But knowing it didn’t make it feel any better.
It felt like the sickest of all ironies. He couldn’t count how many times he’d lain in this bed, hoping the girl beside him would disappear in the middle of the night, so he wouldn’t have to deal with the awkward morning-after dance. Now he knew how they all felt.
Of course, most of the time he’d wanted to kick those girls out of his bed so he could hang out with Jasper and Riley. He’d compartmentalized his life before. He’d had Jasper and Riley for companionship, and his dates had been for sex. It had never crossed his mind he could have both at once. Not until last night, when he’d found everything he wanted in one smart-mouthed sassy package. And now that he had it all, no way he’d settle for less.
Now Jasper was right beside him, and Riley should be, too. Her soft body sandwiched between them. Instead of wherever the hell she was.
“It’s not your fault. Riley always runs away from her problems.”
Logan let out a deep sigh. “At least the ones she can’t pretend don’t exist.” He might love Riley, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t see her flaws.
“That’s what she’ll do to us when we find her.” Jasper slammed his hand into his pillow, adjusting it with more force than necessary. “Pretend all this didn’t happen.”
A feat Logan found almost impossible. Last night had been the best night of his damn life. He couldn’t forget it, even if he wanted to. Which he definitely didn’t. He wouldn’t let her brush it under the rug. If she didn’t want to be with them, he could accept that. Though he planned on doing everything in his power to convince her otherwise. But she was sure as hell telling him so to his face.
“Well, we won’t let her.” When silence only met him from the other side of the bed, his stomach dropped. “We are going after her, aren’t we?”
“Sure as shit we are,” Jasper all but growled beside him, loosening some of Logan’s tangled nerves. He would have hated to fight with his best friend on that. But he would have. He’d do anything for Riley. “No woman is allowed to give me the best night of my life and then leave without a trace.”
Logan nodded beside his best friend. “Damn right.” Logan threw back the blankets, jumping from the bed, not caring that he was buck-ass naked. Jasper had seen his fill last night, and if he didn’t he would soon enough. No reason to be shy now.
“Hey, chill, man. Where the heck do you think you’re going like that?” Jasper motioned with his eyes to where Logan’s hard cock pointed out.
Logan only smiled. The answer seemed pretty obvious. “I’m going to get our girl.”
“Hey, slow down. We can’t just run after her half-cocked.”
Logan chuckled. “Hey, buddy, there’s nothing half about my cock.” He’d been told by more than one woman how endowed he was. It was a genetic lottery, but there was nothing wrong with enjoying his winnings.
Jasper only rolled his eyes. “We have to go about this the right way. She’s like a scared mare right now. And if you push her too much, she’ll only run farther away, and the stallion—”
“Never gets to mate.” His cock flagged a bit at the idea. It wasn’t an option he planned to entertain.
Jasper rose an eyebrow, but didn’t correct Logan. It might be crude, but it was the truth. They both knew it. “If we come at her all hot and upset, she’ll just run away faster.”
Logan sunk onto the bed, his excitement deflating. Cool, slow, calm. None of these were words anyone would use to describe him, but for Riley he’d find a way to be what she needed. He’d even take advice from Jasper on how to get their girl. “What do you suggest?”
“I say we get some breakfast and give her a few hours to cool off. Then we find her and force her to deal with us, even if we have to drag her back here kicking and screaming.”
Logan nodded. He could wait, if it meant he’d have Riley. He’d walk across the frozen field outside in bare feet for her. He could certainly wait a little while if it made her feel more comfortable.
“Sounds good to me.” Especially the last part.
Chapter Seven
“Good morning, Papa.” Riley turned from the eggs she stirred on the stove at the sound of her father’s wheels rolling across the kitchen floor. The floors creaked beneath the weight of his chair.
“Good morning, darling.” Her father smiled up at her, negotiating his wheelchair to the kitchen table for breakfast. Less than a year out from the tractor accident, she hardly noticed his wheelchair anymore. Nothing felt abnormal about their situation now. Almost as if the time before the accident had never happened. When her father had first been hurt, she hadn’t known how he would survive. Paul Willis was a man’s man. A demanding boss. An active rancher. A commanding presence to anyone around him. How could he be that same man confined to a chair? But he was.
Maybe the same could be true for her and Logan and Jasper. Everything felt so impossible today, but maybe one day, the way she felt last night would only be a distant, pleasant memory.
“Hope scrambled eggs are okay for breakfast?” She redirected her attention to stirring the eggs before her, instead of the more complicated emotions that continued to try and intrude into her mind.
“Of course. But you didn’t have to make breakfast this morning. I know you were busy last night.”
Riley shrugged her shoulders. After everything that happened last night, it was nice to do something everyday. No matter what else changed, her father still needed her. Nothing could change that. Just like nothing had changed on the ranch. More than ever before, she needed that stability.
“I don’t mind.” She carried the hot skillet over to the table, scooping a large helping onto her father’s plate. “We have to eat.” Though her appetite seemed decidedly absent. She must have left it back at Logan and Jasper’s, along with a few more crucial parts of herself. And her underwear. She hadn’t been able to find those in the early morning light.
