA from the University of Pittsburgh. Her fiction and plays have previously appeared in Brooklyn’s L Magazine, readshortfiction.com, and once in a swimming pool atop a midtown Marriott.
———————————————————————————————————
LCRW Subscriptions
Lady Churchill’s Rosebud Wristlet is a fifteen-year-old zine which usually comes out twice a year. Subscribe on paper or join the 12.6% of subscribers who now receive it electronicallllllly at weightlessbooks.com:
SUBSCRIPTION LEVEL Price Label Items you will receive
e $9.95 unheavy 4 issues in the format of your choice on weightlessbooks.com/lcrw
2 $20 Subscrib’d! US/Canada: 4 issues (usually 2 years).
2a $34 Airmail 4 issues: international.
3 $35 Choc City as no.2 & a good chocolate bar each time.
4 $39 Littlely as no.3 & a random chapbook.
5 $54 Mug(g)s as no.4 & a mug: cafepress.com/lcrw.526761
7 $69 Newly as no.4 & Vincent McCaffrey’s A Slepyng Hound to Wake and
Joan Aiken’s The Monkey’s Wedding and Other Stories.
8 $99 6-pack as no.4 & an LCRW-engraved wooden six-pack!
9 $199 Ltd. as no.4 & SBP limited editions by Link, McHugh, & Kushner.
10 $1,100 Do it! as no.4 & a $1,065 donation to Franciscan Hospital for Children.
11 $2,500 Bargain? as no.4 & everything we have in print from now on.
12 $38 Long view 8 issues for you or 4 for you + 4 for someone else.
13 $? Offer You tell us.
Some back issues available—see website for details. Send check or money order to:
Small Beer Press, 150 Pleasant St., #306., Easthampton, MA 01027
Or, subscribe online: www.smallbeerpress.com/lcrw. Thank you.
————————————————————————————————�
�——
About Small Beer Press
Since 2001, Small Beer Press, an independent publishing house, has published satisfying and surreal novels and short story collections by award-winning writers and exciting talents whose names you may never have heard, but whose work you’ll never be able to forget:
Joan Aiken, The Monkey’s Wedding and Other Stories
Poppy Z. Brite, Second Line: Two Short Novels of Love and Cooking in New Orleans
Ted Chiang, Stories of Your Life and Others
Georges-Olivier Chateaureynaud, A Life on Paper (trans. Edward Gauvin)
John Crowley, Endless Things: A Novel of Ægypt
John Crowley, The Chemical Wedding*
Alan DeNiro, Skinny Dipping in the Lake of the Dead
Carol Emshwiller, The Mount
Carol Emshwiller, Report to the Men’s Club
Carol Emshwiller, Carmen Dog: a novel
Kelley Eskridge, Solitaire: a novel
Karen Joy Fowler, What I Didn’t See and Other Stories
Greer Gilman, Cloud & Ashes: Three Winter’s Tales
Angélica Gorodischer, Kalpa Imperial (trans. Ursula K. Le Guin)
Alasdair Gray, Old Men in Love: John Tunnock’s Posthumous Papers
Elizabeth Hand, Generation Loss
Julia Holmes, Meeks: a novel
Ayize Jama-Everett, The Liminal People: a novel*
John Kessel, The Baum Plan for Financial Independence
Kathe Koja, Under the Poppy: a novel
Ellen Kushner, The Privilege of the Sword
Kelly Link, Stranger Things Happen; Trampoline (Editor); Magic for Beginners
Karen Lord, Redemption in Indigo: a novel
Laurie J. Marks, Fire Logic: a novel*
Laurie J. Marks, Earth Logic: a novel*
Laurie J. Marks, Water Logic: a novel
Eduardo Jiménez Mayo and Chris Brown, eds., Three Messages and a Warning: Contemporary Mexican Short Stories*
Vincent McCaffrey, Hound: a novel
Vincent McCaffrey, A Slepyng Hound to Wake: a novel
lcrw 27-final-interior-for-mobi-newfile Page 11