She inhaled deeply. Maxim put more of his body weight on her. The sensation was too much, too strong. Images of being held down and rendered immobile by Louis’s people coursed through her. She tried to smother them, Maxim’s curious hands not helping.
She nudged him away and sat up. His eyes were hooded. She took another gulp of her wine and straddled him. This felt better. Now she was the one on top and had free range of her movements.
His kiss turned hungry once again. His fingers tightened on her behind, crawling underneath her dress. He pulled her costume off and it fell to the ground with a whoosh. She drank more wine, noticing the bottle was almost empty.
Maxim’s hands reached for her bra clasp and it clicked open. She stiffened. Her breath was jagged, her chest constricted. Maxim must’ve noticed her discomfort, because he didn’t pull her bra straps down. Instead, he began to massage her nape with one hand, the other hand fisted her hair. She knew it meant to relax her; instead, it reminded her of the Umbra attacking her. Her throat tightened. She flailed like a fish on shore. A sharp ache exploded in her chest, blinding her temporarily. The sedating layer of alcohol was ripped off like an adhesive from her skin. She needed oxygen. She needed to get out of there. “I’m sorry. I can’t do this.”
The disappointment and frustration on Maxim’s face shattered her. Once again, she had blown it. She had been crazy for thinking she could date while her past haunted her. Her damaged mind screamed at her to get out. It was confusing the harmless situation with actual danger, taking Maxim for a threat.
Sierra wanted to kiss him goodbye and apologize, but she knew the longer she stayed, the worse her panic-riddled state would become. With heels in hand, she hurried toward the door. After a few blocks, she calmed down enough to realize she needed a taxi to get home. She placed a call. A driver arrived shortly after, telling her how fortunate she was that he had just dropped off a client in the neighborhood. She didn’t reply. Fortunate was the last thing she would call herself.
Chapter 28
Gavin shoved the balcony door open and lumbered outside with his double espresso. His wet hair dripped on his tee. The sun stung his eyes, and his muscles ached. His throat was dry from the half bottle of rum he had polished off the previous night.
It was the first time he had drank since Waldeburg and Jeff…were dead. Gone.
Gavin hadn’t planned on drowning his sorrows, knowing it wouldn’t change anything. Yet, seeing Sierra yesterday and seeing her with Maxim had proven too much.
She had asked why Gavin had kept his distance. Didn’t she understand? Didn’t she understand that every time he looked at her, he was reminded of his failure? He had failed her. He had failed Waldeburg. He had failed Jeff.
Waldeburg was dead because he didn’t arrive in time to protect her.
Jeff was dead because he had sent him despite knowing full well the Umbra would be no match for trained assassins.
It was Gavin’s fault. All of it. On top of this, he would take Sierra away in a few days to London, separating her from Whitney and Jillian, separating her from everything familiar. Sierra must hate him. He hated himself. And he was worried. He didn’t know what Lorna wanted with Sierra. No matter how much he trusted Lorna, she was a regent, she would do what was best for the masses, not for an individual.
That was exactly why Gavin couldn’t get attached to Sierra. Why keeping his distance was the right move. Or was it really? He had thought so, until he had seen her with Maxim.
Through Gavin’s grief, through his disappointment and self-hate, he still wanted her. Why did he have to want her? Why? He hadn’t felt like this in years and would have gladly never felt like this again. And if it had to be with someone, he certainly wouldn’t choose Sierra. She was too stubborn, too unpredictable, and scariest of all, he cared about her. That was why he needed to keep her safe, keep her away from his world, not drag her right in the midst of it.
A knock sounded from the front door. “Come in,” Gavin shouted, closing the balcony door.
Jillian scrunched up her nose and waved her hand in front of her face. “Did you have an afterparty in here?” She grabbed plates from the kitchen and began unloading the contents of the two plastic bags she had brought. “Luckily for you, I stopped by the Greek place. Here.” She handed him a plate with a gyro and a large salad. “I bet you haven’t eaten since yesterday.”
