by Lauren Love
My phone vibrates in my leather clutch and I pull it out to find a text from Kaden.
How’s the party?
I look at it for a while.
How do I answer that?
It’s awful. I hate it here?
Your friends are all assholes and I want to go home?
I consider my response for a long time before finally hitting reply.
I wish you were here. I miss you.
His reply comes moments later.
Miss you too.
I look in the mirror again.
Maybe I’m not one of them.
Maybe I don’t fit in with these people.
But Kaden wants me.
He believes I belong here and that’s all that matters.
Doesn’t it?
His opinion is all I care about.
“If I’m going to survive the next few hours, I need to drink.”
Chapter 10
Feeling better, I make a beeline for the open bar, grab a stool and put down roots. A gorgeous man wearing only scandalously tight leather pants and a bow tie gives me a wide, toothy grin.
“What can I do for you?” he asks in that way that implies he’s not talking about serving drinks, and I can’t help but smile back.
“Vodka and lemon?”
He gives me a wink then spins away, grabs an expensive-looking bottle off the shelf, and starts mixing.
It’s hypnotic, like watching him dance.
No doubt that’s the reason Melinda hired him.
He slides the drink over with a flourish and I thank him, feeling a very girlish giggle bubbling up when he winks again and flashes me his white-toothed grin.
I’m relieved when he moves off to serve someone else. I’m too old for giggling and crushes. And besides, I have a boyfriend!
Just as I take a sip of the most perfect vodka and lemon of my life, I look up to see Damon taking the stool beside me.
“Hey,” he says, shooting me with a finger gun. “It’s Cinderella!”
I make a face at him. “And you must be the unfortunate artist.”
He puts a hand over his chest and mocks a broken heart, making me laugh.
“For the record, I’m a director.”
My eyes widen. “Anything I might have seen?”
He sighs dramatically. “Probably not. When I say I’m a director, I mean aspiring director. I mainly do short films and a few ads.”
“Everyone has to start somewhere. You never know which creation will be the one that catches on.”
“Everyone in my family is driven by success and money. That’s all they care about. But directing is more than that for me. It is about creating something to entertain others.”
I nod. “Spoken like a true artist.”
“An unsuccessful one, at least.” He smiles.
“As long as you’re doing what you love.” I take another sip of my drink. “That’s all that really matters in the end. As long as you feel like you are gaining something out of it and you’re not just doing it to impress others.”
He nods in agreement and fixes me with a more inquiring gaze. “So, a programmer?”
“Well, yeah, that’s how I made money, but I was mainly an app designer.”
“Was?”
I tell him about the app I designed and its crazy success and eventual sale.
I’m surprised to feel a lump forming in my throat when I get to the part where the contract stated that I couldn’t work in app design for another three years.
“Really!” He gapes at me. “I know that app. I use it all the time. And you made those other ones…” He scratches his chin as though remembering. “The workout apps for like running and biking through the post-apocalyptic worlds.”
“Guilty,” I reply and feel a flush of pride at the awe in his expression.
“So what are you doing now?”
My momentary high sinks back into my feet.
I’m suddenly feeling trapped by his attention.
Seconds ago he thought I was someone interesting. How do I tell him I’ve been doing nothing whatsoever for the last six months?
“Well I… I’ve been sort of just taking a break,” I say.
I’ve been sitting on my butt waiting for my absent boyfriend to have time to play with me.
Wait.
Is that what I’ve been doing?
The thought came out of nowhere but it makes sense. Before I can brood further Damon is talking again.
“Three years – no contest agreement. That’s got to suck.”
The words are so correct that I laugh out loud, slapping a hand over my mouth.
“Yeah. That says it all,” I reply.
“I don’t know if I could do it. I don’t know if I could give away doing what I love just for an amount of money.”
“It was good business sense,” I defend my decision.
“According to who?”
Suddenly it all spills out.
I can’t stop the words – they’re just all coming like they’ve been sitting just behind my consciousness, waiting for someone to notice them.
It’s like a dam breaking.
I tell him about my passion for creating interfaces that connect people to my creations but also to each other, and I tell him about the nothingness that was left when I signed that contract.
At the time, it wasn’t even a choice.
It was just good business.
Signing the contract meant I never had to work again if I didn’t want to.
But who am I if I’m not doing what I love, if I’m not following my passion?
Damon listens, and it’s like he really understands what I’m saying.
He tells me about his father wanting him to go to law school and take over the family firm. He talks about how he went there but it felt like it wasn’t him.
“I realized that it didn’t matter what other people want me to do or what I ‘should’ do. Sitting in lectures, listening to people talk about things that I didn’t care about, it made me feel dead inside.”
