by Ivy M. Jones
I'm about to end the call when Andy asks me to double the order, so I do. When I get back to the living room, Cy's face is fading from a blistered sunburn shade back to normal. He's sitting next to Justin and the two are having some conversation I can't hear until Justin sticks his fingers into a carton of noodles, pushes them into his mouth and then says, "Besides, if I'm gonna hurt someone, it would be him."
He points at Griffin, who cringes, stands, and hands his bowl to Nicki.
"I owe you a free one man. I won't stop you. Just don't be mad at Nicki." He pauses and then goes on to say, "I'm crazy about her, man. I have been for more than six years."
"Damn weird way of showing it, screwing a new fangirl every night."
Cy, Nicki, Andy, and I keep having to turn our heads back and forth to watch this play out, like some kind of verbal ping pong game.
Griffin looks pissed. "I would have married her six years ago, but I knew there was a good chance it would have destroyed the band. I couldn't do that to them." I points to me and Cy. "Or to you. So I sucked it up. Figured it was all in my head anyway." He pulls Nicki to him and goes on to say, "Turns out, it wasn't. When I realized that, I married her, Justin."
I gasp loud enough that people could hear it. Holy shit. Justin is actually going to kill him, and now, they're related.
Damn. My head hurts.
Griffin's voice is low, but we all hear him say, "No fucking around on her. No fangirls in my bed. No more panties in my pocket, man. I'm done. I'll back out of Dark Fire quietly. Just don't be mad at Nicki. I had to trick her into marrying me and I've done everything I could think of to convince her since then."
Justin crosses his arms and shifts his stance, lifting a brow. "Convince her of what, precisely?"
"How much I love her."
"And I believe him," Nicki adds.
Griffin leans in and touches his forehead to hers, his fingers stroking along her cheeks. I just spent over an hour in bed with Sarah, yet the sight of Griffin and Nicki in love has me insanely jealous because even if I manage to convince Sarah to keep a sexual relationship a secret between us, I can never publically touch her cheek like Griffin is with Nicki. I can never announce my undying love for her without someone in the pop doing some digging to see if we have a past. Which we do.
Just not as Sarah Jennings and Zach Moore. And that will definitely be unearthed. And when that little nugget sees the light of day, I'll be heading to jail, or at the very least, go to trial for that spree- something that would kill Dark Fire even if I'm found innocent in the end.
So I do something I should have been doing all along. I try to make sure my friends have the Happily Ever After I had been hoping for with Sarah.
"It's almost as disgusting as watching you and Andy, dude," I say, trying to compare the love Nicki and Griffin have with the love he has for his girl.
Cy seems to get where I'm going with this. "He fucking held her hand at dinner on Wednesday."
"I'm sorry! I knew they were seeing each other, but I had no idea they were married!" Andy's in tears again and while her face is mushed up against Justin's chest, I'm close enough to hear most of it.
Her words make me want to join her in crying because all of it is about Griffin and Nicki's long-suffering, hidden love. She talks about how unbelievable it is that their love survived all these years. That they love each other so obviously, everyone can see. How they'll make beautiful babies...
I see Griffin's eyes get huge with that one, but Nicki looks equally distressed so he seems to calm down. They whisper to each other and then I try to wrap the conversation up a little.
I want to feel good about helping them, but the insane jealousy is still there in the back of my mind. I'm not perfect, okay?
"If it means anything, I'm pretty sure Griffin looked like he was going to ralph at Kermit's when the owner of those panties threw her breasts in his face. Nice save there. You still managed to make it smooth, even though you only signed her shoulder."
Surely, Justin noticed that? Griffin was usually all about signing anything a chick offered him.
Griffin's voice is loud when he says sternly, "I'm not doing that anymore."
"You don't want to sniff panties anymore?" Nicki asks him.
"Only panties I want in my hands and face are yours, Nicolette."
I gag. I don't want to think about that. Nicki's like the band's little sister. Cy's biting his lip and choking a little too. He gets it.
