Rebel Heart

by Barbara McMahon

  “Oh?” Shannon frowned. What had he really wanted by marrying her?

  “Sure, like keeping us together when our folks died. Or making the Rafter C the best ranch in the state.”

  “You were lucky to have him,” Shannon said, envying Jase’s sister for the love she knew she had from her brother.

  “Josh and I both know it. That’s why we were so pleased when you didn’t object to his competing. He’s wanted this for so long. It was a dream from when he was a kid. Having to raise us almost put paid to that dream. We’re so glad he’s able to go after it.”

  “Competing in rodeos?”

  “Yes. Funny, isn’t it. I mean, after working at a ranch all the time you’d think the last thing a man would want to do is go play at rodeos. I prefer a nice restaurant and dancing. Or a movie.”

  Shannon nodded thoughtfully. “So he’d dreamed of this for ages.” It wasn’t just a whim, a shirking of responsibilities. It was a dream, a lifelong dream.

  Things shifted slightly. Made more sense. He’d said it was something he’d wanted, but a lifelong dream? No wonder he was so adamant.

  “Ever since he was a teenager. He competed in the junior rodeos around the ranch when Mom and Dad were alive. I thought he’d given up, but when I finished college Josh and I insisted he try it. He did well the last couple of years. I hope he makes the finals, he’s getting up there, you know.”

  Shannon smiled, remembering when she’d mentioned age how indignant he’d become. “He has a good shot at the cutting event. And an outside one for the bareback bronc riding.”

  “I know, we’re following the rankings. I hope he wins one or the other.” Brianna tilted her head as she studied Shannon. “Josh told me you were pretty. But he didn’t tell me how tiny you are. I feel like a giant around you. How do you stand up to Jase?”

  Shannon glanced up and met her smile. “I’m not so small I can’t hold my own with your brother.” The words echoed around and around in her head.

  She stood toe-to-toe with him sometimes. But she never feared him. Only feared the overwhelming feelings she experienced around him.

  “Josh said you’d have him wrapped around your little finger before Jase knew it.”

  Startled, Shannon stared at her. “Are you kidding me? Do you really think anyone can wrap Jase around anything?” The idea was mind boggling. Then she giggled softly. What a wonderful thing it would be, however far-fetched. Her heart lurched just thinking about him.

  Brianna smiled and nodded. “I know, but that’s what Josh said. When’s Jase coming?”

  “Today or tomorrow. I’m guessing tomorrow now that the weather’s turned so bad.”

  “Good, then it’s just us girls tonight. Tell me all about falling in love with my brother.”

  Shannon stared at her. How had she known? Or was she only guessing? Slowly, picking her words carefully, Shannon told Brianna about meeting Jase.

  Later that night Shannon lay awake thinking over all she’d learned from Brianna. No wonder Jase put so much emphasis on the rodeo, it had been a lifelong dream of his, one that he was in danger of growing too old for before he had a chance to make his mark. She knew about lifelong dreams. Hadn’t she had one for home and stability and family? Wasn’t that what made her marriage so much harder to accept? She wanted more than Jase could give her.

  Or she thought she had. Now she wasn’t so sure. Maybe she’d take whatever time he could spare for her and enjoy it. Life wasn’t perfect.

  Instead of rejecting anything less than perfection, she needed to accept what she had and make the most of it. She wanted him with her always, but a few weeks at a time would be better than nothing.

  From what Brianna had said, Shannon knew neither she nor Josh realized the full extent of all Jase had given up to raise them. He’d never told them, never burdened them with any guilt. Yet he’d shared that feeling of missing things with her. She felt closer to him than ever. If he could share private feelings with her, ones he’d never shared with anyone else, it augured well for their future. Now she had to make him see that, too.

  She needed to let him know she wouldn’t burden him with responsibility. She could take care of the ranch. If he would only come to see her from time to time, life would be so much richer than what she’d had the last few years. Richer by far than she’d ever known. She loved him. And that made life richer for her. Whatever he decided to do, it wouldn’t take away the warmth loving him brought her.

