I was smiling from ear to ear. Who fucking knew he had it in him? “Don’t be stupid. She ain’t gonna think that. She knows that Addie is your number one. Even if you went off the deep end and married her, you wouldn’t let her just adopt Addie because of it or vis versa. Just stop being a pussy and get this shit going.”
He threw a stapler at me. Who the fuck still used those anyway? “Fuck you. Get the fuck out of my office now.” He grumbled.
I got up, and just as I was halfway out the door, I said, “pussy whipped mother fucker.” Over my shoulder and barely dodged whatever the hell he threw at me.
I made my way back to my room. That chat with Psycho definitely put me in a better mood. No matter how jealous I was of what he found, I would never hate on my man. I was fucking happy for his ass. He deserved it. Anyone like us who gets a shit hand in life deserves happiness eventually. We might not all get it, but you gotta be happy for the few fucks who do. Says there’s hope or some shit. Holy fucking hell, I was turning into a bitch.
I found Danny reading back in our room. He was sitting in a chair in the corner with his feet propped up. I looked around the room and frowned. I mean, this was ok digs, but it was starting to make me itch. Seeing Sia’s place a while ago reminded me that I didn’t want to live in the club forever. There was a time that I knew that I wanted to have my own spot, but somewhere I lost that. I just got comfortable, and some shit eluded me. I ain’t gonna leave the club, these are my fucking brothers and family… but I need my own shit too.
The thing about me? I don’t overthink things or worry about them. I make a decision and act on it. Life is too short. Shit. The club can be infiltrated tomorrow, and I take a bullet to the heart. Just as easy, I can be crossing the street and get hit by a fucking truck. Any life you live is always dangerous so you gotta make the most out of it.
“Tomorrow, we’re going to look for a place,” I announced.
Danny’s head snapped up, startled. “What?” he asked confused.
“Tomorrow… You… me… place… looking. I ain’t stutter.”
He frowned. “Why?” he asked.
I gestured to the room. “We’re two grown ass men. We could use more space, and the club isn’t exactly for living. It’s alright to crash now and then, but I should have my own space. I ain’t leaving you here, so we need to find something we like.”
He held his hands up. “Woah. Ok. I was alright staying here with you just for that reason… but moving together? That’s a lot. I’m working now, so eventually, I’ll be able to get my own place and on my feet. I’m not going to find a place with you like its permanent. I need to save for my own home, I won’t be able to do that and pay half of everything.”
All I heard was bullshit, and I didn’t really care about it. It was happening, and he ain’t have to stay forever… but until he could be on his own he’d be staying with me. “Alright,” I said to placate him because we were doing this either way. Maybe I told a white lie before when I said that I wouldn’t make him do anything. This I would if I had to.
He sighed. “That wasn’t convincing Tank.”
I raised an eyebrow. “What? I said alright.”
“Yes… you did. But that was one of those ones you give when you want the conversation to be over, but you don’t really mean it.” He said accusingly.
He wasn’t wrong. “So?”
He shook his head. “I’m going to have to go, aren’t I?” he asked.
I shrugged. “pretty much. Look at it as you’re just tagging along with me to help me find something. Besides, I ain’t looking for your money, I’ve got my own.” And I did… a few million to be exact. I didn’t have shit to spend my money on so all it does is accumulate. “Does that help?” I asked.
His eyes narrowed, and he shook his head. His lips twitched, and I could tell he was trying to contain a smile. “A little but not really. Fine Tank. I will help you find somewhere to live but I ain’t going with you.”
I chuckled and shook my head instead of responding. If that’s what he wanted to think then who was I to crush his dreams. Reality would kick him in the ass when the time came, and he was going to come willingly because it made fucking sense. Besides, he and I both know he ain’t gonna want to stay here by himself with all the people he’s close to gone.
