by Ivy M. Jones
Zach doesn't know what that means, but he squeezes me tight. The daisies I brought for his grave are bright against the muddy ground. They'll die quickly; it's too cold outside for fresh flowers, but I place them gently down.
My mother loves daisies. Whenever he brought her flowers, it was daisies. She would always take one and put it in the pocket of his uniform the next morning on his way out the door. I don't know if he wore them once he got in the car or into the station, but it was special.
We walk to the other side of the cemetery, where Roger Coffield's bronze plaque clings to a tall slab of marble at the edge of the property. It's not luck that the two men are in the same cemetery. One of them was a city employee. The other became property of the city when there was no one to take possession of the body.
It would be sad, but I have a hard time dredging up that emotion for the death of the man who fingered his own son for his crimes. His wife may have died from a bad case of the flu, but if she hadn't taken so many hits in her life, maybe she would have been strong enough to fight. To live. Maybe Roger Coffield isn't directly responsible, but a part of me wants to blame him for every bad thing that happened to Zach.
I watch Zach stare at the words: Roger's name, the date he was born, and the date he died. That's it. So different from the man on the other end of the gently-sloping expanse with those parting words of love.
Zach stares at the bronze plate and then at his feet.
"You finally did something right, even if it was by accident," he mumbles. Then he turns, takes my hand, and leads me back to the parked car.
We spend the afternoon on the couch watching Say Anything while wrapped around one another. My mom brings us popcorn and drinks and when the movie is over, we repack our bags and hug goodbye.
As we're heading out the door, Zach's phone rings.
"Yeah?"
He tosses our bags in the back of the rental car and closes the hatch, holding the phone to his ear with a shoulder.
He starts laughing. "Bro, you're just gonna have to tell her to deal with it."
He hangs up, still laughing, and holds the door open for me. We wave to my mom as he pulls away.
"What was that all about?" I ask.
"That was Cy. Apparently, Juliana just got word that my real identity is out. It's blowing up the internet."
"Is this bad?" I have no idea what this means for Dark Fire.
"Nope. It's the best free PR ever. We have a release coming up in a few months, and one more I Heart NYC show coming up. This is going to push sales through the roof. Juliana's just freaking because it was a surprise. She hates surprises."
I think about Andy's kidnapping, how Griffin and Nicki eloped, and how Zach had to admit to being wanted by the police. I start laughing hard. "She must really hate having to work with you guys, then."
He looks over at me and chuckles. "Everyone but Cy, I think."
I'm not expecting much when we get home, but when we enter Zach's apartment, there are more people than normal. Juliana stands in the living room looking irked. Andy and Justin (and Norm) hang around the kitchen. Cy holds up a cellphone and all at once we hear, "Welcome home!"
"What is all this?" Zach says, dropping our bags.
"It's a welcome home party," Cy says, hugging Zach. It's not just a bro-hug, either. Cy wraps his arms around his best friend and squeezes.
Cy hands the phone to Zach as he lets go.
"Hello?" He smiles. "Aren't you guys supposed to be fucking like rabbits right now? You're on your honeymoon!" He laughs and says, "I know, man. I swear. Now go back to bed. We'll party in your honor." He ends the call and hands it back to Cy who pockets it.
Justin's walking around with glasses of something bubbly, handing them out. He hands a bottle of water to Andy, so I know it's alcoholic. When he gets to me, I take it, darting a glance at Zach. He winces and his gaze finds Juliana.
"She's gonna be pissed," he says into my ear, smiling.
"Justin, I... I can't drink this. I hand the glass back. "Can I just get some of Zach's rootbeer?"
Justin looks confused but takes the glass and walks to the kitchen. I can see him reach into the fridge, but he freezes once inside. His face lifts over the top of the fridge door and he stares.
Cy explodes in laughter. "Oh Jesus! You never told them? Oh god, I should be paying to watch this shit!"
Juliana's right up in front of Zach now, hands on her hips. "Are you fucking kidding me?"
