Silence dropped over them then, comfortable and easy. Matt regarded Evan, knew there was something going on in that busy and chaotic brain.
“What?”
“What what?”
“There’s something churning in that head of yours. Everything okay?”
“Everything’s absolutely okay.” Evan’s expression didn’t change, and Matt knew there was more.
“You’d tell me….”
“Everything,” Evan murmured, kissing Matt’s lips. “Is okay.”
“Okay,” Matt whispered, leaning up to deepen the connection.
THEY MADE out lazily until Matt’s stomach rumbled. It was nearly seven, and the post-Christening naps everyone had taken seemed to be breaking up. The kitchen became the hub of action again; Helena and Shane were shucking corn while Daisy and Griffin did something involving meat and marinade on the counter. She poured things while he read directions off his phone.
“Jim and Bennett are discussing levels of flame for flank steak. It’s a riveting discussion if you want to catch the tail end,” Griffin said dryly.
Evan was not surprised when Matt ducked out to the patio.
From her spot in the high chair, Sadie chirped a hello. Evan found himself without a kitchen job, so he dropped into the chair next to hers.
“Hey, cutie. How’s your big day been?” he asked. Sadie regarded him with big blue eyes; he could see Bennett in her coloring, but she’d inherited Daisy’s looks. Which meant Bennett was going to drive himself insane when she hit puberty.
Evan wasn’t going to miss that aspect of parenting once Elizabeth and Danny got a little older.
And that was what it was, that feeling of completion he had. The kids were numbered right; he wanted to look forward to quiet years with Matt, when the fridge wasn’t stocked with snacks and the laundry didn’t multiply at an alarming rate. He wanted to think of a future with grandkids, not starting over. He felt done.
He hoped Matt felt the same.
“Bring out the meat!” Bennett called through the open patio door, which cracked Shane up, which in turn startled Sadie into a lower-lip-shaking moment.
“No, no, none of that,” Evan said, distracting her with a gentle touch to her hand. “You’re fine. Uncle Shane is just too loud.”
“I keep telling him that, but does he listen? No,” Helena said breezily.
Shane smacked her with a corn husk.
DINNER WAS raucous, the conversation boisterous, the laughter shared. Matt felt lighthearted and completely not happy with having to go home tomorrow.
“We should leave early, avoid the traffic,” he said quietly to Evan.
“Mmm—don’t even want to think about it,” Evan responded, tossing his napkin onto his empty plate. “Though I’m not sure I could keep eating like this for another day without taking out my pants.”
“I’ll love you even when I have to roll you up the driveway.”
Evan snickered. “Smooth.”
They held hands under the table. Matt tried to remember when this was weird or difficult, and couldn’t dredge it up. He knew it happened—it just didn’t feel like it could again.
“We have nice friends,” he said, apropos of nothing but just in time for Bennett to say something about a dunking and Shane to dart away from the table with his friend in hot pursuit.
When Helena whooped and followed, all semblance of adult behavior disappeared.
“We have crazy-ass friends,” Evan amended.
Chapter 23
IN THE morning, the driveway was full of cars: a new rental for Griffin and Jim, the saucy Fiat of Shane and Helena, the dusty SUV Matt and Evan drove.
Griffin and Daisy clung to each other like this was the deck of the Titanic. Jim didn’t say anything, just made small talk with Matt until the sniffling subsided.
“Call me when you get back—we have a wedding to plan,” Daisy said before surprising Jim with a hug around his middle. He returned it, giving her a quick squeeze before they separated, looking at each other nervously.
“Just tell me where and when. I will state at this time that I have no opinions about flowers or seating arrangements,” Jim said, accepting the punch in the arm from Griffin without flinching.
“Powder blue tuxes and all-you-can-eat ribs,” Matt called from behind them.
“You can handle security but nothing else. Clearly.” Daisy darted around, giving hugs and thank-yous to everyone as Bennett did the same. Everyone looked the same to Jim—a little sunburned, a little tired, and ready to head back to real life.
Jim did his handshake/half hug thing to the guys—except for Matt; he got a real two-armed hug—and kissed Helena’s cheek. Another round of good-byes and finally he realized they were going to Groundhog Day this ritual until someone broke the chain.
“Let’s go, Boy Wonder. We have a hell of a drive ahead of us.”
EVAN AND Matt followed Griffin and Jim to the highway. They exchanged waves before parting ways; Matt slipped into the left lane while Jim cruised down the center. They lost each other in the post-Labor-Day traffic pretty quickly.
“Good weekend?” Matt asked, twining his fingers with Evan’s over the console.
“Yeah. Actually it was really nice.” Evan looked out the window, clearly lost in thought.
“Everything still okay?”
Evan rolled his head to give Matt a smile. “Everything is still really, really okay. Just thinking.”
“About?”
“Good things.”
They drove a little farther, comfortably quiet.
Matt wove in and around traffic, hopeful they could get close to the city before the real traffic began. “So, Jim and Griffin getting married. That was a surprise,” he said.