Chapter 5
Danny
Tank was absolutely crazy. Out of his damn mind. The past month has been hectic for me. I guess it wasn’t much compared to normal people… but I was far from normal. I’d been going to work every day, and I loved every minute of it. I never thought I would be able to do what I loved full time and get paid for it. It was amazing, and they now trust me to move on my own. I’d even been able to garner a compliment from Mark who literally… never spoke. I had to pick up on his movements and calls to know what it is he needed or wanted. At first, it was weird, but after I got the hang of it, it just seemed natural. Other than that, Tank has been on a mission, and we’ve seen maybe 500 places. It was finally yesterday that he found the place of his dreams it seems.
Alright so fine, shoot me… it was more the place of my dreams. Tank was a minimalist. He had taste, that was for sure, but he wasn’t extremely picky. I, on the other hand, found faults in all the other places, and he took my opinion seriously, automatically niching the place. The realtor was highly frustrated, and I’m sure cursed me to death at the end of every day. When I said I loved the last place – which coincidentally was only 15 minutes away from Sia – he said he’d take it and got the payment out the same day. So … we were moving. Yes, I caved on that two days in. There was no way I was going to stay at the club alone. I would probably fall into a full-on depression.
So here we are. Place ready for us, and we would be getting packed up, and he wants to be moved out by the end of the week. It’s Wednesday, and I have yet to do anything. I was having reservations of course. What if he changed his mind? What if he kicked me out? At least when we were at the club, I felt comfortable with the knowledge that if he kicked me out of his room I could go to Psychos at least. That would be gone now. I mean, I don’t think he would… I’ve pissed him off a few times already, and he’s never hinted at it, but I can’t help but worry about things. Being stable isn’t something that I’ve ever been accustomed to.
“Move your ass, Dan, we need to get to the gym stat. I need my work out.” Tank fussed pulling me out of my thoughts.
I rolled my eyes. “I’m coming… I just need to find a shirt.”
I turned just as a shirt came flying at me and smacked me in the face. “There you go. Move it.”
I shook my head as I pulled the shirt on. “Bossy bastard,” I muttered under my breath. When I looked up at him after I had the shirt on he was looking at me, eyebrow cocked and hands on his hips. “What?” I asked.
He shook his head and opened the door to the room. Before he left, he said to me over his shoulder, “I heard that.” I snickered and followed him closing the door behind me. “and it ain’t funny.” Yes. It really was.
*****
Danny
We’d been in the gym for the last hour and a half. I was taking a break from my routine and was messing with the punching bag. Since I started coming to the gym, my strength has definitely increased. My stamina has also gotten better, and all my hard work is beginning to show. Between all the food that Tank stuffs into me and me working out daily, I’d enhanced my muscles and weight. Not that I was anywhere near as defined as a bunch of the MC guys, but I wasn’t small either.
“Danny boy.” I stilled the bag and turned to see Jagger walking up to me… I immediately tensed. He rubs me the wrong way and if I had to choose one person that put me on edge he would be at the top of my list.
“Jagger,” I said in greeting. I turned away from him because there was no way I’d be able to put a pleasant look on my face.
He smiled, but there was nothing nice about it. I was on alert, and I felt my palms get sweaty. It wasn’t like I was afraid of him o
r anything physically… but emotionally he struck me hard. “I saw you over here playing around with this here punching bag.”
I shrugged. “I was cooling off,” I replied as I scanned the room for a free machine and to make my escape, but he wasn’t having none of that.
“This here… is for a man. Go find some dolls to play with.” He said and burst out into a laugh.
I went to answer, but Trip beat me to it. “Fuck is your problem?” he asked, annoyance clear in his tone.
Jagger turned to him and rolled his eyes. “Don’t feel the need to get involved just because you work with him. What is it you guys call his kind?” he put a finger to his chin as though he had to think about it. “a twink.”
“Jag – “Trip began but was cut off.
Jagger turned his attention back to me. “Go on ahead sissy boy. Leave the real toys to the actual men.” He said waving his hands in a shooing motion.