"We'll know soon," he says smirking. His arm wraps around my waist, pulling me tight, and I take the rootbeer Justin hands me.
Andy's jumping around like a kid. "This is so awesome! Are you happy? Tell me you're happy. The sex is amazing, and once you get the magic pills, you don't even notice the morning sickness!"
She looks so excited but I'm not sure if it's because I'm potentially going to be pregnant right along with her, or because she thinks of me like a friend and she's happy that I'm going to have a baby. I nod and admit it. "Yeah, I'm sort of excited. I'm trying to be cautiously optimistic though. We won't know for another day or two."
"Oh," Zach says, his eyebrows high. "You all need to go now," he says, opening his arms to begin herding Andy and Justin and Juliana to the door. They look confused at his sudden need for privacy. Cy and are laughing quietly.
"He's totally gonna take advantage of these next couple of days, isn't he." He takes a sip from his glass while we watch Zach help Andy get her coat on.
"I sure hope so," I pant, already needy and achy just thinking about it. It's been too long, but Cy's still standing beside me.
I look in his direction. I need to know if he's catching the waves of lust rolling off me. But he's already walking away toward his room, shaking his head and chuckling quietly.
The front door closes and Zach takes my hand, pulling me toward the bedroom.
"I have to work in the morning," I remind him.
"Is six hours of sleep enough?" he asks, staring at me. He's panting and I can see his tented jeans from beneath lust-heavy lids.
"Six and a half? I might be pregnant," I point out.
"Deal," he says, grabbing me. I'm on the bed a moment later and we're both naked.
"Before I forget," he says, stopping. His hands curl around my breasts and his mouth is on my belly.
My eyes are wide from the shock of his sudden halt. "Yeah?"
"Show this weekend. You need to be there."
"Okay," I mumble. His mouth goes further south and any other conversation is lost.
Zach
Juliana's gonna be so pissed. Not because Sarah's not pregnant (because that's kind of just a letdown), but because of what I'm about to do. She hates surprises.
Luckily, Sarah seems to like them.
I really hope she likes this one. Cy and Justin helped me out with it, so I'm hoping it's as awesome as it seems in my head.
This time, when I say goodbye to Sarah at the door, I keep my eyes on her. She gets to the table where Andy and Nicki wait and I watch her sit. She orders a drink from the waiter and I see Andy's eyes get sad. Now that we know she's not pregnant, I'm sure she's ordering something alcoholic. Sarah pats Andy's uncasted hand and says something and I see Andy perk up.
Is she telling her that we're still planning to try again? I want to, but I can wait; I don't care when we get to it, but I want kids with her. She's my Happily Ever After. I want it all with her.
Unlike the FishBowl, I don't have to keep her hidden. I stare at her through the entire set, all the way until the end when we shift slightly. I set the keyboard to piano again and watch as Cy swaps out his electric guitar for another, this one set for an entirely different style of play. He hands his Les Paul to Justin who sets his own aside and wraps Cy's over his shoulder and neck.
There are whispers and wide eyes as people watch us shuffle. Cy's new instrument is decidedly different from his usual, but he can play anything with strings so I know this will work. It worked on Wednesday when we tried it and it sou
nded awesome. Griffin was busy on his honeymoon, but he promised he could do what we needed him to.
Justin has Cy's Gibson Les Paul Studio, Cy has his Fender Telecaster, the keyboard is set for a standard piano, and Griffin has his brush out. It's the most unusual setup a crowd has ever seen, and it seems appropriate to go out with something a little bit different for our last I Heart NYC show.
I played I Am The Luckiest for her at the last show. Tonight, we're doing something a little bit different again.
Justin takes the mic. "So this will be our last song of the last show of this tour. Check our website for tour shirts. They'll be available for members of our fan club to buy in-" he looks to Cy for a reminder and Cy holds up two fingers. "Two weeks," Justin finishes.
