That summer was the last time I had seen him. I barely ever came home from college. Since it was so expensive to fly, my parents usually let me get away with staying at school for breaks. I got a job, so I used that as an excuse as well. I never came home in the summer and stayed in New York once school was over.
I'd made sure never to run into him again, and I'd been doing a fine job of it. That was until my brother called to let me know he was getting married and that I was going to be in the wedding. There was no way possible for me to avoid him anymore. My brother was right, I'd messed up by never going home to see my family. I loved them, and I did miss them. It had been ten long years. Jackson had kept me from enough. There was no way I was going to let him keep me from my brother's wedding too. He'd probably forgotten about that night on the beach anyway. I'd let him run enough of my mind and my life those ten years. It was time to move on and stop running from everything. My life was different. I wasn't the same person anymore. That quiet, shy little girl they all knew was long gone. I was wild, crazy, loud, and extremely confident. I could do it, I thought. I would hold my head up high and show them I was just fine on my own.
I pulled my blanket tightly around me, wiped the tears from my eyes, shut my light off, and closed my eyes.
Chapter 3
Jackson
I hung up the phone and set it down on the desk. The call came in before I was even through the door at home. It seemed like I rarely got a minute to myself anymore. I sat back in my big leather chair and looked around my home office. My head fell back and I closed my eyes, as I reached up to loosen my tie. I was exhausted and hoping for a night of solid sleep. Those last few days had taken their toll on me. I had just closed a huge deal and was in the middle of making changes to some of my buildings.
I hadn't realized I had fallen asleep until I jumped from the sound of my phone ringing and let out a grunt as I picked it up. A smile spread across my face when I saw my best friend's name on the screen. It was a personal call, and for that I was relieved. It had been a while since we had talked. He was busy with his girlfriend, and I was always busy or out of town for work.
“Hey, Tim,” I said happily. “It's been too long.”
“You're right about that. The phone works both ways, brother. I would have taken the hour drive to see you but wasn't sure you'd even be home.”
“I'm actually here,” I said with a laugh. “How's everything going?”
“Very good,” he said.
There was a moment of silence. I knew he had something to say and wasn't sure what was holding him back. We'd been best friends since we were nine. Nothing ever stopped him from saying exactly what he felt.
“Spill it, man,” I said.
“I'm getting married,” he said.
I felt excited for him, but I also felt a bit bummed too. Everyone always thought I would be the one to settle down. That was only because I was a bit more popular in school. I was a bit of a player in school, not that it was something I was proud of. Tim was the one to carefully find a girl and then treat her right. I knew he would be the one to find love. It wouldn't be me. I didn't deserve it, and I never would. I was the one who went against the only person who actually knew me and didn't give a shit what sport I played or who I was. I was the one who deceived his best friend years ago.
“That's awesome,” I said. “I'm so happy for you. Renee is great. I don't know how she puts up with you.”
“You know I want you right there next to me, man. I know you're really busy and I'm asking a lot, but I need you there.”
“When's the wedding? I'll get my assistant to put it on my schedule now.”
“That's the part I wasn't looking forward to telling you, Jackson. It's in two weeks,” he said.
“What?” I said a little loud. “Two weeks, Tim. Why the hell are you getting married that fast? Is there something else to this? I don't know if I can do it.”
I opened my laptop and turned it on so I could get into the details of my schedule. How could I miss my best friend's wedding? He was like a brother to me. There was no way. I'd have to figure out something.
“There's nothing else to it,” he said. “I know we've only been dating for a year. That speech has already come from my little sister. When I proposed and Renee accepted, I knew I didn't want a long engagement.”
“You and that little sister shit. She's ten minutes younger than you. I didn't say a long engagement, Tim. You could have gone for two or three months. Give me a second to dig into my schedule.”
“It's going to be a very small wedding,” he said. “Only family and very close friends. Neither of us wants anything huge. Please tell me you'll be there.”
In a way it was a good thing he was doing it all in two weeks. I was pretty sure it would keep certain people from coming. As I moved around through my schedule, I fought my mind from going to that place. There was no way she was getting into my head. Not on a night I needed sleep more than anything else. My schedule actually wasn't that bad for that weekend. I was going to be in town. There were a couple of things I would need to cancel, but I could do it without pissing anyone off.
“It's a damn good thing I work for myself,” I said, and he let out a laugh. “Of course I'll be there. I couldn't miss my boy's wedding.”
I pulled an email up to my assistant while we talked. As I typed in the dates that she needed to clear, I thought about what all I needed. He let me know that the rehearsal would be the night before but that everything would be close to his mom and dad's house. There was no way I was staying at their house. If by some strange chance she showed up, I would not be sleeping under the same roof. Who was I kidding, I thought? She wasn't going to be there. It didn't matter. I wasn't staying there anyway. I hadn't done that in over ten years. There was no way I was driving the hour home and back again the following morning. I made sure to add in the email to my assistant Andrea that I wanted the penthouse suite of the hotel booked for two nights and gave her the name of the place. I also let Tim know that after the rehearsal dinner I was taking him out for the night. He laughed but agreed.