My hands balled into fists. “what’s that supposed to mean?” I asked.
“You like dick… what real man doesn’t prefer some sweet, warm pussy?” he scoffed. “the fact that you’re proud of it is laughable.”
Trip scoffed. “What the fuck is wrong with fucking men?” he asked.
Jagger turned to him amused. “We all know you double dip… but it’s different. You put your dick in any hole you can find. You still appreciate women Trip.”
Trip frowned but didn’t respond. “Jagger.” I knew that voice from anywhere, but the tone that was used wasn’t anything I heard before. The coldness in it would make the north pole shiver, and there was a menace in it that not even Acid could conjure.
“Tank. Here to help out your pet project?” Jagger taunted, and I immediately knew that was the wrong move. When Tank is mad, I may still push his buttons. When he’s pissed, I leave him alone. Livid? I keep my distance. This? Was something all on its own. Something that I wasn’t familiar with and had even me nervous. I saw the same expression on some of the guys who were now watching with rapt attention.
“Jagger, fucking leave.” He said in warning. “You’re out of fucking line right now, and I’m going to talk to you about this later.”
He scoffed. “You ain’t the fucking Prez. You are the V Fucking P. I ain’t gotta do what you say as long as he’s still in commission. What you pissed about? Cause I called the little girl over there what she is?”
Tank took a step forward and came to stand in front of me. I put a hand on his shoulder, and I could feel the tension pulsing through him like a fucking snake. He was about to spring, and this wasn’t his fight… it was mine. “Tank, I’ve got this. I can handle myself.”
He didn’t acknowledge me and instead kept his focus intently on Jagger. He was shirtless and sweaty and had his hands wrapped up. He likes to wrestle and mess with the bags hard like he’s combat fighting. His body was hot, and his breathing was heavy and labored. “And when I fuck you up what are you going to do huh? Go run to Psycho fucking crying about how I kicked your ass, you punk ass bitch. Stop trying to be a fucking bully Jagger because I’m the wrong mother fucker to try it with. You fuck with Danny then we’re going to have real fucking problems. Get the fuck out of his ass unless you want in it. Is that your problem huh you pussy? You want him and know you can’t have him?”
Jagger took a deep gulp and looked around the room seeing everyone now was zeroed in on the scene unfolding. I had a feeling that he knew not to mess with Tank, but then again pride can make the smartest man stupid. I gripped Tank’s arm for his attention, and it finally worked. He turned around to face me, and I leaned into him, so he was the only person that would hear me. “I appreciate what you’re doing, but I can handle myself. I don’t need you to do this. I was doing okay by myself.” I explained. He had no idea what it was he was doing to me at this moment.
He didn’t respond and turned back around to Jagger just as he began to speak again. “Fuck no! I’m a fucking man Tank so fuck you! What the fuck are you doing defending this fucking fairy anyway? More happening behind closed doors than you’re leading on?” he asked.
I felt my anger hit an all-time high, but that took a backseat to my mind comprehending the scene that was playing out in front of my face. Tank lunged and punched Jagger in the mouth. I heard the crack when his hand made contact with his jaw, and he stumbled back two steps as his arms flailed and he started to go down but fell into an elliptical machine. Tank was on him, following him ready. He delivered another punch to his gut which took him to his knees. I knew he was toying with him, he didn’t put full force to those hits. He didn’t even retract his arm. Then… it happened.
“Your brother over that fucking queer?” he asked him as he spit a mouthful of blood onto the floor.
He grabbed Jagger by his throat and with his free hand – the strong arm – he pulled back his fist as far as it would go and launched it off into Jagger. He collapsed like a lump of bricks in his hand, and he dropped him like dead weight. He spun around and sauntered to me like what I would imagine an avenging angel would – although at this point he was far from it for me – and led me out of the room and all the way back to our room.
As soon as he released me from his iron grip, it was on. “What the fuck do you think you were doing?” I asked him.
