Seeking Hope: Book 2 in the Seeking Saga

by Becky Poirier

  “Jack, I need to talk to you before you go back to work…alone,” she said looking directly at me.

  “Anything you need to say to him, you can say in front of me,” I replied standing beside Jack. I didn’t want the two of them alone together, especially not now. If she had a chance, I was sure April would try to talk Jack out of marrying me.

  “No,” she replied gently. “This is between the two of us. I promise I’m not interfering with your decision. I just need to talk to him before…”

  “Before what?” Billy asked with his confusion growing by the minute.

  “I’ll tell you later Billy. I’ll go with you,” Jack said to my sister. “But we can’t talk out here.” She nodded in agreement. Billy looked like he might argue with his brother, but Jack simply put his hand on his shoulder and said, “Just give me an hour and I promise I’ll fill you in on everything.”

  Billy certainly didn’t like being left out of the loop, but he wasn’t as pigheaded as April, or I were. So, he headed off to the clinic without anymore argument and I stood staring after him hoping he’d turn around and stop this.

  April’s attempt at reassuring me that she wasn’t going to get in the way, wasn’t exactly convincing me. And there was no way in hell I was letting them speak alone…at least not completely. I didn’t say that to them though. April was putting her foot down and Jack was going along with her. I decided the best tactic was to let them think I’d let them talk alone, but after they took off for our cabin, I’d wait a few minutes and then follow them.

  April wasn’t the gullible type. She suspected I was giving in way too easily. I could feel her eyes on me as I walked in the direction of the sewer’s cottage. I wasn’t foolish enough to look back in her direction. I kept walking in a straight line for several minutes before ducking behind one of the buildings, daring to sneak a glance after Jack and April. She wasn’t looking back at me anymore as she and Jack headed towards our cabin. I stole my chance to chase after them. I made sure to use the other buildings as cover, whenever I could sense April’s body getting ready to turn around again. She looked back several times, but I was always too quick. And after her third attempt to see if I was following them, she must have been convinced that I’d really gone off to work.

  April and Jack made it inside the cabin just a couple minutes ahead of me. I hoped that I didn’t miss out on too much of their conversation, as I snuck up onto the porch. The steps were slippery, and I nearly took a tumble right into the door. I managed to stop myself just shy of banging into it.

  As stealthily as I could, I pushed myself up against the side of the cabin, right between the door and the window. I could just make out half of the couch where Jack stood. The fire in our place had gone out hours earlier and I could see that Jack was shaking. But I wasn’t entirely convinced it was from the cold. As for me, I was too stressed to really feel the bite of the winter air.

  April was out of my view, but I could clearly hear her feet pacing. The two of them were quiet in there. Too quiet. And even I could feel the awkwardness from where I stood outside. Jack was the first to break the silence.

  “I get it. You think she’s too young. And you’re probably right. But do you really want her to end up with my brother. He’s ten years older than her. He’d treat her well, but he doesn’t love her. I do. And I promise you I’d never do anything to hurt her.”

  My sister slowly walked into my view. I watched as she slumped down on the couch. Jack took her cue as an invitation to do the same and he sat down across from her.

  “You’re right. She is too young. She’s not ready for this. And for the record I don’t think you are either.” I was just getting ready to burst in and tell her to mind her own business when she started speaking again. And this time I could hear the tone in her voice. It wasn’t berating. It was gentle, kind and most of all, sad. “But then neither were Andy and I and we had a wonderful marriage. Jack, I’m happy she’s found you. I’m not exactly ready to give her up to you, but then I don’t think I’d ever be ready for that.”

  “Then if you don’t want to talk me out of marrying her, then what did you want to talk about?” He asked. I could see a visible weight seemed to fall off his shoulders.

  “I just wanted you to know why Summer’s acting the way she’s acting.”

  “You mean why she’s walking around like she doesn’t feel anything?”