“Thank you.” Ignoring the salad, Gavin took several bites of the gyro. The warm pita bread and the salty meat melted in his mouth.
“I ran into Whitney on my way here. She said the roaring twenties party was a big success.” Jillian chewed on a tomato.
It had been. Yesterday, they had made triple as much as on any other Friday night. “Did you see Sierra too?”
“No.” Jillian hesitated. “But Whitney told me Sierra is doing better, all thanks to Maxim.”
Gavin maintained his neutral facial expression and continued eating, even though he wanted to smash something.
Jillian put her fork down. “Why are you doing this?”
“Doing what?”
“You like Sierra. But instead of admitting your feelings and giving this a chance, you keep your distance.”
“Sierra is under my protection, nothing more.”
“Is that why steam comes out of your ears every time someone mentions Maxim?”
“He’s a douche. He thinks he’s so much better than everyone else just because he has a few fancy degrees.”
Jillian shook her head. “Gavin, you’re losing her. If you’re not careful—”
“I’ve already lost her.” How could he not? He hadn’t been able to save Waldeburg. The last of her family was gone because of him.
Even without the heartbreak he had caused, he would’ve never overstepped his self-imposed mentor-student boundary. He had more integrity than that. With their departure to London being less than a week away, he had to hold out just a bit longer. Once they arrived in London, their schedules would be filled to the rim. He would dive into the mission Lorna sent him on while Sierra would train her powers. Time and space would separate them, locking his self-control back into place.
“When you’re ready to talk about it and finally allow yourself the happiness you deserve, I’ll be here.” Jillian patted his arm, calming energy flowing from her touch.
Gavin leaned away from her. “We need to discuss the case. Cooper sent me the list of missing female supernaturals an hour ago. Our killer’s mother has to be here somewhere.”
Jillian looked at the paper and began combing through the names. They worked in silence for a while until she let out a squeak of triumph. “I think I found her. Yes. Everything’s a match. Look!”
Gavin leaned in, reading the profile Jillian highlighted.
Name: Joanna Kovac
Age: 50
Status: Umbra (turned 32 years ago)
Faction: Charmer
Relationship: Never married
Children: 1, male, 26 years
Joanna Kovac relocated from Ohio where she had resided the last twenty-six years to Savannah four months ago. She was last seen over a month ago.
“She’s the perfect match,” Gavin agreed. “The timing of her disappearance coincides with the onset of the murders. What information is there on her son?”
Jillian typed vigorously. She went through all the databases, plugging in the family name Kovac. Each time the engine spat out only Joanna’s name. When Jillian tried to access the son’s school records, she discovered there were none. “There’s nothing. It’s as if he doesn’t exist.”
Gavin began pacing the living room. “What if he’s listed under his father’s name?”
“That would make sense. The question is how we would find the father. Joanna was never married, and no information is recorded on her previous relationships.” Jillian resumed her typing while Gavin continued pacing.
“I’ve got an idea,” Jillian said. “Joanna’s Savannah address is missing, but we’ve got her Ohio addr
ess. We’ll send a nearby Ardere to question the Ohio neighbors. At the very least, they should give us the son’s name. Maybe someone will even have a photo.”
Gavin nodded, hoping the information arrived before the killer struck again.
On his way to Veneficia, Gavin stopped at Sapientia. One of these days, he really needed to order an espresso machine for his office.
He placed his order and turned toward the presence calling out to him, winding around him, drawing him in. Sierra slouched at a table in the corner, her stare glued to her cup, as if it was her lifeline.
His feet moved of their own accord, carrying him to her.
She looked up, her eyes void of emotion. “I still have half an hour till my shift.”
“That’s not why I came over.” The barista delivered his coffee and sandwich. He didn’t touch either. “How are you?”
When Sierra didn’t reply, Gavin reached out and took her hand, flipping it palm up. He knew he should let go, yet couldn’t bring himself to do it. Her skin felt so good, so right against his.