I could tell he was still over the edge from the gym, but I wasn’t backing down from this. “The fuck you talking about?” he asked.
“You heard me! What were you doing?” I pressed.
“Doing? I figured it was pretty fucking straightforward… I fucking did it!” Tank replied angrily.
“Why would you do that?” I asked him.
He crossed his arms. “Do what? Help you? Is this what you call a fucking thank you?” he asked me sarcastically. “‘cause I’ll tell you that you sure as fuck suck at it.”
“help me? Is that what you call that because it sure didn’t seem like it to me. Weren’t you the one spouting all this shit about standing up for myself and not being a pushover?” I challenged him.
He scoffed. “Is that what you called standing up for yourself? You looked like a dog with his tail between his legs. You were scared shitless, and he smelled it on you from a mile away. What exactly did you plan on doing?”
I was getting more and more pissed by the second. Every word from him seemed even more condescending to me than the last. “Doesn’t matter what I was going to do… I don’t need you jumping in like my savior for everything. I’m a man, and I can take care of myself.”
He shook his head and sighed. “You obviously can’t. If that were the case, I wouldn’t need to act like your savior every time. If you acted more like the man, you insist you are instead of the scared little boy inside then this wouldn’t be an issue.”
I don’t know what happened. It could have been that the situation just hit me full force and the anger that I had for Jagger suddenly rose to the surface. It could have been the years being forced to do things I didn’t want to by Acid and his crew. Hell, it could be my whole life finally catching up to me. He didn’t know me, what I’ve been through. All he has is an idea of life with Acid. Did he know that I was never a fucking boy? I never had a childhood. When I was a kid, I was playing the daddy role to my brothers and sisters. Before I was able to work, I was helping with homework, feeding them, cleaning them. Fuck him and what he thought about me.
“You think you fucking know me, but you don’t. Stop thinking you know more about what’s good for me than I do. I can take care of my fucking self… always have and always will. From now on, don’t worry about me. This is just – “
I was cut off by the sound of his phone ringing. He pulled it out and checked the caller ID before looking back at me. He seemed both annoyed and over the whole thing. “I need to take this. I’ll go and let you calm the fuck down and think about this shit.”
He started to walk off, but I wasn’t done. He always walked away whenever we didn’t agree, and this was something I wasn’t taking lightly. Not to mention I have neve
r been more pissed in my entire life. It was like all the times I wish I could say or do something sat at the tip of my tongue and I was more than ready to get it out once and for all. I walked up to him and slapped the phone out of his hand.
He spun around quickly to face me, and I could practically see the steam coming out of his ears. “I don’t know what the fuck is going on with you right now, but don’t fucking try me.”
I should heed his warning. I really should, but there is no common sense left in me right now. “Or what Tank? Are you going to punch me too? If that’s the case, then fucking do it and get it over with.”
He flinched but didn’t back down. I guess he was just as mad as I was. “is that what you want Dan? For me to hit you? Is that how they conditioned you?” he asked snidely.
I lost it. On its own accord, my fist flew back and landed right on his cheek with as much power I could muster. His head whipped to the side a bit and very, very slowly came back to face me. “You hit me.” He whispered. Not a question.
I looked at my hand that was still hovering in the air and slowly lowered it. “Don’t fucking pretend like you know what I went through. Don’t underestimate what happened to me.”
“You fucking hit me.” Was all Tank said in response.
My eyes narrowed, and I felt the urge rise again. “That’s all you could focus on? Is that what gets your attention?”
I went for another swing, but he was ready this time. He grabbed my hands and moving faster than I could take in, had me plastered against the wall with both of my arms pinned above my head. I began to struggle against him because I wanted this fight… God, I needed it.
“stop.” Tank commanded, but I didn’t.
I continued to fight and squirm against him although I knew it was futile. He was a lot stronger and bigger than I was, but I was so sick and tired of being controlled. “Danny quit it.” He commanded.
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