No, she would have to free him of any obligation to her, before she lost the will.
Julienne shut her eyes, knowing she couldn't postpone the inevitable any longer. And yet her foolish heart already trembled at the thought of leaving Dare. She didn't want to imagine a future without the sight of him, without the exquisite feel of his touch, without the joy of his conversation or the delight of matching wits with him…
The prospect set a vast emptiness yawning within her. But she had to act.
She would spend the rest of her life striving to find some sort of peace without him-if that were even possible.
An ache shuddered deep inside Julienne. She would never forget Dare. Never. He was graven into her soul.
Dare was already present when Julienne was shown into the Wycliff drawing room on Tuesday evening. When their eyes met, she felt her heart leap at the smoldering intensity of his gaze.
He came forward to greet her, and she couldn't help noticing how his tailored charcoal coat flattered his tall, elegantly lithe form. Nor could she ignore the sizzle of sexual awareness that would forever be the cornerstone of their relationship; the moment he touched her gloved hand, the flame sparked between them.
Dare's sensual mouth curved wryly in acknowledgement of the sensation, but all he said was, "Come, I want you to meet my closest friends."
He led her into the room to introduce her to the company that had risen eagerly at her entrance.
It was indeed a small gathering. In addition to Brynn and Lucian, only one other couple was present: Vanessa, Lady Sinclair, and Damien, Baron Sinclair.
Julienne had heard tell of the strikingly handsome baron, who once had been a prime leader of the Hellfire League. His wickedness and libertine propensities had earned him the appellation Lord Sin.
His looks were quite arresting, with his raven hair, penetrating gray eyes, and chiseled features. His wife's loveliness, however, seemed a perfect foil for his harshly beautiful masculinity. The lady had lustrous dark eyes and sherry-colored hair that shimmered with gold and red highlights, but there was a kindness and serenity about her that immediately put Julienne at ease.
"I am honored to meet you, Miss Laurent," Lady Sinclair said, clasping Julienne's hand warmly. "Your stunning performances have provided us immeasurable enjoyment this season. And Dare has been regaling us with your amazing heroics."
Julienne shot Dare a quelling look even as she blushed. "I believe Lord Wolverton has a tendency to embellish the truth, my lady."
"Please, I am Vanessa, and this is my husband, Damien."
Lord Sinclair stepped forward. "It is indeed a pleasure to meet you. I'm well aware of Dare's tendencies, but in this case, I think you deserve the laurels. Castlereagh's endorsement gives significant weight to any claims this frivolous fellow"-he slapped Dare on the back-"might make."
Dare's smile was pained. "I vow I am being maligned unjustly. You forget, Sin, that I have a new medal to prove just how unfrivolous I can be."
"Indeed you do," Damien agreed with a chuckle. "It's just that I'm damned envious of your exploits. It will only add luster to your legendary halo and make you even more favored by all the ladies."
Lucian went to the sideboard to pour her a glass of sherry while Brynn led Julienne to a settee and drew her down.
"I told you we are very informal," Brynn said to her. "Regrettably our other close friends couldn't be here. Raven and Kell sailed for the Caribbean three months ago. I wish you could have met them. I know you would have loved Raven. She helped ease my way in society last year when I wed Lucian and had to face all his haughty relatives."
When Lucian returned with Julienne's wine, he proposed a toast to the guests of honor-Julienne and Dare-and was roundly endorsed. Once the applause died, Dare raised his own glass.
"I think another toast is in order," he said with a wicked smile. "To the latest addition to the League. May he have no trouble following in his father's footsteps."
Brynn shook her head fiercely. "Dare, that is a horrible thing to wish. You take that back!"
At the genial laughter, Julienne frowned quizzically.
"Our son is barely two weeks old," Brynn explained. "And already Dare is plotting for him to resume Lucian's membership in the Hellfire League." She gave Dare a mock glare. "Over my dead body."
"Dare is only jesting, sweetheart," Lucian said, amused. "He knows the League's ranks will remain thin for some time. Which reminds me… I would like to thank my lovely wife," he said softly, "for giving me the son I always longed for." He shared a lingering look with Brynn, one so tender and intimate, it made Julienne's heart hurt.
"At least we don't have to worry about that just yet," Vanessa murmured to Julienne, "since we have a daughter. Our difficulties will likely be of a different sort. Catherine is only three, but she has her father completely wrapped around her finger, along with every other male she sees."
"But the next one could be a son," Damien said, giving his own wife the same kind of heated, cherishing glance, his gaze burning with love.
With a secretive smile, Vanessa pressed a hand to her abdomen. "We're fortunate to be expecting another child."
Julienne had to look away as a bittersweet yearning pierced her. She would likely never have children. Not Dare's, at any event, which was all she wanted.
Glancing at him, she found Dare regarding her intently. Julienne forced herself to smile and ask an innocuous question regarding attendance at the planned public peace celebrations, which fortunately served to change the subject.
For a time she enjoyed herself. The conversation held a amiable warmth, and Dare's friends treated her with a graciousness she never would have expected from such blue-blooded members of the British nobility. The men seemed like brothers; the teasing banter and ribbing between them showed an affection for one another that Julienne suspected was very rare.
