by Rosie Orr
Ruth glared at him suspiciously.
‘You know that’s exactly what I thought, at first.’
‘And?’ She folded her arms. ‘I’m waiting, Jack.’
‘Very interesting concept – came up in a class discussion of the play’s relevance to today’s society.’ He laid the rubbery baby on the table, hoping she wouldn’t notice the three-day stubble some WAG had pencilled on its pink chin. ‘Sharon’s idea, actually.’ He allowed himself to savour a brief pause before going for the coup de grâce. ‘She suggested Oberon and Titania should have a love child.’
‘Oh, spare me!’ she said. ‘I don’t know, you’ll be telling me next they want all the fairies snorting coke. Really, Jack, I don’t understand why on earth you can’t stick to good old-fashioned –’
She was off, as he’d known she would be, on one of her favourite hobby horses. She was still at it an hour later, when he switched off his bedside lamp …
Anna was laughing. ‘Nearly as bad as the week you turned up carrying that huge sparkly wand.’
‘God, don’t remind me. Simwak-Kim’s been giving me funny looks ever since.’
And then they were kissing again.
Anna told Jack about Sam’s impending wedding, and that he wanted his father to come, as they lay naked on the rug in front of the fire after making love, sipping wine and nibbling the fat Greek olives Jack always brought. He listened sleepily, stroking her back and trying to comfort her. He knew about Tony’s abrupt departure, leaving his wife and son with no means of support or any way of contacting him. He’d been shocked when Anna told him. Desperate as he was to leave Ruth, it would never have occurred to him to abandon her, or to leave her unprovided for. After a while Anna changed the subject, not wanting to spoil the evening by dwelling on her ex-husband’s shortcomings. She made Jack laugh as she recounted her stupidity over the stone in Lucy’s ring; he laughed even harder when she gave him a blow-by-blow account of Tina’s phone call.
At last they got dressed and went back to the kitchen to finish preparing supper. They’d finished the pasta and begun on the goat’s cheese and grapes Jack had brought, when Anna frowned and put down the cream cracker she’d been about to eat.
‘God, suddenly everything little thing reminds me of him.’
‘Who, angel?’
She sat back in her chair. ‘Tony, the bastard. There were a couple of Australian students in the coffee bar this morning, perfectly nice guys, but I just couldn’t face serving them. I made an excuse and got Trish do it. She went around for the rest of her shift saying “fair dinkum, cobber” every time I asked her to do something, so I lived to regret it.’
He laughed, saw the look on her face and stopped. ‘So what’s the problem with the cheese, angel?’
‘I just remembered goat’s cheese always used to be his favourite.’ She pushed her plate away.
‘Look, try to forget about him, sweetheart.’ Jack leaned forward and poured the last of the wine into her glass. ‘Anyway, I bet Roxy’s right – the bugger’ll never dare show up. Everything’ll be fine, you wait and see.’
Anna got up and began to clear the plates. ‘It’s not just Tony I’m worried about. From what Lucy was saying, it’s going to be a seriously grand occasion – page boys, twenty-five-tier cake, slimy photographer, that sort of thing. All Lucy’s relatives are going to be there – believe me, there are hundreds, and that’s just the maiden great-aunts – and there’s the priest. Apparently this priest, Father O’Wally or somesuch, is going to give Sam instructions about –’ She began to laugh.
‘Jesus.’ Jack joined her at the sink and put his arms round her. ‘Well, at least nobody needed to give us instructions, angel.’
Anna stopped laughing and leant her head against his shoulder, suddenly sad. She rubbed her cheek against his soft shirt sleeve. ‘I’ll miss him.’
‘Miss who?’
She pulled away, irritated with him for not understanding, and began to fill the percolator. ‘Sam, of course.’
‘But –’
‘I know he doesn’t live hear any more – in fact, I hardly see him from one month’s end to another, but … Oh, I don’t know, Jack. It seems only yesterday I was slipping pound coins under his pillow when he lost his milk teeth and teaching him to tie his shoelaces. It took him weeks to get the hang of it – I had to draw coloured diagrams in the end. Testing his French verbs.’ She sighed. ‘He just doesn’t seem old enough to be getting married.’
