by W. J. May
“Alexa!” The growl that spilled from between his lips made the fine hairs on my arms stand on end. “I don’t know. Why are you so insistent that I know who is doing this?”
I studied him long and hard before replying. He met my gaze, unflinching and bold. I couldn’t count how many times over the years we had stared at one another like that. Too many.
“I just get the feeling there’s something you’re not telling me. Why would anyone do this? Why not just kill you and get it over with, if they have it out for you so bad? Why go to the trouble of ruining your life first?”
“I’ve been asking myself that very same thing. I do not know,” he said between tightly clenched teeth. “But, I’d sure like to get my hands on them.”
I paced the length of the living room and then paused to examine some photos on the mantel. “If the killing continues, you’re going to end up in prison. Or dead.” Most of the pictures displayed a much younger, human Raoul with his family. He didn’t see them much anymore. He was pretty touchy on the subject.
I knew he was being less than honest about something, but I couldn’t place a finger on what. He may be telling the truth about his innocence in the murders, but I was sure I smelled a rat.
“How do you expect me to be of any help if you insist on keeping me in the dark?”
“Who said I need your help?” The look he gave me was so full of scorn that I had to do a double take.
“You’re kidding, right?” Staring at his childhood photos, I wondered briefly what had happened. Surely, he didn’t start out in life as such a prick. “Well, forgive me for running over here when you called. Fool me twice, I guess. Shame on me.”
He made a frustrated sound and rolled his eyes at me. “Don’t get all female and defensive on me, Alexa. I should be able to take care of myself.”
A laugh bubbled up and poured out of me before I could rein it in. So, this was about Raoul’s fragile ego. Well, I sure as hell was not about to help him stroke it.
“Alright then. When this killer finally makes its way to you, then I’ll assume you’ll handle it yourself. After all, Lord knows how well you handle everything else.”
My jibe didn’t go unnoticed. Raoul grabbed my arm and spun me around to face him. I almost dropped the small wolf statue that I’d been examining. “And, just what the hell is that supposed to mean?”
We both knew exactly what I meant: he’d ruined our relationship. When Raoul had first taken me into the pack, I’d been grateful for the support and guidance. But, when I’d spent more time in his bed as a playmate than anything else, my innocence died. I distrusted him on every level. True, he had stopped me from being assaulted and abused, but that debt was paid, as far as I was concerned. I had no reason to forgive him for making me a toy. Over the years, Raoul proved himself a misogynistic chauvinist.
I glared pointedly at the large hand that squeezed my arm. “Get your filthy paws off me.”
“I never let him hurt you.” The energy behind his words shot through me like a scorching flame, and I jerked my arm away. I contemplated asking him who he was really mad at here.
“No, you just scored from me willingly what he was going to simply take.” So much for asking questions. I’m a self-confessed sucker for an argument when I know, without a doubt, that I am right.
“What did you want me to do? Kill him?”
I blinked at him, dumbfounded. This was the man that dared to call himself an Alpha anything?
“Yes, Raoul. I was a teenager, for God’s sake. Yes, I wanted to see the bastard dead! I wanted you to make him beg for death. But, you proved that you’re full of empty threats and capable of nothing.”
“And what did you prove, Alexa? That you’re no more than a ruthless murderer, always ready to extinguish somebody’s flame?” He smiled as if he believed he had me there.
“I proved that I get things done, and that I’m not afraid to get my hands dirty when it means taking care of business.” I tsked and shook my head sadly at him. “Maybe you’re not cut out for this werewolf gig after all.”
“Oh, fuck off, Alexa.”
I rolled my eyes at his blatant immaturity. I honestly wasn’t sure why I bothered with him at all.
“And on that note, I’m going to keep this visit short and sweet before I overstay my welcome.”
If I didn’t leave now, I was going to explode. The fire inside me was nowhere near burning out, and his button pushing wasn’t helping. If he touched me again, I was going to pop. Something about his energy set me off, in a way that nobody else’s could. He left the bitter sting of betrayal in places that could never be wiped clean.