“I know that feeling well,” I whisper.
“One lecture, when they were talking some old case that set a precedent back in 1895, I knew it was over. I knew that I couldn’t do it anymore. I knew I had to follow my heart and do what I loved.”
I feel such a strong connection with Damon.
And it’s not like the connection I feel with Kaden.
With Kaden, our connection is woven thick with longing and sexual chemistry.
With Damon, it’s a connection I’ve never shared with anyone besides Olivia.
I can’t help noticing the way he and the sexy bar man exchange a knowing smile and when he looks back at me, he brings a finger to his lips. I nod to let him know that his secret is safe with me.
“I’m going to give you something,” he says and pulls a card out of his wallet and writes on the back.
Is he asking me out?
“My friend Carmen owns an up-and-coming game company and they’re looking for good people. It’s small but they have some interesting ideas, and Carmen knows what she’s doing.”
I’m about to interrupt but he waves me off.
“It’s console – not mobile or tablets – so it won’t break your contract. You might find the new medium a challenging shift but...” He gives me a knowing smile. “I don’t think that will be a problem for you.”
He holds the card up and flips it expertly between his fingers to show his photo and details on the front and then he hands it to me.
A sneaky way to give me his phone number…
Chapter 11
As I drive home from the party, I put my phone on speaker and call Kaden.
I’m flushed and humming with happiness, not only at finding another familiar soul but at the prospect of working again, maybe discovering a new passion, or at least having something I enjoy doing until I can get back into app design.
“You’ve reached Kaden Blake. Please leave your number and a detai
led message after the tone.” Beeeep.
Straight to voice mail?
Does he have his phone off?
Maybe he forgot to charge it.
I frown, but it doesn’t spoil my high. I’m still humming as I let myself into our mansion and head straight for the shower.
The next day I’m pacing the halls.
All day I’ve been trying to call Kaden, but every time I’m sent straight to his voice mail.
I know he’s busy, but I’m calling his private number, the one reserved for close family and friends and me!
He never has that number go straight to voice mail.
At first I tell myself that maybe he’s on the plane, so his phone is off.
But twelve hours later I’m still getting his stupid recorded message.
Did something happen?
Gasping, I flick on the TV and scan the news channels.
If something went wrong with his flight surely I would have heard by now. But still my heart beats in my throat as I flick from news channel to news channel.
Nothing.
When I hear his car pulling into the driveway I have to physically grab something to stop myself running to the door.
Instead I walk to a chair, pick up a book, and pretend to be reading when the door opens.
“Kaden!” I jump to my feet, unable to stay still.
“Hey,” he says, putting his suitcase and coat in the foyer closet.
“I was calling you,” I can’t help saying. “Did you forget to charge your phone?”
“Just busy,” he says then he adds, “Sorry.”
Almost as an afterthought.
I smile and wrap my arms around his neck, pulling his mouth down to mine.
I miss the taste of him.
But instead he stiffens.
He lets me kiss him but his response is barely there.
“Is anything wrong?” I ask, frowning up at him. “Did something happen at the meeting?”
He extricates himself from me and shakes his head.
“No, the meeting went fine. I...” His words drop off and he sighs, making his way towards his office. “I’m just worn out.”
“Do you want me to cancel our dinner reservations? We could just snuggle on the couch with a movie, if you like?”
“No, dinner out sounds better.”
Then his home office door closes with a loud click.
And I’m alone again.
Did I do something wrong?
Maybe he’s just tired.
Some people get crazy tired after flying.
Kaden never has before, but I guess it’s not set in stone.
In the silent mansion, more silent seemingly since Kaden arrived home, I shower and dress in an elegant backless black dress that Olivia helped me pick out after we’d found the perfect garden party dress.
I stand in front of the mirror and just stare at myself for a long time.
Is this what I want?
I can’t deny that I look stunning in the dress.
It flatters and hugs my curves and highlights my pale skin and wide eyes.
I should be happy.
Never in my life did I imagine I would live in a mansion with a housekeeper at my beck and call.
Never in my life did I imagine I could look like the woman looking back at me from my reflection.
But it’s not enough.
I’d give it all up right now if it meant Kaden looking at me the way he used to.
I’m not a silly teenager and I know that the spark wasn’t going to last forever, but the loneliness is beyond what I can endure.
When he’s away from me, he calls, texts, and speaks to me like he can’t wait to be with me again. But when he’s here it’s like he can’t wait to get away again.
Am I just taking up space in his home now?
Somewhere downstairs a door slams and I hear Kaden yell up the stairs. “Claire, are you ready?”
Am I?
And ready for what?
I sniff and dab at my nose then grab my leather purse and head out.