  The snow stopped during the night, the sky cleared, and Thanksgiving Day dawned bright and sunny. The pristine setting was picture perfect. Snow graced the bare limbs of the trees. Footprints showed clearly where the cowboys had walked to do the routine chores. They would celebrate in the bunkhouse. Shannon had reserved the house for family only.

  She and Brianna worked well together in the kitchen as they prepared the traditional meal.

  “This is great,” Brianna said. “I love to fix all the trimmings and then watch my brothers eat it. They can put away a ton of food.”

  “I’m glad you’re here. I never had anyone to prepare the meal with before. Mostly when my dad was alive, we ate at the base.”

  And Bobby had spent only one Thanksgiving with her, watching football while she worked alone in the kitchen.

  The preparations continued through the morning. They basted the turkey regularly. The dressing was prepared. Sweet potatoes casserole made. Corn shucked and ready to be boiled. Biscuits started and set aside to pop into the oven when the pies were finished.

  Shannon set the big dining room table. The entire house was redolent with the aromatic fragrance of the savory meal. Nibbling as they worked, neither gave thought to stopping for a full lunch. Dinner would be enough.

  When a truck pulled into the driveway, Shannon looked up, butterflies in full dance. She brushed her hands across the apron she wore to protect the soft rose-colored skirt and sweater she’d put on in honor of the day.

  Checking that her hair was still somewhat tidy, she ran her fingers through it. Should she have worn her braid today? No, pulled back to hang down her back made her appear more feminine. She refused to admit why that was so important today. But she hoped Jase liked it.

  Peering out the kitchen window, she could just catch a glimpse of the familiar truck, the horse trailer.

  “It’s Jase, isn’t it?” Brianna asked excitedly, looking out with Shannon.

  “Yes.”

  “Shall I leave? I don’t want to spoil his homecoming. If you’re shy about kissing, I can step into my room for a few minutes.”

  Shannon whirled around, staring at her. Of course Brianna would expect a fervent homecoming, her husband of less than two months had been gone for weeks.

  Would Jase kiss her?

  “No, stay. He'll be happy to see you.”

  The minutes dragged. How long did it take to unload Shadow and give him some feed? Each second seemed like an eternity. Shannon stared at the door, her heart in her throat. Then she heard him knocking the snow off his boots against the porch step. Mesmerized, her eyes watched the knob, scarcely realizing when it turned.

  He came in quickly, closing the cold behind him. He wore a dark hat, a warm shearling coat and the usual jeans and boots. He looked good enough to eat.

  “Hello, darlin’,” he said. “Brie!” He strode across the room in three long strides and caught his sister up in a hug.

  Then turned to Shannon, watching her warily for a moment before catching her tightly against him. He lowered his face to hers. He was cold, his cheeks, lips, nose icy against her flushed skin. But soon, soon the heat between them warmed him up, warmed her up. It felt so good to be held by him, to have his strong arms around her, his mouth moving against hers, his tongue seeking admittance. Her arms tightened and she held on. Time was forgotten. There was only the reality of Jase, home at last.

  “A simple kiss on the cheek always did for me,” Brianna said, laughing.

  Jase drew back, his eyes still on Shannon, gazing
deep into hers as if seeking the answer to a unspoken question.

  “Yeah, but you’re easily pleased,” he said, slowly releasing his wife.

  Brianna laughed again. “I like your wife.”

  “Me, too,” Jase said, trailing his knuckles across Shannon’s cheek. He turned and shrugged out of his heavy coat.

  “Something sure smells good,” he said, glancing warily at Shannon

  “Dinner,” she said breathlessly, unnecessarily, unable to take her eyes from him. “We plan to eat around six. Josh’s supposed to be here about one.”

  She was still nervous. He’d come home, now the hard part, getting him to stay. To want to stay with her. She knew she’d have to share him with the rodeo. She’d accepted that, to keep his dream alive. But she wanted him to come back to her whenever the rodeo didn’t call.