“You’re leaving?” For the first time since I arrived, he showed an actual interest in my presence.
“Well, I sure don’t want to get in the way when your soon-to-be murderer arrives to dispatch your egotistical ass to the dark side. But, if you cut me into your will, then I might come back to dispose of you properly when it’s over.” I resisted the smile that tugged at my lips.
“So that’s it then. Alright. I know you think I deserve as much.” Raoul actually paced the length of the room once, then twice. I ignored him, turning to the doorway for my shoes.
The atmosphere grew smothered from his sudden anxiety, and I fought to resist it. Freely exuded, loose energy can become an intoxicant, and lately, it didn’t take much to over stimulate my senses.
“It doesn’t matter what I think, Raoul. It’s a waste of our time to even have this conversation. Keep your secrets, but leave me out of it when they catch up to you.”
I pulled my car keys from my pocket, and nearly lost a twenty dollar bill in the process, the one he’d given me. I had been planning on spending it on lottery tickets, hoping to win the big one so I could rub it in his face.
I continued, “Look, it’s my pack duty to back you up, but if you don’t want my help, then my hands are tied.”
He seemed to weigh my words, scan them for sarcasm. Satisfied, he gave me a lecherous smile that I recognized with a sick feeling. This wasn’t about to get any better.
“You really want to help me?” His low chuckle gave the room an eerie quality. The tiny hairs on the back of my neck stood on end.
With my defenses raised, I tensed for what was coming. “Don’t waste your breath on my account. Please.”
He must have moved when I bent to slip my shoes on because he suddenly felt much closer than before. Against my will, my heart began to race as the air shifted around us.
“What has it been, Lex, three or four years since you’ve been in my bed?”
“Is that all? I haven’t kept track. It really doesn’t mean anything to me anymore.” I bit back all of the things that I wanted to say. I should have said nothing in the first place.
“Hey, you said you wanted to help. I’m simply refusing to beat around the bush. I’m not interested in rehashing the past either.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me. Getting laid is your biggest concern right now? You, sir, are a lost cause.”
“That’s not fair. I could be a dead man walking, and you expect me to avoid the greatest things in life while I’m still able to enjoy them? Not a chance.” He didn’t really believe his days were numbered. His arrogance wouldn’t allow it.
“Nice try. I hope you don’t think I’m hard up enough to take you up on that.”
His dark eyes narrowed, and the desire to leave was unbearable. I wished desperately for him to get out of my personal space.
“I don’t suppose you would be with a young thing like Shaz. I’ll bet he’s a real aim-to-please kind of guy.”
I made a sound somewhere between a snort and a laugh which earned me a dirty look. Of course, he would assume that Shaz and I were lovers. He wouldn’t be the first to think so, but he would be wrong. Still, I didn’t like being reminded of the awkward intimacy between me and Shaz. I hated the fear that I had now destroyed it for good.
“I don’t stick my nose in your many personal affairs. I’ll thank you to
stay the hell out of mine.”
“Fair enough.” With another step, he closed the remaining space between us. With a forward tilt of his head, his black hair fell like a silky curtain against my face. “How about we cut to the chase then?”
I fought to deny the resurgence of a memory, a time when I’d known the touch of that soft hair on my naked flesh. I was resisting the impulse to scream so intently that I expected my skull to burst into a million little pieces. I needed to calm down. Losing control wasn’t an option.
His breath was hot on my neck as he nuzzled my hair and breathed in my scent deeply. The soft tip of his tongue was wet against my skin as he licked the sensitive spot beneath my ear. A sigh escaped me, and I flashed back to another time and place. Though it was the same wolf in the same house, it was all wrong.
Raoul thought he could seduce me with the lusty power of the werewolf. Perhaps he could charm the pants off a human or even a new Were, but I’d been seduced by the ultimate vampire, and Raoul just couldn’t compare to that. At just the thought of Arys, Raoul’s touch ceased to hold any sway over me.