  My sister nodded. “When she was little, she used to take out our parents’ wedding album and look through the pages like it was some fairy tale story. She was the girl who dressed up in a white dress and put on our mother’s veil and dressed up all her stuffies and dolls to attend her pretend wedding. She imagined her own fairy tale ending. And I can tell you that never once in her dreams did it end with a secret wedding in the woods, while wearing a pair of jeans and hoodie. She wanted more and she deserves more.”

  April may have been right, but that didn’t mean that I wanted her telling any of this to Jack. There was nothing either of us could do to change the situation. I decided I’d heard all I needed to hear, and it was time to put an end to their conversation. And like my sister liked to do, I decided it was my turn to barge in on her ‘private conversation’.

  I opened the door slowly, but it didn’t matter. With how loudly it creaked, there was no sneaking in. “April, it doesn’t matter,” I said softly. I’d meant the words to come out so much stronger than that. But I just couldn’t muster the energy to give them any more power than that.

  April rolled her eyes as she stood up and turned around to face me. “You are supposed to be at work. This is a private conversation between Jack and I.”

  “Just like my conversation with him the other day was private.” Jack sat silently as my sister, and I talked. I couldn’t look at him. I was afraid if I did, that he’d surely see that April was right. And I didn’t want him to think I was disappointed. I could handle the let down of an underwhelming wedding, so long as I still got to marry him. “April,” I said trying to swallow back my emotions, “you’re the one who said that it’s the marriage that counts, not the wedding.”

  She ran her fingers through her hair roughly. I could see the exhaustion in her face as she fought back against her instinct to raise her voice in order to get her point across. “Summer, you and I both know that was total B.S.” I looked back at her shocked. “I was never okay with not having a real wedding. I said I was for Andy’s sake, but it was never okay. It’s the reason I’m still pissed at Mom and Dad after all these years. Because they didn’t support me, I had to have a secret nothing of a wedding. I had to give up on my dream and I don’t think you should have to too.”

  “I don’t care about that anymore,” I tried to lie.

  Jack remained silent up until this point, but now he decided it was time to get involved in this discussion. He stood up and walked around to me, reaching out for my hands. I hesitated for only a moment, before placing mine in his. I needed a moment to calm their shaking. By the time I put my hands in his, the shaking was barely noticeable. I only hoped it would stay that way. It took all my strength to look up at him. The instant I did, I knew it was a mistake. He could see it in my eyes. It didn’t matter what I said, he could see the truth in my eyes.

  “April’s right,” he said. “You deserve more than this. I’m going to go figure out a way to give you the wedding you deserve.” Before I could even attempt to argue, he placed a soft kiss on my forehead and took off out into the village. As the door closed, a cold gust of wind ran across my frozen cheeks.

  “There’s no point,” I whispered after him, though I knew that it would do little good. Even if he had heard me, he was determined to do this for me.

  I stood there in the cabin with my sister, trying to decide my next move. I could go after Jack and try to stop him from whatever foolish thing he was planning, or I could just go back to work and continue acting like everything was fine. I was so busy mulling over everything in my head, that I didn’t notice April
approach me. As she wrapped her arms around me, I naturally rested my head on her shoulder. She ran her hands through my hair.

  “I wish the both of you would just let this go,” I said exhausted. “There’s no point. I gave up on that dream a long time ago. He can’t do anything about it anyways.”

  “I wouldn’t be so sure.” April pulled me in closer. “Jack’s not going to let you down. I think I finally get it.”

  “Get what?” I asked, pulling away so that I could look into her eyes.

  “I get what you see in him. He reminds me of Andy a little bit. All be it, a less handsome version, but all the good guys can’t be studs.”

  Teasingly, I pushed her away. “He’s hotter. You saw him with his shirt off. I swear I saw a little bit of drool on your lips even though you were trying to be angry.”

  She smacked my shoulder lovingly. “Oh, I was angry all right. And I didn’t notice his chiseled abs…not at all,” she said with a smirk.