He sets the mic on the stand, pulls the Les Paul into place, and says, "This goes out from each of us to those we choose to call family." He looks right at the table where Andy, Nicki, and Sarah are sitting. I think he winks or something, but I can't tell from behind him. I just see them all wave him away and gesture for him to start.
He glances back to cue me and I begin to play, making sure the prerecorded background is synched.
Cy joins in after a second and then Justin's singing. Griffin's waiting for the end of the first verse for his cue, but there are already people singing along. They're not hitting it perfectly; we've sped the tempo a little bit and we're skipping a lot of the more country elements, but it's still obvious that it's God Bless The Broken Road by Rascal Flatts, especially when Cy's pinging away on the Telecaster.
Justin gets his chance to really show off in the bridge proving that he can play more than just a supporting role. There are screams and when I look out over the audience, our fans are eating it up.
"...That god bless the broken road that led me straight to you..." Justin finishes. The chords fade out and there's nothing but silence for a golden moment of time.
Before the spell breaks, I say into my mic, "Marry me, Sarah?"
The silence holds until I watch Sarah call out loudly, "YES!"
The room explodes in cheers and I'm carried away on a cloud of relief and elation. The guys come up behind me, patting me on the back. Cy gives me a man-hug but I hold it a few extra seconds.
"Thanks, bro," I shout in his ear over the crowd.
"You know eventually, when I settle down, I'll have to top this, right?" He grins and I see the side of him few people ever do. Cy's the epitome of the cliché that still waters run deep. Most people will never know, but there's way more to him than beating high scores in first-person shooters and yelling at us as our band manager.
I push my knuckles against his shoulder and watch him play it up for the audience, pretending to be hurt. We laugh and sign autographs until the adrenaline starts to wear off.
As I sign my name over and over again, I keep hearing the same question: Who's Sarah?
My answer is always the same. "She's my soul mate." Then I smile and hand them whatever they handed me, with the addition of some sloppy sharpie marks.
As we leave, I see Juliana standing near a shiny silver car at the edge of the parking lot. She looks at me, but she doesn't seem pissed. Instead, she looks like she's trying not smile. I leave Sarah with the others as they load our gear into Norm's Land Rover. Griffin has his car backed up, too and I note the overflow stuff shoved into his trunk and backseat.
I stand before Juliana with my hands behind my back. She has every right to rip into me for yet another surprise, but she just shakes her head at me.
"You know this sort of thing pisses me off, right? You do it just to make my life difficult?" she asks. She doesn't let me answer so I assume the question is rhetorical. "I swear," she goes on, "Dark Fire's going to be the end of me."
"Why are you here, Juliana?" I'm curious how she knew to show up.
"Did you know that Cy has my cellphone number?"
Of course I knew that. All of us do. I stand up straighter. "Yeah," I offer.
"Well, unlike you, he seems to know that he's supposed to call the band's Agent and Public Relations Rep when something big is happening."
I don't know what to say to this, but she's turning around to pull something out of her car, so I don't think I'm supposed to say anything at all.
"Here. Cy ordered it about a week ago. I think you'll need it tonight." She hands me a box and gets into her car.
I peek inside.
"Thanks Juliana," I smirk.
She smiles and pulls the door closed.
I'm vibrating on the way home, a whole new shot of adrenaline flooding my system. I have Sarah's hand in one of mine but the other taps out rhythm on the steering wheel as I move through traffic. I'm super-psyched.
Cy
I know what's happening when I hear Sarah start crying happy tears in the living room. I knew he'd bring her here. I knew he would know what to do when he saw the Dark Fire shirts I had made up with his last name on them. I got one for him, one for her, and a baby romper because, at the time, Sarah thought she might be pregnant.
She's not, but I'm pretty sure Zach will be remedying that quickly. Whether he gives her the baby clothes or not is up to him.
There's a knock at my door and Sarah's on the other side.
"Cy?"
"Yeah, Sare? What's up?" I ask smiling.
She holds up her hand and I see a ring - an old one with a birthstone setting - on her finger. Then she gestures to her shirt and it's the Dark Fire shirt with Moore on the back.