“We don't get to hang out much,” I said. “Now that you'll be married, I'm sure it'll be even less. We need one last night of fun before you sign it all away.”
“Shut up, man,” he said. “Not everyone feels that way about marriage. You just have to find the right woman.”
“Not going to happen,” I said. “That one got away.”
“What?” he asked. “What's been going on with you? I mean besides buying buildings, selling buildings, and renting things. Any new sexy women in your life?”
“There are always sexy women in my life, Tim. Just none that I'm interested in keeping around. You know that's not my thing. It never has been. I'll leave all that lovey, mushy shit to you.”
We talked for a few more minutes. I got an email back from Andrea saying she'd booked the room and would cancel the meetings and schedule them again in the morning. One thing I could say was that she did her job. As long as I could get beyond her looking me up and down every time I saw her, we'd be okay. It was one thing to be a player, but even I knew not to get involved with the women that worked for me.
“I'll see you in two weeks,” Tim said happily.
“I wouldn't miss it,” I said, as I hung up the phone, dropped it on my desk, and stood from my chair.
I'd lost my jacket on my way in earlier. So I took off my tie and undid the sleeves of my dress shirt. That was the worst part of work. I was never a fan of suits and ties. The shirt ended up with my tie before I walked to my fridge and grabbed an ice-cold beer. My pants went next. I pulled on a pair of shorts, grabbed a towel and my beer, and headed for the gym. That was one of benefits of having money. I could crank up the music and workout without having to hear anyone around me.
My mind was already fighting me, and I knew I'd have to work myself into exhaustion yet again. It was something I hadn't had to do in a few months. I used to do it all the time. That was just
how it was. I got the treadmill going and turned up the speed. The faster I ran, the more I thought.
It had been ten years since I'd seen her. Tina made sure to avoid me every chance she got. I'd only seen her a few times the summer after her graduation. She went away to college and never looked back. I knew she had been home a few times, but she made damn sure I never got anywhere near her. She never came home in the summer, and when school was over, she was gone for good. I knew she got a job teaching not far from the college she had gone to. Tim had mentioned it a few times. He didn't like the fact that he couldn't look after her. It tore him up that she'd never come home. Those two were the closest siblings I had ever known. Every single time he mentioned not seeing her, it tore at my heart. I couldn't help but feel I had something to do with it.
Who was I kidding, I thought? It probably had nothing to do with me. She'd given me shit every chance she could. I'd never forget her turning me down for that kiss at her thirteenth birthday. I really had wanted to kiss her, but when she shot me down, I made a joke of it. There was something about that girl that got to me. I was popular and had girls lining up to talk to me. Not Tiny. That was my nickname for her. She was so damn little when I'd met Tim. The first time I called her that, she was only seven. That little thing got in my face. She named me Jackie. It pissed me off. I wasn't a damn girl. Tiny used that nickname every chance she got. Even at their graduation/birthday party she used it. That night was the only time I'd ever heard her use my real name. I would have done anything to hear it say it again. That was a night I would never forget, and it probably meant nothing to her. It was a night that changed my life and made me feel horrible. She was usually so quiet and shy. I liked that about her. She wasn't in that moment. I'll never forget the word please coming from her sexy mouth. The way her lips reddened after I sucked them was etched in my mind. I would never forget the way her body looked, naked on the sand, as she waited for me.
I jumped off the treadmill and moved to the bag I had hanging from the ceiling. There was no way I was letting her get to me. I had too much I needed to concentrate on. There were some big things happening for me, and I needed to give my decisions all of my attention. I couldn't afford to let my mind slip. It would cost too many people way too much. My hand came up, and I punched that damn bag as hard as I could. Then the other came up to do the same. Right and then left, over and over.
There was no way she was coming to Tim's wedding, and I couldn't blame her. I'd fucked her and moved on like it meant nothing to me. Even if she didn't give a shit about me, I knew that couldn't have felt good. I'd been away from her for almost an entire year before that night. When her friend didn't know where she'd gone, I had to find her and make sure she was okay. I walked up to see her on her back with her eyes closed, and something stirred in me. It was something I'd fought constantly when I was around her. I sat down next to her and we talked more than we had talked in all of the years I had known her. Something came over me, and I couldn't fight it. In my mind, I knew I was supposed to, but I couldn't.
I had no idea she was a virgin. The moment I realized it, I thought about stopping. When she pulled me to her, I couldn't do it. I couldn't walk away from that moment. If I had known, I never would have gone anywhere near her. Not for one second did I think she hadn't been with a guy in that way. It still wouldn't have been right of me to do what I did. Tim had mentioned her going to prom and boys she had gone out with. I didn't want to hear that shit, but he needed to talk to someone so he wouldn't pummel their asses. As his best friend, I listened to each of the stories about who he wanted to beat to a pulp. I'd find myself wanting to beat some asses as well, but I never let him know that.