Justin's watching Griffin and Nicki.
Andy is still crying.
Justin and Griffin head into the kitchen to get something for Andy to drink and we all wait to hear the sounds of fists and grunts of pain. We don't hear anything until the guys come back out, Griffin hunched over as if he took one to the stomach.
Nicki screams, "What the fuck did you do to him?" shattering our eardrums and the silence.
"He didn't do anything, baby. Calm down." Griffin's standing fine now, walking upright and I realize this is another example of Justin's fucked up sense of humor. At least Andy's chuckling now and not crying anymore.
I see Cy acting twitchy before he asks, "So... Do we still have a drummer for tomorrow night?"
Cy's holding his breath. As our Acting Dad-slash-manager, he's the one who will have the toughest job if we suddenly have to fill a guest slot as a drummer.
"Yeah. I guess I'll stay." Griffin sounds all resigned, like an asshole, and I smile when Nicki smacks his arm. It's like I'm controlling her with my mind.
Cy needed it, too. He's breathing again.
Griffin's explanation about the Vegas wedding is succinct: "We went to Vegas the Sunday after the show at The Tap. Got married. Came home."
When Teddy rings the bell at the door with the rest of our dinner order, I jump up to get it. When I come back, I've got a fork in one hand and a plastic bag full of food in the other. I place the food in front of Andy.
"My lady." I bow and present the fork to her.
"You're such a sweetheart!" she gushes. "You tell your Sarah to call me. I'll vouch for how amazing you are."
The carpet is suddenly incredibly interesting. "No. I fucked up."
"What does that mean?" she asks. I get why she's confused. I'm a hundred times more confused and it's my life.
"Good luck with that," Cy says to Andy. "We've been trying to figure out what he's talking about with this whole 'I fucked up' thing all evening."
I drop back to the couch, all alone, arguing with myself about what to tell them.
"Oh!" Griffin pulls out a DVD from his jacket pocket, holding it high above his head as if in victory. Now that they all have the wedding video to watch, I'm rescued from having to add anything to the conversation.
The video plays and we give Griffin shit for not writing his own vows. Andy nearly cries over how romantic it is- Griffin basically kidnapped Nicki to Vegas. I'm not sure how that's romantic. It seems more like a felony and Stockholm Syndrome to me, but I'm currently sitting alone, kicking my own ass for being a fucking idiot, so what do I know.
Andy's better now; she just looks like she wants to punch Griffin now that Nicki has explained how Griffin proposed: "He said something about how I should get used to him footing the bill for flight upgrades, mentioned he trusted me with his American Express, and then he asked me to marry him."
I want to hit him now too, but at least Andy's not crying.
The conversation continues late into the night, Andy falling asleep curled into Justin. Nicki and Griffin periodically leave the room one at a time, only to return together with huge smiles twenty to thirty minutes later. Oh yeah... We have no idea what you guys have been up to... Sure.
"Dude, maybe you should take your wife home now. I don't want to know what you guys keep doing in my bathroom." Cy crosses his arms.
"Speaking of which," Justin says quietly. "Where are you guys going to live? Your place, or yours?" He punctuates his question by pointing to Nicki first, and then Griffin.
Nicki spea
ks up first. "I think we're mostly going to be at his place. My place is so much further from everything- my office, here, Justin's..." She tries to stifle a yawn.
"Now I know you need to take her home, Griff. She's about to pull an Andy."
"Am not," she argues, yawning again.
"Come on, wife. I have plans for you yet and they involve you being conscious." Griffin scoops Nicki off the couch and she has to hold back a squeal of delight so she doesn't wake Andy.
"Actually, can I talk to you guys for two minutes?" I follow them into the kitchen where Griff pulls Nicki's coat from the back of a chair and helps her into it.
"Yeah. Sure. What's up?"
"If you're not going to be at Nicki's place, would you mind if I crashed there for awhile?"