  I sighed, pulling myself out of April’s arms. “I guess I should get back to work. Only a few more hours of pretending like everything’s fine. This place is going to be a mess after tonight. Isn’t it?” I asked not really expecting an answer. “Who do you think the council will match you with?” I asked the question without even thinking.

  It was clear by the look on April’s face, that in all the stress of the current events, April hadn’t even thought about what tonight’s events would mean for her. She slumped down on the couch placing her hands over her mouth. She looked like she was on the verge of hyperventilating. I sat down beside her and gently rubbed her back, trying to calm her.

  “They couldn’t, they wouldn’t…” she mumbled. “They’re matching people based on several criteria. I shouldn’t even be a candidate for matching. Not if the end goal is to increase the village’s population. No, they wouldn’t. I had to answer all sorts of stupid health questions when I came in here. They know I’ve had several miscarriages. They wouldn’t put me through that.” She looked at me like I might have the answer.

  “Do they know the reason for your miscarriages?” I asked. She looked at me as a look of horror spread across her face. If they knew it had to do with blood type, they’d simply look for a match that wouldn’t affect her ability to carry to term.

  “I have to go,” she said suddenly, and before I could stop her, she bolted out of the cabin. I rushed towards the door she’d left wide open. By the time I was at the door, she was already way past my catching up to her. Even the slick paths didn’t slow her down.

  Closing the door behind me, I headed towards the sewing cottage, even though it was the last place I wanted to be. I wanted to run after April, but I had no idea where she’d go. All this time I’d been worrying about myself. She’d been worrying about me. But neither of us had thought about her. I felt so selfish. This was so wrong. What the commander and the council were doing was beyond unfair. No one should be forced to have children. I still hadn’t said anything to Jack yet, but I knew I wasn’t going to go through with what the commander and council had planned. They couldn’t make me have a baby, anymore than they could make April.

  I hated to admit it, but April was right. This place wasn’t the safe haven I thought it to be. We needed to leave. The two of us just needed to hang on until the spring. I only hoped my sister could manage that long. At least I’d have Jack. He wouldn’t try to force me to do anything I didn’t want to do. But I had no idea who April would be matched with. What kind of man would he be? If Michelle had her way, it would be the cruellest person she could find in the village. Michelle probably knew how that would turn out. If any man even attempted to control April, he’d end up on the wrong side of it and she’d be tossed out for her actions. Any way you looked at it, Michelle would win.

  By the time I made it to the sewer’s cabin, my stomach was turning so bad I thought I might throw-up. Kaia was waiting for me on the front steps, shaking in her thin winter jacket. “It’s about time you showed up, I’ve been freezing my butt out here for fifteen minutes.”

  “Why are you waiting outside?” She should have been inside the cabin where the fire was clearly burning fiercely, judging by the amount of smoke coming out of the chimney.

  “We’re skipping the kids’ class today,” she answered excitedly, as she hopped down the steps. She looped her arm in mine. “Let’s go.”

  “I can’t,” I replied almost frantically. My skipping would surely draw Michelle’s attention. There was little with the work schedules that Michelle didn’t control. And she seemed to watch mine and Jack’s schedules in particular. I had no doubt that she’d be keeping an extra close eye on us today.

  “Don’t worry,” Kaia whispered into my ear. “Michelle won’t find out. She’s busy with the council this afternoon and my grandma is going to cover for us. Let’s go.” I still hesitated as she tried to yank me along. Normally the idea of spending an afternoon relaxing with Kaia would have been something to look forward to, but not now. “Jack’s the one who set this up,” she said with a smile.

  “He did?”

  “Yeah, so let’s go already silly, while everyone is still too busy to notice us.” She took my non-resistance to her incessant arm tug as acceptance. It wasn’t long before she no longer had to drag me. I was now running to keep up with her. Still, I was very wary of any watchful eyes. “Don’t worry. We’re not going to get caught,” she attempted to reassure me.