Dinner was announced shortly, and they adjourned to what Brynn called the small dining room-which provided a more intimate setting than the formal room the Wycliffs usually used for entertaining. Over a scrumptious meal, Julienne discovered more about Dare than she had learned in the three months since meeting him again.
When one of the company addressed him as Wolverton, Vanessa momentarily looked blank before shaking her head and confiding to Julienne in an undertone, "I have difficulty sometimes recalling Dare's new title. When I met him several years ago, he was the Earl of Clune, and he had a profound impact on my life. In fact, he precipitated Damien's proposal of marriage. Dare abducted me in jest, so that Damien would be forced to acknowledge how much he cared for me."
"And did he?" Julienne asked curiously.
"Yes," Lucian interjected. "But Damien called him out for it and wound up getting shot himself."
"I wanted to shoot them both for their childish obstinacy," Vanessa admitted with wry exasperation.
"Dare managed to hit me almost by accident," Damien said. "I was fortunate his marksmanship was never very good."
Dare flashed an unruffled grin. "I've made it a point to improve my skills since then. I will never be the marksman you are, Sin, but I've become fairly adequate with a pistol and quite accomplished with a blade. You never know when you might need to duel. Or confront a ruthless spy." His grin faded. "My skills proved invaluable a few weeks ago, but I will be retiring from the spy business. No more clandestine snooping or undercover machinations from now on."
"And you, Julienne?" Lucian asked.
Dare responded for her, his tone adamant. "She is retiring as well."
"There doubtless will be factions who refuse to accept defeat and will attempt to bring Napoleon back into power."
"You will have to find someone else," Dare insisted.
Julienne might have objected, but she truly would be relieved to be out of it, and to have Dare out of it.
Damien's mouth curved in amusement. "It's hard to think of you as a spy, Dare, and harder still as a member of Parliament." When Julienne raised an eyebrow, he expl
ained. "Dare plans to take his seat in the House of Lords."
Her startled gaze shot to Dare. He was watching her, Julienne realized, as if gauging her reaction. "I've been working on my maiden speech this past week."
Julienne felt her heart sink. Dare was planning a career in politics? She hadn't had an inkling that he meant to make such an enormous change in his life. He hadn't mentioned a word to her. But that must be how he was spending his time recently. And if a nobleman would be scorned for wedding a lowly actress, how much more so would a politician?
"What issues do you mean to take up?" Lucian asked him.
"There are countless problems facing the future of our country now that the war is finally over," Dare responded. "The most immediate are the price of staples and the plight of our returning soldiers. But I'm finding that I need significantly more study before I could propose any solutions."
"You would do best to focus on something you care deeply about."
Dare nodded. "I will have Castlereagh's support at least. He wants an ally in Parliament."
"When you give your speech, we will come watch you from the spectators' gallery," Vanessa said.
Damien was still shaking his head skeptically.
"You don't think I would be good at politics?" Dare asked him.
"I'm certain you will be outstanding. You can be as charming and persuasive as the very devil. But I've known you so long as a rogue, I wonder why you would wish to assume such serious responsibilities."
"We all must put aside our youth sometime," Dare said lightly.
He caught Julienne's gaze but couldn't read her expression. She was an actress, though. An expert at concealing her feelings.
He hoped she would be glad for him. He wished they were alone so he could probe her reaction. But he would have to wait.
Shortly afterward, the ladies repaired to the drawing room, leaving the gentlemen to their port. Dare found his two best friends eyeing him questioningly, as if he were some strange specimen of wildlife at the Royal Menagerie.
They wanted explanations, he knew: Why was this leopard so desperate to change his spots?
But it was easy to explain why he was driven to reform. Because he needed to become a better man in order to be worthy of Julienne.
He was frankly ashamed of the shallow libertine that he had been. He'd made so little of his life until now. He'd been a profligate most of his thirty-three years, intent on empty pleasures. He'd had no vision for his existence beyond the gratification of the moment. He was self-indulgent, self-centered, even selfish at times…
But he was done with his rakehell days, his debauchery. From the bottom of his rake's soul, he swore to change.
He could redeem himself if he strove hard enough. He could prove to Julienne that he deserved her.
"I suppose," Damien said at last, beginning the grilling, "there is a reason for this remarkable new course you're taking? Might it have anything to do with Miss Laurent?"
"It has everything to do with her," Dare said softly. "I would go through fire for her."
"She's an exceptional woman," Lucian agreed. "I find her mettle particularly impressive."
"She has more courage than any ten men I know," Dare declared.
More courage, more fortitude, more honor, more spirit, more intelligence… It would be nearly impossible to become worthy of her.
"So you've finally succumbed," Damien said, a knowing gleam in his gray eyes. "I seem to recall you laughing at me when I fell in love with Vanessa."
"No, I never laughed at you." Dare met his friend's gaze with all seriousness. "I was afraid for you, Sin. I feared you would be hurt the way I was once hurt. But I am willing to admit I was wrong. You had no choice but to love Vanessa-just as I have no choice with Julienne."