As I close the door behind me, it feels final, and as I start down the stairs I feel like a fool stepping off a cliff into the abyss.
Kaden looks up at me as I make my way down to him.
I feel his eyes grazing over my curves and flesh as though he was touching me, and I feel a shiver of rekindled excitement.
But then his jaw tightens and he turns away suddenly, and instead of walking with me, he merely leads the way to the car.
Rowe, his driver, opens the back door of the limo and I slip in.
Kaden follows and instead of sitting next to me the way he used to, he sits on the seat opposite and immediately pulls out his phone. The whole journey he gives orders to his personal assistant in a voice much more friendly than the one he used with me.
Is she the reason why he’s so desperate to be away from me these days?
If he’s seeing someone else, the least he could do is be honest.
I mean yeah, I’d be hurt and angry, but anything is better than the chasm between us right now.
We arrive at the restaurant and as I climb out of the limo, Rowe gives me a sympathetic smile.
Does she know?
Who am I kidding?
Of course she knows, she’s his driver, she’d totally know if he were seeing someone else…
Chapter 12
As Kaden and I sit across from one another at the best table in the restaurant, the only words spoken are when we order food.
We sip wine and then eat in silence.
I feel like I should say something, but why should I be doing all the work?
I tried to be welcoming and considerate when he came home tired, but he treated me like I was an annoying child underfoot.
If he gets sick of sitting in awkward silence, he can be the one to break it.
It takes me about five minutes to regret my stubbornness.
Even the waiter looks between us like he can feel the tension as he serves our food. I think the whole restaurant would be able to feel it.
I try to give him a grateful smile but it feels forced and I end up just swallowing another mouthful of wine.
Finally Kaden clears his throat and looks at me. “Melinda tells me you did well at the party.”
I nearly laugh out loud.
Unbelievable.
“Well, isn’t it lucky Melinda was there to fill you in on my behavior?” My words come out harsher than I intended, but the wine is loosening my tongue.
He gives me a dark look and I return it, meeting his gaze evenly.
Whatever he has to say, he may as well get on with it.
“She tells me you made a new friend. Spent the whole time cozied up, in fact, with Deidre’s nephew, Damon.”
“And?”
“Would you have told me about that?”
I take in a breath and force myself to count to ten.
I use the napkin to dab my mouth, feeling my fingers tremble, and I pick my words carefully.
The final piece of the puzzle slips into place and I feel a strange sort of calm wash over me.
Melinda.
Perfect, beautiful Melinda.
Well, at least I know now.
But one thing is for sure: no way is he going to make me out to be the cheater so he can run off with her, guilt free.
“So I guess Melinda wasn’t on your phone’s ignore list,” I say evenly and don’t miss the way his face twitches slightly.
“Melinda and I are only good friends–”
“Good friends?” I cut him off. “Sounds to me like there is more to it than that.”
“There’s not.” His voice is firm.
“Did she happen to mention that Damon was the only person at the party who could be bothered to talk to me like I was a human being and not just some little toy you’d picked up from the gutter?”
“You’re exaggerating,” he scoffs.
“Am I?” I say. “Your perfect Melinda led
me around and introduced me to everyone as the poor programmer you swept up out of poverty. She may as well have slapped a sticker on my forehead saying, ‘She’s not one of us.’ Everyone took great pleasure in telling me how lucky I was that you saved me from my miserable hovel.”
His jaw tightens and his gaze wavers. “I’m sure she didn’t mean to make you feel that way on purpose.”
“Clearly,” I return. “But you know what, I don’t think it matters. She’s right, you did save me by investing in my app and I will always be grateful.”
He looks at me sharply. “What are you...?”
“I think we both know this is over.”
I stand up and drop my napkin over my half-eaten meal. The nerves flood throughout my body but I try to keep it together.
“I’m going to stay in a hotel tonight and I’ll pack my things and move out tomorrow,” I state.
He jumps to his feet and grabs my wrist, his fingers like iron. “You’re going to Damon?”
I balk.
The nerve of him!
“The fact that you can ask me that... The fact that you think I would cheat with someone you know, in front of your friends, tells me that you don’t know me at all.”
It’s on the tip of my tongue to wish him and Melinda the best.
But I can’t bring myself to say the words.
Instead I just turn and walk out.
I won’t cry.
Not here.
Chapter 13
Outside, the cool air kisses my wet cheeks and I know I’m crying.
I don’t care if anyone sees.
I have every right to cry. So I let the tears fall, and walk. I don’t know where I’m going and I don’t care. All I know is that I need to be away from Kaden and his games. His petty little games.
My heart is not a toy.
He can play with my body as a toy, but not my heart.
I can’t take that.