‘Look on the bright side. At least you aren’t going to be landed with the bill for this shindig. God knows how I’m going to cope when it comes to Poppy and Jess.’ He went to his briefcase, pulled out a second bottle of claret and began to open it. ‘Ruth’s sure to want to push the bloody boat out.’
Anna stiffened.
‘She’ll probably insist on trussing me up in morning dress – she’s got a thing about it for some reason. And uniforms, come to think of it – her first boyfriend was a police cadet. Or was it a traffic warden? Anyway, as soon as we were safely aboard the horse and carriage her parents insisted we travel to the reception in – did I ever tell you about that? Her mother’s a big fan of Jane Austen, apparently – Ruth absolutely fell on me.’ He extracted the cork from the bottle and examined it, frowning. ‘Next thing I knew she’d got her hand –’ He glanced up, and saw Anna’s expression. ‘God sorry, darling, don’t know why on earth I’m rabbiting on about all that. Believe me, the whole day was an absolute nightmare. The wedding breakfast took hours and the speeches seemed to go on for days. Honestly, we thought we’d never get to –’ He struck his forehead with the heel of his hand. ‘I’m making it worse, aren’t I?’
‘It’s not that.’
‘It’s not?’
‘It’s what you said about the twins.’ Anna had never met them, but she’d seen a photograph. In her opinion only a blind, deaf mute with an IQ of minus ten would even consider marriage to either of them, but that wasn’t the point here. ‘And Ruth being sure to want to push the –’ She shivered. ‘You sounded as if you thought you’d still be –’
‘No! Christ no, darling, you couldn’t be more wrong. It’s just that … Well, you know how it is … When you’ve been together for ages, you just sort of get into the habit of –’
‘Oh, for God’s sake, Jack. I don’t want to hear.’
Turning her back, she dumped the empty wine bottle noisily in the bin.
‘Please, angel, you know we’ll be together by then. Hell, I almost got her to listen last night – next time I’ll get through even if I have to truss her up and gag her first.’
Anna rather liked the sound of that. She turned to him again.
He was gazing at her with the hang-dog expression he always wore when he knew he’d put his foot in it, and she was struck with remorse. She really must stop being so touchy; after all, it wasn’t his fault he’d been married for twenty years to the wrong person. If she really loved him she’d try and be more understanding when he accidentally let slip details of his past that she’d rather not know about – for heaven’s sake, he already got more than enough bitching at home. She put her arms round his neck. ‘Let’s forget about coffee, shall we, and take the wine upstairs with us?’
He picked up the bottle and glasses, then covered her mouth with his.
After a while she pulled away slightly. ‘Didn’t you say something about binding and gagging?’
He blinked.
‘Hmmm. I was thinking more about …’ She bit his earlobe. ‘I always say actions speak louder than words.’ He swallowed and watched as she went to the fridge and filled a bowl with ice cubes.
As she shut the fridge door, the phone began to ring in the living room. Anna ignored it.
Jack looked nervously at the ice cubes. ‘Don’t mind me if you want to answer that, darling.’
‘No way. It’s bound to be Alastair, banging on about yesterday’s fantashtically high visitor quota, and would I like to fink again about opening the coffee bar
on Sundays. He usually has a go about it on Monday afternoons before I leave – I was gone before he could catch me today.’
Smiling, Anna ran a finger lightly down the front of his shirt. Then, taking his tie between her finger and thumb, she led him out of the kitchen.
Anna closed the bedroom door, drew the curtains and lit the beeswax candle on the bedside table. She set the bowl of ice beside it. Smiling, Jack set the bottle and glasses down beside the bed, and tried to take her in his arms. She pushed him away. ‘OK, strip.’
‘Anna?’ He sounded worried.
‘Look, I’m not supposed to smile, OK?’ She put her hands on her hips and tried to look stern.
Suddenly Jack caught on. ‘OK …’ He began to take off his clothes. At least she’d finally taught him to take off his socks before his trousers; there was nothing less sexy than a man in his socks and underpants. Thank god he wasn’t a man for vests. When he was finally naked, he stood at the foot of the bed, waiting. ‘Er … all right?’
Very much all right, from where she was standing.