"You and Cy okay?" Nicki's gaze darts back to the living room where Cy is sitting on the couch, chuckling over something Justin is saying.
"Remember how I said I fucked up?"
"Nope. Not even a little. Please. Tell me again how you fucked up with your girl," Griffin says dryly.
I give him a fuck you with my face and finger and then grip the back of the chair I'm standing behind. "I need to move out of the building. It's the first step toward making it right."
Griffin scratches the scruff on his chin, pulls his coat up a little higher to cover his neck, then he shrugs, and looks at Nicki.
"Yeah. Stay as long as you like," Nicki says, smiling. "I'll probably put it on the market someday, but it's yours for as long as you need it. When did you want to move in?"
"As soon as I can." I grip the chair back harder.
"Alright. Move in as soon as you want and I'll try to clean out as much as I can. Housekeeping only comes every two weeks, so I'll have to make an extra appointment for tomorrow morning." Nicki buttons her coat up to stay warm, but I wonder how warm she'll actually be in those little skirts she wears all the time. I know she's done it for years because I've seen her, but I wonder how she can possibly be warm enough in snow in those. I once saw her trudge through six inches of snow in a skirt and some boots she called Uggs. Little bits of snow were all over her legs but she didn't even seem to notice.
I shiver just thinking about it. "Send me the extra bill."
"You don't need to-"
"I'm crashing at your place, Nicki. I do need to. And thanks."
Griffin looks back into the living room. Justin has a drowsy Andy rolled up in his arms, a blanket over them both as they snuggle down onto the couch. Looks like they're not going home tonight.
"You tell Cy yet?" Griffin asks, putting his hand on the door to leave.
I let out a breath. "No. I don't even know what to tell him."
"He already knows about your girl. He'll understand." They open the door and slip through.
"Yeah. Thanks guys."
"No problem." And they're gone, down the hallway and around the corner to the elevator.
Andy and Justin are snuggled on the couch when I pass by. Cy's gone to his room, I imagine. I'll have to talk to him tomorrow.
I split rent with him, so I have no idea how he'll take all this. We've been roommates for years, all the way back to the early days when Dark Fire was just getting started. Cy and I answered a call for house musicians at a local club. He blew everyone away with his amazing guitar skills. If it has strings, Cy can play it.
He was equally impressed that I could play the keyboard. I tossed out a couple of Elton John songs, Ben Folds, The Beatles, and then played backup while he played Free Bird by Skynyrd. I put down a drum tempo and then played harmony. When he started singing, so did I.
The manager, Dean, hired us together and told us to start practicing. A few weeks later, some guy who played bass and another guy on drums asked if they could try out to join us as a real band. The bassist said he could sing, so we spent an afternoon jamming and the next thing I know, we're performing all over New York City as Dark Fire.
Cy has been my roommate almost since that manager told us to start practicing together.
And now, I'm moving out. For a girl. A girl I'm not even dating.
I sleep okay, but I wake up way too early for a weekend, especially since I went to bed so damn late.
I make coffee and wait for Cy to wake up.
Sarah
I don't know what I expected. It certainly wasn't to get a hand delivered letter from Cy Epson Monday evening.
"He moved out. Here's his cell number and his new address in case you need anything. He wanted you to have it."
I force my hand to take the folded page he's holding out to me. "I don't understand," I murmur.
"Okay, so here's what I know. I've lived with the guy practically since we met. In all that time, no matter what our woman troubles were, he's never been fucked up over a girl like he is with you. In fact, he's never actually been a mess over a woman at all."
I feel my jaw drop and I can only stare at Cy Epson, the lead guitarist from Dark Fire, as he tells me how his best friend is a mess over me.
"One of our friends just got married. He asked if he could crash in the empty apartment and he tells me he needs to move to make things right with you."
I just nod when he looks at me.
"But here's the deal. He'll still be spending time with me. He's my best friend and he's not planning to move all his shit to someone else's apartment. So you might still see him around. Cool?" He bends down so we're almost at eye level and looks at me straight on.