"I gather you're conceding your wager, then."
"Utterly." Julienne had won their wager, Dare reflected. She had brought him to his knees-and made him supremely glad to be there.
"Who will lead the League if you resign?"
"There are several qualified candidates. But to be truthful, I don't care much what happens to it now. It has served its purpose."
Damien shook his head in bemusement. "I never thought to see the day you would give up the League."
"But I no longer need it."
All this time he'd been trying to drown his pain in pleasures of the flesh. He'd relied on carnal gratification to distract him from the emptiness of his life, filling the long hours with sophisticated games and sexual depravity. He'd used and discarded lovers the way some men did boots.
But he'd come to a profound realization since meeting Julienne again: the true pleasure in lovemaking was in loving.
"I've learned a critical lesson these past few months," Dare said quietly, his tone charged with conviction. "Pleasure is hollow without love."
"I could have told you that," Damien replied, his eyes dancing. "But you would never have believed me. You had to discover it for yourself."
"We're vastly pleased for you," Lucian chimed in cheerfully. "When may we wish you happy?"
"I'm not certain. I haven't proposed yet. The moment isn't right."
"You are worried that she will turn you down?"
Dare couldn't lie. It was fear that had made him delay. He was mortally afraid that his legendary skills of persuasion would fail. That Julienne wouldn't accept his offer of marriage. That she couldn't forgive him for what he had allowed to happen to her. That she didn't love him, could never love him…
He had felt an intense intimacy between them those few days in Paris before Julienne had seemed to draw away from him, but he knew their closeness had been driven in large part by danger.
He swallowed thickly as the familiar dread knotted his stomach. His life would be unbearable without Julienne. Only she could make him feel whole. Only she could fill that void inside him, could assuage his aching need to be complete.
Julienne had touched the innermost corners of his soul. Without her, he would have to face the utter measure of his emptiness.
Lucian interrupted his dark thoughts. "Don't look so grim, my friend. I have devout confidence that you'll succeed in winning your lady."
Dare wished he could be as confident. For the past two weeks he had adopted a course of pursuit that ran counter to his primal instincts. Not only did he want to let Julienne enjoy the accolades she deserved without distracting from her fame, but he intended to dispense with their public mating dance altogether. To call a halt to his flagrant wooing. To end what Julienne had termed his juvenile antics.
He was through with games. He had to show her that he could be serious, that he could develop some worthwhile pursuits. He intended to court her in a way that she would see as meaningful and sincere and originating from his heart.
He could think of few ways that wouldn't be reminiscent of their infamous wager. Attending her theater performances or taking her to midnight suppers smacked too much of his recent tactics, and so would sending her expensive gifts.
Despite his raw impatience, he wanted to make this new courtship entirely different from the past few months.
And he was awaiting word from his agent in France regarding the purchase of the Folmont estates. He didn't want Julienne thinking he was trying to buy her love, although he would have stooped to even that if he'd thought it would help. But with the restoration of her birthright, she would be wealthy enough to choose her future, independent of any man, of any protector.
As for his offering marriage, he thought he would do better to recreate the romantic scene of their summer together. He intended to ask Julienne to a picnic, where he would repeat his proposal of seven years ago.
Meanwhile he had been focusing on his fledgling political career, where he could concern himself with his country's affairs and the welfare of others, so that he might actually do some good. He meant to prove to Julienne that he could change.
With that in mind, he had arranged for this dinner so that she could meet his cherished
friends-and to show her that even the most notorious libertines could reform when inspired by true love.
As if able read his mind, Lucian raised his glass again. "To our new league. We've created a far better one than what we had. A league of reformed rakes." He met Dare's gaze with a brotherly smile alive with mischief and affection. "Welcome."
Dare gladly drank to that toast, praying he could join the select membership Lucian spoke of. He had never been envious of his friends until now, but he wanted what Damien and Luce had: love, warmth, children, laughter.
But most of all he desperately wanted Julienne.
For the first time in his life, though, he had no certainty that he could attain it.
Chapter Nineteen
Determined to end her relationship with Dare irrefutably, Julienne set her plan in motion four days later.
She knew, of course, that it would take a significant event to make Dare concede defeat in the matter of their wager. Thus she intended to spurn him in front of witnesses. When she was done, her repudiation of him would be public knowledge. The entire ton would know that she had unequivocally refused his proposition to become his mistress.
And if she performed her role well, her coldhearted orchestration would prove to him how little she cared, while his overt humiliation would infuriate him enough to allow her to make a clean escape and sever their relationship forever.
She gave notice at Drury Lane, offering the manager a tale of a deathly-ill relative. Arnold promised to conceal the news of her imminent departure until the last moment, since he had no wish distress her legion of fans before absolutely necessary.
For her last performance, Julienne called on every skill she knew-and managed to make it one of her best, despite her aching despair. But when she took her bows to thunderous applause, the sea of faces blurred in her vision, and she could barely swallow her tears as she left the theater for the last time.
The following morning she vacated her lodgings with only a small valise, having arranged for her trunks to be held until she sent for them once she found new rooms in York.
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