“You look tired.”
Walking to the sink, she focused on rinsing the last remains of eggs from the frying pan, and not her father’s concern. Of course she was tired. She’d spent all damn night screwing her two best friends like a rabbit in heat. Not that she could say that to him. “I stayed a bit later at the ball than I should have.” And then had explosive sex with my best friends that probably ruined everything.
Reasonably satisfied the frying pan was clean, or at least that she’d used the dish to avoid her father’s questions for as long as she could, she left it in the sink and walked to the table for her own breakfast. She sank into the seat across from her father, trying to ignore the heat of his stare.
“It’s not just that, is it?” Her father’s voice was quizzical, his eyes interested in a way that had her gut clenching. He had more than enough to deal with without having to worry about her, too. Ever since her mother left, he’d been there for her in every way he could. Never showing any concern for himself and his own sadness when he had a little girl to console. It was her turn to take care of him now. Her turn to help him, support him, and not give him a reason to worry about her when he had his own issues to deal with.
“It’s been a little busy around here lately. Nothing I can’t handle.” And handle it she could. Ranch hands damaging the property, rams running away, horses getting sick, it was all part of running a ranch. She’d get used to doing it all alone eventually. It would just take time.
Her father took a gulp of his coffee. “I worry about you, baby girl.” Like a dog with a bone, in true Willis family fashion, he refused to be deterred.
Riley grabbed her father’s hand, squeezing it tight. “There’s nothing to worry about. The ranch is doing fine.”
Her father shook his head. “I’m not worried about the ranch. I’m worried about you.”
“I’m fine. We’re making it work.”
Her father shook his head mournfully. “I didn’t want you to just make it work. I didn’t bust my butt for years so my daughter could make it work.” His blue pie
rcing eyes staked her to the seat. His tone was as close to a disapproving father as she’d heard since he’d caught her sneaking in the house after she and Jasper and Logan had snuck a few of Jasper’s father’s beers.
“I want you to thrive, baby girl. I want you to soar. I want you to have all you’ve ever wanted in life.”
“I do.” As much as she tried to convince him it was true, the gnawing worry took root in her stomach that her father might be right.
“I don’t think that’s true.” He let out a long, low breath as he clasped her hands between both his large palms. “Don’t you want someone to love? A family of your own?”
Riley had never been that type of girl. The ones who put a pillowcase on their heads and pretended to marry prince charming, who dreamed of a big wedding and poufy dress. She’d always preferred being in the fields with the sheep. With her father. On her land. That’s where she felt most at home.
But then again, she’d never been the type of girl to dress up in fancy dresses and high heels to attend a dance, and she’d done that last night. Even she couldn’t deny the change had been frightening, and unbelievably amazing.
“I have the ranch. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.” And she really did believe that. Or at least she had. The rest would come in time. She just hadn’t been presented with the opportunity yet.
But that wasn’t entirely true. Hadn’t an opportunity presented itself last night, and her first thought had been to run? As fast and as far away as possible?
“Have you ever thought of being anywhere else?”
Riley bit her lip to keep from screaming of course not. This was her home. Her land. It had been in her family for generations. It was where she was meant to be. Her father had taught her that. He’d been telling her so her whole life. Was he going back on all that now?
“If your mother had stayed, you would have had choices.” Her father gritted his teeth at the mention of her mother. She’d walked on them over twenty years ago, yet still the mere thought of her made him so angry he almost spit. “Maybe if I’d gotten remarried and had more kids to help take care of the ranch, you wouldn’t feel you had to take this all on yourself.”
“None of this is your fault, Dad.” It was her mother who left, after she’d found out marrying a Willis didn’t mean a life of privilege but of backbreaking labor. Her family was powerful and rich—at least by Frostbite Falls standards—but it took work to maintain all they had. Work that Riley had never shied away from.
He only shook his head, the mournful look taking up residence in his eyes. “I don’t know about that, darling. She might have left, but I wasn’t blameless either. We were both young and foolish. I made as many mistakes as she did.”
He’d never mentioned their early marriage before. When she was younger she’d asked him a million questions about that time, about her mother, trying to understand in her little kid way what happened between them. But her father had only offered her banal platitudes and gruff retorts. After a while, she’d stopped asking, deciding the past was better left where it was.
Not that the past was ever completely in the past. It just existed for her in a different way. She didn’t miss someone. She’d been too little to remember anything specific about the woman who gave birth to her, having skipped out on them before Riley had turned three.
What she missed were the opportunities. All the things a mother might have done. How she might have encouraged her to wear her hair. The advice she would have given Riley about boys. Would she have been appalled or thrilled by the idea of her daughter sleeping with Jasper and Logan? She’d never know.
But most of all, she’d missed having a female figure she could look up to. The woman her mother had turned out to be wasn’t worthy of devotion. If she hadn’t been happy with her father, she could have left him. But she didn’t have to leave Riley, too. She didn’t deserve to be abandoned.