“That’s never going to happen.” I gently pushed him with both hands. He resisted and pressed me into the wall. “I’ve got issues you can’t even begin to understand. Trust me when I say, you don’t want to play with me anymore. Stick with Belle, she’s more your type.”
The negative energy of his sudden anger pushed against me, and a menacing temptation to play with him taunted me from the cooled depths of Arys’s magic. I wanted to manipulate him like the pathetic animal that he was, until I’d consumed all that he had to give: blood, anger, fear and sex. I just could suck him dry. The promise of pleasure encouraged the sadistic urge, and I licked my lips eagerly when he brought his face to mine.
I thought he was going to kiss me, so I was caught between relief and outrage when he bit my bottom lip instead. I tasted blood, which fuelled my sudden fury. The power flowed from me in a casual and effortless gesture that I’d seen Arys do many times. It had taken scarcely more than a thought to throw Raoul against the far wall.
I was pleased at the ease of wielding Arys’s power. From the sound that Raoul made against the wall, I’d thrown him harder than I’d intended. I could feel an icy wave shoot through me, and I shuddered as Arys’s power licked my insides.
I broke the energy that held Raoul, and he fell to his knees on the floor. He was speechless, a rarity for him. The weight of his wide, dark eyes bore into me. A series of emotions swam in his dark stare. His glare triggered my defenses, and I tensed. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but I never expected what came next.
“Get out.” Raoul got to his feet, unsteady.
“What?”
“You heard me. Take your secrets, your vampire powers, or whatever the hell that was, and get the fuck out. That certainly explains what you did to Shaz, you crazy bitch.”
“You know it’s not vampire powers. You’ve seen what I can do.” I was so full of shit, and we both knew it.
“You couldn’t do that before. And, certainly not without breaking a sweat. There’s the door.”
I stared uncertainly at him. I wasn’t sure if I should leave or not. I wanted to refuse and force him to listen to me. However, the heavy scent of fear oozed from Raoul’s large physique. He was afraid of me. The realization came as a shock. I had to turn away from his frozen black gaze. I’m not sure whose dignity I was trying to preserve, his or mine, but I wasted no time in getting out of there.
Though Raoul may not have known it, I was terrified too. I enjoyed it when Arys’s power surfaced within me, but at the same time, I wasn’t myself. Was living as a vampire always so Jekyll and Hyde?
Frustration rode me, and I drove half-blinded by anger. I didn’t know where I was going. I just drove.
When I came to a stop, I was parked outside of Shaz’s apartment building. I had instinctively run to seek solace from the only person that I felt I could. My finger froze, poised above the buzzer labeled 204. What was I doing here? Would he even want to see me? I thought about leaving, but I had nowhere to go with the burden inside me. I let my finger fall on the button.
I waited in stark silence. After a moment, I reached for the exit to the street, expecting no response. With a series of crackles, the intercom blared to life. Shaz’s voice sounded fuzzy and far away.
“It’s me,” I said uncertainly. A deafening buzz indicated that the security door was unlocked.
I waited for the elevator as I nervously rubbed my sweaty palms on my jeans. I can’t count how many times I arranged and then re-arranged my hair on the short ride to the second floor. My heart raced. I stepped into the hall, and the elevator doors slid shut behind me.
Deep breath.
He had cracked open the door in anticipation of my entrance. I worked hard to keep my footsteps even. My legs felt like jelly. As I grew near, I took in the overwhelming scents of coffee, fresh laundry, and Shaz. With a light knock, I went inside.
“Hey.” He looked up from where he stood loading the dishwasher. His smile was friendly, but I could see the reserve within it. “How are you?”
I closed the door behind me, kicked off my shoes, and left the false comfort of the entryway. My smile was forced, and I knew that he would see right through it.
“I’ve been better. You?”
I willed myself to hold it together as my throat grew tight. He knew me too well. Despite the awkwardness, something in his stance changed. His eyes softened, and he put down the plate he was holding.
I would not cry. I repeated the words in my head as if to will them to be true. A guilty little piece of me didn’t want his sympathy. I didn’t deserve it. His compassion would be my undoing.