"I never asked him to move, Cy."
"Did he tell you he would?"
I think back. "He did."
"Then he will, whether I think this whole thing with his past and you and the cops is all a bunch of bullshit or not."
I jolt back. Bullshit?
He saw me jolt. "It's not that kind of BS. What I mean is that I think this whole thing would all be over in a week if we just called our lawyers. It's what we pay them for. They make shit like this go away. But Zach's convinced he has to fix this for you. So you can be safe. That's what he kept saying. He needs you to be safe."
I lean against the doorjamb, trying not to cry. "I miss him, Cy. I've missed him for years. When I finally let go, there he is, getting closer and closer to me. But then he tells me that he can't be with me, even though he's the one moving closer to me."
"Because he wants to keep you safe," Cy interjects.
"Well, I'm going to do the same thing for him." I stand straight and turn to close the door but Cy's hand blocks me.
"Please don't do anything that would get either of you in trouble," Cy begs.
"I would never get in trouble for this," I promise.
Cy nods and lets me close the door. I don't tell him that the only reason I won't get in trouble is because I've never been caught and I don't plan to be now.
I go back to my room where my new computer is up and running and ready. They turned my internet connection on while I was at work. I know I should start with a basic search of the Lakemont Police Department's database, but I'm having trouble even sitting in the chair in front of the desk. Buying the computer was the easy part. Putting the parts together was like muscle memory.
Falling back into my old habits feels a little like failure, even if it is for a good cause.
I want to do the right thing, but what is the right thing? Is it trying to clear Zach for me- because I want to be with him? Or am I doing it for him? Really, he's not safe with a warrant for his arrest floating around out there. That kind of publicity could very well wreck Dark Fire.
As mad as I am at Zach for pushing me away repeatedly, even while drawing me closer, I still understand why he did it. His whole life, his income and future and reputation - as well as those of every other guy in Dark Fire - all rides on me keeping my mouth shut. No one can make the connection between Zach Coffield, son of Roger Coffield of Lakemont, Pennsylvania, and Zach Moore of New York City and Dark Fire. And I'm really the only one around who can make that connection. Being seen with him is tantamount to turning him in my
self.
I sit on the floor with leftover takeout in my lap while I stare at my computer. The furthest I got toward making that database search was to open a browser window. In the end, I typed in the website for a free gaming site and now, little cartoon people play across my screen waiting for me to make my selection. I look up and see a pudgy kitty try to catch and eat sushi.
Tossing the remaining half of a cold spring roll back into the plastic carton it was in, I stand and brush off my lap. I know the easiest solution to this problem, it's just something I've been avoiding for my own emotional wellbeing.
"'Lo?" Zach's voice sounds so perfect, even over a cell phone connection, that I want to race upstairs and see him while I talk to him. But he isn't upstairs anymore. He moved. Which is why I have his phone number in the first place.
"Hi, it's...it's me."
"Hi Me." He's flirting the same way we used to when we were teenagers.
"I need to ask you some questions."
"Oh, uh... What questions? Does this have anything to do with what Cy said this afternoon?"
"I have no idea. What did Cy say this afternoon?"
"He said he thought you might get into some trouble trying to help me."
I put the remaining Chinese food into the fridge and drop my dirty fork into the dishwasher. "I'm doing everything I can to make sure that doesn't happen."
"Yeah, but that's not very reassuring knowing you. That just means you don't think you'll get caught because you haven't before."
How does he know this? Does he really remember me that well? "Actually, I really am doing everything I can to not fall back on hacking. That's why I'm calling. I need some information."
"If you've been hacking into my life since I left, I'm pretty sure you already have my social security number and mother's maiden name," he says pointedly.
"Your soc was on some paperwork dad brought home less than a week after you went missing. I did a search on your mother's obituary. Her maiden name was listed in the article." Stupid easy to get her info, knowing what I know about him, but there were times I wondered if Dad left that paperwork out where I could find it. He had to know I was trying to find Zach.