by David Hare
Amy Oh yes, we all know that kind of intelligence. The kind that’s kind of like just being thick.
Evelyn returns with salt and pepper and a half-drunk bottle of wine.
Esme I had irregular schooling. Ask Evelyn. Schools didn’t teach in those days. It was considered vulgar.
Amy They taught. But you chose not to hear.
Dominic is politely interested.
Dominic Do you do television also?
Esme Oh, television, really!
Amy She hates it.
Esme I do.
Amy She doesn’t even watch.
Esme Working your guts out while people do something else. There you are, working. What are they doing? Eating. Or talking. Just great! Being taken no notice of in ten million homes.
They all smile. Esme seems more comfortable now.
Dominic Do you always come back in the evening?
Esme When Amy was young, I just hated to leave her. She was such a sweet girl. She always filled this house with her friends.
Amy My girl friends used to sleep over.
Esme And then I suppose I got used to it. I still don’t like sleeping in London.
Amy She doesn’t like staying there after a show.
Esme That’s right. It’s the nature of my job. It’s all opinion. People flitting round telling you, ‘I like it, I don’t. I thought this, I didn’t think that.’ There’s nothing to get hold of. But at least if I come home in the evening … well, I just like the feeling. I look at this house and something is real.
She looks round a moment. Evelyn is still pottering.
I don’t want to eat, Evelyn.
Amy Grandma, you should be going to bed.
Evelyn Why? I’ll sleep when I’m dead.
Esme Television? No, I don’t want to do it. For as long as London has its fabled West End …
She stubs out her cigarette. Evelyn goes out again.
And you?
Amy Oh, I’m fine. Really. We just fancied a visit. And of course for you to meet Dominic too.
Dominic responds tactfully.
Dominic Here. Let me take this bike to the garage.
Amy Well, thank you.
Dominic I’ll be back in a mo.
He goes out. The two women are alone.
Esme You’d better say. I’m not such a bad mother.
Amy What?
Esme Not such a bad mother that I can’t tell. Please, I don’t think I can stand an engagement. Do people still do that?
Amy No. I promise that’s not what this is.
Esme Well?
Amy It’s not serious. I promise you, it’s nothing serious at all. I’m wanting to borrow some money.
Esme Ah, thank goodness. Money, that’s all.
She seems genuinely relieved.
Of course. How much do you need?
Amy I’d like five thousand.
Esme I’m sorry?
Amy That would be perfect.
Esme Say that again.
She suddenly looks at her directly.
Why on earth do you want five thousand? There’s nothing in the world which costs five thousand pounds.
Amy If you don’t mind, I don’t want to say.
Esme I’m glad, in that case, it’s not serious. What would have been serious? Ten?
Amy I will tell you. I promise I will tell you one day. But you’ve always said: if I needed anything I was to come to you.
Esme Why, surely.
Amy No strings attached. Well, Mother, I’m here.
Esme recognises a note of challenge and rises to it.
Esme That’s fine. That’s no problem. Now? How do you want it? Do you want a cheque?
Amy If you could.
Esme Sure. Yes of course. Let me do it. Now where exactly did I put my things?
Amy There. Behind you.
Esme Of course.
She takes her bag across to the table.
How much?
Amy Five thousand.
Esme You mean five thousand pounds? Do you mean, all in one go? Not in instalments? One day you will give it back?
Amy smiles politely at these jokes. Esme has opened her cheque book.
Amy You always said, if ever … if ever something came up, you wouldn’t ask anything, you’d simply give me whatever I asked.
Esme Oh yes.
She pauses a second.
But first just tell me what this something is.
Amy Mum …
Esme No really, I’m joking. I trust you. You know I do. I’m not asking anything. Not a thing. I know if I asked you would tell me, but I’m not going to ask.
She starts writing. Amy just watches.
Which account is it? I have no idea. There’s money from Bernard’s estate. The ludicrous thing is, I don’t make anything at all from the play. I’m losing. By the time I’ve got a taxi from London, I don’t have anything left.
She looks up at Amy.
Now what is the date?
Amy June 25th. It’s 1979.
Esme Well, I know that. Please, do you think I live in a dream?
She hands Amy the cheque.
Amy Thank you.
Esme How did I do?
Amy You did brilliantly.
Esme Aren’t you proud of your mum? Cash it quickly before it can bounce. No, really. You’re fine. It’ll pay.
She kisses her.
The Trappist. I shan’t say any more.
She starts opening doors and calling out.
Now, Dominic, are you all right? Are you lost in the garage? Evelyn, what’s happened? What’s going on?
Both Dominic and Evelyn have reappeared, Evelyn with shrivelled pub dinner.
Ah Dominic, right, there you are.
Dominic I am.
Esme Are you going to bed, the two of you?
Dominic Soon.
Amy slips the cheque among her things, and looks to see what Dominic is doing.
I have to write something first.
Evelyn (putting down the plate) Here it is.
Esme My God, what have you done to it? Vegetarian’s revenge. The way she heats it! Every day less attractive, until I give in.
Evelyn It’s pure crap.
Esme I know. I love it. Do we have any HP?