“I know she left us, but what I did might have been worse. I should have worked harder to give you some balance in your life. More fun, less work. More childhood, less responsibility.”
“Dad, no one could blame you for what you did. I certainly don’t.”
Like any man left alone with a little girl to raise, he’d done the best he could. He’d spent time with her, shown her what mattered to him. For her father that was the ranch, the sheep, and their land.
Her mother was selfish. Her father raised her to be the opposite. Dependable, sturdy, loyal, as opposed to flighty, greedy, and vain. Yet wasn’t that exactly what she’d done this morning? She’d run out on her best friends without a word. Without a note. Without a thought to how it would make them feel. Only concerned with her own fears.
No, that was different. She’d left for their benefit. She’d left so they could find a way to be friends again. Her mother had left for her own needs, not anyone else’s.
“I had a very happy childhood.” She’d enjoyed every minute of being out on the ranch with the guys, working with the sheep. Maybe it had been a little untraditional, but she wouldn’t change it for anything.
“I could have tried harder. Forced you to be a little girl. Instead of a ranch hand.”
Riley smiled at her father. “You could have. And I probably would have been miserable. This land is in my blood, Papa. Just like it’s in yours, and in Grandpa Thaddeus. Everything probably would have turned out the same either way.”
Sure, this ranch had been handed to her from birth, but that didn’t mean she hadn’t chosen it, as well. Or that she’d change her life if given the chance.
Her father nodded, pushing his shoulders up an inch, taking on the stance of her commanding father again. “Just think about what I said. Think about what you want. Whatever it is, we’ll make it happen, okay? I don’t want you to ever look back and wonder.”
The way his lips twitched as he spoke told the whole story. Whether the conversation was for her benefit or his, she couldn’t be sure. It was clear he had his own regrets. Whether they were about her mother, or his own inability to search out more beyond the ranch, she didn’t ask. A man was entitled to his secrets. If he didn’t want to offer, she wouldn’t pry.
She nodded. “I will, Dad.” She gave his hand another quick squeeze before turning back to her now cold eggs. She chewed her food as a whole new crop of fears sprouted in the back of her mind, refusing to give her peace. Asking over and over, what did she want? Was it Jasper and Logan? Would walking out this morning be her big regret?
God, she hoped not.
Chapter Eight
“We missed you this morning.”
Riley froze, holding her pitchfork in midair, at the sound of Jasper’s deep rasping words. His husky voice sent shivers down her spine that had nothing to do with the freezing temperature in the barn. She hated how her body responded to him, and even more she hated how much she wanted to run into his arms. She’d always depended on Logan and Jasper so much. For comfort, support, understand. They were her everything. Her family, just as much as her father was. Which had never been clearer to her than it was now. Now that she needed someone, and she couldn’t turn to them.
The pound of another set of feet alerted her he hadn’t walked into the barn alone. Not that she was surprised. Of course they’d come here together. The three of them were rarely apart, even before last night.
Logan shut the barn door behind them, enclosing all three of them in the small dimly lit space. They stood before her, their arms folded over their chests. Their twin angry stares threatened to burn right through her. And she deserved it. She deserved their anger, she deserved their rage, and far more they hadn’t considered yet.
She only hoped they’d eventually understand she’d done it for all of them. If they had any chance of making it back to being just friends, they needed to end this affair—or whatever it was—as soon as possible. It would be weird for a little while, but they’d get over it eventually. And then, someday it would be like before. At least she hoped. Right now, hope was all she had.
“We didn’t have an awkward morning planned for you, sweet girl.” Logan deep sexy drawl had places deep inside of her tingling. Places that shouldn’t be tingling when talking to her best friend. “We’d planned to wake you up by licking that juicy cunt of yours, then after you’d screamed our names several times, we’d both fuck you silly. We even planned to cook breakfast. We don’t pull out the bacon for just any girl.”
Unable to stop herself, she glanced over her shoulder at Logan. His words were so tantalizing, she wanted so desperately to believe them she could taste it. But she knew better. Logan had a silver tongue, especially with women. He knew what to say. It didn’t mean he meant a word of it.
“You don’t have to pretend with me. I know what last night was.” She continued forking hay in Maisie’s pen, trying to ignore the way her body heated at his words. She refused to listen to her body again. She’d done that last night, and look where that had gotten her. Confused and estranged from her best friends.
“And what was it, sweetheart?” Hay crunched under Jasper’s feet as he stepped closer.
“I know it was a one-time thing.” Just because he couldn’t admit the truth didn’t mean she could live a lie. “We all got caught up with the party, and the fancy clothes, we forgot who we were for a second.”
“We never forgot who we were. Or who you were.” Logan was so earnest she wanted to believe him. It would be so easy to. But it wasn’t the truth, and in the end it would cause them all more pain.
“It’s fine.” Boy, she was saying that word a lot today. “I won’t hold it against you guys. I know I’m not the kind of girl you normally date.” Not pretty, stacked, or sexually experienced. She was none of what they wanted. And she never would be.
Golden Forever [Frostbite Falls Christmas 3] Page 8