“Why are you here? Is that part of your contract, to ensure I’m in an acceptable mental state?”
“Don’t.”
Her eyebrows drew together, her cheekbones were razor sharp, and still she didn’t extricate her fingers from his. “Are you the only one allowed to build walls around yourself?” She put her elbows on the table, leaning forward. Her voice dropped to a whisper. “What happened that made you this way?”
He pulled his palm back and crossed his arms. His toes itched; he wanted to stand up and leave. But after everything they went through together, after everything he knew about her, she deserved more than that—even if he couldn’t give her much. “I’ve lost a lot of people I cared about. It’s best for everyone if I keep my distance. Especially,”—he shoved his hand through his hair—“when I keep failing to save them.”
“You’re blaming yourself. For Gran. For Jeff.” Sierra sounded surprised, as if she didn’t quite believe it.
“Of course. How could I not?”
She rubbed her temple, shaking her head. “I thought you kept your distance because you were mad at me. Because you blamed me for everything.”
Now it was Gavin’s turn to feel surprise. “I would never do that. You’re untrained. You just got your powers. I’m the one who failed them and you.”
She reached out for him. “You didn’t fail me. You rescued me.”
“It’s not enough. Waldeburg should be alive.”
“She wouldn’t have been in danger in the first place if not for me.” Sierra bit her lip. “Is that what we’re going to do, blame ourselves until we drown in self-hate?”
“Waldeburg wouldn’t have wanted that.” Gavin could still see her wise face, feel her calming touch, hear her words of wisdom. She would forever be missed.
“No.” Sierra brought her fingers to her lapis necklace, and Gavin copied the gesture. “She would’ve told us that it was her time, that she had lived a happy life. We need to move forward, accept the past, and do our best in the future.” Smiling, Sierra rose.
Gavin stepped around the table, and then his arms wound around her and he was hugging her, holding her close. Her vanilla scent engulfed him; her silky hair and skin caressed him. Her words had pierced through all the layers, right into his soul. He was supposed to be the one to bring them back on track, ensure they moved forward. Instead, Sierra had taken on that responsibility. Ever since she had arrived in Savannah, he felt it his duty to protect her from others and even from her own ineptness. But maybe it wasn’t a one-way street. Maybe he wasn’t the only one meant to take care of her. Maybe, just maybe she could be the one to help him heal and move forward.
“Gavin?” She tilted her head up, and her voice caressed across his chin, sending shivers down his body.
“Yes?”
“We’re stronger together. We need to work together. But I can only do that if you respect my opinion. I need to decide what’s best for me, not you.”
“I know. I handled London terribly. I’m sorry.” His eyes were fixated on her lips. He knew he should take a step back, release her, but couldn’t.
She leaned in closer, her lips an inch apart from his. “I need to know I can trust you, Gavin. No more lies. No more secrets. I need you to treat me like an equal, not like a child.”
He could’ve told her that, from the first moment he met her, he had never considered her a child. That the reason for his distance was his fear of his desire for her. Instead, he showed her. His lips fell upon hers. Gavin paused, waiting, giving her the opportunity to push him back, to end this. Her mouth opened.
Soft at first, the kiss soon grew passionate, demanding. Everything melted into the background. He didn’t care that they were in a public place. He just wanted her. Even if this couldn’t last, even if he didn’t do relationships, he needed this moment of bliss.
But was that how Sierra would view it? What if she wanted more? Gavin tore his lips away from hers and took a step back. “I’m sorry. I was out of line.” Unable to hold her emerald gaze, he looked past her, through the window, where a scowling Maxim stood.
Chapter 29
A vein in Gavin’s temple twitched, and his lips thinned. Sierra could practically hear the silent curses passing through his mind. She turned her head to see what had transformed his apologetic expression into indignation and found Maxim outside the window. He shook his head at her and left in a hurry.