Amy has been looking to contact Dominic.
Amy Are you going up?
Dominic I’ll just work a little.
Amy Shall I come with you?
Dominic Do you mind? Just give me ten minutes. For God’s sake, I just need ten minutes, all right? Is that so unreasonable?
He has snapped at her. Suddenly the atmosphere is tense.
Amy No, of course not. No problem.
Dominic stops, trying to take the heat out of the moment.
Dominic I’ll see you later. Goodnight, Esme.
Esme Goodnight.
Dominic goes out. Esme has her meal in front of her, but makes no effort to start.
Well, there it is. It’s extraordinary. You’ve found yourself such a handsome young man.
Amy Why? Does that surprise you?
Esme Not in the slightest. Any man’s lucky to end up with you.
The tone of this is light and friendly but Amy is ill at ease.
The theatre, of course, is full of these people. Good-looking young men who have yet to find out who they are. I see them all the time.
Amy Is that meant to be Dominic?
Esme Well, you know him better than me.
Esme waits but Amy says nothing.
But, on the other hand, you have come to ask my opinion …
Amy Have I?
Esme I think so.
Amy I’d say on the contrary. Didn’t I ask you not to say a word?
Esme Amy, please, I wasn’t born yesterday. When a daughter comes to her mother and says, ‘Don’t ask anything, I beg you, ask nothing at all …’, isn’t it just a way of saying: ‘Quick, Mother, help! I’m desperate to talk’?
Amy can’t resist smiling at this.
>
Amy Are you saying I did that unconsciously?
Esme Unconsciously? Hardly. ‘Give me five thousand pounds.’ As a way of getting my attention, it would take some beating. Well, wouldn’t it?
Amy Yes. I don’t know. Oh, perhaps. I’m confused.
Amy smiles, relaxing, giving in.
Esme After all that is the basic skill. That is my profession. You have to get that right, or you might as well give up. You say one thing but you’re thinking another. If you can’t do that, then truly you shouldn’t be doing the job.
A look of mischief comes onto Amy’s face.
Amy That reminds me, I did see that thing with Deirdre …
Esme Oh Deirdre!
Amy I saw that new play which stars Deirdre Keane.
Esme Well, Deirdre can’t even manage the line in the first place, let alone the bit where you think something else.
Amy She wasn’t very good.
Esme They tell me she’s laughable. Apparently she comes on dressed like a lampshade, a great smear of lipstick right across her face …
Amy They’re right …
Esme They say, rolling her eyes like a demented puppy dog and facing out front all the time.
Esme is shaking her head as if outraged.
Amy She got very good reviews.
Esme Deirdre? She practically goes down on the critics. You’ve seen her. She’s craven. She’s always trying to please.
Amy Is that such a bad thing?
Esme Of course not. But nobody’s explained to her the basis of the whole project.
Amy Which is?
Esme Why, to please without seeming to try.
Amy Oh, I see.
Esme That’s what one’s attempting. Of course we all know it can’t be achieved. But that’s the ideal. To make it look effortless.
Esme looks at her a moment.
Perhaps it applies just as much in our lives.
Amy looks, knowing she cannot avoid things any longer.
Amy Look, Mum, I do know you’re desperate to talk to me …
Esme Me?
Amy There’s a thousand questions you’re longing to ask …
Esme I can see you’re in trouble. In a moment I’m hoping you’re going to say why.
Amy It’s not trouble. I wouldn’t say trouble exactly …
Esme How’s life in your publishing firm?
Amy Great. They’re trying to promote me.
Esme I’m pleased.
Amy But one thing’s bound up in another.
Amy stops dead. Esme speaks quietly.
Esme You’re expecting a child?
Amy How did you know? Is it really that obvious?
Esme It isn’t not obvious.
Amy When did you know?
Esme The moment I saw you, of course.
Esme pushes her uneaten meal aside. She gets up and takes Amy in her arms. Amy can barely speak through her tears.
Amy Oh God, I’m going to cry …
Esme Well, cry.
Esme begins to sob with her.
Please cry, cry all you want to …
Amy No, no, I mustn’t …
Esme Oh Amy …
Amy I mustn’t …
She tears herself decisively away.
Esme Why not? It’s wonderful …
Amy I mustn’t!
Esme Amy, this is wonderful news.
Amy Because … oh shit, I don’t know how to say this. You’re going to think I’m insane.
Amy is wild, raising her voice.
I haven’t told Dominic. I know this sounds crazy but I don’t think I shall.
Before Esme can react, Evelyn appears again, beating her usual path.
Evelyn You haven’t eaten your supper.
Esme No. Why don’t you go to your bed?
Evelyn What’s wrong with her? Why is she crying?
Esme Hay fever.
Evelyn Do you want me to re-heat it?
Esme No thank you.
Evelyn has gone over to collect the plate. Esme raises her voice to Evelyn.
I don’t think it can take any more.
Evelyn (at Amy) You know she doesn’t eat anything.
Amy Oh really?
Evelyn She comes in here, looks at it, then pushes the plate to one side.
Esme has moved across to usher her out.
Esme Evelyn, you must go, you must go to your bed now.