She gave him a gentle push, so that he collapsed backwards onto the duvet. ‘Don’t move.’ Going to the chest of drawers, she pulled open the top drawer and removed a black chiffon scarf (it had come free with a bottle of conditioning shampoo, but Jack didn’t need to know that). She turned back to the bed. Jack lay on his back, his expression a mixture of fear and pleasurable expectation. ‘… Anna?’
‘Lift your head.’
He did as he was told. Swiftly, she blindfolded him with the scarf, and pushed him down again. He cleared his throat. ‘Anna, are you sure this is a good –’
She poured some claret into one of the glasses, dipped her little finger into the dark red wine then inserted it into his mouth. He groaned, and sucked greedily. ‘More.’
‘Wait.’
‘Oh, come on, Anna –’ He began to sit up.
She pushed him down again hard. ‘So you’re going to give me trouble, are you, big boy? In that case…’ She went to the chest of drawers again and took out a pair of stockings. Returned to the bed and trailed one very slowly across his chest. ‘… I’m afraid I’m going to have to tie you to the bed.’
A smile spread across his face beneath the blindfold. ‘Hmmm. Well. If you absolutely must …’
Resisting the temptation to kiss him, she tied his wrists securely to the carved antique pine bed posts.
‘And now …’ She began to take off her clothes, making sure he could hear the susurration of the silk as she slipped her blouse from her shoulders. ‘Now, Mr Teale, you are completely in my power.’
It was clear from his reaction that he didn’t object to that at all.
Some time later, Anna climbed off her recumbent lover and collapsed beside him, her cheeks flushed, damp with perspiration. Jack lay on his back, still panting. After a while, she rolled over and poured more wine into a glass. She swallowed some, then took another mouthful and trickled it over Jack’s chest. ‘Anna …?’
‘Right here, honey.’ Funny how this sort of thing seemed to lend itself to an American accent. And she hadn’t even begun – by the time the next couple of hours were up she’d be sounding like Mae West. She took another mouthful of wine and dribbled it into Jack’s eager mouth. ‘So. You ready for … more?’
He sighed luxuriously. ‘You bet, babe.’
She smiled affectionately, safe in the knowledge that he couldn’t see her, and reached for the bowl of ice.
The next half hour or so should take him to seventh heaven.
She scooped up a couple of ice cubes. God, they were cold. Not to mention slippery …
She was just about to pop them in her mouth when she heard the sound of the front door opening.
With a gasp of horror she leapt off the bed, unaware that she’d spilled the bowl of ice all over Jack’s stomach. Ignoring his frantic yell, she flew to the door and opened it a fraction, as a voice called from downstairs.
‘Mum?’
Sam? It couldn’t be – she must be hallucinating.
‘Mum?’
She closed the door again. ‘It’s Sam! Christ, Jack, it’s Sam!’ She cast frantically round the bedroom, caught sight of her dressing gown hanging on the back of the door, yanked it on and ran back to the writhing figure on the bed. ‘Shut up, Jack, for Christ’s sake – he’ll hear you!’
The yells diminished to agonised, indistinct entreaties.
‘For God’s sake, Jack, there’s no time for sex now! Stay here and shut up – maybe we can try again when I’ve got rid of Sam, OK?’
She tied her belt in a tight double bow. Thank heavens for candlewick, Sam would never guess she didn’t have anything on underneath. Pasting a delighted smile into place she hurried out on to the landing, closing the bedroom door behind her.
The living room was empty. Grateful that at least they hadn’t been discovered making love on the rug in front of the fire, or doing inventive things in one of the armchairs, Anna headed for the kitchen. Sam was leaning over the table, frowning.
‘Darling! What a lovely surprise! And Lucy’s with you too, I hope?’ Brilliant. She should have been an actress. ‘Just going to get in the bath when I heard you calling.’
‘Oh. I wondered why you didn’t answer the phone.’
Bugger. She’d never ignore a ringing phone again. She smiled brightly. ‘So, what brings you –’
‘We nipped down so Lucy can have a quick chinwag with Kate about her dress. I’ve just dropped her off in Kemp Town. Tina’s sent a couple of brocade samples, and she wants a decision by tomorrow. I’m off to collect her in an hour then it’s straight back to town; we’ve both got breakfast meetings in the morning … Mum, what the hell’s this?’