  There didn’t appear to be anyone milling about. Everyone was already back to work. The only people outside were the guards who watched the wall, and they were preoccupied with what might lie in wait on the outside. They couldn’t have cared less about what happened inside the wall. They certainly didn’t pay any attention to two girls running through the snow.

  When we made it to Kaia’s cabin, I was completely out of breath. She acted like she could have ran the distance a couple times over again. Her cabin was every bit as cold as mine had been. She wasn’t very skilled with fire making, so I built the fire to get heat flowing through the place again. Her cabin was larger than the one I shared with my sister, so it would take longer to heat.

  In her cabin was the main living area with the fireplace, placed on the far wall. A sofa and an old, tattered leather recliner surrounded the fireplace. Kaia’s cabin was one of several that had a loft. She and her brother slept up in the loft on separate twin mattresses placed on the floor, while her grandmother was lucky enough to have her own bedroom which shared the living room fireplace.

  After the fire was securely going, I was just about to ask what Kaia and Jack had planned but before I could, Kaia was dragging me around again. This time she dragged me into her grandmother’s room. I felt a little awkward being in Sofia’s room without her permission. I’d never been in the room before and it felt like a betrayal of her privacy.

  The room was modestly decorated, with several of Sofia’s handmade materials. Her bed was lined with an ornate quilt featuring a large tree in the centre with several photos somehow printed onto fabric. I leaned in a little closer and noticed a picture of Kaia when she was younger and picture of what looked to be Charlie when he was a baby. There were other people that I didn’t recognize.

  Kaia stood over the quilt and ran her fingers over one of the pictures. It was of a man and a woman standing on the beach. The woman had the same dark skin and hair as Kaia. The man was much taller than the woman and had blonde hair and deep blue eyes. “My mom and dad,” Kaia whispered sadly. “My grandmother made quilts for my brother and I also. So, we can always have them near us.

  Kaia had told me that her parents died very early into the outbreak. They’d been in a refugee centre when it happened. After the attack, before her mother died, she made Sofia take her children away so they wouldn’t have to watch her die. Her mother had been ill for months and with how the world was, it was difficult to get medical attention. Kaia hadn’t understood before she met me why her mother died instead of turning. But when I came, I brought knowled
ge with me. Those who were terminally ill didn’t survive the change. Her father died only because he struggled. If he hadn’t, the bite would have changed him, instead a main artery was shredded, and he bled out within minutes. Kaia saw it happen. I’d never seen someone I loved attacked by one of the monsters. Kaia didn’t have to say it, but I knew she still had nightmares about that night.

  Kaia wiped a tear from her cheek. “Well, enough with that. We’re here for you. To celebrate your wedding in style.”

  “You know about that?” I asked a little nervously.

  “Don’t worry, I’d never rat you out, nor would my grandmother. She’s the one who suggested this when Jack came to her. He knew my grandmother kept it…” she said opening her grandmother’s wardrobe.

  “Kept what?”

  She pulled out a white linen bag and gently placed it on the bed. As she slowly unzipped it, I finally understood what she was talking about and why Jack thought he could make this right. Inside the bag was a beautiful pristine white wedding gown.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  It was the same gown Kaia’s mother wore in the picture on the quilt. I could see subtle embroidered flowers flowing down the bodice, all the way down to the hem line of the skirt. It was even more beautiful than the gown I often imagined in my fantasies. I reached out to touch it, then quickly recoiled my hand. No this wasn’t right. It wasn’t mine.

  “I can’t,” I said, trying to fight off the tears as I looked at Kaia. “It’s your mother’s gown. Your grandmother saved it for you.”

  Ignoring me, she slipped the dress out of the bag to reveal the rest of it. There were delicate capped sleeves with the same embroidery as the rest of the gown. The material gathered nicely at the bust and then the rest of the gown flowed out to a subtle A-line. It looked very ethereal. It was perfect for an outdoor wedding. Well, an outdoor wedding in the spring at least.