Sierra’s head spun, her knees felt like they were about to give out. Maxim had seen everything. After she had gone to his home the previous night and fled abruptly, he had caught her kissing Gavin.
Guilt and shame clouded her vision. What was wrong with her? Without a glance at Gavin, she dashed into the bathroom. She scooped ice-cold water into her palms and flung it at her hot face.
Maxim must think her insane and promiscuous.
Hell, she thought herself insane. How could she freak out on a sweet guy like Maxim and then kiss Gavin the next day?
Where had it all gone wrong? Her brain refused to process Gavin’s apology for kissing her. Too humiliating. Instead, she backpedaled to the previous night.
She had been fine until she had arrived at Maxim’s home. Maybe his clean and sterilized house with the feminine touch had unhinged her. Yeah, right. Trying to blame Maxim’s tidiness on her out-of-control behavior? She had officially gone beyond ridiculous and into certifiable territory.
Her throat constricted. She needed to move, to do something before she vanished in the quicksand of self-pity.
She flung the door open and hastened to grab her bag from the table, careful not to look anywhere near Gavin. “I have to go. I’ll be late for my shift at Veneficia.”
“I’ll walk you there,” Gavin said.
Fantastic. They were back to him being her protector and she being the damsel in distress. A part of Sierra wanted to confront him about acting as if nothing had changed, when everything just had. However, the bigger part of her wanted to bolt and forget everything.
The five-minute walk felt like twenty minutes. The silence hung heavy between them, clogging her pores, tautening her skin until she ached all over.
“I’ll be in my office if you need me,” he said as they reached Veneficia.
“I won’t,” she snapped back.
“Sierra...”
Her name felt like an endearment coming from his lips. How could a person be so gentle one minute and cruel the next?
“Don’t.” She held her palm up. “You’ve said enough. I’m done listening to you.”
He shoved his hand through his sandy hair, something he always did when he was stressed. Her molars gnashed into each other. She hated this. Hated how well she knew his body language, how well she could anticipate his next move.
Her hand was on the door handle when she heard the scream coming from the back alley. High pitched. Female. “No, I don’t want to. Let go off me!”
Gavin broke into a run, and Sier
ra darted after him. Her chest clenched. The killer was back. He was about to strike again. Only when she rounded the corner did she recognize the scene for what it was. A balding, short, and stubby man staggered around, clutching the wrist of a female with lurid makeup and platinum hair drier than straw. Both were intoxicated.
“Is there a problem here?” Gavin stepped closer.
“Mind your own business,” the stranger snarled, while the female scratched her neck.
“Let me get you a taxi,” Gavin said. The female mumbled something incomprehensible.
Gavin walked to the corner where the alley met the main street and hailed down a taxi. He gave the driver two twenty-dollar bills and helped the woman in. The drunken man tried to join her, but Gavin grabbed him by his collar. “Leave her alone. If I ever see you harassing another woman, I won’t be as lenient.”
“Whatever. Asshole.” The drunk careened away.
“Don’t you ever dare to show up at Veneficia again!”
The man made a vulgar gesture as he retreated. Gavin turned around, and for a second, Sierra had the impulse to say something nice to him, praise him, and then she remembered the kiss and his apology.
She hurried through the door and practically ran into Jillian.
“Is Gavin with you?” Jillian’s pupils were dilated, and the artery in her neck distended. She exhaled when she noticed Gavin behind Sierra. “I had another vision. We need to leave now!”
Gavin’s instincts had been spot on. The Ohio contacts didn’t come through before Joanna Kovac’s son struck again. “Where?”
“Campus,” Jillian replied.
To Sierra, Gavin said, “We got this. Stay safe. Don’t leave alone. Go with Whitney. If something seems strange, call Gio.” Sierra nodded. Gavin wanted to add something, do something, yet the coldness in her eyes stopped him. The sooner he locked away the memory of their shared kiss, the better.
Fluidus Rising: A YA Paranormal Novel: (The Ardere Series Book1) Page 18