Evelyn I’m not going to sleep.
Esme Very well then. Just lie. Just lie there. Think about family. Here we are. Under one roof. The whole of our family. At least such as it is. Think about that and be grateful.
She kisses her.
Evelyn Just promise me she’s not going to marry the critic.
Amy He hasn’t asked.
Evelyn Good. As long as she doesn’t marry a critic, then I think I can sleep.
She goes out, pleased with having said it. They are both amused at the absurdity.
Esme Oh Amy …
Amy Well really! She never changes.
Esme No.
Amy She seems really well.
Esme Oh sure. She’s going to outlive me. It doesn’t bother me. I’ve known that for years.
She goes and gets her cigarettes.
It’s become a marriage, like any other. If when I’d met Bernard, they’d said to me, you’ll live ten years longer with Bernard’s mother than you will with Bernard himself … I’m not sure I’d have jumped in so eagerly.
Esme lights her cigarette.
But you never know how things are going to turn out.
Amy No.
Esme looks at her a moment.
Esme So what is the problem? Dominic’s the father?
Amy Oh yes. We can say that for sure.
Esme But you feel – what? – for some reason that now’s not the moment for Dominic to know?
Amy Exactly.
Esme I see. Well, it’s interesting. It makes for an original decision. But I can’t help feeling there’s some sort of flaw in the reasoning perhaps. You’re hoping he’s not going to notice?
Amy No. No, of course not …
Esme You don’t feel it’s possible he’s going to find out?
Amy is amused, but Esme goes on.
I mean, I do see the man is an egghead. You just have to look at him. But even so you’d have to be pretty unworldly!
Amy You know very well that’s not what I mean.
Esme Do I?
Amy now sees a way to explain.
Amy All right, look, he is an intellectual. But in some ways he’s younger than me. In a sense, he’s a bit like a child. In a good way. He’s child-like, is that the word?
Esme Child-like is good. Childish is less good.
Amy Yes. In that case, the first.
Esme is just watching, not commenting.
But also the thing is … he’s extremely attractive.
Esme Ah.
Amy It’s something … well, it makes things different, I find.
Esme Yes I can see. The little-boy manner …
Amy For instance: we met at a publishing party. Dominic arrived with this girl. She was only eighteen. And she’d published a novel. I have to say, not a bad novel …
Esme Oh, novels!
Amy And what’s more she had these incredible legs …
Esme Ah, well then …
Amy Jet black hair. This wonderful bosom. I saw him with her as soon as they walked in the room. All the time they were laughing together, her arm around him, like she didn’t have a care in the world.
She stops a moment.
So yes, I admit, it slightly surprised me when he came over. When he started talking to me.
Esme And how did she take it?
Amy The teenage novelist? Well I think she felt pretty miffed. I think they all are. The tall one. The blonde one from Cambridge. Another one who sang in a band …
Esme And it’s the thought of these ex’s which is unsettling you …
Amy No, not exactl
y. Oh God, I’m explaining this badly …
Esme Don’t tell me you think you can’t compete.
Amy Not at all. No. I do know what I’m giving him. I’m giving something none of the others could give.
Esme What’s that?
Amy Self-confidence. I give him some faith in himself. I build him up.
Esme Yes, I’m sure. And what exactly is he giving to you?
Amy begins to sound defensive.
Amy Look …
Esme No, I mean it …
Amy Now, mother …
Esme You’re telling me you’re flattered. As you describe him, he has women around him like flies. And you’re thinking, ‘And he’s chosen me! Golly Moses! I’m going to do anything to hold on to this …’
Amy Mother, that isn’t fair.
Esme To a point where you’re frightened to tell him you’re pregnant! Is that it? You’re frightened you’ll lose him. Is that how things are?
She turns away, deeply disturbed.
Oh Amy, I can’t believe it. I’m shocked. This is terrible …
Amy Really, I promise you, that’s not it at all.
Esme Isn’t it? You’ve given me a list of his conquests. What am I meant to say? Me, I don’t care who he’s slept with. All I care is what happens to you.
Amy Of course.
Esme If he loves you.
Amy Of course.
Esme Does he say it?
Amy Oh really!
Esme I mean it. In those exact words?
Amy Yes. Yes, he has said it.
Esme Good. I know it’s meant to be just the first step. You expect to go on from there. But the fact is, in my experience, it’s quite alarming how few of them can even do that.
Now it is Amy’s turn to be angry.
Amy All right, for God’s sake, he says it! He says it. Why are you so worried?
Esme Why am I worried? Why on earth do you think?
Amy (conceding) All right …
Esme What a question!
Amy All right!
Esme You seem to think just because this man is attractive it somehow absolves him from doing what any normal, decent person should do.
Amy tries to give her a real explanation.
Amy No, that’s not it. I have to explain to you. There are things … there’s a background you don’t yet understand. But the point is, Mother, you do have to listen …
Esme I’m listening …
Amy You have to sit down and promise to give me a chance.
Esme Well, of course.
Amy I’ve lived through this nightmare. Now I’m beginning to see a way through. But you must give me a hearing.
Esme Why, surely.