Evan startled a little. “Actually, I wasn’t surprised at all. Griffin’s kind of old-fashioned, and I think Jim would say yes to anything to make him happy,” Evan offered.
Matt let that roll around his head. Evan wasn’t wrong, but…. “You think people in love would do anything for each other?”
“Uh—well, no. I don’t mean anything.” Evan smiled at him. “Though you and I have seen enough people get into some pretty serious trouble because of love.”
“I assume you’re talking criminals.”
“Yeah.”
“So there’s a limit?”
“Well, yeah. You can’t give up everything for another person. Then you’re not yourself anymore.” He rubbed his forehead with his free hand. “Am I making sense? I think the sun and all that free-flowing champagne shorted out a few brain cells.”
“You sound perfectly logical, but then my liver is pickled at this point.”
Another few miles went by before Matt spoke up again. “You’d tell me if you needed… something more, right?”
Evan started fully awake at the question. “Is this a sex question? Because I’m fine,” he said, breaking into a yawn.
Matt laughed. “No. I mean—all these people getting married and having babies.”
In a quick movement, Evan turned off the radio and twisted in his seat. “Yeah?”
“That doesn’t make you feel….”
When Matt didn’t finish his thought, Evan took a deep breath. “It makes me feel a little nostalgic. There’s a big difference between raising someone Sadie’s age and our kids now.”
Matt made a little sound. Evan watched his fingers tighten on the steering wheel.
“What?”
“Our kids,” Matt said softly.
It took Evan a second. He realized what he said, and the expression on Matt’s face—his profile at least—told him it was meaningful.
Of course it was.
“Our kids are getting older,” Evan whispered, his heart full at the moment. He didn’t feel the agony of replacing Sherri burn him with guilt, or worry that he could even compare the two.
He couldn’t.
He loved them both, but he couldn’t compare them.
That line between before a
nd after.
“Empty house. Weddings. Grandkids,” Matt said, his voice cracking a little—something he tried to cover up with a laugh.
“You think you’re so cute, Mr. Haight. All that stuff is what we’ll be going through together.”
Chapter 24
THEY GOT the twins off to their last year of middle school.
They marked the date of Evan’s captain exam on the calendar.
Matt took on a new client, a friend of Daisy’s whose row house renovation in Harlem required a security system from scratch. He wrote up the proposal and e-mailed it off one late-September afternoon before calling it a day.
Business was good.
In the kitchen, he found Elizabeth, with her newly acquired smartphone, texting rapidly with one hand while the other rooted around a bowl of pretzels.
“Homework done?” he asked as he tried to remember what he was going to make for dinner tonight. Whatever it was, it better cook in ten minutes or less in the microwave.
“Uh-huh.”
“Chores done?”
“Uh-huh.”
Matt hummed “Another One Bites the Dust” as he started pulling black bean burgers from the freezer.
BY THE time Evan walked through the door, Matt and the twins were halfway through dinner. All apologies, Evan settled down in his chair as the conversation flowed.
He waited for a lull, then cleared his throat.
Three sets of eyes turned in his direction.
“So I talked to the committee this afternoon, and uh, it looks like Midtown South might be where I end up, so long as I pass the exam,” he said slowly, a half smile on his lips. The kids were happy in their congratulations, but the tiny lines indicating a frown on Matt’s face were hard to miss.
He was thinking exactly what Evan had been going over on his ride home.
Midtown South. Quiet residential neighborhood, mostly commercial and entertainment oriented. It was a position that involved a lot of glad-handing and smiling and attending luncheons to keep good relationships with the business owners of the area.
Public relations quotient: high.
Damn high.
Actual criminal element? One of the lowest in the city.
And who better to stick in that position but the gay captain?
It signaled the biggest fear Evan had had when they approached him several years ago—that this wasn’t about him being a good cop and having the right stuff to be a captain. No, it was about public relations and elevating Evan as some sort of proof the NYPD wasn’t homophobic.
He sighed and went back to his dinner.
“THAT’S GREAT news about the precinct,” Matt said cautiously as they sat on the sofa. The news played quietly in the background, but it was clear neither of them was paying attention.
Evan shrugged. “We both know what it is.”
“You’ll be a captain, Evan. You can prove yourself, then move somewhere else….”
“Or I can be their token gay captain, paraded out whenever there’s a question about the police department’s diversity.”
Matt didn’t say anything to that. And Evan was grateful he didn’t bother to lie.
“It’s a soft job,” Evan said quietly.
“It’s a start.”
Matt felt the mood of the house settle into something chilly. No stress between him and Evan, just a lot of quiet as his boyfriend sorted out his feelings over the job and studied for the captain’s exam.
The kids had school and activities.
Matt had clients.
MATT AND Jim met for lunch in the city. Griffin was in Los Angeles; Jim had stayed behind to mind Richard.
Who kicked him out so he could get some quiet. Or so he said. Jim was convinced Richard had a lady friend his brood of children knew nothing about.
They talked about the Midtown South job and Matt’s growing business. They talked about the wedding plans, or at least what little Jim had gleaned from Griffin and Daisy’s daily phone calls.