What was what, for Christ’s sake? Neither she nor Jack had started to undress till they got upstairs, the kitchen wasn’t exactly littered with sex aids unless you counted the weird Portuguese ceramic oil and vinegar containers on the dresser or the rather brown banana in the fruit bowl, and there was no evidence that two people rather than one had recently eaten there, since she’d put their plates in the sink.
Sam pointed at the dish of cheese and grapes.
‘Cheese, of course, darling.’ Suddenly she remembered – goat’s cheese was Sam’s favourite as well as Tony’s. Good heavens, there must be something in this genes business, she’d simply never made the connection before.
He sighed heavily. ‘I can see that, Mum.’ He scooped a piece and spread it on a cracker. ‘My point is this.’ He took a bite. ‘You’re supposed to be on a diet.’
‘And so I am. Except for Mondays. On this particular regime – Susie told me about it, you know, she works in the coffee bar? Her mother’s a top nutritionist –’ She was a school dinner lady, actually, but sometimes one was forced by circumstance to elaborate a bit ‘– on this regime it’s essential to eat normally once a week. Shakes your metabolism up so it works even more efficiently getting rid of – er – things when the diet kicks in again. On the other days, of course, the menu’s a nightmare.’ She kissed him lightly on the cheek, moved away quickly and switched on the kettle. ‘Strictly nothing but water and the odd cup of cabbage soup.’
He brushed crumbs from the lapels of his superbly cut pinstriped jacket and cast a disapproving eye at her dressing gown. He was opening his mouth to speak (about to order her to take it out in the garden and burn it there and then, no doubt) when his eyes widened.
What? What? Were there unseemly stains on the candlewick? Had she –
Sam was pointing at the floor. Anna followed his gaze. The papier-mâché ass’s head glared back at her. ‘Ah. I expect you’re wondering what on earth an ass’s head is doing on the kitchen floor. Well, the thing is …’ She cast round wildly for inspiration and caught sight through the kitchen window of a pigeon alighting on next door’s guttering in the evening light. It reminded her of something … Hey, Jade’s Show ‘n’ Tell! Thanks, kid.
‘The thing is Roxy’s daughter is in the
school play, and Roxy’s helping with the props. She’s having a bit of trouble with the ass – see, it’s all sort of dented –’
‘I’ll say.’ He snorted with laughter. ‘Looks more like a crocodile with toothache, if you ask me.’
‘– so I said I’d give her a hand.’ She hurried on. ‘Anyway, tea or coffee, darling?’
‘Coffee ought to hit the spot. By the way, Tina said she’d been in touch about everyone meeting up. Wednesday the twenty-seventh, isn’t it? Great. Couple of things I thought I’d better mention while I’m here. Just off for a quick slash first. Be right back.’
Still chortling, he strode out. After a moment, the door to the downstairs loo next to the kitchen shut with a bang.
Anna closed her eyes, took a deep breath and exhaled slowly in the manner recommended by an elderly Indian healer she’d seen expounding on Inner Calm on breakfast TV that morning. As she made the coffee and got out the cake tin, she pondered previous relationships she’d had that had foundered on Sam’s unexpected arrival home. She’d avoided getting seriously involved with anyone since he’d come home from school one afternoon when he was eleven and burst into the kitchen where she and Mark, at that time a colleague at Avant Art, were about to make love. They had been on the verge of an affair for months and that Thursday afternoon was to have seen its beginning while Sam went to tea with a friend. Unfortunately, the mother of this friend had lost the crown from a tooth that lunchtime and gone for an emergency dental appointment.. Sam’s friend had gone with her, and Sam had returned home. The only consolation Anna could take from the ensuing farce was that it could have been worse. Her explanation for lying on the kitchen floor with one of her colleagues who had removed his shirt was ingenious. She said, as Sam stood regarding her beadily, looking alarmingly like his father, that the U-bend under the sink was blocked and Mark had very kindly offered to fix it. The offending blockage also took the blame for the pungent smell of the joint Mark had lit a few moments before.