"I wanted to thank you," she says quietly.
"For what?" It's not like I proposed to her.
"For being there for Zach all those years. For still being there for him," she says, pointing to the shirt. Obviously, Zach told her I had it made.
"Oh. Well," I mumble uncomfortably. "We looked out for each other," I finally say.
"And I just want you to know how much that means to me. I went a long time wondering what happened to him, hoping he was safe... I had nightmares that he was dead..." She looks down at the floor then shivers.
"It's okay, Sarah. He's a brother to me. I don't have any family so I guess I just sort of adopted him. He did the same for me. That means you're family now, too."
"Hey Cy?" She's backing up now, intent on returning to her fiancé.
I look at her.
"Just say 'you're welcome, Sarah'."
She's good for Zach, I know. She'll never make him guess. He'll never wonder where he stands with her. And she's willing to pry information from him if she has to. That, and they're soul mates.
"You're welcome, Sarah."
She smiles, teeth denting her lower lip as she wanders back to where Zach's standing at the door.
"I'll let you know when the moving situation gets worked out," he says. Then he follows Sarah out the front door. I wasn't sure, but I guess it makes sense for them to head to Sarah's place; she's going to want to share the news with her roommate.
I pull out a bottle of Zach's rootbeer. He doesn't know it, but I'm hooked. I've been double for awhile now.
I'm settling into the couch to kill some time before bed when there's a knock at the front door.
Lucy stands in the doorway with a stuffed overnight bag in her hand.
"So, there's no way I'm staying there tonight when they just got engaged," she says, her hand waving in the air.
"I can change the sheets on Zach's bed for you," I offer.
"That would be lovely," she says, pushing past me.
She helps me change the sheets and then I say goodnight, pulling the door closed behind me.
I feel bad the next morning when Lucy doesn't know what to do.
I brew coffee and hand her a cup. She browses the fridge, coming out with some milk and chocolate syrup. I watch her mix it all into her mug and when she takes a sip, she looks a little disgruntled.
"No good?" I ask.
"It'll serve its purpose," she grunts, gulping back a few more mouthfuls.
I put the same stuff in my mug of co
ffee and mix it with her spoon. When I take a sip, I have to agree. It's not great but it will get the job done.
I sit on the kitchen stool next to her.
"It's too early to go knock on the door," she whines.
"Probably."
"I left my phone up there. All I have with me is the book I was reading, some clothes and a hairbrush. I'm lucky I made it out of there before they were naked."
"I think Sarah has some shower stuff in Zach's bathroom. You could at least take a shower," I point out.
She nods. "Thanks. I'll do that. Any ideas for the rest of the day?"
I clearly remember Sarah telling me I that I am not allowed to sleep with Lucy. I look over at her sitting beside me, wondering if that's going to be a problem if I hang out with her. Her wavy blonde-brown hair is up in a messy ponytail and I wonder if she had it like that while she slept. Her pajamas are just exercise pants in hot pink with an oversized baby pink shirt falling off one shoulder. I get the impression pink is supposed to be a theme- the word PINK is written in bold, sparkly gold letters across the front of her shirt.
I want to ask her if she's particularly fond of the color, but she's still waiting for an answer.
"We could hang out," I offer. "I'm kind of in the same boat."
She leans back a little when she looks at me.
"I was given very specific instructions regarding my behavior with you," I promise her, finishing my coffee.
"You realize I just found out Teddy was dating me so he could get to you, right?" She takes a sip and places the mug down very precisely.
"Shit, really? He was...what? Trying to kill one of us? Like the Beatles or something?"
She laughs. "No. He was hoping he could ingratiate himself to you or Zach, and then you might hire him as your private security guard or something."
"That's nearly as nefarious. I get why you want his goodies nailed to the wall."
I hear a very ungirly snort pop from her mouth and she slaps a hand over her lips in embarrassment. "Yeah," she says from between her fingers. "That's on the list of things I want to do to him." She drops her hand. "What would we do, Cy?"