“We’re looking for a house at this point,” Jim said, cutting through his chicken piccata. “Saw a few before he left for Los Angeles, but eh, I think I want to live closer to the city.”
Matt watched his friend for a moment and considered his predicament. “You’re gonna get bored, aren’t you?”
“Probably. As it’s already happened,” Jim said dryly.
“So come work for me.”
Jim regarded him for a moment, then put down his silverware. “Work with you?”
“Ah, I see what you did there.” Matt laughed. “Okay, work with me. Do security. Let clients take you out for expensive lunches, spend their money on high-tech toys, and bill accordingly.”
“It’s a little different than protect and serve….”
“Pay is great and I can guarantee nobody tries to shoot you.”
Jim leaned back. “Huh.”
As he considered it, Matt refilled his wineglass. “You can work from home, take the train into the city for meetings.”
“I don’t really need the money,” Jim said, and Matt pulled the bottle up with a scowl.
“Braggart.”
“But I need something to do.”
“There you go. You can even work for free if that helps,” Matt deadpanned.
THEY SEALED the deal over Italian cheesecake. By the time Jim made it back to Albany, he felt his juices flowing. Working with Matt would give him something to do, get him out of the house and keep his brain alive. He needed it desperately, because there was something he hadn’t yet shared with Matt.
Or Griffin.
The trial had been abruptly postponed again, much to everyone’s surprise. This time it was because Tripp’s lawyer quit—an interesting development. Why give up on potential money so late in the game?
Then Jim read about Tripp’s divorce from his wife, Tracey, the girlfriend who’d stayed faithfully by his side during the arrest and trial. The one he’d married a few months after he was found not guilty.
And his brain went into overdrive.
Why were so many people suddenly abandoning Tripp Ingersoll?
Griffin didn’t know about the alerts Jim got, the ones that scoured the Internet for information about the young man. Not even his ex-partner, Terry, had any idea about the unnamed files on Jim’s laptop that held the evidence and his notes from Tripp’s trial.
And his own reexamination of the case.
He thought it was over. He thought he’d let it go after Ed Kelly died. The entire Kelly family was dead, and double jeopardy meant Tripp couldn’t be tried again.
It was over.
But not for Jim.
“Hey. When are you coming home?” Jim asked later that night when Griffin called to check in.
“Two days. We’re almost done with this sequence, and then they’re going to Tacoma for a few days. I told Lori she can handle it, you know?” Griffin sounded tired and distracted, a common occurrence these days. “I miss you.”
“I miss you too.” Jim flicked around the channels, the television on mute. “And uh—I got a job.”
Griffin perked up. “What?”
“Bagging groceries at Aldi’s,” he teased.
“No way. All the little old ladies will be following you home.”
“True. Okay, I’m going to be working with Matt.”
“Oh! Security,” Griffin said happily. The tone of his voice said he was genuinely pleased, and Jim let out a breath he had been holding for far too long. “That sounds great—you’re going to be so good at it. But I still figure old ladies are going to be following you home.”
“Which isn’t a problem because my hot fiancé will scare them off.”
“I’m buying a big broom and everything.”
Chapter 25
THE HOUSE search seemed to be taking forever until one weekend, driving through Duchess County, Griffin happened upon a town called Lagrangeville. He stood in front of a real estate office, phone in hand, begging Jim to drive down to meet him.
>
Halfway between Albany and New York City.
Enough businesses to feed and clothe them. Small enough to give them some space away from the people in their lives while keeping them close.
The brown-shingled house on Woods End Lane took Griffin’s breath away.
Four bedrooms, three baths. Big, bright, airy rooms. Two and a half acres of trees and privacy. A four-car garage that Jim scoffed at until Griffin started talking about a home gym and office. Maybe a workroom?
Then Jim got out the measuring tape and let them continue the tour on their own.
By the time Griffin and the real estate agent got to the tree-flanked backyard and kidney-shaped pool, he was making notes on his phone regarding paint colors.
“We’ll take it,” Griffin said, envisioning friends and family filling the yard with laughter.
“Don’t you want to know the price?” the man in the neat suit asked.
Jim joined them a second later, crunching October leaves under his boots. Griffin turned to find his future husband grinning with delight.
Griffin managed not to tackle him to the ground.
“He’ll take care of the money side of things,” Griffin said breezily, shaking the agent’s hand. “I’m going to go look at the master bedroom again. I have to make sure the bed fits.”
THE BED—shipped all the way from Seattle—fit perfectly.
They finally pulled Jim’s furniture and Griffin’s out of storage, and set it up in a tentative union in the new house. Daisy, with Sadie in her stroller, gave an extensive critique of the space and the decorating scheme; the gorgeous kitchen took her breath away, and she immediately gifted Griffin with cooking lessons.
“Someone needs to use this space correctly,” she said, breathless, and she and Griffin held hands in front of the sliding glass doors that led to the deck.
“Okay, so I learn to cook. Already know how to swim. Anything else this house needs?” he asked, teasing mostly, but he knew that look in her eyes as soon as the words left his mouth.
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