It was never easy to hear about the guys that wanted to be with her. I wanted it to be me, but I knew it never could be. I'd made her brother a promise that night of their thirteenth birthday party. It was the only thing he'd ever asked of me. Tim was never one to want or need things. He was always there for his friends and would have given them anything they needed. He'd only ever had one request. I was his best friend, and I couldn't even give him that one thing. He didn't deserve that. Neither did she. I'd felt horrible about it every single day since it happened. Maybe that's part of the reason I didn't reach out to Tim as much as I should have. Part of me wanted to confess what I had done, but I couldn't do it. I knew it would still crush him after all that time. It was a weak moment. It shouldn't have happened, and I made damn sure it didn't happen again. Not that she ever gave me the chance. She ran as fast and far as she could. I'd spent those last ten years thinking about it and wondering if she left because she wanted to or if it had something to do with that night. I never should have given into my feelings. She was off limits, and I knew it.
When I pulled my hands back from the bag, I saw the cuts and blood on my knuckles. It wasn't the first time it happened, and I was sure it wouldn't be the last. I had to get through two weeks. Then I'd go the wedding, she wouldn't show up, I'd go back home, and I'd throw myself even deeper into my work. That was what I told myself, as I stepped under that steaming, hot shower and let the water roll over my tense muscles. There was no way she was going to be there. Everything would be just fine.
Chapter 4
Tina
When I opened my eyes to the bright sun shining through the window, I knew that I'd slept longer than usual. It was definitely something I needed. My hands moved over my face as I yawned. I could feel the puffiness beneath my eyes and could have only imagined the mess my face had become after crying so much the night before.
I got out of bed, made a cup of coffee, and knew that I needed to take on the day. There was no way I was going to let myself get bummed out. It wasn't happening. That was all in the past. If I was going to take on the world I'd avoided for ten years, I knew I needed a strong person by my side. It had to be someone fun who could laugh and dance with me at the end of the long couple of days I knew I was in store for.
When I called Rachel, she wasn't about to leave town after meeting the hottest guy she'd ever known. She was going to be wrapped up in him for a long time. That was awesome. She deserved to be happy after what her ex put her through. I just hoped that Cliff was everything she'd always wanted and didn't end up hurting her. If he did, all the money he had wouldn't buy his way out of the ass kicking I would be giving him.
The next person to call was Jen. She could definitely cut loose with me. After apologizing a million times that she wouldn't be able to take a weekend off again so soon after Vegas, I hung up the phone feeling defeated.
Neither of my two closest girls could go with me, and I knew better than to do it alone. I needed a distraction while I was there but couldn't think of anyone else that would be willing to fly out of town for three days with me.
When I looked at the clock on my phone, I knew I had to get ready for work. I taught during the school year. It was something I really enjoyed. Those little ones were the most amazing and honest people in the world. Every day with them made me happy. I never knew what they were going to teach me or what new thing they would discover. Children were the greatest gifts. I also worked at a local restaurant in the evenings. It helped me keep busy and helped my bank account as well. During the summer I worked weekdays there as well. There was no reason for me to be home all day, and I enjoyed the people I worked with as well as the customers. That was where I was headed that day.
As I let the hot water from my shower run over my tired body, I thought about how much I'd changed over the years.
A lot had changed since high school. I wasn't that shy, quiet thing anymore. Nope, not me. I was the loudest and most outgoing in my group of friends. The quiet people were ignored. They were the ones the guys walked right by. I knew what it was like to be passed over for the flirty, loud girls. Jackson never knew I existed until that night. The next morning, he was gone. I wasn't memorable enough to stick around. That wasn't happening again. It felt absolutely horrible. The change came as soon as I crossed state lines tha
t summer after high school. I decided that I wasn't going to be the girl in college that I was in high school. A fresh start was coming my way, and I was going to take advantage of it. It wasn't easy at first, but without my brother hovering over to watch me, it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. I made friends quickly and was into the groove just a few weeks in. There was no way I was going to meet a man I liked and have them pass me by because I wasn't worth remembering. It sounded stupid, but at the time it felt right.
I studied my ass off. There was no way I'd lose my scholarship. If I did, that meant I would have to go home, and that wasn't an option. There were parties everywhere at school. It didn't take long before I'd met a few of the athletes and a few fraternity guys. There was never a boring, quit night on campus. I somehow managed to get good grades and have a social life. Believe me, I never put my life in danger or did anything too crazy. The drinking was kept to a minimum. It was just about fun and leading everyone to believe I was confident and awesome.
That worked for me all through college and even after. There were times it got tiring, but I never let it show. It worked when it came to guys. They didn't ignore me anymore. I'd gone out here and there and hooked up with my fair share of them, but it wasn't what I expected. The guys that paid attention to the outgoing me weren't the kind I would want to build any kind of life with. They just wanted to hook up and be on their way. It was fine for a long time, but one day, it just wasn't enough anymore.
I was still outgoing when I was at work or out with my friends, but when I went home, I let the real me out. Movies, popcorn, and my kindle were what I was about. I'd pull my hair up and throw on a pair of sweats. Music would keep me company, and I'd mess around on the internet. It felt good to be alone and not feel like I had to entertain everyone sometimes. I spent a lot of time working on things for my class. Baking was something else I really enjoyed. Of course I couldn't eat everything I made, but my neighbors were happy.
In Love with My Brother's Best Friend: Complete Box Set Page 3