  “I’ll clean up and be right out,” Jase said, heading toward the bedrooms. He wrapped one large hand around Shannon’s upper arm and propelled her from the room. “You and I need to talk,” he said grimly. “Make yourself at home, Brie,” he called to his sister.

  Glancing over her shoulder to see an amused Brianna watching them, Shannon stumbled at the pace Jase set.

  He reached the door to the room he once used when Shannon pulled them to a stop.

  “Jase! Brianna’s using this room.”

  He stopped, turning her around until she stood before him. Her palms were damp, her lips dry, her heart thudded heavily in her chest.

  “The other room?”

  “I fixed it up for Josh.”

  “Where the hell am I supposed to stay?”

  She swallowed hard. “In with me?”

  Startled, his grip tightened. His eyes narrowed as he flicked a glance toward her room, back to her.

  “I had to put you in with me. I gave Brianna the room you used to use and Josh has the other spare room and you can’t stay in the bunkhouse.”

  “So we’re sharing?” His voice carried no emotion. His expression was blank.

  She nodded, biting her lower lip. This wasn’t going quite like she had hoped. The silence stretched out endlessly.

  His hand came up to cup her chin, his thumb rubbed the lip. “Don’t do that, you’ll hurt yourself.”

  She began to tremble at his touch. Her hand grasped his wrist, held on. When his thumb brushed across her lips again and again, she thought her knees had melted. Breathing became difficult. Her whole being focused on Jase and his light touch on her lip.

  “Why are we sharing, Shannon?” he asked softly, lifting his gaze from his thumb to lock with hers.

  “I—it’s what your brother and sister would expect. We’re married,” she explained, wondering where the courage she’d tried to pump up had fled.

  He shook his head, his expression furious. “All for show?”

  Slowly she shook her head, panic flooding her senses. The time for honesty was long past. “I want you to stay with me.”

  “Why?” It sounded like a shot.

  She held his gaze, drawing on every bit of courage she could muster. “I want you as much as you want me.” Her voice was strong, true, her eyes never wavered from his.

  “Gratitude for helping at the ranch?” he snarled, his fingers biting into her jaw.

  She shook her head slightly, her gaze never faltering. “No. Desire, pure and simple.” She held her breath. There was more. “And wanting, needing, lust. Love. If you still want me.” Her heart banged against her chest. Way to go, Shannon, she thought in disgust, so much for seduction.

  He swooped and picked her up. In only seconds they were in her bedroom, the door slammed behind them. Jase pressed Shannon up against the cool wood, towering over her. His hand traced down the soft wool of her sweater, tracing her fine bones beneath her shoulder, running his fingers down one breast.

  “I’ve wanted you since you walked into the cubicle in the emergency room last September,” he said as his mouth consumed hers. His hunger fed hers and instantly they strained for a deeper closeness than either had ever known. His lips claimed, his tongue mated, his hands roamed over all of her body, igniting craving flames that threatened to consume her.

  Easing back just a little, Jase cupped her face in his warm palms, tracing every inch of her flushed skin with his eyes. “You look pretty, Half Pint.”

  His hands drifted down her neck, to her shoulders, rubbing against the soft rosy sweater. When he raised the soft wool, his hands were gentle against the silky camisole beneath.

  When he shrugged out of his shirt, she lightly touched the smooth skin that covered hard muscles, her fingertips brushing into the tangle of hair on his chest as she had longed to do that first day at the hospital.

  He kissed her and the magic began.

  Absorbed by him until they were one, she relished the sensations. Glowing lights, incredible heat, and overwhelming love, the sensations shimmered through her until that was all she could feel, all she could experience. Thought was impossible. Only Jase defined her existence.

  When they reached the summit together, it was glorious. Time seemed to cease. The world faded. The only reality was Jase and Shannon, in a cloud of pure love.

  “Tell me,” he said urgently, lightly kissing her rosy lips. “Tell me about desire.” Another kiss. “And wanting.” Another kiss. Another. “And love.”

  A slow, deep kiss that was as gentle as the rain in the spring, as sweet as honey, as exciting as fireworks.