He crossed the small space between us in a few strides. A finger under my chin drew my gaze to his, and I looked into his calm, sea green eyes. I hated myself for the concern etched in their depths.
“Tell me,” he spoke softly. He searched my eyes intently.
Between fighting the emotional outbursts that threatened, I told him everything: Raoul’s advance and how I had scared us both, the strangeness of the power exchange, and the vampire who’d wanted Arys dead. I caught a glimpse of satisfaction on Shaz’s face when I mentioned the hit job on Arys, but he hid it before I could be certain.
Before I saw it coming, Shaz pulled me into his arms. I expected his embrace to be stiff or distant, but instead, it was warm and inviting. The hand that gently stroked my hair was more possessive than I ever remembered it being.
“You are not Superwoman, Alexa,” he said at last. “Stop feeling like you have to take care of everyone. It’s not all within your control.”
He took my hand in his and led me into the living room. I sat down on the noisy leather couch while he produced a mug of hot coffee from the kitchen.
“Thank you.” I stared into the hot, creamy liquid. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be here. I have no right to show up here crying on your shoulder.”
“Of course you do. We’re pack. We’re friends.” He smiled, and his voice had dropped lower when he added, “You know I always wanted to be your other half.”
My heart twisted in my chest, and my next breath actually hurt. Unable to speak, I squeezed his hand and wished that he knew what he really meant to me, though it was still hard to come to terms with myself. Why must I make one hell of a mistake to realize what I should have already known?
“If I could take it back…” I choked on my words. “It would be you.”
“Stop punishing yourself. Self-loathing doesn’t look good on you, Lex. You’re a free woman, and I don’t have the right to make you feel like you did something wrong.”
“But, I did. And, I’m afraid that it cost me more than I even know.”
“Like what?” He edged closer, and I was lost in the clean, natural scent of him.
“You.”
Silence. The beat of my heart echoed in my ears. I longed to touch him, but I feared that he would pull away. Instead, I kep
t my hands to myself.
Time stopped.
For one magical moment, he kissed me with such fervor that I spilled my coffee on the beige carpet. I pulled him closer but allowed him to control the kiss. My head was a mass of confusion, but right then, it just felt so naturally perfect. I felt like I was learning a lesson in head versus heart. He nuzzled my throat and breathed in my scent. I melted against him.
“You know what I think?” He whispered after what felt like a long time. “I think you should tell Raoul that he’s on his own now. Don’t risk yourself for something he brought on himself.”
Shaz was ticked over Raoul’s unwelcome advances, which pleased me regardless of our situation.
“I don’t know what to do anymore.”
“There’s no sense trying to help him. For all we know, he really deserves what’s coming to him.”
“Maybe.” I nodded. Raoul certainly wasn’t the nicest guy. I could believe that someone would have a just grudge against him.
Since I continued to anguish, Shaz changed the subject. “Hey, why don’t we order pizza for lunch? We can hang out here and watch talk shows all day like we used to. Maybe play some video games?”
I smiled at the memory. We’d once spent an entire week like that. In the heart of a Canadian winter, the blizzards had kept traffic off the highways. Commuters were stuck at home that week, a weeklong snow day for Stony Plain.
“Sounds great. Chicken and mushroom with honey garlic wings?” I was surprisingly hungry at the mention of food. “And some pizza bread.”
The afternoon went by too fast for my liking. A couple episodes of Jerry Springer and a handful of court shows held our attention as we stuffed ourselves with pizza and wings. Shaz made another pot of coffee that we sipped, curled up together on the creaky couch. We laughed and giggled our way through a session of Guitar Hero. As I laughed with Shaz and pretended to be carefree, I felt rejuvenated.
After successfully beating him on battle mode for the third time in a row, I chortled, “In your face.”
He responded by grabbing me in a move faster than my eyes could follow. Our plastic guitar controllers went flying. I squealed as his fingers deftly found that one ticklish spot between my ribs. To escape, I threw myself to the floor, but he followed me down and pinned me beneath his weight.