  Her heart threatened to break from her chest. She could scarcely breathe. Every nerve ending overloaded with the electricity generated by Jase. The pure tactile responses were more overwhelming than anything she’d ever experienced.

  “I like it when you touch me,” she said shyly.

  He laughed softly. “I like touching you. I need to touch you. When I do, I’m complete. When we’re apart, I’m not. How did that happen? How did just being with you complete me when I thought I had my life in order before?” Jase’s voice sounded soft, husky in her ear. His breath warmed her neck, her shoulder. His weight was like a heavy blanket on a cold night.

  She’d never be cold again.

  Her hair swirled around the pillow, some of it settling on her shoulder. He threaded his fingers in it and drew them through and through, combing the silky tresses with his hands. Then lifted his head to gaze down at her.

  “Beautiful.” Jase traced her lips with a finger tip. Shannon caught her breath.

  “You were telling me about desire,” he said, looking deep into her smoky eyes.

  “You said you wanted me,” she whispered, longings so strong she could scarcely stand them. His touch wreaked havoc with every nerve ending. The spiraling craving grew by leaps and bounds with every stroke of his fingertips. Surely she couldn’t want him again so soon.

  “I’ve wanted you from the first. I told you all along,” he said. “It sure wasn't a secret.”

  “And you said I should let you know if I wanted you back,” she stalled.

  He smiled his lopsided smile, his eyes silvery in the dim light. “You let me know just fine, darlin’. Now tell me the part about love.”

  She hesitated.

  “Come on, darlin’, tell me.” His hands captured her face again, his fingers threading gently into her soft hair.

  “I love you, Jase,” she said.

  “Was that so hard? I love you, Shannon Hart. I have forever I think. At least from the day I met you.” His kiss ignited a flame.

  Shannon gave all she had to the embrace, reveling in the words that had exploded through her like a firecracker. Did he mean it? Could he really love her, only her?

  When he ended the kiss, she held his head close to hers, not wanting to end the contact.

  “You never said you loved me. Not when you asked me to marry you, or any other time.”

  “Are you kidding? It was all I could do to get you to agree to a marriage without loading you up with guilt about loving you when you made it clear you didn’t love me. What chance did I have with yo
u thinking I was like a certain party that shall remain unnamed in our bed. You were all for staying as far from a man as you could get. All you wanted was to learn how to run your ranch.”

  “Well that was then. I hardly knew you,” she tried to explain.

  “When you were fighting that blasted fire I was so afraid you’d get hurt. That’s when I knew I loved you. That I wanted to share your life. When the insurance money wasn’t there, I saw a chance to get close enough to you to have a way to come back. I wasn’t going to be just your partner. Yet all you seemed to feel was gratitude. I wanted to die when you offered yourself out of gratitude.”

  She traced a finger along his shoulder, watching as her fingertip registered the heat and strength of his muscles beneath his skin. She couldn’t argue with him, she hadn’t admitted she loved him then.

  “But you have your dreams, too, and have to follow them,” she said, hoping she understood. Hoping she wouldn’t say anything to spoil this moment. Her heart almost exploded with happiness.

  Jase loved her!

  “Yeah. Can you understand?”

  “I think so. Only, I don’t think I like watching you when you compete. I’m too afraid you’ll take another spill. Next time it might not be a broken arm but a broken head!” She remembered her fear as she’d watched him ride in Trinity.

  “Nah, it'll never happen. But if I do, I have a place to recuperate.” He nuzzled her neck, trailing kisses to the underside of her jaw.

  “You had a place all along—the Rafter C.” She sank further in love with him showing no sign of wanting to end their intimacy. His sister probably wondered if they were coming back out tonight.

  “But you weren’t there, only here. Darlin’, when you walked into that hospital room, I was glad I was lying down or you’d have flattened me. I was intrigued by you from the start. And when you told me about your first husband, it hurt me to know you hurt. I wanted to change things for you, show you it didn’t have to be like that.”

  “You could have corrected me when I started in comparing you two.” Her hands roamed over him relishing every tantalizing touch.

  After so many years alone, Shannon reveled in sharing with another. In being with Jase.